Chapter 4: An Awful Day
I woke the next morning knowing I'd have one of those days. You do realize what I'm talking about, don't you? If you've no idea what I'm referring to, I will explain it for you. Its the kind of day that from the moment you get out of bed … You discover anything that can go wrong, usually will ... I think they call it 'Murphy's Law?' Well, no matter … now where was I? Oh yeah, I remember now … Its been my experience that nothing you do will make a scrap of difference when the tone of the day is hell bent on ruining all your plans and shattering any preconceived notions you thought possible … trust me, I know!
On this particular morning I suffered the first of many disasters that were to come my way that day. As fate would have it, I just happened to acquire the stiffest back known to man. The searing pain was so bad; I couldn't move my head without crying out with the pain. I spent almost half an hour in agony as I assiduously attempted to relax my taut limbs and drag myself to the bathroom for a much needed shower. Small detail I'd like to add; I absolutely hate cold showers, unless I'm forced into them for… shall we say, reasons I don't wish to go into right now. However, I digress … As I was saying, I detest cold showers at the best of times, and on this glorious morning the hot water ran out forcing me to take an Arctic shower.
Later, I dressed quickly and then strode into the kitchen to make myself a hot cup of black coffee as was my usual routine before leaving for work. I opened the pantry doors only to discover there was not a trace of coffee to be found in that useless kitchen. I slammed the pantry door shut in disgust, and uttered a blistering curse. I'd been so accustomed to Serena taking care of my breakfast and I've not quite managed to get used to it. I was honestly at sixes and sevens most mornings, butt at least I managed coffee and toast. It was a mess, for I wasn't used to doing the grocery shopping, and to be blunt, I was completely inept when it came to matters regarding domesticity. I mumbled a string of profanities before grabbing my briefcase and storming out of the apartment.
I resolved to go out of my way and stop by Andrew's restaurant. If I wanted that coffee badly enough, and believe me I did; it wouldn't be too much out of my way.
I know what you're thinking; Restaurant, Andrew owns a restaurant! Forgive me for not mentioning this little tidbit of information before as I've had a lot on my plate lately … Andrew's business enterprise is far more interesting than my caffeine withdrawal and somber state. Nevertheless, allow me to tell you about the arcade-diner where Andrew had been employed while in college.
Well, to cut a long story short; Andrew is its current owner. You see, its rather a strange twist of fate that landed the business in his lap. Andrew had done his fair share of ass-kissing and poured on the charm that resulted in his acquisition of the business. I must stress that it hadn't been the result of hard work or merit, but pure cunning. The owner had taken to Andrew like a son as he had no children of his own. I would have taken to Andrew with my boot if I could. So when the old guy croaked; Andrew inherited everything, and I mean the lot.
Who would have thought that old fart had all that money stashed away? Well anyways, Andrew was set for life and under Andrew's ministrations he'd expanded the business into a successful franchise. Might I add… some people are just born lucky I guess.
I parked and approached the diner. I entered the diner and looked for a seat. I wasn't too surprised to see Andrew sitting at a table eating breakfast. I stood and watched him as he surreptitiously directed his lecherous glances at his female employees. Without hesitation I walked towards his booth and calmly sat before him.
"Hey Darien, this is a surprise … what brings you here this early in the morning?" he inquired with mock enthusiasm. "I'd thought you hadn't time for such low rate diners filled to the brim with rowdy disconcerting children," he said putting on a smart-ass expression and winked at me.
"I don't actually, but since I figured I'm going to be late for work anyways, it doesn't really matter. Besides, I never said this place was low rate, I clearly stated it was a wonder the health inspector allowed you to keep the place open considering all its flaws … so what did you do to pass, bribe him?" I smirked condescendingly, amused at the appalled expression upon his face. I leant forward and reached for his coffee, but almost spat it out. I had forgotten Andrew had acquired a sweet tooth over the years. The contents of his cup would have been approximately fifty percent sugar if my taste buds served me right.
"Me … bribe! What a simply preposterous assumption, Darien. I mean … do you really believe I'm capable of such a malicious deed? I'm totally insulted!" he rebuked expecting me to believe his claims.
I remained silent and gave him a blank look. Once he realized I wouldn't take the bait; he continued to defend his actions.
"It wasn't a bribe, Darien … far from it, actually … lets say it was simply two people who had reached a common sense arrangement, beneficial to both parties," he said leaning upon his elbows and looking me square in the eyes.
"… and that's not a bribe?" I scoffed taking another sip of the ridiculously sweet substance in Andrew's cup. What can I say, I was desperate for caffeine. "Nice way of putting it, but a good attempt at ethical sanitation though," I retorted sardonically.
"You thought so?" he inquired tilting his head innocently, oblivious to the fact he had just ratted himself out.
"Yeah… of course, that was a grade A, bullshit performance," said I.
"Really, you think so! I put some actual thought into it this time," Andrew replied cockily as he snatched back his coffee.
