Your Me! I'm You!
Disclaimer: Sessha does not and will never own RK! Why? Because sessha said so!
Oi! Minna! Gomen! Gomen! Gomen! Gomen nasai minna-san for the long wait sessha had too many things to do these past few weeks but sessha is trying but would like to say arigatou for your patience! And guess what? Today's sessha's Birthday! Feb 2nd Yeah! Sessha's 15! Wohoooooooo! (Dances around) Hehee finally good ol' 15 yeah! Well this is my birthday gift to myself and for all you reviewers so Enjoy! RR! PLZ!
"Dialogue"
'Thoughts' - 'Battousai Speaking'
-Importance-
-xx- Flashbacks/Dreams
- Setting Change
/Kenshin's Thought's/
(Kenji's Thought's)
POV Point of View
A/N Author's Note
Chapter 5: Winter's Snow, Comes a Father's Love...
Kenshin watched as his wife and son left to go shopping, he noticed that Kenji didn't seem all to happy about the idea. Kenshin sighed softly then turned to see if the other teens noticed him, he then walked back toward the teens' as they began to discuss their plan for the day. Souzou as for somewhat reason the leader of the group spoke first. "Okay Minna! What the hell are we going to do" his leadership showing quite boldly.
Suke grinned evilly as he then said his plan out bluntly. "We could go gambling? Or to the bar" Kenshin's eyes widen in surprise as he stared at Suke in disbelief and without thinking protested against him.
"But you guys can't do that your to young!..." They stared at him dumbfound then Megitsune stated.
"Well, if were to young! What does it make you then" She raised a delicate brow up as she waited for his answer.
"Ano,...I uhhhh,..." /Oro! I forgot that I'm in Kenji's body Orororororo...but really? Does Kenji actually go gambling? and drinking?...I'll have to talk to him about that...but I need to first get out of this situation./ "Umm, Iie it's just that...we might...get...caught" He whisphered in hopes of elimanating any further questions on his person.
Suke's brows knitted together as he glanced at Souzou. "What the hell are you talking about? You never come with us! Your the one who always comes to get us before we do get caught. You hate gambling and drinking! You said so yourself that it's "Bad for the user" and stuff like that! Boy, ji your losing it! I swear" Suke rambled.
Kenshin sighed in relief to know about the truth. /So Kenji doesn't like gambling nor drinking./ A fatherly smile appeared on his face as a deep feeling of proudness and happiness filled the depths of his heart.
Souzou raised an eyebrow at seeing Kenji smile like the way he was and as curiousity took over he asked. "Yo! Ji! What's with the smile"
Kenshin looked up in confusion the shook his head at him saying. "Oh, nothing...so anyway what are we going to do then" He asked hoping to change the subject.
It just so happens it did when Shin ya, who was tired of being ignored grinned from ear to ear as he shouted out. "Why don't we go see Gentatsu, Chizuru, Sakura, and Kayamai"
Kenshin's brows raised slightly at the mention of his son's love and that he also noticed the way the teens peered at him waiting to see a reaction. /Hmm, they want me to blush or something to show affection toward Kayamai-dono...huh...their so much like Sano, Megumi, and Yahiko...when it came toward...Kaoru../ He blushed as he thought back to when the Kenshin-gumi were always bragging at him about Kaoru. But what he didn't notice were the grins that the teens spread as they mistook his blush for Kayamai.
Souzou patted Kenshin's back which caused him to return back to reality as he realized that they were perparing to leave. Souzou halered back to get his attention. "Come on Ji! We're going to see Katsu-Ojisan and the others" Kenshin stood up brushed his hands on his white clean hakama for any dust then sprinted to catch up with the others all the while thinking to himself. /I hope I don't do something I'll regret later./ Then with that he quietly closed the two large gates behind him.
"What about this one Anata? Would this look good on me" Kaoru asked sweetly as she showed her husband a beautiful Indigo Kimono, with golden swans flying across the gawn and small blue Jasmine flowers scattered at the bottom, and it came with a dark purple obi with swans flying the oppsite direction and more blue jamine flowers around it.
