AUTHOR'S NOTES: outtabreath gets a very big round of applause for beta-ing this chapter. It was a tough one to write and probably a tough one to edit/review. She has my utmost gratitude for her efforts. And slimwhistler gets props too because I asked her, but am too anxious to get this online so I can sleep tonight to wait for her answer... next chapter is yours, woman.
Direct quotes are from Shakespeare's Henry V and the book of Luke (1:78).
xxx
It was late spring and the ground was soggy. The daffodils and crocuses were struggling to poke out in the weak spring sunshine and everything seemed to be covered in a layer of damp.
The mood at campaign headquarters was subdued. The younger staffers, college students mostly, knew that something was in the air, but didn't know the details. The senior staffers were constantly behind closed doors and when they did emerge, tempers were short and words scarce.
Sam and Suzanna had returned two weeks prior from a short trip to New Hampshire to visit Jed and Abby Bartlet. Upon their return to headquarters, Josh, C.J., Toby, Will and Donna all filed into the war room behind them and shut the door.
Perched in various positions around the table, no one spoke until C.J. broke the silence.
"Well?"
Sam and Suzanna looked at one another silently.
"It won't be long now." Suzanna said softly, echoing the words that Abby had said to her in the kitchen of the farmhouse that morning.
The room was still and silent. All eyes were turned to Sam and Suzanna in a look of utter devastation.
Josh walked over to stand behind Donna's chair and put his hands on her shoulders. Her head was bowed and her blonde hair formed a shield around her face.
C.J. leaned over and put her head in her hands. Reaching over from the chair next to hers, Toby put his hand on her back. Tears were shining in his eyes and the muscles in his jaw were working.
Will stood stunned. He looked at Sam and Suzanna in complete shock. He thought back to the night of Jed Bartlet's Second Inaugural and the words echoed over the years.
I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States.
"Abby can only guess, but the doctors say it's just a few more weeks. His condition is declining quickly." Suzanna continued, "The family wants to keep it out of the press for as long as possible."
Donna raised her head, the tears glistening on her cheeks, "How is she?"
Sam shrugged, "The same as ever. Zoey was there and when we left Liz was on her way with the kids."
Josh looked up at the ceiling. "Charlie..."
"I called him on the way back," Sam replied. "He should be on his way up there now."
There was another silence in the room.
"So what do we do?" Will asked quietly.
Josh and Sam locked eyes and silently nodded. They were not callous men, though their actions sometimes made them seem otherwise. But they knew that they could not stop to mourn, for such a break would give their opponents a much needed opening.
"We keep going," Josh said softly. "He would want us to keep going."
"Josh is right," Sam said firmly. "We've got swings through several states scheduled in the next couple of weeks and we need to make them."
Donna stood up and pushed her hair back behind her ears. "We can't mention this outside of this room. The press will pick up on it if we do and then they'll swarm the farm."
"She's right," C.J. added. "We've got to keep this as quiet as possible."
The group quietly stood and looked at one another. The memories of their years with the Bartlet administration were ghosts that walked among them, flitted in and out and surfaced each day when no one was looking. They were each brothers-in-arms, an army forged in those brilliant years and they carried that honor with them. The suffering of their king had made them each stronger and the group stronger as a whole.
Turning silently, they filed out of the room. It took tremendous effort that day, and the slow days that followed, not to break down but each knew that the privacy of the Bartlet family depended on their silence.
xxx
Josh and Donna were in their apartment two weeks later with C.J. and Toby when the call came.
When the campaign began, Donna had rented her own apartment. However, as their relationship progressed they both agreed that having two apartments was a waste of money and Donna moved her clothes into Josh's place. They weren't in town much these days and it simply seemed to be the most practical resolution of living arrangements. Donna sublet her apartment to three of the younger campaign staffers and let them keep her furniture, on the terms that nothing would be burned for firewood and anything broken would be replaced after the election.
Donna and C.J. were studying the most recent polling numbers out of Northwest when the telephone rang. Josh was in the kitchen washing dishes (one of his few domestic responsibilities) and Toby was on the sofa watching a basketball game. The ringing stopped and Donna assumed Josh had answered the kitchen extension. Turning back to the reports in front of her, Donna remarked to C.J. that the numbers out of Oregon were good - damned good - and they needed to work on a statement to be released the next day.
