Cowards in a Brave New Galaxy

By Philote

oOo

Chapter 3: Numbness

oOo

Rodney's eyes tracked the Major until he disappeared from sight through the entrance archway. Then his gaze naturally flickered back to the courtyard, back to the bodies once more. He could see the pedestal from here. And in his mind's eye he could still see that angelic young face, framed by golden curls, utterly lifeless…

He fought the urge to jump up, run after the Major, and beg not to be left here.

Here, where the coppery stench of blood overwhelmed the sea breeze and the blooming flowers, where death was the guest of honor and Wraith came to crash the party.

He noticed absently that his thoughts were getting poetic, and that was never a good sign.

"Doctor?"

He jumped at Teyla's voice, but turned to face her, wondering how long he'd been staring silently.

She gestured for him to come closer. "I should splint his arm; if you could hold the bandage?"

He hesitated for a beat, then nodded wordlessly and scooted closer, taking the bloodied bandage with a trembling hand. As she walked the short distance to the trees, he stared transfixed at the dribbling red stream leaching from the young man's temple. Then he shook himself slightly and pressed the cloth back to it. To Teyla he called, "Head wounds bleed a lot, right? I mean, the fact that it's still bleeding; that doesn't necessarily mean it's that bad. Right?"

"I really do not know," she confessed, coming back with a short, sturdy stick.

As Teyla fished into her vest pocket for another bandage, his attention returned to Ford. Though there was less blood, he still looked like all those other bodies…

His fingers drifted, seemingly of their own accord, down to Ford's neck. There they flitted about a bit, searching for the carotid pulse. Rodney's breathing came a bit easier when they found it, a slow but steady little thump against his fingertips.

Teyla knelt beside them again, setting the unrolled bandage on the ground and reaching for the arm. "The pain will be great; he may awaken."

'That would be a small miracle,' Rodney thought as he took another look at the head wound.

He wasn't really expecting it to happen. So when she manipulated the bone and Ford suddenly came to life with a strangled scream, his immediate reaction was to drop the bandage and jump backwards.

"Doctor McKay!" Teyla cried, unable to restrain Ford and hold onto the injured arm.

Rodney still sat observing in shock for a few seconds before he forced himself to move again and got hold of Ford's shoulders, holding him down.

Dark eyes at half-mast looked up at him in bleary confusion.

Rodney took one look at the unequal pupils and knew that there was a concussion; knew they should try to keep him awake. Unfortunately, as soon as he had the thought those eyes rolled back in Ford's head as he fell unconscious once more.

"Ford?" he called once, then resorted to shaking. "Ford!"

"Doctor!" Teyla complained as his actions jerked the arm again, and she was only half done wrapping it.

He backed off with a sigh, as Ford was out again anyway. He watched as she tied off the bandage and then carefully laid the splinted arm across the young man's chest. "We should try to move him into the trees now," she said then.

Rodney looked at him doubtfully. "I'm not sure we should move him at all without a backboard."

"I agree, but it is only a short distance and it is a risk we must take. Can you help me carry him?"

"Sure," he said automatically, though in reality he wasn't even sure if he could get himself up right then.

In the end, she took his upper body, supporting his head as best she could. Rodney fought with the pain in his knee, but was finally able to take Ford's legs as they managed an odd sort of shuffle into the nearby trees.

They settled him back to the forest floor. Rodney sat down hard beside him, wincing and stretching out his leg. Teyla was wrapping a fresh bandage around the head wound when she looked up to him and asked with concern, "Are you all right?"

He nodded jerkily. "Yeah. I'll be fine."

She continued to look troubled, but Ford was her more immediate problem. They sat in silence for many long minutes as she routinely checked Ford and their surroundings.

Eventually, they heard something overhead, though they could see nothing. It sounded like a Jumper, but then, Rodney didn't really know if all ships sounded the same. It could be a Wraith dart, for all he knew.

He reached to his thigh, to the empty holster, and realized then that he didn't know what had happened to his gun. "Teyla, where's my gun?" he questioned, glad it was her and not one of the two men. That was not a question to ask of a military officer who'd drilled you about gun safety.

"I believe the Major took it," she responded absently, her attention still acutely on their surroundings.

