Now that I have gotten you thoroughly confused and apt to stop reading altogether, I will explain. Names will be the number one aid, I assume. This story is satirical and almost allegorical. The names all have a point. Most are based on synonyms—hence, Put'oh would be the character Seto. To "set" is to "put." Oh, and if you don't think he is acting at all in character (as in no character flaw exaggerated), there is a truth about him you don't know yet. Hint: why would I use the name "Seto" when he is more commonly referred to as "Kaiba?" Just bear with the story, please.
"Muggy" I don't expect you to know. I looked up the meaning of the word "Moky" (Mokie didn't exist) and the weather terms of "misty" and "muggy" were what it meant. The others that come through later on should be self-explanatory after this…I hope. I always use the dubbed names because they are easier to come up with synonyms!
There are a few OC's as well, sorry. (aka the monarchs and maybe someone else)
DaRkNeSsApPrOaChEs: Don't worry; the king is not Seto—I am hastening through the role of the monarchs—soon they will not be a part of the story. And this is definitely not about Serenity, but she is in it (still debating how much she will be in it). Thanks for reading.
AmnarRanma: The above should answer your question of what it has to do with YGO. The characters are present; they just have names to make fun of them. Also, I am ever so gracious for your review.
Anonimous 199: Thanks so much for reviewing. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Garowyn: Glad you understood. I knew I could count on you!
M.S.: Thanks so much for trying my story out! I hope you keep reading and continue to enjoy it. Again, thanks!
Chapter 2: Definition of Idiocy
"I have the one who's going to marry the princess!"
The queen looked at the king whose eyes were widened back at her. "That was fast," she said.
"Marry a what's-it!" came another voice.
A guard was standing by to open the door, but the monarchs did not yet give permission.
"We have to be certain of his commitment first. And I don't want to risk that Glare. I still don't trust this Gruff, even with his sibling in our grasp."
"Who's in your grasp?"
Both turned. It was him, Muggy Gruff, standing free and looking smug.
"I guess you've never heard of my reputation. I'm an official Squirmer." He pointed a thumb at himself proudly.
"But…then why did you allow yourself to get caught by our guard in the first place?" A Squirmer should have been able to free himself from anything.
He shrugged. "I wanted some excitement. Besides, it got my brother Gruff to finally be able to take the action he has been plotting for so long—he can finally go about rescuing me instead of being paranoid about when I will be kidnapped. So, I thought, why not?" He moseyed over to the door, tripping at least twice on the way. "But, now, I'm going to let him inside or he won't be pleased. He's probably having a panic attack right now."
The guard was helpless to try to keep a grip on the child. Every time he tried, Muggy slipped free and attacked the door. The door, however, was something the guard could hold onto, which he did. Soon, though, the youngest Gruff—oh, yes, there were certainly at least three of them—bit the guard and managed to remove the safety bar.
"Come on in, brother Gruff!"
Put'oh Gruff flung in the pathetic "knight" and entered after him. His eyes were dangerously narrowed but no where near the Death Glare yet.
"Pretty nice shack you've got here," the knight said, looking over the great hall. He gave a little nod of approval as if he had to give such praise for the place to be worth anything.
The king looked at the queen, who shrugged. Anyone was better than no one.
He stood to give a formal speech, placing one hand on the knight's shoulder. "I hereby 'prince' you…" He looked at the Gruff with a quick glance, but the king did not want to risk making eye contact with him too long. So he turned back to the demented—um, dented knight. "Uh, what's your name?"
"Axel! Just call me The Sir Axel." (1)
"Very well. I hereby 'prince' you, The Sir Axel. Now, you may politely ask for my daughter's hand." After a very brief pause, he corrected himself, "No, let me beg you to take my daughter's hand."
"Sure, I'll hold her hand. What are we doing, crossing a street? What a glorious pursuit for a knight to deal with! I can't wait to stop hordes of riders from dangerously trampling her fragile form under foot!"
The queen looked at the king, and he could hardly hold her look. Would they marry their daughter to someone so brainless? Well…
Yes, they would.
"We'll go get her. Just wait here for a moment." After another sly look, the king and queen parted ways. The queen headed over to their chapel to fetch the priest who would perform the ceremony.