She looked up a moment later and saw Josh standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his face pale and hands hanging limply at his sides.
"What is it?" she asked jumping up and running to his side. The paleness of his features made her fear he was having a heart attack – a serious possibility given the stress of their recent schedule.
"That was Leo."
The papers fell out of C.J.'s hands and Toby stood up from his spot on the sofa. They all knew that Leo McGarry had been at the Bartlet farm in New Hampshire lending his support to Abby and the girls in these last, sad days.
"Josh?" C.J. said, cautiously.
Taking Donna's hand, Josh looked down and then over at his friends.
"President Bartlet died this afternoon at 3:00."
There was a deathly stillness in the room and no one moved.
Donna suddenly let out a quiet sob and Josh collected her in his arms. He looked out over her shoulder and saw Toby collapse heavily on the sofa. The older man lowered his head into his hands and Josh saw his shoulders begin to shake uncontrollably.
C.J. stumbled from her seat at the dining room table and kneeled down beside Toby, wrapping her arms around his legs and laying her head on his knees. Tears were streaming down her face and she did nothing to wipe them away.
Josh could do nothing but stand and hold the sobbing woman in his arms. He was empty, shell-shocked, and Leo's words kept ringing hollowly through his head.
He's gone, Josh. The sobs on the phone were heavy and loud. He's gone.
xxx
Abigail Bartlet stood on the porch of the farm in New Hampshire and looked out over the land that the Bartlets had claimed for generations. She had always liked this farm. It was her sanctuary during the tough times – she had returned here with Zoey after the kidnapping and often slipped away during other stressful times to sit on the porch and think.
There would be no resting on the farm today.
As precedent dictated, there would be a public service for the President followed by a private service in a local Catholic church and burial in the Bartlet family plot. The public service would take place here on the farm – Jed had made that request in the papers filed with the State Department after his departure from the White House. Abby watched from the porch as workers set up row after row of folding chairs in the lower pasture.
There had been no lying-in-state. Jed's New England roots screamed out against such an ostentatious display and Abby put her foot down when it was suggested.
"He will leave from this farm. Not from the Rotunda in Washington. Not from the capitol in Concord. From this farm." The words were quiet and firm and everyone knew that the law had been spoken.
"Abby?" Leo's voice broke into her reverie as he walked up behind her.
"He loved this place," she said softly.
"Yes, he did."
Leo stood behind her right shoulder and she could feel him watching her back. Everyone was watching her now – waiting for her to break down.
"Sam and Josh are on their way," he told her quietly, wanting desperately to reach out and touch her. He knew if he did, the thin veil of control that shrouded her actions might disappear and that could not happen. Not today. Maybe tomorrow, but not today.
"Good. Did you ask them about the church?" She turned now and looked at him, realizing that he had aged ten years in the last week.
Leo nodded, "Josh, Toby, Sam and Charlie will serve as pallbearers at the church. Doug and Scott as well." Doug Westin was Liz's husband and Scott Morgan was Ellie's long time boyfriend. With the exception of Doug, the group would represent the men Jed Bartlet had long considered his own sons.
"Thank you, Leo," Abby said softly, putting her hand on his cheek.
Leo put his hand over hers and the two stood quietly, each lost in their own memories.
xxx
Sam stepped into the old farmhouse and felt Jed Bartlet around him everywhere. He heard the echo of his voice and the sound of his laughter in ever corner and down every hallway. He had yet to come to terms with the death of the man he idolized and wondered how he would get through the task that Abby had asked of him.
"I want you to perform the eulogy." She had said. "He would have wanted it."
Sam knew his enemies would jump upon this and claim political opportunism. He had mentioned that to Abby Bartlet and she had laughed.
"Jed would have wanted someone to benefit from this whole media circus. If he could have campaigned for you, he would have. Just think of this as one last campaign stop for him."
Abby then looked at him somberly, "Your words have always been like gold, Sam. When Jed gave your speeches, the hairs on my arms would stand up and I would get chills. You wrote for him, Sam. You put his thoughts onto paper. I'm asking that you do it one more time."