He wondered briefly what exactly that meant about the Major's opinion of him, but he found he couldn't hang onto any deep thoughts for long at the moment.

They waited anxiously for the radio call, but none came.

After a few long minutes, Teyla spoke up a bit reluctantly. "I should investigate and make sure it is Major Sheppard," she said softly. "I will not go far. Will you be all right?"

Again he automatically replied, "Sure." As he watched her ease herself from their hiding place, he thought that he really needed to get himself another rote, knee-jerk answer…like 'no.' 'No' would be good.

And now he was back in the tree line, alone with Ford. He resisted the urge to whimper, and found that his eyes locked on the two downed Wraith so uncomfortably close by. They hadn't moved, there was no way they should be getting up now. Nevertheless, he reached to retrieve Ford's pistol and nudged the safety off.

He sat for long tense moments, holding the gun so tightly that his knuckles turned white and began to ache. Then, he heard the noise of footsteps approaching.

He raised the pistol; watched it shake again as he pointed it in the direction of the sounds.

It was some kind of miracle that he didn't pull the trigger when they appeared.

It was Sheppard and Teyla, carrying a litter between them. Rodney started breathing again, staring at Sheppard.

The Major stared right back at him and handed the litter off to Teyla. "McKay? Why don't you put that down, huh?"

He blinked. He hadn't realized he was still pointing the gun. He lowered it quickly. Sheppard came to him, reaching for it cautiously, and Rodney gratefully handed it over.

"You're all wet," he announced needlessly.

Sheppard actually looked a bit sheepish. "Yes, well…I tried to take a more direct route back to the Jumper. There was a river, and well…we don't need to dwell on that. I knocked out my radio."

This, of course, was terrific material for merciless teasing. Rodney said nothing, just sort of nodded.

Sheppard pulled him to his feet before turning his attention to Ford. Rodney stood back as they shifted the Lieutenant and strapped him to the litter, figuring the best thing he could do was stay out of the way. Then they finally stood, one on each end, and began heading back through the settlement. Rodney started to limp after them, then paused. He stood rooted for a few seconds with the realization—he was going to have to walk through the bodies again.

"Let's go McKay!" Sheppard called behind him.

Wanting to be left alone even less than he wanted to walk through the carnage, he began to hobble after them.

He made it to the front of the settlement by keeping his eyes straight ahead on his teammates. But when he reached the stone path, he knew he had to look down to avoid slipping again. As soon as he did, his eyes tracked the lines of blood back to the two bodies they'd seen first. He froze, staring at them once more.

"Rodney." He jumped; turned in surprise. Sheppard had never called him by his first name before. The man was close, and looking over his shoulder Rodney realized that Teyla and Ford were already on the Jumper. How long had he been standing there?

A gentle hand gripped his elbow, prodding him along. "Let's get out of here."

"Yeah. Okay."

He allowed himself to be led to the Jumper and directed to a seat. He sat obediently, watching as Sheppard went to Ford. Teyla had secured him and sat down on the seat beside him. Sheppard checked him over quickly and exchanged a few words with Teyla. Rodney watched, but spaced out as he stared, his thoughts unfocused.

"McKay? You all right?" There were fingers on his face again, directing his gaze, much more gently than last time. Sheppard gave him a slight smile when he had his attention. "Because Weir is going to be seriously pissed if I broke the head scientist after only two missions," he teased lightly.

Rodney felt a flash of emotion then, and pulled away from the fingers. "I'm not the broken one here, Major. You want to fawn over somebody, make it Lieutenant Ford," he snapped. "He's the one with the bleeding head wound."

The other man sighed. "Well, there's the McKay we all know and love." Sheppard straightened, patting him on the shoulder.

Rodney flinched from the touch again, abruptly not wanting anyone that close. The Major gave him an indecipherable look, but backed off, heading for the pilot's seat.

Take-off was a blur for Rodney. He ignored his surroundings entirely, focused on the seat across from him. He watched as Teyla stroked the young man's head, talking to him softly. Ford moaned slightly, hovering on the edge of consciousness.