Put'oh Gruff would have stayed around just to laugh at the expression on The Sir Axel's face when he realized his predicament, but then the reputation of his Death Glare would diminish. People couldn't know that he would just watch marriages without slaying the bride and groom.
"Ready to go?" he asked his younger Gruff counterpart.
"Sure. But, say, brother Gruff, can we stop somewhere on the way back?"
"No." Heading to the door, the guards stepped aside to let them through. "And, while I'm thinking of it…why are you even here?" Eyes narrowing once more, he said warningly, "Muggy Gruff…you wanted this to happen, didn't you? I don't think I'm going to let you be taught the Glare of Death any longer if you can't even use your Squirming ability when you need it."
The threat was futile because Muggy knew how much his brother wanted him to be able to protect himself. "Can't we even visit brother Sailor Yesah Gruff?" They continued walking, and each time the boy tripped or stumbled, Put'oh's arm shot out and stabled him.
"No."
"What about brother—"
Put'oh Gruff shook his head. "No. We're going back and we aren't taking any shortcuts, visits, or stops because they always lead to adventures. You know I don't need you getting into trouble before your lessons are done. I don't want you getting into mischief at all! You have to start being more careful, Muggy. That is the only reason I am still taking you to your lessons at all. Speaking of which, you have a lesson in two days. We have to pack up and change my speaking schedule. I was to talk about the effects of too much carbon dioxide in the atmosphere from too many bonfires, but it looks like I won't be here. It won't do to be late for a lesson with him."
In other words, there was no time to go off on a shortcut adventure. There was no way either of them was going to be late for the lesson. Muggy Gruff exhaled loudly, but he said nothing more.
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The priest was shuffling along after the hastening queen, but even with the tugs on his arm, he would go no faster.
"Such a lovely girl…so sad she is going to be married already. So young…"
The queen harrumphed and shook his head. Tranquility was extraordinarily old to be getting married. The middle daughter, she should have been married at least seven years ago. By now, twenty, she had gotten too used to her freedom.
"Where is The Sir-Prince Axel?" she muttered once reaching the great hall. When she saw a trail of threads leading from where her heirloom tapestry had been hanging, her face went a little white.
"Oh, dear…"
She hurried along the trail, leaving the priest to look feebly around the room with his reminisces.
The trail grew thicker, a myriad of colors still twisted and bent from being so long sewn together. Then, a little farther, she heard shouting.
"Take that, beast!"
The queen froze as she saw The Sir Axel mutilating her family's heirloom tapestry with the blunt edge of his sword. Occasionally, from pure chance of his inferior fighting skills, the sharp side sliced some of the threads. With his frolicking dancing performance, it was his legs that kept the great embroidery unraveling as he struggled to keep after it. The main object of his prey was the unicorn in the middle that had used to be white.
"That'll show you to point that thing at me! Ha!"
Debating whether to attract his attention in order to save what remained of the remarkable work, she decided to leave him preoccupied until the wedding. That way, there would be little chance of him realizing what was happening and backing out.
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Meanwhile, the king was using mincing steps up to his middle daughter's room. He really wished that people turned out like their names suggested. He and his wife had tried so much by naming the three, but apparently, their blessing from the troll godmother worked too well.
Well, there was no putting it off any longer.
"Tranquility, dear?" he called feebly, bracing himself for a response. But none came. So, the king continued up the stairs until the door was immediately in front of him. "Tranquility?"
Slowly, he creaked the door open, and to his great relief, discovered it was empty. Maybe she had run away for good.
About to run down the stairs to eagerly explain the great news to his wife, a new thought dawned on him. She might return.
Tranquility had the uncanny ability of getting into all sorts of mischievous endeavors. What was worse, however, was her natural talent of escaping any trouble with only a few broken nails that she had hewn off herself in order to look more formidable.
Tranquility, had she run away, would be back. There was only one way to truly lose his daughter, and that was to marry her to someone in a nearby kingdom where the roads were so safe that she would never get it into her head to visit her parents. After all, a safe land proposed absolutely no adventure, and that was what Tranquility commonly sought.
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Thanks for the reviews!
(1) Wheeler would be this character
