AUTHOR'S NOTES: BWAH! I have to laugh. I read a review of this story left by someone (who did, after all, sign their review) in which they said they didn't want to read this story because they didn't want Sam paired with anyone but Ainsley. Okay. Whatever. To each his/her own, right?

Tissues might be necessary with this one folks... Just a warning. Everybody has been begging me for this, so here you go.

xxx

Nashua was cold. Nashua was small. Nashua was somewhere they had all been before. But this time, the small, cold town was the scene of a party they all had been waiting to attend.

Samuel Seaborn had won the New Hampshire primary. Not just won it, but won it by a landslide.

Not that they had doubted it would happen. New Hampshire, after all, was a Bartlet state and the Seaborn campaign wore the Bartlet legacy like a family crest, but it was a reassuring win none-the-less.

The atmosphere in the hotel room was that of celebration and nothing less. C.J. was slated to do the Jackal shortly and Josh was swinging Maddie around the room to the tunes of Simon & Garfunkel's Mrs. Robinson. The press had been briefed, the wine had been opened and Donna was taking a moment to take it all in. She was happy she had convinced her assistant to join the campaign. The young woman was bright, energetic and organized and Donna felt she had slipped into the team effortlessly.

Standing in the doorway, she felt Toby walk up beside her and lean his back against the wall. The two stood and watched the celebration, each deep in thought.

Josh looked over and waved for Donna to come join him. She laughed and shook her head, waving him to continue on with Maddie, the two dancing now to a bouncy Barenaked Ladies tune.

Toby cleared his throat and popped a peanut in his mouth. Chewing slowly, he looked over at the woman next to him.

"I need you to explain something to me."

Donna looked over, rolling her wine glass between her hands, "What?"

"I need you to explain to me what the hell is going on with you two." Toby didn't look at her, but studied Josh dancing across the room with the young red-head.

"I'm sorry?" Donna was shocked at the intimacy of the conversation Toby had chosen. The two had never shared confidences and she was confused as to why he would choose to do so now.

"You two have been dancing around one another for eleven years. Eleven years. And you have been handed more second chances that anyone has a right to receive. I don't get it... How many more chances do you think fate will give you, Donna?"

She looked down at the wine in her glass, shocked at his words.

"I'm not blind, you know," he continued, chewing on another peanut and looking out across the room. "None of us are. I'm not picking sides or assigning blame, but isn't it time that you both stop hurting each other?"

Sighing, she leaned her head against the wall.

"I can't do it again, Toby."

He looked over at her and popped another peanut in his mouth. If he was anything, he was a man of patience. He could wait for the words to come.

Perhaps it was the wine, or the special feeling of the night. Perhaps it was the fact that it wasn't Sam or C.J. talking to her about this, but Toby - a man who had kept his own counsel all these years and never got involved. Whatever the reason, Donna felt the words slip out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"I can't do it again. I can't fall in love with him again."

Toby looked over at her and said quietly, "Did you ever fall out of love with him?"

Donna looked away and took a sip of wine. She felt Toby take her arm and walk her out into the hallway. The sound of the music was muted out here and there was no one around who would overhear their conversation.

"Donna..."

"Toby, I'm serious. I can't do it. I can't fall in love with him and consider the possibility of both of us ending up in the White House again. It's a sick version of Groundhog Day that I can't live through."

Toby leaned against one side of the hallway and watched the blonde woman pace back and forth. I wonder if she got that habit from him, he thought.

"Does that make sense? Can you understand that?"

Toby chuckled, "You're talking to a man who has been in love with two women his entire life, Donna. One I can't have and one won't have me. I understand more than you know."

Donna looked up at him and smiled sadly. Toby was an enigma to most, but she found him relatively easy to read. She had always known he and C.J. had a different kind of relationship, but had never mentioned it to the older woman knowing her own position with Josh made her something of a hypocrite.

Taking a swig of scotch, Toby said quietly, "If Sam wins, Josh won't be in the White House."

