Last time:
"Where are you going?" I pull on his arm for him to stop, but he shrugs himself free and dashes out the door like his pants are on fire.
I guess I'm not the only one losing their mind around here.
I don't know why, but I have to know what got to Vegeta. Why did he just run off like that while I was talking to him? And something tells me it's not him just being his usual rude self. There's something deeper there, something he's hiding, and something I want to know.
The halls are completely empty, and, because Vegeta insists on wearing boots all the time, I can hear his every step. My soft-soled shoes don't make the slightest sound—well, no sound he or I can hear, not over the clunk of his heavy boots anyway.
Carefully I listen to his steps as he takes us further and further from the lab. And, just when I think he'll walk right back around the circular hall of the basement, he stops, quite abruptly.
"I have to tell you something." His voice is almost frantic. I peek my head around the corner to find that the reason he stopped was 17.
"I know, Vegeta," he says. I duck back to avoid being seen, continuing to listen. "You know I know."
"That's not what I mean," Vegeta snaps, exasperated. "How could you not have figured that out?"
"Then what's this about?"
But I can't hear the reply. He's dropped his voice, as if he knows I'm here, and is whispering to 17, who must be whispering back because all I can hear is the slightest vibration of hushed voices. No words, no meaning—nothing.
"Don't be crazy, Vegeta!" comes 17's shocked voice. Great, now just keep your voices that high and I can hear just fine.
"But I can't keep doing this! It isn't working!"
"It's been working for years, Vegeta. You have to keep going."
"If anything like that happens again I'm going to do what I should have done from day one. And I don't give a shit what you or anyone else thinks. It's my life!"
"It's not just your life, Vegeta, and you know it. Think about it before you do something hasty. Things like this can have dire consequences if they're not handled properly. Just remember that you affect everyone. And especially—"
Kuso! I curse in my head. I had been straining my head to hear, and, not noticing a pencil on the floor, stepped on it, breaking it in half. It wasn't a loud sound, but it was enough to draw their attention.
I'm back in the lab before I can blink, sitting at my desk, shuffling through random papers as if I'm actually working. I don't know what Vegeta and 17 were talking about, but something tells me I should know. If only they hadn't started whispering!
Ten minutes later Vegeta strolls back into the lab, a soda in hand, and hoists himself up on my desk.
"My mouth was dry," he says simply, cracking open the can.
Yeah right, I want to say, but keep my mouth shut.
"Want some?" He offers me the can.
"No," I say shortly. "And I think you should get back to your side of the room. 17 could come back any second."
"I will." He hops off the desk and leans in, pulling my face to his with his hooked index finger under my chin. I can taste the cherry cola on his lips and tongue, and though I don't much care for soda, it's somehow the most wonderful thing from his lips. "I'm looking forward to tonight," he whispers in that sexy-husky voice he does, sending shiver upon shiver through my entire being. He chances one last kiss, then goes back to his desk, just as 17 comes back in, his cheeks pink and a small shy smile on his lips.
"Good meeting?" I tease, pushing all thoughts of Vegeta from my mind.
"Great," he says.
"Just great? I don't get details?"
"Later," he promises, then wanders back to his desk.
And I think, well, at least 17 is lucky in love. And at least Chi-Chi and Goku are happy, and starting a family. And at least Krillin and 18 are engaged.
Though I still can't help but feel a little bitter…
Chi-Chi's arms are wound so tightly around my neck that I wonder if they'll ever come loose. It's Sunday morning and I decided that I wasn't going to go into the lab today. Me and Vegeta have been working our asses off for six days straight and have made phenomenal progress. One little day won't make a difference. Besides, Vegeta will most likely go in too.
"I really hate you sometimes," she sighs into my hair, then stands back, her hands instinctively resting on her belly.
"I know," I say, giving the best smile I can muster and shrug my shoulders. I hate me too sometimes—most of the time lately. "I got you something."
Instantly her eyes light up. Not that she's shallow, but she knows that what I brought is something for the baby, and any mention of little Gohan breathes such life into her you'd think she was re-born every time.
I grab the box that I'd set in the hall and hand it to her. Almost instantly she's ripping into it, and, when I hear her gasp and see her hand go to her lips I know that I've done good. She loves it. And Gohan will hate it when he looks at pictures of himself as a baby.
"B!" she cries, pulling me into her great bear hug again. The feel of her large stomach against mine is amazing. When will it be my turn? "It's gorgeous! Where did you find it!"
"Just this little shop in West City." And I knew the moment I saw it she would love it. It's this cute little red hat with a big upswept brim and yellow trimming. The top is rounded and on the very top, like a pom-pom on a snow hat, is a good-sized orange ball with four red stars on it. "You'll probably have to wait a while before he can wear it, but I just couldn't resist."
"I should get you one for when you and Yamcha start having kids."
The look on her face tells me that I must have reacted in a way that shocked her. But I'm not even thinking clearly right now, my brain is fuzzy, my legs are getting weak. Slowly, I take a seat at the kitchen table, cupping my head in my hands. And when Chi-Chi puts a gentle and comforting hand on my shoulder, I jump, startling her.