I can't say I wasn't pleased, for the coffee was undrinkable. I decided to look at the breakfast menu conveniently placed upon the table in front of me. I would be late anyways; I relaxed and decided to take my sweet time getting to the office. Its been a long time since I've had an unscheduled breakfast prior to a business engagement. I was also interested in the new cook Andrew had taken on, and for me it would be a plus to try her out … she was reputed to be one of the best in town. I wondered why such a talented chef was doing working in a place like this. Don't get me wrong, Andrew's establishment isn't as bad as I make it out to be, but wouldn't a well known chef wish to work at a high class restaurant instead of a diner connected to an arcade?
I decided to stop analyzing everything and just place an order, anything would do. I called one of the waitresses over requesting three slices of toast, lightly buttered with the crust removed. I was fastidious about how my toast was prepared, and you've no idea how stressful it is to ensure staff at those eateries I occasionally frequent get it right. (Hey, I'm a simple guy!) I made sure my coffee was served just as I liked it, plain black coffee with no frills as it tastes good enough the way it is.
You guessed it; I have a well known chef preparing my breakfast and I order something that any idiot can do at home. I was promptly brought back to the present by Andrew's intense glare.
"Was it something I said?" I inquired, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.
"Yes! … you could treat my employees with a little more respect … Damn it, Dar' … you delivered a heavy lecture on the pour kid over a cup of coffee and your toast fetish … what's the big deal you tight ass?" Andrew snapped in a hushed tone not wishing to make a scene.
"I know, but you've no idea how many times they've screwed up my order. Waiters complicate everything when there's no need," I explained in a rational tone, but this went down like a lead balloon with Andrew. He threw back the dregs of his cold coffee and expressed his disapproval.
"Forgive me, Dar', I love you like a brother, but you've a huge foot jammed up your ass … You take a tantrum every time things don't go your way … if you ask me, that's the reason your marriage is on the rocks, because you're too full of yourself to see two inches past your nose to appreciate the better things in life," he chided in a menacing tone.
Wow… talk about constructive criticism. Andrew was hell bent on offering me a brutally honest assessment of my character, and what could I say? Unfortunately for him, I never took criticism at all well and wasn't about to start now.
"… and who are you to judge me and my relationship when you're never with a woman long enough to have one? All you do is jump from one whore to the next hoping to fill a void you can never satisfy, no matter how many you surround yourself with … then you act all high and mighty just because you've got a little money you've not earned. I've have issues I'll admit, but at least I'm doing the best I can to resolve them. You criticize others to compensate for your own shortcomings, convinced everyone else must be more screwed up than you… when you're in denial," I hissed.
Andrew's shocked expression said it all; he gaped at me with a look of astonishment and shook his head as if he'd been slapped. Okay, I was perhaps the first to give him such a dressing down, but that didn't detract from the truth of my statement.
(Hey, don't look at me like that; Andrew and I have always been completely honest with each other. We understood this meant sometimes our brutal honesty cut deeply, but we were prepared to accept that. In my opinion, I believe this to be the most authentic kind of friendship you can have. As the old saying goes … 'Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind,' and this was a policy we never compromised on, no matter what the circumstances. Our friendship was so much the better for it.)
"I… I do that," Andrew stuttered as he clamped his hands together as if he might fall apart at any moment.
"Just deal with your issues, man!" I replied no longer in the mood to pursue the matter.
I thanked the heavens as the waitress returned with my order, setting it before me. She spun on her heel to serve other customers. I glanced at Andrew before inspecting my meal; he seemed lost in thought.
(Gee, wonder why?)
I redirected my attention to my plate: Three perfectly cut slices of toast and black coffee. After eating my toast, finding it more than satisfying my expectations, I tried my coffee. Since the chef had followed my instructions with my toast, I expected no less with my coffee. Boy was I wrong; don't ask why or how this happened because it shall forever remain a mystery. Somehow a large cube of cheddar cheese found its way into my coffee. I could only assume some one was planning to assassinate me, for it almost choked me.
I couldn't believe my eyes; Andrew just stared at me blankly as I struggled to catch my breath. You'd think he'd not seen anyone choke before, for the blank look he conferred upon me gave the impression choking on his food and drink was a commonly accepted practice that didn't faze him in the slightest. In a fit of panic I fought desperately for air. Of course, I gesticulated trying to convey the fact I was obviously choking to death and touched my throat in a pointless attempt to get the message across.
Alas, I thought I would be rescued by one of my fellow patrons, for an elderly guy drew attention to my plight.
"Oh My God, I think that man is choking!" he shouted standing like a statue as if I could easily extricate myself from my fit of asphyxiation unaided.
Oh, how selfish of me, I ought to be grateful the kindly gentleman made the selfless effort to stand before the patrons and staff of this hallowed establishment and draw attention to my dilemma, I'm forgetting my manners aren't I? … I am such an ingrate. Normally I would be quite self effacing and contrite when humbled by the kindness of strangers, but I ask you … its kind of difficult to demonstrate an ethical sensibility while on the brink of culinary extermination. My, my… I must be doing a great job entertaining the locals, for look … I'm turning a deep shade of blue … They're mesmerized … they look so bovine don't they? … makes me want to make animal noises and feed them chaff and go … 'Moo!' … if only I weren't about to black out! Look at them, pathetic aren't they, just sitting there gawking as if they'd all the time in the world to help me out.
