The
door to Mamoru's Apartment burst open and slammed against the
wall.
Usagi:
MAMO-CHAAAAN!
Usagi yelled in a
singsong tone. She stepped in and noticed the whole place was dark
and empty.
Usagi: Hmm?
Mamo-chan?
She flicked on the lights
and walked further inside. She set down a box of cookies that she had
brought for Mamoru on his coffee table. Usagi sat down on the nearby
couch and waited for him to get back from wherever he had gone.
S
title screen & title music
Sailor
Moon S
Everyone's Flippin' Out!
Mamoru Goes Nuts!
Usagi:
I wonder where he could be?
She got
up and went into the kitchen to get a drink. In the fridge, she saw
Cream soda, bottled water, ziplioc bags filled with blood, and
applejuice.
Usagi: Ah,
applejuice!
She didn't even bother to
pour it into a glass, she just drank right from the bottle.
Usagi:
MMM fruity - Just like Mamo-chan!
Then
all of a sudden, she spilled some onto her tight and skimpy white
shirt.
Usagi: Oh, darn!
Usagi
ran around the apartment, screaming,
Usagi:
Nipples! Nipples!
She stopped after
she tripped over a baseball bat lying around on the floor. She fell
on her butt and began chuckling.
Usagi:
Mamo-chan, play baseball?
She began
laughing even harder. Usagi sighed.
Usagi:
I better change out of this shirt. I'll never get any if he sees me
wearing this messy top with juice spilled all over it.
She
said, pulling at the front and looking down her chest. Usagi got up
and went into Mamoru's room.
Usagi: I
hope Mamo-chan won't mind me using one of his.
Usagi
oped up his dresser drawers and began searching for a new
shirt.
Usagi: Hmm... Tube socks...
Lotion... Leather thongs... Vibrators... A book on AIDS... Where are
his shirts?
She then tried the very
last drawer before moving on.
Usagi:
Boxers! What's that all about!
She
went over to the other side of the room and into the closet.
Usagi:
I just don't understand why on God's green Earth Mamo-chan would have
such things as boxers! What the hell does he do with
those!
As soon as Usagi
opened it, Ami's lifeless body fell on her.
Usagi:
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
She
took a deep breath.
Usagi:
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
She
backed away.
Usagi: Ami-chan!
She
also saw that Ami seemed to be missing her eyes and ears - As if they
were chopped clean off and plucked right out. Usagi grinned.
Usagi:
Cool. Now you're dead. Now I get to have that cool little computer
thingy that you never let me touch!
She
cupped her hand around her ear and, in a softer tone of voice,
asked,
Usagi: What's that? Over
you're dead body, you say? Well...
Usagi
then stepped onto Ami's back and began dancing all over her, laughing
the whole time.
Usagi: Not that it'll
be of any use to you anyway since you're missing your eyes. Oh, and
you're dead, too!
Suddenly, she heard
the front door open and Mamoru's voice. Usagi picked up Ami's body
and threw it back into the closet, then got inside as well and hid.
She kept extremely quiet so that she wouldn't be heard. Then Mamoru
laughed really loudly. Usagi also heard a woman laugh.
Usagi:
Another woman? This is seriously confusing me...
She
waited in the closet as Mamoru and his guest talked out in the living
room. There were slits throughout the doors that resembled blinds and
she could see between them. Finally, Mamoru and the woman came into
the bedroom. Usagi gasped when she saw who it was.
Usagi:
SETSUNA-SAN!
Setsuna clung on
Mamoru's arm.
Setsuna: Oh, Mamoru! On
the first date?
She giggled.
Setsuna:
Oh, you're so naughty!
She layed on
the bed and spread herself out across it.
Setsuna:
Hurry up, Mamoru! Let's do it!
Usagi
grumbled to herself.
Mamoru: Wait.
He
said,
Mamoru: I have something for
you.
He went out of the room for a
minute, then returned with a nail gun. Setsuna laughed.
Setsuna:
Is that for me? Really?
Then
she laughed harder, thinking it was a big joke. Usagi's eyes
widened.
Usagi: Oh, no...
Mamoru
joined in laughing, then he lifted the nail gun to her face and
pulled the trigger. Usagi quickly shut her eyes. Twenty, thirty,
fourty loud blasts shot from the nail gun. Then there was silence.