Kenji sighed as he put on his father's infamous Rurouni Smile at her while saying. "I think that would look lovely on you Koishii de gozaru yo" Her response was a small squeal and a bright smile as she went up to the register to pay for it. (It will look beautiful on okaa none the less...but why do I have to be here! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I'm getting sooooooooo tired! Kami! Help me!) He sensed her returning with a bag in hand as she then gave it to him to hold along with the other several things she purchased, she then went onward dragging him to the next store where they spotted Sano and Megumi shopping. (Oh great! Another store to empty today...Damn these bags are killing me!)
He shifted his luggageto one side to the other so that he would be able to feel his hands again. Sano spotted him just outside the shop and decided to talk with him. "Yo! Kenshin...So how much stuff did Jou-chan buy"
"Nine, and going for ten or who-knows how many." Kenji said too tired to sound like his cheery-go-happy-perky father, as Sano rasied an eyebrow in surprise.
"Well, I always thought you loved shopping, especailly with lil' Jou-chan with ya" He asked as Kenji shook his head in bordem at the question.
"Well, I don't! And to go with Kaoru it's even harder cause she loves buying everything in the stores." He gestured his hand to all the stores around him as he then settled his hand back. "And besides who ever heard of a man that loves to shop? Well I never had"
Sanosuke grinned as he nodded his head in agreement. "Same here Kenshin same here, what kind of man would he be if he did love shopping"
"An ahou, Sano a big, huge baku." Kenji stated as he glanced behind him to see if his mother would come out or not. (When will she come out! Next year! Man! Come on I want to go home!)
Sano chuckled and patted Kenji's shoulder as he nodded his head at him. "True, True, so true Kenshin man what is up with you today" He announced as Kenji looked at him with confusion.
"What are you talking about Sano? There's nothin' wrong with me" He said glancing around himself to see if anything was off place.
"Well, your acting weird today like at breakfast time you totally got pissed at me then you went all hilarious, and now your acting almost like me! I'm just wondering if rocking jou-chan caused you to act like this! I wonder what will happen next" He stated matter-a-factly like.
Kenji's eyes narrowed at him with a ting of amber in their depth as he leaned over to the tall man. "I don't want to hear it! Got it" He hissed in Sano's ear as he reclined back to his normal position against the wall as Sano nodded his head quickly to show he understood. "Good, cause I don't have no time to play sick games with you now." Once more Sano nodded then stuffed his hands in his pants as they both waited for the girls. Kenji smirked mentally as he felt like laughing out loud as he decided to talk with Battousai. (Damn, hey Otou did ya see the look on Sano-oji's face when I turned all 'Battousai' on him! That was hilarious!)
(Hai, I did and I couldn't have done a better job myself! You scared the shit out of him...Hahaha! That will show him that messing with me and my onna will only lead to trouble!)
(Yeah, well I was tired of his constant bragging about my attitude today...kuso I want to goooooooo home! How the hell did you get through this!)
(Patience...that and the fact I never show myself so yeah I just let the baku rurouni do it for me...and now your doing it for me!)
(Oh, yeah thanks for allowing me to do it for you! I'm so honored! Ha ha ha! Very funny.)
(Alright, alright don't get your temper going...heehee, Oi! Isn't that the baku rurouni right there?)
Kenji's eyes snapped as he peered toward the crowd carefully to see if he was right. He then saw Souzou's and Suke's head pop out of the crowd as they soon spotted Sano as he halered out to them. As they approched he noticed Kenshin and Shin ya walking close by with Megitsune, as Megumi and Kaoru finally walked out of the store with more bags in both hands. Kaoru glanced up to Kenji as he finally noticed that they had stopped. "Oh! Kenji! What are you doing here" She asked as she dropped off her luggage on Kenshin, then proceded up to her son smiling kindly at him.
Kenshim looked up at his wife as he smiled lovely at her with love in his eyes which everyone else except Kenji who mistook it as a son's love as he kindly answered her. "Oh, we were about to head up to Katsu...ojisan to meet up with the others..."
She nodded her head in approval as she turned toward Kenji as she laced her arm around his. "Well me and your tousan will go with you ne anata" She asked as Kenji smiled nervously at her while struggling with the many bags he was still carring.
