Mirand de la Costa: I know your waiting for a new POTO story and I am working on a sequel for Phantom's Lair so don't worry, I just don't know when it will be finished so be patient. The Pirates story should be updated in the next few days though. And Severus is not going to be too soft. Maybe in the book he'll be.

Blue-Blood Princess: I'm glad you find this so intruiging in only the first chapter. Thats definetly a relief. And your story was great as well. Keep it up.

Dumbledor: Well I hope she likes him, this is a Hermoine/Severus story after all.

siriuslyblack04 : I'm wondering from your name if your a very Severus sympathetic reader. But I hope you like this chapter anyway.

Kate: You'll find out soon enough.

Author's Note: I know most of you are worried about how Severus is going to be portrayed. I promise no crying on his part, he is very poetic though. Most of you have guessed what it is that Hermoine accidently took, well your right. It was a dead give away I know. But I hope you like the books contents.

Chapter 2 : Some Books Aren't Meant To Be Read

Hermoine reached the Gryffindor common room without stopping. She sank into one of the overstuffed chairs and dropped her burden on the table next to her with a sigh of relief. It was good to be out of that little problem she had unwittingly created in the space of a few minutes. Merlin knows what she could have said to him and given herself an even bigger headache then she already had. With a groan Hermoine started shifting through her books so she could start her long list of homework while everyone was at dinner. She made a quick order from the kitchen to have something brought up to her in the common room.

Hermoine was suprised when stacking the large textbooks she found a much smaller book bound in forest green and gold trimming. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, letting her fingers caress the books spine with care. She didn't remember checking such a book out of the library.

When she opened the cover a thick piece of folded parchment fluttered to the ground. Hermoine opened it and instantly recognized the silvery penmanship of Severus Snape. It was a letter and when she saw who it was addressed to she dropped it in suprise. Hermoine sat down for a moment and stared at the book in her hand. Then taking a deep breath she picked up the letter and read it.

Dear Hermoine,

You would never believe me if I said this in person Hermoine. No doubt you would run away rather then hear any of what I have to say come from my own lips. So as of your fifth year I started this book, a journal filled with sketches, poems, songs and my own feelings when concerning you. In other words Miss Granger I took the cowards way out. I hope you can forgive me simply for that if not for my feelings towards you. I beg for you to forgive the way I have treated you in the past and the way I may still treat you. It was the only way I could devise to not let you know how I feel.

You either received this book on your graduation day, somehow came upon it by accident or was given it in the event of my death. No doubt the two latter ones as I am still too frightened of facing what may be a lost cause on my part. All I ask is that you read this book through, and being the intelligent woman you are somehow know what i'm saying is true. And why I couldn't tell you before.

Sincerely yours

S.S.

Hermoine reread the letter three times before she let her eyes fall on the book in her lap. The first thought that came to mind was to return the book and the letter in it and pretend she had never even read it at all. That was the logical part of her mind that gave her a million reasons to not open her heart to this. But this book was also something she hoped would happen for the past four years. Another part of her wanted to by pass reading the book and go straight to the dungeons and give him a book of her own, she wouldn't even have to speak. But wasn't that the reason for the book right in front of her?

Opening the first page it was dated like a journal and the entry had been during summer break between Hermoine's fifth and sixth year at Hogwarts.

This might as well by my last will and testament in case anything should happen to me in my attempts to help defeat the Dark Lord.

I won't leave this world without somehow making sure you know how much you mean to me. Where ever you are I know your safe so long as your far from the wizarding world and from me.

When summer is over I have to find a way to keep the Dark Lord from focusing on you and your friends. I can't lose you and I know you would hate me if your inner circle was harmed because of my foolishness.

I have endured so much for so many years. And now I have a reason to fight, an image to stave off the pain of the curses. An image of you, having that chance when all is right to tell you.

Hermoine I love you.

I realized it when I saw you in the Ministry of Magic and that infernal battle for the prophecy. I was so terrified that you could have been killed. But you fought bravely and took care of those around you when you could. I wish I could have been beside you, been able to defend you. Potter hates me so much now that I wasn't able to see you in the hospital wing until he wasn't able to be there himself.

I'm so sorry Hermoine, but if I die I won't leave without letting you know the truth of how much I care about you. I love you and nothing will change that.