The next thing I knew, I felt a powerful painful whack upon my back. At last, I was to be saved … Oh, lucky me! My rescuer had finally awakened from there mesmerizing torpor and saved my sorry ass. I'd ordinarily be grateful for the assist, but for the excruciating pain. In a matter of seconds my windpipe was clear as the cheese flew from my mouth… hopefully landing in Andrew's food. I would have jumped for joy if it weren't for the blood issuing from my head. I became limp in the arms of my savior, who was kind enough to ease me back into my seat.
"Wow!" Andrew chuckled to himself and shook his head.
What kind of friend is he? I almost died, and he was amazed? If I could, I would have rung his scrawny neck.
"I don't remember you asking for cheese in your coffee," he said with an odd expression upon his face.
"That's because… I didn't" I retorted panting. "I should… sue you!"
"Should, could, but won't," he calmly countered sinking his teeth into an egg and bacon roll.
Yes, yet another misfortune had befallen me. The cheese hadn't fallen onto his plate … fantasies are crushed rather quickly aren't they?
"I'll… do it… I swear!" I screamed sounding like a toothless old tiger with little to show for himself before a far younger adversary as the result of my shortness of breath.
"You love me to much to sue me," He mocked sardonically. "Besides, you haven't as yet thanked your rescuer, who happens to be my chef," he said proudly.
I immediately spun around to get a good look at my good Samaritan, but you could have knocked me down with a feather … the walls came crashing down on me; it had to be a murder attempt that at the last possible moment the assassin was overcome by a fit of unbridled compassion … it truly is my lucky day! … Standing before me was none other than the tall stunningly beautiful, Lita.
You must remember Lita? She's amongst Serena's closest friends, and also the toughest. Lita and the girls grew up together and were inseparable. I had no doubt this woman, if she so desired, could with her little pinkie … kill me in an instant. Don't misunderstand me … I'm not a weak man, I work out, but Lita was no ordinary woman. She's a black belt in whatever the hell they call these weird foreign self-defense techniques, all the rage these days. Whatever it was called, she was quite adept. So forgive me if I come across as just a tad terrified of her.
"Lita! … You saved me!" I declared putting on my best false smile. Lita's eyes narrowed.
"Save it, Darien! … I would have left you to die if it weren't for the fact Serena would mourn your passing, and blame me for it. I'd rather not hear it," She said slapping my shoulder before returning to the kitchen.
I exhaled not aware I was holding my breath. Andrew burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter, and I felt the sharp report. (I'm not a violent individual, but I ask you … what would you do in my place?) I would have at that moment cheerfully killed him … I'd never felt the urge before as I had at that moment. If it weren't for his following statement, I probably would have jumped the table and bashed the crap out of him.
"I've got a plan," he declared taking me completely off guard.
He's lucky I'm curious by nature; otherwise his ass would have been truly kicked. "You know, Dar' … to get back Serena. Lucky for you she still considers me a good friend, despite the fact I'm loyal to you," he said smiling.
I scoffed and assumed a righteous tone.
(Loyal to me, my ass, he had watched me half choke to death as if it were a scene in a B-grade horror movie.)
"Enough already … listen up! … She's organizing a recital for a fund raising effort for one of her students, who was accepted into Julliard, but didn't have the money to attend. Anyways, I bought two tickets and made a hefty donation. By the way, here's your check book," he said nonchalantly.
My head nearly exploded. This weasel had my check book!
"You mean, you purchased two tickets and made a donation on my behalf? … You realize that's a felony?" I seethed through clenched teeth. "How much?" I asked looking him in the eye as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "How much of my money did you use, Andrew?" I demanded.
"Its not as if you're broke, Darien… I did this with you in mind my dear old friend," he said in an attempt to placate me.
"HOW MUCH!" I growled, almost on the edge of fury.
Andrew is quite skilled in diversionary tactics when it comes to avoiding a subject he'd rather not discuss.
"Oh, come on Darien… its for a good cause," He argued innocently.
"You mean getting my wife back?" I retorted.
"Well, I was talking about the girl going to Julliard, but yeah … that too, Darien," he admitted raising his hands in a gesture of openness.
Oh yes, he's cunning alright! … A little too cunning if you ask me.
"Anyways, as I was saying … we'll put in an appearance; it'll show Sere you actually care about something she feels passionately about. Dar' … this will be an opportunity for her to check out the hot new you; its the first step in demonstrating you're a changed man," he announced like a showman.
"Its when you come up with ideas like these I truly appreciate your friendship, Andrew," I said smiling sincerely.
I completely forgot about the check; this was a damn good plan and I wasn't about to let it pass by. All I really needed to do now was figure out what to wear. Yeah … tonight was going to be a very good night for me… a perfect opportunity to blow her mind and win her back.