(My hands! I can't feel my hands! My blood...circulation...can't...Owwwwwwww...shimatta!) With a strained smile and a deep sigh he knobbed his head in agreement. "Hai, Koishii...that would...be nice...de gozaru ya."
She smiled in delight as she began to ramble on about meeting the others. "Oh, and along the way we could get you something too"
Kenji's eyes widen as he felt himself being dragged to yet another store as the others followed behind them. "Ororororororororororororororororo" He squeaked as he was pulled inside the store. (Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!)
-3 Days Later-
Kenji rubbed his back as he began to stir the Miso soup he was making for the three. He sighed while rubbing his head with his hand as he felt a migraine settle in. "Damn, I hate waking up early in the morning." He glanced behind him as he felt someone about to enter the Kitchin, and as if on cue Kenshin walked in looking refreshed and ready for the day. Kenji grumbled something under his breath about 'Baku Otousan' or 'Why do I have to be up' or something along that line. He smiled at him then turned back finishing up with breakfast.
Kenshin sallied right next to him to see what he was making. "Kenji..."
"Hmm..." To focused on the food to look beside him.
"Can I try some?." Kenshin asked.
"Why not" Kenji then handed him the spoon he was stirring with that had a bit of miso on it.
Kenshin sipped on it then his face looked like he was in deep thought. "Hmm, you need more salt." And at that Kenshin grabbed the bottle that contained salt and began to pour a bit into the miso. Kenji just raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing as he watched Kenshin take another sip. "And more water..." Kenshin then filled a cup with water and poured it in the soup as Kenji began to frown at him. Kenshin than took yet another sip. "Oh, and you also need more pepper too..." Kenshin then took out of the cabinet some spices as he began to chop them into little pieces all the while forgetting that Kenji was right there. finally finished, he dropped them into the miso and began to stir. Kenji crossed his arms over his chest as he watched Kenshin humm to himself as he took one last sip. "Lets see" Kenshin was cut off tho' when a carrot was suddenly put in front of his face.
"You need more vegetables too..." Kenji imitated his father as he tapped his foot on the wooden floor.
Kenshin gulped down as he nervously remembered his son's short temper tantrum. "Umm, no...I was about to say that it was done...hehehee..." He said as he watched Kenji just lift an eyebrow at him then place the carrot back in its place. He turned around and muttered something about 'I'm going to take a bath'. Kenshin, once he sensed Kenji far away from earshot sighed in relief. "I have to remember not to provoke him like that again..." He sighed sadly at the soup as it reflected his face or his son's face to be exact. /And I wanted to spent time with him too.../ The last three days were hard on him. He had to pretend to do the things Kenji used to do and it was getting harder and harder for him to handle. Kenshin sighed then took the miso out of the fire so it would cool down. Then Kenshin was deciding weither to go out and find Kenji to apologize or just wait for him to finish his bath. His mind finally made up stood up and went forth to find his son.
Kenji was still grumbling on about how 'His father is way to picky' and that 'I was the one making the damn soup', when he suddenly came to a halt. He peered outside and gasped in awe as he glanced from left to right admiring the outside. He took one step, then two, and began to walk outside to see what had caught his attention. He smiled softly as the brisk cool frosty air stroke his face. He turned around in small cicrles as he lifted his hand. (Snowflakes!...Wow!) He stood there not noticing or sensing the person behind him.
Kenshin picked up Kenji's ken-ki and began to follow it, until he stopped. /What is that white stuff/ Curious he peered closer until he found out it was snow. /It's snowing...Is that Kenji/ At the thought of his son he watched as Kenji-or-himself walk in the middle of the front yard glancing from all around. He watched as he smiled in bliss as he lifted his hand to touch the cold snow. Kenshin's eyes soften as he watched his face light up. /Few seconds ago he was angry at me, but now just the mere sight of something as simple as snow soften his heart and washed away all his anger...I wish I could do the same as simply forget everything; to be innocent; free from any negative emotion...just like him.../ Kenshin shook the thought away and stayed hiden as he watched his son; smiling happly at him.
Kenji narrowed his eyes slightly as he sensed someone, but shook his head as he felt it being surpressed. (Hehe, he must think I can't sense him...)
