Chapter 3
All the world's a stage…
Shakespeare. The most ingenious man of all time, everything I have ever felt has been found beneath the cover of his timeless mind. Falling in love with Ron is like watching a play I've already seen unfold. It's like reading a book and being trapped beneath the black and whiteness of its repetitive pages. There are no surprises, no unexpected adventures. Ron is a character I've already memorized.
Yet I find myself loving him. I'm not sure in what way, but it's different from you. And I'm not sure if I like it, this mature love. With you it was so incredible, like Romeo and Juliet, but I guess I was wrong. You are nothing like Romeo. You would never give up your life for me. You were never self-sacrificing, as much I pretended you were.
Now I'm walking down a one way street with you. And somehow I'm walking the other way. We keep passing each other in silence. I'm hoping, but you're forgetting. What made it come to this? I thought I was the only one who really cared about you, but that love is not returned. I am nothing but a shadow. A piece of yourself you're better off without. Someone new, more beautiful, more incredible, more amazing has replaced me. Because when it really mattered I was lost. You never found me.
Ron did. You and I both know that. Yet I do not find myself drawn, the way I was to you, to him maybe that is due to my never ending confusion. Maybe Ron and I were always meant for each other and you were just a cumbersome impediment. Could that be what my life has been about all this time? You are just an obstacle that has successfully blinded me. An illusion of perfection.
It really is convincing, the way I can lie to myself.
The neon light of the muggle clock blinked brightly into my tired eyes. 11:11. The wishing time, the only numbers that can be reflected and still be the same.
"Hermione," Ron whispered softly in my ear, "Wake up! I made you waffles."
I somehow managed to pry apart my eyes. There he was standing proudly, holding a tray of overcooked waffles. His red hair was tangled from sleep and his little blue pajama bottoms stopped a few inches above the floor. A smile lit up his already bright face. I was reminded briefly of Christmas Day at Hogwarts our 6th and 7th year. Ron and Harry would always send Lavender up to the dormitories to wake me. It was always around 6. Every time without fail, I would stomp down the stairs looking angry. Yet inside I was always smiling. I lived for those chilly mornings. They would always unwrap their presents quickly. I recall clouds of brightly colored paper floating above me. Sparkling. It was always sparkling red, gold, green, and snowy white, like little worlds of color.
A soft kiss on the cheek drew me away from my reminiscing.
"Waffles?"
"You know Ron, I don't really want to eat anything," I said hoping he wouldn't force the waffles on me. I know he tried, but the smell was nauseating.
"Come on Mione, you have to be just a little hungry after last night," he said with an even bigger smile than before.
"I never said I wasn't hungry," I whispered, leaning in to kiss him. "I'm hungry for this."
"Well let's make sure that you don't starve," Ron said lightly kissing my collarbone.
"I'm hungry for more," I said playfully and lifted up his face.
For a moment of time we lay still staring at one another. I had forgotten how intimate eyes were. And in Ron's hazel eyes I saw a flash of grey. I blinked and it was gone, a nightmare of the past.
Hastily I pulled him close to me and kissed him hungrily, just as I had meant to all along, before I saw grey.
Is that right, to see you so vividly in Ron?
The stormy beach was empty. All the people had flocked indoors to the small cafes and shops of the quaint little town. There was not another living thing in sight, except for of course the raging ocean. The waves of dark grey blue beckoned me closer. The thunder clouds rumbled in the distance as Ron held me close, all most too tight, for I wanted to get away. It was calling me, whispering a salty wind of enticing beauty. It promised me freedom.
"Do you think we should head towards the village? It's getting extremely windy and those storm clouds are coming closer," Ron said pointing at the black pillows of thunder that drew nearer and nearer.
But I was already swept away. I couldn't leave now. It was over. Everything was over, now that the ocean was calling me. I should've known that he would never let me fall into the depths of the great sea. Ron always caught me, even when I tried to avoid him.
I have no idea what came over me that day but for some reason I was carried off. I had reverted back to the depressed hibernation of my mind. It was a place, a trance that was impregnable. Its barriers had never been broken, but as you pulled me out of the tossing waves I watched the walls break.
Yet it wasn't you. As the lights in my eyes cleared I saw red hair instead of the blonde that I desired. Instead of lightly tanned skin I saw freckles sprinkled across a long nose. It was Ron. He had saved me again from you.
Why is it that I can't just love the prince? Ron's always been the knight in shinning armor. You've always been the evil force of entrancing darkness, the tempting apple. After one taste I can't ever love another. It wouldn't be the same as the first.
It was raining. The drops cascaded down from the beautiful clouds. The sun was hidden away, protected from the world. The beautiful tear shaped water was oddly refreshing despite its chill. And the mist of the valley was illuminated by the torch Ron carried.
"Where is that damn campsite?"
I couldn't help but giggle. Ron was the epitome of incompetence; we had already gotten lost three times. I made a mental note, that when we were married I would never let him out of the house with directions.
Married. Married? Where did that come from? Has that picture sic idea always been trapped inside my head, lying dormant until my heart caught up? Confusion washed over, flooding me more than the rain. Is that what I wanted? A marriage to Ron, until death do us part. Forever.
That seemed like horribly long word, forever I mean. To be shackled down to one person for eternity seemed so…hopeless. Set in stone for all of time. Would that be even possible? I mean with you, could I ever completely forsake the dreamlike illusions I let replay in my mind?
Suddenly everything seemed so ugly. The once beautiful landscape darkened. The rain kept pouring, pressing me into the muddy ground. There was no way out. I had already crossed the Rubicon. Ron wanted marriage that was what he was after. He would never let go until he had my love.
But right now, his laughter seemed like a white light shinning through the shadows of the trees that encompassed us. Even in his stupidity he could smile. It was like a beautiful bright sense of security, stability. Could he laugh enough for the both of us? Bring me happiness even in Draco's circus.
I wanted to live forever, to hear Ron laugh. The fears of marriage lessened, dimming until I could see them no longer.
Maybe that was when I realized that Ron was the right person for me. Maybe that night I already knew my answer to Ron's question. I was going to say yes, because security mattered more to be then the love I felt for you. Sometimes in life you have to make sacrifices. Love was mine.
So when he asked, I wasn't all surprised.
"Hermione," he whispered softer than the faint glows of pink in the morning sky. "I want to you to know something…"
I remember the strange assurance he had. It was as if he had done this before. It wasn't new to him, but rather just an old movie he had seen many times over.
"What?" I asked, playing the lead actress's part of confusion.
He smiled and kissed me. "Will you marry me?"
"Yes," I replied quickly, sealing my eternity before I could change my mind.
I wonder what if I had thought over my answer just a few seconds more. Would I still be here? Would Ron still be snoring softly next to me? But ever more so I wonder if I was right in saying yes. I mean, did I want this? I think I did want it, marriage that is, but maybe with you. Then I get to wondering what we would be like.
They always say the what ifs are the worst. That you cannot succeed in life until you let go of the disappointments of the past. That's what you were to me, but you refuse to be pushed aside.
Maybe the time has come for me to make you leave.
Good bye Draco.
