It
was around 2:30pm when Usagi returned home from school.
Usagi:
Hello? Is anyone here?
She walked
into the kitchen.
Usagi: Strange...
Where's Mom?
Usagi saw a note hanging
on the refrigerator and read it.
Usagi,
your father and I have gone out of town for a few nights. We
apologize, but it was on short notice and we had to leave right away.
No need to worry - Shingo will be staying at a friend's and money for
dinner is on the counter next to the emergency numbers. P.S. The
computer we ordered a week ago came in today. Your father has hooked
it up and it's in the guest room. Don't stay up too late on it.
Love, Mom
Usagi
looked around
Usagi:
No one's here, eh?
She chuckled
evilly at first, then broke out into a very loud and annoying
laughter.
Usagi: Computer equals
Internet equals...
Her eyes bulged
and her smile grew huge.
Usagi:
PORN!
S
title screen and title music
Sailor
Moon S
Usagi & the Internet
(Part
01)
She
ran upstairs and into the guest room.
Usagi:
Computer? Yoohoo, are you alive?
Just
then, Luna walked in.
Luna: What in
heavens are you doing, Usagi-chan?
Usagi
tapped the monitor.
Usagi: I'm trying
to figure out how this thing works...
Luna:
Well, that's easy, Usagi-can.
She
said, walking over.
Luna: You just
have to press the 'on' button.
Usagi:
Which button?
Luna jumped up on the
desk and showed Usagi.
Usagi: WAIT!
Let me do it!
She yelled. Then she
picked up Luna in one arm and pressed the button with her free hand.
The computer hummed and lit up.
Usagi:
OH MY GOD, IT'S GONNA EXPLODE!
She
freaked out and threw Luna at the computer. It shut off. Luna lay on
the floor, dead from the blow to the head. Usagi picked her up and
walked over to the open window.
Usagi:
Yea, very informative Luna! Bitch...
she
said, tossing her out the window.
Bum:
Oh! Dinner!
someone yelled from
outside. Usagi closed the window and went back over to the computer.
She thought to herself for a while, then pressed the button again. No
lights or humming this time - Instead, a big blue screen popped up
and a male voice screamed
Computer:
WELCOME!
Usagi fainted.
When
she finally came to, she saw a sentence on the screen. "Welcome
to the internet!" She went over and sat in the chair in front of
the monitor.
Usagi: Hmm... How do
you search for PORN!
She looked
around the room.
Usagi: I'll call
Haruka-san! Maybe she knows!
So she
picked up the cordless phone and dialed the number. Michiru answered
the phone.
Michiru: Hello?
Usagi:
Hiya, Michiru-san! Is Haruka-san home?
There
was a silence.
Usagi: Michiru?
Errrr... Hello?
Michiru:
First kisses... Mine was with Brad, the cutest guy in school. It
seems like, like it was yesterday, it was so magical.
Usagi:
Eh... okay... um... Is Haruka-san there?
Michiru:
Like in fifteenth century Italy, CLICK there was a strict law about
kissing. It decreed if a young couple kissed each other, they must be
married.
Usagi:
Haruka-san! I want to speak with Haruka-san!
Michiru:
My sweet Brad... I wonder where he is today...
Usagi:
OK, WE GET IT MICHIRU-SAN! NOW PUT HARUKA-SAN ON THE FUCKIN'
PHONE!
Michiru scoffed.
Michiru:
Fine! Here!
Usagi sighed.
Haruka:
Hello?
Usagi:
HEY! How's life!
Haruka:
Oh, hey meatball butt. Wudda ya need?
Usagi
hesitated.
Usagi: Well... I was just
wondering if... maybe...
Haruka:
Stop beating around my bush, just say it!
Usagi:
If you could tell me how to look for porn on the internet?
Haruka
started coughing and almost choked. When she was finished, she
asked
Haruka: PORN!
Michiru
screamed in the background, then there was a loud thud.
Usagi:
Uh... I- Is Michiru-san okay?
Haruka
started laughing then hung up the phone.
Usagi:
Very weird...
Usagi put the phone
down and turned back to the computer screen.
Computer:
YOU'VE GOT MAIL!
Usagi almost fell
out of her chair.
Usagi: Gotta turn
that volume down...
Then she clicked
her mailbox and opened the email from 'SexyLezbo525'.
WEBCAMS, FETISH GALLERIES, VIDEOS, AND MORE! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CLICK HERE FOR INSTANT ACCESS TO THE HOTTEST SEX ANYWHERE ON THE NET!
Usagi
clicked the button (obviously) since it was exactly what she was
looking for. What popped up on the screen next almost made her heart
stop.
Usagi:
IT'S PORN! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Soon
after, she discovered the print button and went 'majorly'
crazy.
Sound of printer printing and Usagi laughing maniacally
End Part 1...