(Either that or the baku rurouni is losing his touch without me!) The Battousai remarked as he too felt the rurouni's ki among the shadows. (Shall we entertain him and pretend that he's not there?) He asked. Kenji smirked glancing at the corner of his eye to see where his father was 'consealed' then replied wiith a curt nod of the head.
(Why not? I'm having to much fun here anyway.) Kenji smiled as he ignored his father's presense and began to watch the snow fall once more. He glanced and began to walk around until suddenly he had a flashback when his eyes fell on the laundry basin. "...Otou..." Was all he managed to whisper sadly as he closed his eyes allowing the memories to pour down from the cage he sealed it in...
-xx-
"Tousan! Faster! Faster! Faster tousan" A four year-old Kenji exclaimed as his father who was busy pushing the basin that his son was in pushed faster. "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! Tousan this is so cool! Heehehee! Faster" The little toddler shouted shaking his arms around as the snow poured all around them both.
"Kenji-chan if I go any faster you'll fall of and land on the cold snow de gozaru yo." Kenshin explained as he puffed a crystalized breath from his lips as cold sweat appeared on his tired face.
Kenji looked up to see that his father was exhasted and not wanting to drain him any further lifted his hands up in the air gesturing to be lifted. Kenshin smiled sweetly before bending down and lifted Kenji easily in his arms. "That was fun tousan! You should try it sometime ne de gozaru ka" Kenji asked.
Kenshin chukled to himself at his son's imatation of him as he began to walk back to the house. "Well, Kenji-chan sessha is too old and big to seat on the basin aisoku." He said adding the endearment of 'Beloved son' at the end.
Kenji frowned slightly but smiled again as he and his father sat on the front pouch. With his head on Kenshin's shoulder, his eyes gazing at him he replied simply. "Well, then, when I'm as old as you Otou I'll buy a huge basin and push you around the snow"
Kenshin smiled warmly at him then kissed his forehead as he noticed his son was beginning to fall asleep. "Hontou? You promise me you will" He asked knowing already the answer.
Kenji nodded his head as a 'yes' "I promise! Your the greatest tousan in the world! Why would sessha lie de gozaru ka" Kenji asked softly growing tired each second that passed.
Kenshin's heart sank at those words. /He doesn't know about me leaving soon...but it's best not to mention to him yet but...will he always think of me this way? Will I still be the greatest father in his eyes/ Kenshin felt guilty but at the same time proud to know his son loved him. "Arigatou aisoku...now sleep you have a long day tomorrow, you know what tomorrow is right" Kenshin asked as he felt his ganki son spring back to life.
"Hai! Hai! Tomorrow is my birthday! I am going to be five years old" Kenji explained as he lifted his left hand showing five small chubby fingers.
Kenshin smiled at him but it didn't reach his eyes. /Yes it is Kenji-chan...you'll turn five tomorrow...but I won't be here to see it./ Kenshin thought sadly once more not noitcing his son's worried face.
"Tousan daijobou" Kenji asked as he placed both small hands on both sides of Kenshin's face. "Is something wrong otou? You don't look happy anymore? Are you sad because me" Kenji whispered sadly.
Kenshin's eyes widen in shock and quickly on impulse embraced his son close to him. "No, no...Iie Kenji-chan, I'm not sad about you...no, never think that kodora..." Kenshin whispered in his ear as he felt Kenji giggle at the pet-name. Kenshin raised an eyebrow in amusment but closed his eyes as he layed his head down on top of Kenji's. /Forgive me for what I'm about to do to you aisoku./ Kenshin sighed then kissed his son's forehead once more as he watched him fall asleep. "Aishiteru aisoku...to gomen nasai kodora." He whispered the last part to himself as he kissed his son's cheek.
Kenji smiled softly at him before closing his eyes and mumured to him. "Aishiteru Oodora..." Kenshin smiled at his son's pet-name for him then stood up and glanced around outside one more time at the snow world before heading back in with Kenji in his arms. That was the last time Kenji ever saw his father again after two long years, and where everything turned terribly wrong...
-xx-
Kenji lowered his head down and gave way to the ground on his knees not caring if anyone noticed. Kenji stayed that way stiffly almost like a statue gazing soley on the basin that had caused his memories to comeback. "...Shimatta..." Was all he whispered as he continued to gaze down at it with glazed eyes.