Stopping dead in her tracks, Donna stared.

"I don't understand."

The older man cleared his throat and said quietly, "They have an agreement. If Sam wins, Josh isn't going to the White House."

Donna shook her head slowly and said, "I don't... I don't get it... Why wouldn't Josh go with Sam?"

Toby sighed deeply. He had known that Donna hadn't been told and he thought it a terrible mistake. The consequences of this conversation may be wide reaching, but he knew in his heart that she had to be told.

"Do you know why Josh didn't take the position of Chief of Staff when President Santos offered it to him?" He was looking at her intently now.

Donna nodded slightly. C.J. had told her about the mad dash Josh had made to her apartment.

"I don't think you do," Toby said softly. "Yes, you were a part of it, but there was another reason."

The blonde looked at him questioningly. The look in her eyes reminded Toby of those awful moments in the waiting room at George Washington and he thought that fate was cruel in making him the bearer of bad news to this woman twice in one lifetime.

Putting his hand on his chest, he tapped lightly.

Donna shook her head, "Toby, I don't understand..."

Catching her eye, he said with compassion, "His heart, Donna."

The words hung in the air and slowly began to sink into her mind.

"The Santos campaign and the stress of the second term... Do you think that the grey hair was the only thing he took away from Washington?"

Donna slowly started shaking her head from side to side. Toby knew he had to continue and knew that his words were crushing her heart, but he couldn't let her go through the remaining months of the campaign without knowing the truth.

"Shortly before the election, Josh was up with the Bartlet's in New Hampshire. He collapsed. After the doctors checked him, he found out that the stress of the campaign and the infinitely abysmal care he took of himself had done the tarantella on his heart. Abby Bartlet got him to see the best cardiologist in New England. He was told he needed to leave Washington."

Her eyes were now closed and her head was against the wall. She could feel the tears seep out from under her eyelids and she could do nothing to stop them.

"Sam knows and C.J. knows. That's why he's not running this campaign completely on his own. It's a team effort because we need him, but we can't let him carry it himself."

Donna opened her eyes, the tears now sliding down her cheeks. She saw nothing around her and heard only Toby's words repeating in her head.

His heart, Donna.

Staggering away from Toby, she turned and started to walk down the hallway. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she knew she needed to be alone to process what she had just been told.

Toby watched her disappear down the hallway and felt a presence walk up behind him. Turning to look over his shoulder, he saw C.J.

"What happened?"

The muscles working in his jaw, he turned and looked at the older woman. "I told her."

Staring at him, C.J. said quietly, "Told her what, Toby?"

Silently, he put his hand on his chest and repeated his gesture from earlier – two taps above his heart.

C.J. hung her head, "Oh God."

Turning to look back down the empty hallway, Toby said quietly, "Yeah."

xxx

Josh and Donna had connecting rooms. It hadn't started out that way, but old habits die hard and they found that they worked best when they had easy access to each other's time.

Josh fumbled with his keycard and finally made it into his room. Damn those things. Flicking on the television, he listened as the newscast recapped the New Hampshire results. He couldn't help but feel a smile creep across his face.

He strode over to the connecting door that joined his room with Donna's and knocked. He knew she was in there because he could hear the television, but there was no answer. Slowly turning the knob, he opened the door and stepped into her room.

The room was shrouded in darkness, the only light coming through the windows and from the flickering screen of the television. The bed was empty and as he looked around, he saw her sitting in a chair turned to face out the window. The curtains were open and she was watching the snow fall softly outside.

"Donna?"

She didn't respond, didn't turn, just continued to look out the window into the snow.

"Donna, what's wrong?" He didn't want to move, the atmosphere in the room was frighteningly still and he felt a finger of fear grip his heart.

"You know, I thought that sitting in that hospital room, waiting to see if you lived or died... I thought that was the worst point in my life," she said quietly from her seat in the chair.

Josh moved quietly into the room and stood behind her.