Rodney wondered if Ford had ever seen anything like that massacre before. He supposed that the Major probably had, and that Teyla as a leader in this Galaxy might have as well. She'd certainly seen villages culled by the Wraith, and he suspected that those corpses were probably even more disturbing.

But he still had trouble thinking of Ford as more than just a kid. He had to remind himself that the young man was a Lieutenant, and thus far appeared to be a good and disciplined soldier. It was the off-duty times when he showed his youth and almost childlike exuberance. It was these times that had left Rodney with the impression that Aiden Ford still had a good amount of innocence.

But Ford had held up like a seasoned soldier. It was Rodney who had reacted like a terrified child.

Dimly, he was aware of Sheppard activating the gate and speaking. "Atlantis, this is Sheppard. We're going to be needing a med-team."

oOo

Dr. Beckett was waiting for them when the back door of the Jumper opened. He came in, surveyed them all quickly, then went directly to the Lieutenant.

Rodney watched as Carson gave Ford a cursory examination. "What happened, exactly?" the accented voice asked as he gently probed the head wound.

Silence followed the question. Carson finally turned his attention from Ford to Teyla, who shook her head. "Major Sheppard and myself were not there," she explained.

Another beat of silence, then, "McKay?"

The low, prompting voice was very close. Rodney jumped, not having noticed that Sheppard had come to stand right beside him. He turned to stare at the man blankly.

Sheppard cleared his throat, then nodded towards Ford. "Carson wants to know what happened, McKay."

"Oh." Rodney blinked, then looked back to Beckett. "Uh, there was a Wraith. And, the building…" He held up his left hand to represent the wall. "It grabbed him…" His right hand became Lieutenant Ford. "And then…boom." He clapped his right hand into his left helpfully, and fell silent.

Now Carson really looked at him for the first time, an odd expression on his face. And yet, he didn't talk to him. "Major?" he asked in a concerned tone.

"It's a long story, Doc. He's okay, physically. I think."

Rodney was somewhat irked that they were talking about him as if he wasn't right there. He was fine; they should be taking care of Ford. He said as much.

Carson nodded, though his eyes still brimmed with concern as he looked at Rodney. He turned away to call his team forward and helped transfer the young man onto a stretcher. Then he motioned them on to the Infirmary. Teyla followed, and Rodney thought that he should as well. He tried to stand.

A stab of pain went through his knee. He had been unprepared for this; he had forgotten that he had hurt it. He sat back down, hard, with a slight gasp.

"Rodney?"

And then Carson was in front of him, kneeling, looking intently at his lower leg.

"It's not his," Sheppard said.

This confused him. What wasn't his?

Sheppard continued, "He slipped and hit the knee pretty hard. But he was able to walk on it. The blood isn't his."

Blood?

He looked down then, followed their gazes. And…oh, God.

His knee, his leg, his boots…he was covered in their blood.

He was vaguely aware that his breathing was growing shallow again, coming in spurts.

Carson noticed immediately. "Easy, Rodney. You're all right," he said soothingly, taking hold of his wrist lightly. As Carson's thumb rested against his pulse point, he could see how badly his hand was shaking in the grip.

He tolerated the touch, but when he glanced up at met Carson's concerned gaze he quickly looked away.

"I think he's a bit shocky," Carson said to the Major. "I should get us another stretcher."

That brought his attention abruptly to the present. "No, you won't. I'm fine."

"Rodney, I don't have time to argue with ye."

"Of course you don't. So just go; help Ford. I'll see you around."

Carson huffed in frustration. "Rodney—"

Then the doctor's attention was drawn to the side, and he looked over Rodney's head to the Major. But the time McKay realized this and turned to look, Sheppard was innocently looking at him as he volunteered, "I'll get him there."

Beckett still looked a bit apprehensive, but he left. Sheppard watched him go, then reached for the scientist.

Rodney pulled away before contact was made. "I do not need help," he said automatically.

Sheppard just gave him a look. "Me or the stretcher, McKay. You choose."

Frowning fiercely, he held out an arm to Sheppard. The Major pulled him to his feet. At that point he realized that perhaps Carson had been right, for dizziness washed over him and he had to hold tight to Sheppard to keep from collapsing.

He felt a strong arm wrap around his waist. "Hey, you with me here?"