Kenshin's mind began to panic as he watched his son sit there staring down like a zombie at the laundry basin he would use to wash. Kenshin's brows knitted together in worry as he heard hi whisper only one word. /What happened? Why is he seating there like that? Like as if he had capitulated completely from something...Kenji.../ He waited a few more minutes as he watched Kenji with those same glaze, dull eyes.
Kenji sensed his fathers worry for him but ignored it as while as the mental pull from Battousai who was asking what was wrong. He blocked him off not wanting to talk to him yet as he tried to force back the once joyful memories of him and his otousan. He gritted his teeth and curled his hands into fists as he felt those cursed salt water tears about to fall. (Dammit! After all this time I have to cry now! Why? I won't! I won't cry now! Not while otou's counterpart is here and the other half watching me! I won't!...I can't!) His thoughts were betrayed when he felt a hot angry tear drop to the snowy, white ground. Kenji closed his eyes as more began to fall. "Dammit, dammit, dammit" Was all he could mutter as he felt his face wetten from both his tears and the wet snow.
Kenshin was filled with shock as he watched his son's tears fall from his closed eyes. Kenshin felt the need to run up to him and hold him in his arms and take all the pain away, but he knew Kenji wouldn't want his comfort. /But I can't just stand and watch as my aisoku cries...but why/ At that thought Kenshin began to wonder why he would abruptly cry when just minutes ago he was smiling in glee? /It doesn't matter now...all that matters is helping Kenji, even if he wants my help or not./ Kenshin stood up from his spot from his hiding space and walked as quietly as he could. His heart hammered through his chest as he thought of the reaction he might get from Kenji once he was there. But all those thoughts were sweeped away as he took in the sight of his son-or self-sitting there on the cold white floor, head cast down, shoulders slumped, eyes closed as tears continued to flow, white snowflakes danced around him in jowful bliss very different from Kenji state. He then began to wondered if this is what Kaoru saw everytime he was in this state. Shaking the thought away he croutched down beside him placing a hand on his shoulder which surprisingly was not jerked off like so many time. In a quiet voice he asked. "Daijobou? Kenji" The look he resceived made his heart freeze.
Kenji had been so in gulfed in his thoughts he flinched slightly at the touch of someone's hand on his shoulder. He then sensed that it was his father, and heard if he was alright. Not caring to even brush off his tears he opened his eyes slowly and glanced at his father/self. He watched with dull eyes as his father's face changed, he appeared to be sad, worried, and what? guilt? Kenji's eyes sadden at that pitiful look that he knew he himself was also giving off. (Why is he so sad? Is it my fault? Or is he just surprised to see himself cry in a pitiful state? Or is he really worried about me?...I hope it's the latter...) He suddenly felt the need to look away from those piercing eyes of his, but found that he was paraylized from doing so. He sighed to himself then finally broke the eye connection and lowered his head even lower and whispered softly. "...Hai...I'm fine...it's nothing." Came his curt response brushing away his tears as he did.
Kenshin shook his head as a 'no' he looked away from him in shame. Shame from seeing that looked he never wanted to see in his son. It was lonliness and fear. There were no traces of anger and Kenshin soon realized that this was his true feelings, and that his anger was just a cover up for what he really felt inside. /In that small moment I was able to see through his shell and into his heart.../ And as being Kenshin he placed the blame on himself for it. He knew that Kenji wouldn't have felt this way if he hadn't left that day, and yet here he is now seeing his real son for the first time after these years. Kenshin couldn't take it anymore so he did what he did long ago; he held Kenji in a tight embrace hoping that it would give comfort to him.
Kenji was still deciding weither or not if he should say anything when he felt himself being pushed forward in his father's/own arms holding him tight. Normally he would have pushed away and throw a remark at him, but instead he held tight and snuggled in closer. (Just this once Kami...Just this once do I want to feel protected...please let me be my oldself just this once...just this once...) He thought over and over as more tears began to fall on Kenshin's blue navy gi, but he only held tighter.