Tears welled up in Hermoine's eyes. That was him who had held her hand in the dead of night when she was healing? The one who had soothed her to sleep when the nightmares had invaded. She wiped the tears away and started reading the rest of the entries. They varied over her sixth and seventh year. There was sketches of her sitting in potions working at her cauldron. A few of her at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall laughing at something her friends had said and one of her sleeping in a bed at the hospital wing.

I'm tired of treating you like filth Hermoine. I can see that wonderful Gryffindor courage shine through every time I throw some insult at you and at the same time see you pull away from me even more.

I can feel the pain stab at my heart when you square your shoulders and take that abuse from me. But there is always someone around who would inform the Dark Lord if I were to let up this act even for a moment.

Sometimes I want to reach out and hold you in my arms until the world falls down around us. To brush away those proud, unshed tears. To kiss your beautiful lips and whisper all the things I dare not speak in case it would put you in danger.

I take more comfort now in the sound of guitar strings then my potions. A strange thing I never thought i'd turn to, but the music helps to ease the pain somewhat. At least for a little while.

For hours Hermoine went through many entries, each making her cry as she remembered each day he wrote about. Realizing there had always been a strange look in his eyes and why. Finally she came to the last entry. It was after the defeat of Voldermort. It was actually an entry from yesterday and song lyrics had been laced in with his words.

I'm so tired of being used

Suppressed by all my childish fears.

And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave

For your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone.

Soon you'll be leaving Hermoine. Graduation is only a few days away and I won't see you again.

I won't seek you out, nor will I make sure to see you if you should ever visit the school. I just wish it had been different. That I had your courage for once to just say goodbye the way I want to. Placing a kiss on your sweet lips and bury my face in your silky hair.

But I can't. You'll take a part of me with you Hermoine Granger. You'll take my heart and you'll never know it.

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream i'd fight away all your fears.

And I held your hand through all of these years.

But you still have all of me.

And you've never known all along that you always had me. That I would help you up without you knowing it. Cover up my caring with foul words and insults. Soon i'll have no one to brighten my life. And the act will become who I really am.

You used to captivate me by your resonating light.

Now i'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.

It's true i'm not sane anymore. If I was ever considered sane in the first place. You being so close is driving me insane. Never being able...I love you so much! But when you leave your memory will be a ghost. Merely a ghost...

I've tried so hard to tell myself that your gone

But though your still with me

I've been alone all along...

When you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears

And you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears

And I held you hand for all of years

But you still have all of me...

Goodbye Hermoine. May your life be a wonderful experience. Let no dark stains mar you and don't let yourself be led astray. Marry, have children and make your mark on the world. You deserve all that for the hell you've been through.

I'm not worthy of that life. Just remember that I love you and that no matter how long the years are after you've left, you'll still be in my heart and mind. Forever haunting me and keeping me alive.

With all my love

Severus

Hermoine could see the tears that had stained the page from her own crying. The song was familiar and the meaning behind them hurt so much. Gryffindors started filing into the common room, signaling that dinner was over. Hermoine quickly wiped her eyes even though they were still bloodshot from the hour or so it had taken to read Severus's journal. She picked up the book and letter then raced through the porthole, shrugging off a questioning Harry and Ron before making her way down to the dungeons.

She was in such a hurry that she didn't see Albus Dumbeldore coming in the direction she was headed. Albus stuck his hand out in an effort to stop the running student and she skidded to a stop too late and fell on her backside. She winced at the pain and looked up at the Headmaster who was smiling warmly at her with a knowing twinkle in his eyes.

" Professor Dumbeldore! I have to get to the dungeons right now. It's very important." Hermoine said in a huff while she tried to catch her breathe. Albus smiled.

" Something about your test scores miss Granger?" He asked but she knew it wasn't what he meant. She shook her head before glancing at the book clutched tightly against her breasts. " It's a personal matter Professor, sorry."

" Of course my dear, an old man has no right to pry into a teacher and students personal affairs." His eyes shone particularly bright. " I do suggest that you go quickly though, Severus is not looking so well tonight and I believe you can remedy that." Hermoine smiled at the crafty Headmaster and ran off leaving behind a very satisfied Albus who was sure his work in this matter was over.

Author's Note: So what do you think. I garuntee that when she makes it to the dungeon it will not be the conventional meeting. : grins: If you guys like this so far I encourage you to review and tell me. I may hold up on the next chapter if no one reviews. So to get those last chapters up to feed your addiction please review and i'll respond. Thanks. The song in the journal was of course ' My Immortal' by Evanescence.