He nodded. "Sorry…just need a minute…"

"You sure about the stretcher? Because I may end up having to carry you through Atlantis, and I refuse to take the blame for the ribbing you'll get from everybody if they get that visual."

Rodney cracked a slight smile and carefully pushed away to take some of his own weight back. "Believe me Major, I will do everything in my power to avoid that."

It was a long trip to the infirmary. He still had that disconnected feeling, and he was strangely grateful for his hurt knee as the pain kept him grounded in reality. It was, however, forcing him to lean on the Major pretty heavily. Sheppard had a strong grip on his bicep and an arm behind his back, bracing him and urging him forward.

When they finally made it, the Major escorted him to a bed, helped him up onto it, and stayed at his side as one of the doctors made his way over. He glanced over to where Carson was treating Ford, but didn't move in that direction.

Sheppard seemed more concerned about him than Ford, and that seemed odd to him. Not just because Ford was by far the more injured, but also because Ford was Ford and Rodney was Rodney. Ford was strong, good under pressure, and generally likable. He and the Major had had an almost instant camaraderie. And he was a definite asset to the team. Rodney was…the opposite of all of that.

Maybe the Major was just more concerned that Rodney was going to break.

That thought made sense. And, if nothing else, it brought some emotion back to him.

Sheppard was watching as the doctor took scissors to his pant leg, cutting access to the knee. Abruptly Rodney snapped, "Don't you have something better to do?" The doctor looked up at him in surprise, and Rodney flapped a hand at him. "Not you. Him."

"Ford's being taken care of, and he's not conscious. You are." Sheppard shrugged as if hovering over him was the obvious course of action.

Rodney cast him a doubtful look, but then had his attention redirected. He winced in pain as the doctor delicately removed the material covering the knee, then felt his eyes widen as he got his first actual look at the skin. The knee was swollen to twice its normal size and was tinged beginning to tinge purple with bruising.

Leaning over his shoulder Sheppard pronounced, "Ew. That's really not pretty."

"Thank you Major, for that terribly astute observation." He tried to act as if the sight and the pain weren't making him feel slightly sick. "Can't you make him go away?" he complained to the other man.

Rodney still couldn't remember the doctor's name, and he didn't really bother trying to do so. But the man earned a notch of respect in his book when he looked to Sheppard and said, "I really should conduct this exam in private, Major."

Rodney watched as they eyed each other. Sheppard was ultimately in charge of this mission, along with Elizabeth. But this was the Infirmary, this doctor wasn't military, and this was his domain. Rodney smirked slightly as he enjoyed the sight of someone standing up to the Major and refusing to be intimidated by him.

Then he went and ruined the moment as a wave of dizziness hit him. He swayed, murmured a slight "Whoa," and tilted dangerously towards the Major.

Sheppard reacted, catching him easily enough with a "Whoa" of his own.

The next few minutes were a total blur. But when the room righted itself and he could hear past the roar in his ears, he was lying flat on the bed.

Sheppard's concerned face appeared over him. "You back with us?"

Rodney grunted noncommittally and turned his head to see what the doctor was doing. He wished he hadn't, for at that moment a needle was being inserted into his skin.

"I'm just inserting an IV, Doctor McKay. Your blood sugar's low and you're a bit dehydrated."

He groaned and turned back, looking at Sheppard again. The Major offered him a smile. "You're not getting away from us that easily, McKay."

Rodney stared at him grumpily, then turned his head back to the doctor. "I thought you were making him go away," he complained blearily.

Oddly enough, Sheppard didn't seem to take this as a personal insult. He also didn't protest this time. Perhaps he thought that, now that Rodney was lying flat and hooked up to something, he was under better control.

Whatever the reason, he said, "Fine. I'll go watch over Ford for a while." Sheppard squeezed his shoulder. Rodney weighed his desire to pull away against the strength it would take to do so, then lay still and tolerated it as the Major leaned closer and said, "But I will be back."

Rodney watched him walk away through half-lidded eyes. He knew that he had screwed up and handled everything horribly on this mission. Sheppard had had a duty to him in the field, but now that that duty was fulfilled and Rodney was back in one piece, he wondered why the man still seemed to care so much.

oOo

tbc