Walking into the library, Sam almost believed he would see Jed Bartlet sitting in the old wingback chair that had been his favorite place in those last few years. On previous visits, Sam had often sat for hours across from that chair as the two played chess. They had been enjoyable visits, and in the most recent months, Abbie had sat with them in a high chair while the two men discussed books and politics. The baby had always been content in the company of the former President and he had always delighted in spoiling her.
Sam was lost in his thoughts and did not hear Toby enter the library behind him.
"Are you okay?"
Sam turned around and looked at the older man with sad, sad eyes.
"Yeah."
Toby rubbed his beard and paced a few steps. "It's good, Senator. It's a good speech."
The two had stayed up the previous night going through draft after draft until they created what they believed to be a suitable tribute to a man who could not be captured in words.
Sighing, Sam walked over to the window. The dignitaries were gathering in the rows of chairs in the pasture and the arrival of the heavy Secret Service detail indicated that President Santos was nearby.
"The President will be here soon," Sam said quietly.
Toby snorted. "It's funny to hear someone else addressed with that title."
Sam turned from the window and gave his friend a sad grin, "I know. I've never gotten used to it."
Studying the carpet in front of him, Toby said softly, "Neither have I."
At that moment, C.J. walked in from the porch. She was dressed in black and her eyes were tired and rimmed in red.
"It's getting close to time."
The two men looked at each other silently. Each knew that this would be the last speech they would prepare for Jed Bartlet. The last time the golden age of the great administration would be invoked in the presence of a man they had loved, loathed and worshipped.
Sam straightened up and took a deep breath. Smiling wanly at his friends, he walked out of the door and onto the porch.
xxx
Josh was wearing his sunglasses even though the day was grey and dreary. He was using them as a shield and he felt that if he were to take them off, the world would see his pain. He had his arm around Donna as he led her to their seats behind the Bartlet family and her grip on him was viselike.
C.J. sat on the other side of Josh and was soon joined by Toby who shifted uncomfortably in his chair. As she glanced over at him, C.J. noticed that his beard had turned greyer in the past few months and the bags under his eyes were heavier. She knew that over the years, Toby and Jed Bartlet had significant differences – personal and political. But she also knew that Toby had admired the President's inner strength and felt that he was truly a great man. Silently reaching over, she took Toby's hand in her own and gave it a squeeze.
Moments later, Abby was escorted to her seat by Leo. The State Department had provided her with a military escort, but she had shunned it for the company of family and friends. She knew that she had to give the public their last glimpse of her husband, but she was damned if it wasn't going to be on her terms.
After a short speech by the Governor of New Hampshire and a few quiet comments by President Santos, Sam stood and made his way to the rostern.
On his left side, President Bartlet's casket stood on a bier, covered in the American flag. Sam stood for a moment studying the coffin and then stepped up to the podium.
"In our modern world, there is a paucity of times in which we are called upon to drown our inner demons with the songs of our better angels. Fewer and fewer citizens are called upon to pronounce our ideals and join with our brothers, lifting our eyes to the stars and our hearts to a cause. Seldom do we cast off the constraints of fear and worry to rouse ourselves in the battle and to free all men from that which would oppress them. These values we have let slip beneath the waves of arrogance and ignorance, lost amid the world of greed and conceit.
"However, these are not forgotten dreams, left upon the pages of an old text. These are not the events of history and actions of a bygone era. These are the measures of great men, men of valor, men of courage.
"And these were the principles with which Josiah Bartlet led his life and led this country. These were the standards to which he held himself and those around him.
"Our battles were often long and wearying. We struggled against our opponents, against each other, and often against ourselves, in our attempts to lift those who could not stand and to right those wrongs that could not be left untended.
"We were not perfect. He was not perfect.
"In the nadir of his life, he stood before the people of this country and showed them weakness. Yet at his weakest, he proved that the humble can have pride, the poor great wealth, and the sick a strength that can topple all who doubt.
"I served at the pleasure of the President of the United States. I stood before him and handed him my life in payment for the honor of that service. And with my band of brothers, I served a man who sought to better the world for his children and his children's children. For it was with an eye to the future that Josiah Bartlet led this country, knowing that his choices would be the salvation or the ruin of generations.
