Disclaimer: Don't own the OC, but I have some pretty cool posters. Also don't own the song by Dashboard Confessional

A/N: Hey thanks for all the reviews! I've had heaps of people asking about the Bs and what they stand for, sorry I didn't make it clear. The Bs are like, the symbols of their friendship. They have B's because of when they went to LA, in the Strip. Anyway, if you remember in that episode they decided Seth was the brains, Ryan: the Brawn, Marissa: the Beauty and Summer: the Boobs/Bitch. So, yeah, that's why they have Bs.

It was about three months after Marissa's birthday and Ryan sat by the pool, brooding. He was thinking about how much it sucked that he had lost his best friend and a dream he kept having. It was slightly different every time, but it always involved him, Marissa and Lindsay. He kept sat playing the most recent one over and over in his mind.

He stood on a beautiful beach. Anchored a little way off shore he saw Jimmy's boat. He sees Marissa standing on the deck and she waves to him. She dives into the water and begins swimming towards him. Behind him he hears Lindsay walking down to the beach. Suddenly Marissa disappears beneath the waves and Lindsay screams for help…

So, Lindsay's been…affectionate lately

I'd appreciate if you stopped with the choosing between Marissa and Lindsay dreams.

That's not me, it's you. Dreams are created by the subconscious part of the mind, usually to resolve a problem.

What makes you so sure she's the one, not Lindsay?

I can't explain it. Do you remember how you felt when you first met her? How it felt to be with her? All I know is, even if she isn't the one, she took a part of us and now there's a void.

Seth and Summer walked out and sat across from him.

"We need to talk," said Summer to Ryan.

"What, you're breaking up with me?" said Ryan with a sarcastic/brooding look.

"No, but we can't live with the brooding Ryan anymore. We've become use to the smiley, preppy Ryan now. And Summer can't have a best friend who now has her therapist on speed dial. The whole self-sacrifice thing you guys are doing sucks," said Seth, closely studying his brother's face. When Marissa was mentioned Ryan blanched, with regret, pain and self-sacrifice written clearly on his face. But only for a second, two at the most. Then the mask slipped back into place.

"You know she's just trying to not come between you and Lindsay don't you? Even before her birthday, she knew that she couldn't keep being your friend, and risk you losing Lindsay," Said Summer.

"But why? Lindsay's always know that we're just friends and she's never seemed to mind. Well until Riss's birthday."

Don't call her Riss. If you distance yourself from her in your mind it'll be easier in the real world.

WE LOVE PRINCESS RISS!

"I think she did mind," Summer said softly and slowly pulled a very crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket. It was the Ask Anna letter from Losing Mr. Right. Summer pushed it across the table to Ryan. He picked it up and read it.

Lindsay wrote this.

Glad we agree on something, now all you have to do is-

"I think Lindsay wrote it," said Summer. Ryan nodded in agreement. He'd seen enough of Lindsay's projects to know her writing style.

"and I showed Marissa, that's why she decided you two needed a 'break',"

"Oh. Well what do you want me to do? If I'm Marissa's best friend, I'll lose Lindsay,"

why is that a bad thing?

"We know. We just want you and Riss to go back to what you had. You don't have to do anything yet. I'll talk to Lindsay and then tell you what to do,"

"Ok." Ryan said with a sigh. He felt like a drink.

It was 9 o'clock and Ryan and Seth sat playing PS2. Kirsten and Sandy had left about an hour before for a charity ball for the tsunami victims, over 25's only. Summer wandered in with a bottle of vodka and 3 shot glasses.

"Ok, you guys ready to play?"

"What're we playing?"

"Drinking karaoke! You guys have Sing Star right? Well if you get 'wannabe' you take a shot, 'amateur'- two shots and 'tone deaf'-three. Cohen! You're first!"

In the first round Seth sang "Macho, Macho Man", Summer sang "Don't Leave Home" and Ryan sang "Do you really want to hurt me?" By the 7th round they were all very, very drunk. Summer and Seth were asleep on the couch, and Ryan, who could hold his alcohol better than the other two, was lying on the floor. Dashboard Confessional's "This Ruined Puzzle" started to play

This ruined puzzle is beige where the pieces all face down

Ryan turned his head and saw a pink book covered in silver stars half under the couch. He sat up and pulled it onto his lap. "Marissa's Diary" was written in silver in the shaky hand of a six year old.

So the placing goes slowly.
The pictures of anything other than it's meant to be.

He flipped through, not really registering that diaries were not to be read, especially by ex boyfriends. He stopped on a page where a short paragraph was written in purple. He liked purple.

But the hours they creep,
The patterns repeat.
Don't be concerned, you know I'll be fine on my own.
I never said don't go.

Sometimes, when I'm with him it feels like it used to be. I try to think about what it was like before I met him, but it's like my mind's written him in, not as a main character, but just there.

But I've hidden a note,
It's pressed between pages

Its hard to think that we were meant to be, just as hard as it is to think that we're not. It was like the universe didn't want us to be together. But, it also created us to fit. He fits me better than my favourite sun dress or my dad's old college jersey.

That you've marked to find your way back.
It says

So, when I can't stand the emptiness where he fits in I turn my music up really loud. So loud it feels like my head's vibrating.

Does he ever get the girl?

And I can't think or move.

But what if the pages stay pressed,
The chapters unfinished,
The stories too dull to unfold?

That way, my edges are blurred, and no one has to fill the space. No one fits then.

Does he ever get the girl?

At this time Ryan's heart was in control of his body. His mind was incredibly plowed so his less intoxicated heart was holding the reins. And all it wanted to do was stop her pain. To save its princess. So Ryan grabbed a piece of paper and began writing.


This basement's a coffin
I'm buried alive.
I'll die in here just to be safe.
I'll die in here just to be safe.

Dear Princess,

I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. I miss you so much. I love you so much and wish I was brave enough to tell you everyday. You…you're my princess. You're the one I want my life to be with, my happily ever after. I keep hoping for our happily ever after to come, but it seems things keep getting in the way, and my hope is feeling worn. Every moment I'm not with you is an eternity. I hate this distance between us, distance it's over-rated. I feel like our days together always fall on February the 29th and I can't stand it. I just want you to know that, for me, you don't need the perfect mask. You are where my heart is. And you'll have it forever. Nothing can ever change that.

Ryan

'cause you're gone
I get nothing

A very drunk Ryan carefully folded his letter and put it in Marissa's diary. Slowly he got up and walked to Marissa's house, leaving her diary in the letter box.


And you're off with barely a sigh.
I never said good-bye

As he walked back to the house a sane though crossed Ryan's mind, not one of regret or turning back.

Sandy and Kirsten are going to kill us for getting drunk.


Does he ever get the girl?