Usagi:
Hello?
She
said, answering the phone. It was 11:30 am the next day. Usagi had
been up all night visiting various adult web sites and printing out
only the most stimulating pictures.
Usagi:
Study Buddies! But it's Saturday!
Her
facial expression twisted as she stayed on the phone.
Rei:
...Okay?
Usagi scoffed.
Rei:
OKAY!
Usagi:
Yeah! Okay! Whatever!
She slammed
down the phone, sighing.
Usagi: Damn
that Rei-chan! I'd rather look for more porn!
Erotic
pictures of naked men, woman, children, and their dogs covered on the
floor of the room. And still more were being spit out of the printer.
Usagi got up from the chair she had been sitting in all night, dusted
the cobwebs from her lap, and went downstairs.
Seconds later,
she came running back upstairs and hugged the pictures.
Usagi:
I can't live half a minute without my porn!
Once
again, the phone started to ring. She went over and picked it
up.
Usagi: What!
She
was surprised at who was on the line.
Usagi:
Oh, hey 'Rukes! Whut up, dawg!
Haruka:
You should use a folder to keep your pictures in.
Michiru
was chattering in the background.
Haruka:
Shut up, Michiru!
Michiru:
PORN! IYAAAAAA!
There was another
thud. Haruka hung up.
Usagi: Yeesh.
Either Haruka beats Michiru-san, or Michiru-san is allergic to that
word.
John:
What word?
Usagi:
The word 'porn'.
The phone rang yet
again. Usagi picked it up.
Michiru:
IYAAAAAA!
Usagi slammed the phone
down.
Usagi: I wonder who that was?
The poor girl must've had the wrong number.
S
title screen and title music
Sailor
Moon S
Usagi
& the Internet
(Part
02)
Usagi
took a short break from the computer and went out for some fresh air.
She walked down the street with a folder in her arms, holding it
closely against her chest. As she was on her way to Rei's, she passed
Hotaru's house. Hotaru stood out in her front yard, screaming at
Kaorinite.
Hotaru: You are my bitch!
I want pandas!
Hotaru yelled, then
jumped up and slapped Kaorinite. The red-haired woman began crying
and ran into the house. Usagi saw what was going on and didn't want
to be any part of it, so she started walking faster, trying to get
away before Hotaru noticed her. Hotaru did see Usagi and ran after,
yanking on Usagi's long hair when she caught up.
Hotaru:
Look at me! I am a monkey! Feed me polar bears!
She
shouted, climbing the long blonde hair.
Usagi:
YAAAAAAAA!
Suddenly, the ponytail
Hotaru was pulling on ripped right off of Usagi's head.
Usagi:
GASP!
Hotaru held the hair limply
in her hand.
Hotaru: Uh oops...
Usagi
began crying and covered her bald spot.
Hotaru:
It's okay, I can fix it. Come inside, come inside.
She
grabbed Usagi's arm and pulled her into the house.
When they
got up to Hotaru's room, she pushed Usagi down onto the floor. Hotaru
went out of the room for a second, then returned with a bottle of
glue. Usagi still held the folder in her arm. Hotaru poured the glue
onto Usagi's scalp, then slapped the chunk of hair back on.
Hotaru:
Good as new!
She closed the glue and
patted Usagi's freshly fixed hair problem. She kicked Usagi in the
knee, then yelled,
Hotaru: Now, get
out of my house, bitch!
Usagi:
You shouldn't be saying that!
Kaorinite
passed by Hotaru's room, still crying, walking down the hall on her
way to her own room. Hotaru smiled wickedly.
Hotaru:
I have to go torture Kaorinite. So, leave!
Usagi
rose to her feet and ran out of the house as fast as she could. As
she got up, a paper slipped out of the folder and laid on Hotaru's
bedroom floor. Hotaru chased her down the stairs, taunting her
evilly.
Hotaru: Don't ever come back
or I'll eat those meatballs of yours!
Usagi:
WAaaah!
As she ran further down
the street, she bumped into Haruka and Michiru. The folder flew from
her hands and the contents spilled out, scattering
everywhere.
Haruka: Whatcha got
there?
Michiru bent down and picked
one of the papers up.
Michiru: Oh my
God, Haruka! It's! It's!