"But now I know that wasn't the worst. Because that was only fourteen hours. I could live through fourteen hours. Fourteen hours is nothing. This... this is going to be days and months and maybe years and I don't know if I can do that again."

Kneeling down beside her, Josh could see in the light from the window that there were tears streaming down her face and that they had been there for quite a while. "What is it, Donna?"

"Toby told me," she said softly, not turning her head. "He told me what no one else thought to tell me."

She raised her hand to her chest and tapped it softly over her heart in a sad echo of Toby's gesture in the hallway. It had become a sick code to which she wished she had never been introduced.

Hanging his head, Josh knew immediately what had happened. He had made them all promise not to tell her. They fought him, but in the end, he had won. Or maybe he hadn't.

"Donnatella, I'm sorry..."

She started laughing hollowly, "Sorry? You're sorry?"

"I made them promise not to tell you." He was still kneeling at her side silently urging her to look at him.

"Why, Josh? Why wouldn't you tell me? I know we haven't been that close recently, but why..."

"I didn't want your pity, Donna."

She turned to look at him, "What?"

Sighing, he looked out the window, "Look at me... I'm an old man with grey hair and a bad heart. I didn't want you to pity me. I didn't want you to come back because you felt sorry for me. That's not us. That's not how we do things. It wasn't back then and I didn't want it to be now."

Suddenly, he felt her hand on the top of his head and the tears began to slide down his face.

"I'm sorry, Donna. I'm so sorry."

She continued to run her hand through his hair and he felt the words come out in an ever increasing string.

"I screwed up and wasted all of the best years. I know that now. I waited too long and I can't make up for it. I've been an ass and I fucked it up and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wake up in the morning and wish I had every day to live over again."

He was sobbing now and her hand was still on the top of his head.

"I wanted you on this campaign. I needed you here. I needed you near me. If you were near me, it was enough. It was enough for me to keep going and I wasn't going to ask for any more. I don't deserve any more."

They were both crying now and he put his head against her thigh, her one hand still resting in his hair and the other covering her mouth. The only sound in the room came from the CNN broadcast on the television behind them.

"What do the doctors say?"

He sighed deeply, trying to get control of the tears that fell onto her pajamas.

"If I watch what I eat, control my stress level and try and take better care of myself, I'll be okay."

Through her tears she laughed, "They don't know you very well, do they?"

Smiling at her laugh, he said, "Obviously not."

Sliding off the chair, Donna kneeled on the floor in front of him and put her hands on either side of his face. She searched his face as if she were looking for clues.

"Toby asked me tonight if I ever fell out of love with you."

He studied her face and found he couldn't look away from her eyes. They were luminous and the ambient light from the snow outside gave her a halo. At that moment, he thought she looked like an angel.

"I didn't, Josh. I never fell out of love with you. Not for a moment, not for a second. Not even after I tried."

He gasped and sobbed.

She leaned into him and put her lips against his. He could feel the wetness of her tears against his cheek and taste their salt on his lips. His arms slid up around her and she held his face in her hands. The kiss lasted for hours, he thought, and when they separated, they were breathless.

"Eleven years I've waited for that," he said softly into her hair. "I've been such a fool."

Laughing quietly against his chest she replied, "Yes. You have."

He laughed now, sniffing as well, the tears still wet against his cheeks. He smelled her shampoo and skin lotion and felt her in his arms and realized it wasn't a dream or hallucination. He was here and she was here and she had just told him she loved him.

"Donna..."

"Shhhh...," she said, putting a finger against his lips. "Don't. There's too much to say and I don't want to talk right now."

He looked down into her eyes and wondered if he could make up for years of hurting them both.

She raised her head and quietly took in the man in front of her. Yes, the hair was greyer, the laugh lines deeper, the body heavier. But the look in his eyes was the same. It was the look she saw that night in the snow in front of her apartment and that morning she woke up in the hospital bed in Germany. It was the same man she loved then and realized she loved now.

Standing, she held out her hand to him. "Take me to bed, Joshua. We have years to make up for..."