"This band of brothers fights other battles now. In the twilight of our days, we shall look back upon the conflicts of our earlier years with an eye tempered by time and a memory soothed by age. But in our reminiscing we shall remember our leader, whose dignity allowed us to raise our heads in defeat and whose grace allowed us to celebrate with humility.
"William Shakespeare wrote of the battle at Agincourt,
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
"The story I shall tell my children will be that of a great man, a man I considered a father, a brother, a leader and a friend. I will tell them of laughter and tears, of joy and sadness, of celebration and pain. I will tell them that their future was made brighter and better by a man they never got the opportunity to know, but who cared for them, and all the world's children, none-the-less. I will tell them that my brothers and I stood side by side as he made us reach for the stars, knowing we could catch them if only we believed it so.
"Today we bury Josiah Bartlet. But we do not bury his dream. For each of us can cast our eyes to the heavens and see what he worked to achieve and can look inside of ourselves and believe it so."
xxx
The ceremony in the church was private. The press was not permitted inside and the only people in attendance were close friends and family. Abby had given America their farewell and this was to be hers.
As she stood beside the grave at the Bartlet family plot, Abby looked at the faces gathered around her. Zoey, Ellie and Liz each stood supported by the men at their sides. Liz had elected to leave the children with Doug's parents fearing the press spectacle would make a difficult situation unbearable. Studying her daughters, Abby tried to pick out Jed's features in each of them, but the tears in her eyes clouded her vision.
Turning her head slightly, she could see Sam and Suzanna standing with their arms around one another. Inwardly, Abby smiled as she though of how fond Jed had been of both of them and their daughter. She knew that Jed had seen Sam's potential long before Sam saw it in himself and she prayed that he had the strength to carry through with the grand plans he had made.
Next to Sam stood Josh and Donna. Abby couldn't help but feel a sense of relief that the two had finally figured out what the rest of them had known all along. She knew that if anyone could keep Josh alive and well, it would be Donna Moss, a woman with an iron spine and a determination that made even Abby stand in awe. Josh had his arm around Donna's shoulders and the blonde had her head resting on his shoulder. They both looked stunned and Abby wasn't certain that they were even aware of the events around them.
Abby glanced to the other side of Suzanna and noticed Toby and C.J. The two seemed to be holding one another up amid the crowd of mourners. Abby saw C.J. reach over and wipe a tear from Toby's cheek and felt her heart constrict. She knew that the younger woman had loved Jed Bartlet like a father and that the loss was deep and painful. She also knew that underneath his austere demeanour, Toby was mourning... perhaps more than most.
Closing her eyes, Abby felt Leo's hand in the small of her back. She opened her eyes, turned her head and smiled at the man at her side. In the weeks leading up to Jed's death, they had each had the opportunity to both say goodbye and to make peace with the inevitable. It did not mean that the pain was lessened in any respect, but it was tempered slightly.
At the end of the priest's words, each mourner was handed a sunflower. It had been Zoey's idea and Abby had been amazed at the difficulty they had in obtaining sunflowers in New Hampshire in April.
"It's so dark and grey up here, Mom. It'll be like giving him one last piece of the sun."
Taking the proffered flower, Abby walked up to the coffin and placed her hands upon it. There would be no hysterics. Her goodbye had been years in the making and she knew that her husband was at peace. She leaned down and slowly kissed the lid of the coffin and turned away.
One by one, the family and then friends of the late President left their flower offering on the top of the casket. The yellow petals of the sunflowers were like drops of sunshine in the sea of black. Sam and Suzanna, Josh and Donna, C.J. and Toby. Each laid a sunflower on the lid of the casket and slowly turned away, tears the only conversation.
Climbing into the limousine, Abby felt tired. The struggle that had started years ago in the White House was finally over and the emptiness that was left in its wake was an unknown acquaintance.
She looked at Leo and realized that the older man was quietly sobbing next to her. Quietly taking his hand, Abby closed her eyes and said softly, "By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace."
As the limousine left the cemetery, Abby glanced back at the gravesite. Later, she would tell her daughters that all she could see were the sunflowers.