"B, what's wrong?"
"I don't know, Chi…" I sigh, pulling at my hair to keep from crying. "I…I'm falling apart. I…Chi-Chi, if I tell you something will you promise not to say a word to anyone? Not even Goku?"
Her eyes widen. I've never told her something that I've kept from Goku. But he's so protective of me, so judgmental when I do things he doesn't like—he acts more like a father than my own father. But Chi-Chi and 18, they know that I know what's best for me and don't stand in my way when I make certain decisions that they don't agree with.
"Of course," she finally says. "What's going on?"
"I started seeing a shrink yesterday." I won't look at her. Not now. Not when I've hit bottom right in front of her.
"I…Bulma, why?"
"I…I…" But I can't bring myself to say it, to say that I cheated on Yamcha and slept with Vegeta, that I'm sleeping with Vegeta on a regular basis and don't see an end to our infidelity any time soon. Instead I say the next best thing, the next honest thing. I won't outright lie to her. "Me and Yamcha are having problems…Big problems."
At this she takes a seat opposite me at the table and grabs my hands.
"Keep going," she encourages, knowing that I don't want to, that my heart hurts just thinking about it. How could my high school sweetheart—the man I've been with for ten years—not be the one for me? What have I been doing with all these years? Happiness could be just within my reach and I would never know it because I've always been attached to Yamcha. But, at the same time, I can't bear the thought of hurting him.
"We just…I…" I look up, and she's staring right at me. "I'm not happy," I breathe, my shoulders dropping as if a great weight has just been lifted. "I haven't been happy in so long. Not since…"
"High school?"
"How did you—"
"I've been your best friend since kindergarten, B. How can I not know everything that goes on with you?" Pang of guilt, pang of loneliness. Vegeta is so damn lucky he's the guy. He doesn't have to worry about shit!
"It's like everything since then has been this big blurry lie and I can't get out of it. Kami…I must sound so crazy to you."
"No, B. Not at all. I…Look, we all know that you're not happy Bulma. We can see it in you, everything you do. You're not who you used to be. You…You don't let yourself be happy anymore."
"I can't leave him," I say firmly, as if parting with Yamcha would strike me dead. He's been such a permanent part of my life for so long that if he were gone I don't know what I'd do.
"But you can't stay with him either," she says from her heart, and leans back, gauging my reaction.
She's right, I know she's right, and yet I can't bring myself to say it out loud. To actually come out and say, "I don't love Yamcha and I don't want to marry him or date him or have children with him."
"Who else knows about the psychiatrist? Does Yamcha know?"
"No," I say quickly. "And I don't want him to know. He doesn't need to be worrying about me."
"Who else knows, B?"
Am I that transparent? Really, my thoughts must be written on my forehead as I think them. Can I have nothing to myself?
"Vegeta," I whisper.
I'm expecting shock, horror, anger even. But she simply nods and smiles, and I don't know why but I think I already knew that she knew.
"How'd he find out?"
"He heard me tell you guys I was taking lunch in the lab, but I wasn't there, so he figured I was doing something secret. Said he'd tell if I didn't tell him."
"Stupid man," she sighs. "He has the worse people skills than an ape."
I laugh despite my sour mood. How I wish I could just tell her, tell everyone, everything that's on my mind. My doubts with Yamcha, my affair with Vegeta, my want for a child and happiness and—
"I think I'm going to take a vacation after I finish this project."
"I think you deserve it, B. When was the last time you asked for time off?"
"I…" And my eyes widen and I sit back, mouth open. "I've never taken a vacation," I say, completely shocked. In the four years I've worked here I have never asked for vacation time. Why? Why would I do that? Why would I stay in that stupid lab with Vegeta all the time when I knew very well that I could take time off whenever I wanted? "Chi, something is really wrong with me…I think I'm getting…worse."
"Bulma, is there something you're not telling me?" The tone of her voice tells me that she knows that I am. Though if she knows something concrete or not I can't decipher.
And, before I can stop myself, I say, "Yes."
"What?"
And I say the first thing that pops into my head. "I want a baby. I want a baby more than anything in this world. I want a baby so much that I cry at night."
"But?" Oh! She's so good!
"But I don't want to have a baby with Yamcha…" Amazingly myself, I don't look away, not for a second.
"Then who?" she asks, as if we're actors in a play and we're simply reading lines and none of this conversation is affecting either of us.
"Chi!" I stammer, my lip quivering. "Aren't you surprised? Even a little!"
"Not really," she says very evenly, her voice soft and gentle. She was born to be a mother. I was born to be a disaster. "I always knew you wanted children, Bulma. It was so ingrained in everything you did. I remember," she laughs, her eyes gazing off as she reminisces, "one time you were telling me how jealous you were of me because I got to babysit for my after school job and you were stuck in a lab. And I remember thinking that it was so weird that you were jealous of me because I was always so jealous of you and everything you had and how much everyone loved you. I always knew you would make something of yourself. I just…We never expected the…the accident."