Kenshin rocked softly back and forth, patting Kenji's back in comfort, and using soothing words to calm both his son's and his nerves. "It's okay Kenji...I'm here and I promise I won't go nowhere...gomen nasai aisoku..." Kenshin whispered and quickly took notice of Kenji's sudden stiffness. He peered down to see Kenji staring back at him with a hurtful expression etched on his face. "Did I say something wrong aisoku" He asked afraid that he would revolt and run from his touch like countless times.
Kenji sighed painfully at that endearment, it brought to many painful memories of his past he did not wish to remember. But the look on his father's face made him rethink everything, brushing his own selfish thoughts aside he placed a hand on his father's cheek and quickly said the only thing that came to mind. "Iie...Demo...are you sad because of me" He whispered softly yet sadly at him.
Kenshin gasped as he placed a hand on top of his son's. "Iie!...No, Kenji, I'm not sad about you...no,...never think that kodora..." He said as he watched Kenji smile, not a cocky smile but a genuine smile, one from the heart you might say. Kenshin smiled one of his own as he glanced around seeing that it was starting to grow late. Turning down at Kenji he calmly stated but paused with fatherly eyes as he watched his son asleep. /Hmm...I don't want to wake him...but I can't leave him here either.../ Deciding to carry him back he placed one arm around his waist and grabbed Kenji's right arm and laced it behind his neck and slowly lefted him to his feet.
Kenji opening an eye watched dizzly at his father as they began to walk back to the dojo. Kenji leaned his head on his shoulder and whispered something that caused Kenshin to pause on their tracks. "Oodora..." After that Kenji smiled closed his eyes in content.
Kenshin stared at him in shock but quickly began to move again smiling to himself. /It seems we have finally taken the first step into rekindling the fire that has be put out of so long.../ Kenshin felt his chest tighten slightly of pride as he grinned at himself. He glanced down and kissed his son's/own forehead and whispered in his ear. "Good night my little Kodora..."
And with that lead them both into the dojo shutting the shoji behind them quietly. Not noticing two pairs of sapphire and topaz orbs that watched the whole scene unfold as a tender smiled spread across their delicate lips. "It seems that Ken-san and Ken-kun are finally getting along aren't I right" Asked a soft female voice as she turned toward her companion.
"Hai, it seems that itoshii and Kenji-chan are finally actting like father andf son..." Spoke a much older female voice. "You should head home...You can come and visit Kenji-chan tomorrow if he's not busy..."
With a nod of the younger girl she hugged the older female then began to walk out using the back door. She paused for a minute before glancing behind her to her friend and asked. "Do you think what we have done will make them care for each other"
"...I don't know...But it's worth a shot ne" The older girl asked as she began to head back inside the dojo. "And besides...it's time that they settle their old scores and act more like a family..." She trailed off.
"for all our sake's..." The other girl finished off for her, with a smile she quietly closed the gate behind her as the older girl shook her head in glee.
"It seems that Kenji-chan had chosen the perfect girl for him...I'm so proud." She whispered softly to the frosty wind as she closed her eyes in content at the snow peacefulness around her. One last glance at the snow she turned back and went inside the dojo to where her two boys were warmly layed inside...
Kodora - Little Tiger Pet-Name Kenshin calls Kenji
Oodora - Big Tiger Pet-Name Kenji calls his Father
Aisoku - Beloved Son Endearment
Hoho! I wonder who those two chicks-I mean girls are...hmm, well anyway, arigatou for all the reviews! Hoped you enjoyed this fic! Since winter's here I wanted to add a winter scene in there...well anyway next chap: Kenshin meets Kayamai for the first time and finds out who her father is...Oro?...And what's this new threat that begins to arise around Tokyo? And what does this has to do with Kenji? Till next time-x-
I'm 15! 15! 15! Yeeeeaaaahhhhh! (Dances around like a monkey who got infected by a nuclear bomb) Oro? (looks around seeing the reviewers glancing at sessha with huge round eyes) Umm,...yeah...okay...uh-oh...umm...weed? (The reviews turns away from sessha and goes to a better story) Noooooooooooo! Gomen nasai minna! kuso! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Runs away from crazy-radiated chickens that pops outfrom Sano's hair) Helpppppppppp Meeeeeeeeeeeeee! Ahhhhhhhhhhh I'm 15! this can't happen to meeeeeeeeeee!