Usagi opened her eyes and saw only a bloody blanket being dragged out
of the room with Setsuna's body, lying limp in one half, and covered
with the rest. A bloody arm was the only sign of Setsuna's body
hanging out of the wrapped blanket. When the blanket was fully out of
the room, Mamoru shut the door behind him. Usagi cautiously stepped
out of the closet when suddenly, she heard a smothered beeping
sound.
Usagi: Oh, yeah! I almost
forgot! Ami's little computer thingy!
She
dug through Ami's pockets and pulled out the mini computer. Usagi
chuckled. The beeping still continued.
Usagi:
Someone must be trying to reach Ami-chan...
She
fished into Ami's other pocket and pulled out her communicator. Usagi
turned it on and heard Rei's voice.
Rei:
Ami-chan? Ar... ou ...re?
Usagi:
What? You're breaking up!
Rei:
He... o?
Usagi:
What!
Rei:
Ca... r... me n...
Usagi shook the
communicator.
Usagi: Damn this
thing... I can't hear you!
Rei:
Ca... r... me n... Ami-chan? Can you hear me now? Ami-chan?
Usagi
began to laugh.
Usagi: Ami-chan can't
hear you, but I can.
Rei:
Usagi-chan? What are you doing with Ami's communicator?
Usagi:
Ami-chan doesn't have ears anymore, so she doesn't need this.
Rei:
What do you mean 'she doesn't have ears'?
Usagi
heard the front door shut.
Usagi:
Rei-chan, I'll explain everything later. Right now, I need some
applejuice. I've had a very traumatic day.
Rei:
Usa-!
Usagi turned off the
communicator and tossed it at Ami's body. It bounced off her crotch,
then fell to the floor. She left Mamoru's room and went out into the
hallway. The whole place was dark. She slowly crept through the
darkness until she was near the kitchen and saw a light shining from
the ajar freezer. A foot away was the baseball bat - still lying on
the floor where she had seen it last. Usagi picked it up and peeked
into the kitchen. No one was there, but she went in, reluctanly.
Slowly, step by step, she inched toward the open freezer. When she
finally got there, she was absolutely horrified at what she saw.
Setsuna and Hotaru's dicapitated heads, each placed on a blood
spattered dish, set neatly on a shelf.
Usagi:
EEEEEWWWW!
She squealed, as she
backed away, dropping the bat. She kept backing up until she bumped
into something. Something that grabbed both her shoulders when she
hit into it.
Usagi: Mamo-chan!
She
screamed, turning around. He was covered in blood and there was a
crimson coated ax at his side.
Mamoru:
So you've found out my little secret.
Usagi:
Are you sure we're talking about the same thing, here?
She
asked in a skeptical manor, hinting his 'size'.
Usagi:
And what were you thinking courting little Hotaru-chan here! She
isn't a hooker like Set is!
Mamoru:
...Yes she is.
Usagi tilted her
head.
Usagi: She is?
Mamoru:
Yeah, Set got her a job down at the whore house. Didn't you
know?
Usagi:
No, I guess not.
She stood in thought
for a minute. Mamoru picked at something in his teeth with his
tongue.
Usagi: Anyway...
She
said, getting back into her dramatic mode,
Usagi:
Mamo-chan... What's happened to you? This isn't like you at all!
Usually, you're much... I don't know... Frutier.
Mamoru
switched on the lights.
Mamoru: It's
all for the love of my life.
Usagi
suddenly got extremely perky.
Usagi:
Oh, Mamo-chan, you didn't have to do all of this for me!
She
said, in a flirtatious fashion, giggling.
Mamoru:
Not you, fool!
He snapped,
Mamoru:
I'm talking about... Chibi-usa!
Usagi
gasped so big, she almost choked. And when she caught herself, she
began laughing hysterically.
Usagi:
Okay, Mamo-chan, whatever floats that little boat of yours. I mean,
if she turns your screw, then hey - by all means, buddy.
She
stumbled over to the door, still laughing.
Usagi:
Have a nice life, buddy!
Then she
left.
THE END
Usagi:
Wow, looks like I'll have to find a new boyfriend! Mamo-chan has
ISSUES!
Minako:
Wait, I'm confused. So, like, is he gay or what?
Usagi:
Eh?
Makoto:
Well, first he's goin' off with other men, then he's choppin' up
whores to get with Chibi-usa, then he goes and crossdresses. What's
his deal?
Usagi:
Maybe he likes variety?
Rei:
He can't make up his damn mind!
Usagi:
Well at least Ami-chan's dead. Again.
Makoto:
She's such a bother...
Usagi:
Sailor Moon says!