She casts her eyes at the table, as if just by mentioning it I'll go back into a coma. I don't understand it; everyone is so touchy about that subject with me. Yes, I went into a coma for three months. Yes, I fractured and broke bones. But it's not like I'm paralyzed or dead. I've gotten over it, they need to too.
"The crash has nothing to do with my unhappiness."
"It has everything to do with it!" she snaps, then shrinks back and whispers a soft apology.
"What's wrong, Chi?"
"I love you Bulma," she sighs. "You're my best friend and I would do anything to make you happy, but…but there are just some things I simply can't do. I want to, I do. I just…Someday we'll all understand better. I hope…"
And before I can ask what the hell she's talking about, Goku walks into the room with the most unsuspecting person following him.
"What's he doing here!" I hiss, climbing to my feet. It's an unwritten rule that no one is to invite me over when Vegeta is there. How could they break that rule!
"Bulma!" Chi-Chi and Goku yell in unison.
Vegeta is leaning against the refrigerator, his arms crossed smugly over his chest.
"He has every right to be here, just like you," Goku says, coming towards me. I take several steps back, holding my arm out to keep him back.
"How could you!"
"Bulma! You're overreacting!"
"No!" I yell, knowing that I sound completely insane, knowing that I'm slipping further and further into a depression as the seconds wear on. But I'm so confused, so empty. "Why won't anyone tell me anything!" I blurt out, slamming my fists on the table. Everyone in the room, even Vegeta, is startled. And then there's silence.
Goku is the first to regain his composure.
"Tell you what?" he asks, stepping forward and putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. Surprisingly, this calms me some. Boldly he takes me into his arms, cradling me like the child that I am.
"I don't know," I cry into his chest. And within seconds I'm bawling like an infant, and he scoops me into his arms and takes me to lie on the couch. I don't care that Vegeta is there now, seeing me like this. I just want to know, and to be happy, and…and myself again!
"There's nothing to tell," Chi-Chi says. She and Goku are sitting on the loveseat opposite me. Vegeta is on the piano bench on the far side of the room. And it's amazing how much I want him to be beside me, holding me, kissing my forehead as if we were true lovers.
"Yes," I whisper, my voice slightly choked with my tears. "Yes there is. I know there is…Vegeta knows something at least." I realize too late that I've slipped the beans, or at least opened the can. They won't let this slide. But, if they insist on hiding things from me, then I'll do the same.
"What does Vegeta know?"
"I don't know. But if I did," I say childishly, "I wouldn't tell any of you."
"Bulma?"
"What?"
"What's really wrong? Why are you lashing out at us like this? It isn't like you."
"I'm not like me," I sigh, hunching my shoulders and giving a painful sigh. Kiss me Vegeta, make the pain go away. "I'm hungry."
"Do you want me to make you something?" she asks, ever the mother.
"Soup," I say. But I'm not really hungry, and I don't much care for soup. Though I know it'll be wonderful no matter what because Chi-Chi is the best chef. I always wondered why she chose to work at Capsule Corp. instead of opening that restaurant she always wanted to open.
"Give me twenty minutes." She skirts out of the room, Goku hot on her trail to assist her in any way needed. When I hear the clang of pots and pans, I sigh and lie back. It worked perfectly.
"Nice show," Vegeta remarks, daring to come closer.
"It wasn't all show," I say, not looking at him. "I really am messed up, Vegeta. I just…I don't know why."
"You're just as insane as you always were," he chuckles, then takes a brave seat beside me.
"We can't be seen like this, Vegeta. Not here, not by them."
"Why?" He inches closer and puts his hand on my knee.
"Because I don't want them to know. No one can know."
"Why?" His other hand goes to my face, his thumb rubbing away my tears.
"Because I can't be that messed up. I can't…I can't let them know how unstable I am."
"But you let me know?"
All I can do is nod as his face gets closer to mine.
"Why?"
"Because you should know, but I don't know why."
Our lips finally meet and I melt in his arms.
"Vegeta," I whimper, curling into him, the tears springing to my eyes once more. "I'm so scared…I…I…"
"I'm here," I hear him say, but it's so surreal, so un-Vegeta that it can't have been real.
"Why are you being so nice to me? What's happening to us, Vegeta? I don't understand."
"I told you I would tell you someday." He kisses my forehead and wipes away more tears. Who is this man that's holding me as I weep for something I don't know even exists? "And I will, but not now."
"Why?"
"Because," he says, and its his voice that's choked this time. "Because you need to figure some stuff out first."
"Vegeta?"
"Hmm?" His cheek is resting on the top of my head.
"I'm so happy right now…"
Chapter 8 :) Woohoo! Well, well, well, that was quite sentimental, now what's it? Haha! Cute though, huh:P Silly Vegeta seems to be falling for her; and here I thought he only wanted to get some.
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Next time: More good fun:D