Haruka
took a look and said,
Haruka: It's
porn.
Michiru:
AAAAAHH!
She screamed, then
fainted. Usagi, extremely embarrassed, hurriedly began gathering all
of her belongings and stuffing them back into the folder.
Haruka:
Well, I think you killed my girlfriend... And I'm pretty damn horny
now, after seeing all that porn.
Usagi
looked up at her, blushing.
Haruka:
Let's have sex, Usagi-chan.
Usagi:
No! Go do it with Michiru-san!
Then
she ran away.
When she finally got to Rei's, it was a half
hour later than she was expected.
Rei:
Where have you been, moron!
Usagi:
WAAAH! Don't be so mean! Lots of things happened!
Makoto:
What's your excuse this time?
Usagi:
It's not an excuse!
Minako:
Probably lost track of time while pigging out on sweets and hunking
for guys.
Usagi:
You're one to talk, Minako-chan...
Minako:
Hehehe... Sorry, Usagi-chan.
Usagi:
Yeah, yeah, thanks a lot...
Ami:
What's that?
She asked, pointing to
the folder.
Usagi: It's a folder,
dummy! I thought you were supposed to be the smart one!
Makoto:
Don't let her fool you. She's really a dumbass.
Rei:
Dumber than Usagi-chan.
Ami rolled
her eyes and scoffed.
Ami: No! I
mean, what's inside it?
Makoto: Yeah, why do you have it with you?
Minako:
What is it, Usagi-chan?
Rei:
Tell us!
Usagi:
YAAAAAAA!
She shrieked, feeling
horribly under pressure.
Usagi: It's
nothing, really.
Rei:
Let me see!
She demanded, pulling at
it.
Usagi: NO!
Usagi
panicked. Rei was slapped backwards. Makoto grabbed Usagi and held
her arms behind her back. Rei returned the hit, rendering Usagi
unconscious, then opened the folder.
Mamoru:
Usako.
Usagi:
Huh? Mamo-chan?
Mamoru:
Usako, it's okay if you like porn.
Usagi:
It is?
Mamoru:
Yeah. I like porn, too.
Haruka:
So do I.
Pamela
Anderson: Don't forget me. I made most of that stuff.
Usagi,
Haruka, and Mamoru gasped.
Haruka:
Holy crap it's Pam Anderson!
Pamela
Anderson: Yes, it's me. Aren't I sexy?
Haruka
and Usagi nodded.
Pamela
Anderson: Like, the sexiest thing you've ever seen in your whole
life?
Haruka
and Usagi nodded again.
Carmen
Electra: Wait a minute, Bitch, I'm the sexiest thing in the
world.
Cindy
Crawford: Dream on. Did Coca Cola ever ask any of you to sponsor
them? I think not.
Pamela
Anderson & Carmen Electra: So?
Cindy
Crawford: I rest my case.
The
three playmates began wrestling on the ground.
Mamoru:
Anyway, the point is, Usako, don't feel bad about yourself just
because someone else doesn't like what you like.
Usagi:
Do you think you could hold that thought for just a sec, Mamo-chan?
Carmen Electra just got her bra ripped off.
Mamoru
sighed.
Mamoru: I hate being
gay...
Pamela
Anderson: ARGH!
Cindy
Crawford: AAHHH!
Carmen
Electra: RAWR!
Haruka
and Usagi looked on, drooling.
Cindy
Crawford: Usagi! You're about to wake up out of this dream
sequence!
She
yelled to Usagi, as she continued wrestling with the other two
playmates.
Pamela
Anderson: We're not quite sure how your friends are going to react to
what you had in that folder, but-
Carmen
Electra: Whatever reaction it may be, hold your head high and never
surrender to other's beliefs!
Haruka:
Hayl yeah!
Haruka slowly disappeared.
Usagi looked to Mamoru one last time.
Mamoru:
Good luck, Usako.
He faded
away.
Carmen
Electra: Good luck, girl!
Pamela
Anderson: We'll be rooting for you!
Cindy
Crawford: Continue to support us by buying our magazines!
Then
they, too, faded away as quickly as Mamoru and Haruka had.
When
Usagi woke up, she found herself lying in the middle of sheer
darkness.
Usagi: Where... Am I?
