Hello again! For all the people who already have read the story it has been revised. It's all fresh and new and what not. If you care to see the changes re read if not just read this GREAT new chapter that has taken me yes FOREVER to prepare. But hey at least I got it done. Heeheee. Anyways for you enjoyment this is the new chapter of my story hope you enjoy as much as I did writing it. Also hugs to my editor. Much love from PR.
Chapter 5: Eventually
The night of the recital was the best night of my life, for not only had I won back my wife's heart, I was overjoyed to discover my darling Serena was several months pregnant. We're expecting a child, who would have thought, and to top it all off, she's prepared to accept me back into her life. Serena's moving back into the apartment immediately. We're planning to purchase a home to accommodate a large family. Will it be a boy or girl; it's difficult to say. So to be fair we're hoping for twins.
You're happy for me readers, aren't you … Well you shouldn't be as its purely wishful thinking on my part, a load of bullshit. In truth, the recital wasn't exactly the best night of my life. In fact, it was quite the opposite.
I call upon you all as witnesses to this inauspicious event, Wednesday, February 1, 2005 the worst night of my natural born life. My darling Serena has no desire to take me back, and certainly won't be moving back into the apartment any time soon.
Oh, but not all of that opening statement was a complete lie. She is pregnant, though the paternity is questionable. She swears it's mine, but after meeting her new friend, who was slobbering all over her, I doubt her sincerity. Okay, so maybe he wasn't slobbering all over her, but I could see the intent to do so in his insipid gaze. Okay, I don't doubt the paternity of the child, I know Serena could never cheat on me, but she did keep the pregnancy from me. I doubt she would have told me if I'd not confronted her that night, it pissed me off no end that she would hide something of such importance from me. She knew exactly how I felt about secrecy and lies. We fought like cats and dogs, she knew full well by holding back on me like that it would only inflame my quick temper making the situation much worse than would otherwise be the case. In the end, they had to drag me out as they would a wild hyena.
A week later, I find myself at a local bar I often frequent (I've been coming here all week and I'm proudly known as a regular). Receiving some comfort from one of the only friends I had left, a companion that had stood by me through the toughest of times, vodka. Boy did we have some great times together. I am piss drunk and three seconds from getting my ass tossed out of the bar, but before that happens I'm sure you're all dieing to know the details regarding last weeks recital. For your sakes, I will relive that awful night for you … the things I do for my fans.
flash back
I was mildly surprised by all the people attending this event. We had to wait quite a while in the cold. I didn't think the cue would be that long. All the better for Serena I suppose. Anyways, here we were looking for some decent seats since all the good ones were taken by the early birds. Eventually we located two in the heart of the auditorium. The people in front were short of height and it was easy to see over their heads. By and large, it seemed the evening was going my way as we sat in comfortable silence waiting for the show to begin. I spent a short time surveying our surroundings as people continued to take the last few seats as the lights dimmed. I was quite bored by this time and fidgeting while keeping my eyes on the empty stage.
Suddenly, I felt as if the air was being sucked from my lungs. I shrank down in my seat in an effort to conceal myself. Andrew noticed my unusual behavior and he followed suit.
"Darien," He whispered. "Are we playing a game?"
Andrew's stupid question had me wondering if he'd been dropped several times on his thick skull when he was a baby. About that, I had no doubt.
"No, we're not playing a game, Drew, we're hiding from Serena's Goon squad," I replied ducking some more, pointing to the people I was referring to.
"Oh look Darien, its Mina, Lita, Rei, and Amy. Let's call them over!"
Andrew jumped to his feet and was about to scream their names when I dragged him roughly back into his seat smacking the back of his head.
"You idiot," I berated. "You're really thick sometimes Drew. I'm hiding from them for a reason. Allow me to explain so you can understand, besides the fact they all hate me and would kick my ass at the mere sight of me, they'll rat me out to Serena before I get a chance to confront her. Jesus Drew! I want to surprise her, remember?"
"Oh yeah," he replied apologetically feeling more than a little foolish.
We kept our heads low avoiding eye contact for a full ten minutes. Both Andrew and I were feeling quite uncomfortable in our contorted postures, and the cramps in my neck were excruciating. Drew was fairing no better as far as I could tell by the expression on his face.
"I'm hungry," he exclaimed, his irritation apparent.
"Then go get something to eat," I snapped from my self-inflicted vantage point to avoid discovery by the unsuspecting predators nearby.
"Aren't you hungry too, Darien? You look pale," he said as I rolled my eyes and groaned quietly to myself.
"I'm perfectly fine. If you're going to go, will you leave already?"
"Okay I'm going, but it will be a shame for Serena to see you in this sickly condition," Andrew was about to leave, but I couldn't let him go without chiding him for his last statement.
"What do you mean sickly?" I asked my tone a little too desperate for my liking.
"I'm only saying you look as if you haven't been eating well. Serena will see this and might be turned off, but if you insist you're fine and don't need food then I'll be on my way," he said as if making a winning move in a game of chess.
"No wait, I can't let her see me like this … okay get me something then, Andrew and move it already. I have to perk up before I see her," I conceded with a sigh.
"Well, if you insist… I'll require your wallet so I can pay your half," he said presenting his open palm. I quickly dug into my pocket and handed it to him. I must be some kind of gullible buffoon, for several minutes later Andrew returned with a bag full of snacks. I was 100 percent sure; he'd used my money to pay for everything. I was more surprised when I dared asked for my half, he handed me two granola bars telling me I ate far too much and should cut back. I almost strangled the pontificating little asshole; it was all a ploy to get me to give him money; fucking con artist.
I shrugged deciding to let it go since the show was about to start. I figured there was no point losing my temper with him when the damage was already done. I was comforted with the thought that I could plan my revenge later. I was pleasantly surprised to find the recital wasn't half-bad. Those kids sure could dance, especially the young girl for whom this benefit had been organized.
At the conclusion of the performance, my beloved Serena strode gracefully onto the stage and she astounded me. She graciously thanked everyone for coming and supporting such an important cause. She talked a little more about the evening and its aims, but in all honesty, I wasn't paying attention. All my brain could process at that moment was the fact Serena stood before me in the flesh for the first time in what had seemed to me an eternity. I felt like a hormonal teenager again when absolutely nothing made sense except for primal urges to be with the one I desired.
My heart dropped again when she walked off stage. I had to convince myself not to run after her. I had to be cool and collected. Publicly humiliating myself wouldn't help me win her back. I needed to approach her casually in private.
Andrew and I left our seats and proceeded to make our way back stage, Andrew being… Andrew was able to sneak us in with little difficulty. He'd suggested I wait in one of the dressing rooms and assured me he'd make sure Serena would be there, and he was true to his word. I didn't have to wait long before Serena walked into the room in a relaxed fashion. Obviously, she wasn't expecting me to be there, for as soon as she clapped those baby-blues on me she spun around and tried to run from the room. I'm proud to say my reflexes have never failed me, especially at that moment. As she extended her hand towards the door, I took her arm.
Awkward was the only way to describe that suspended moment. We stood frozen to the spot just staring at one another. I had completely forgotten all I rehearsed for this moment. I didn't know what to say or expect. Suddenly feeling vulnerable, my grip on her forearm loosened somewhat and she pulled away. I noticed her resentment towards me was evident in her body posture. I open my mouth to say something, anything would do, but my vocal cords refused to respond.
Finally, the silence got to her and she decided to break it. "Jesus Darien, stop gawking and tell me why you're here and what you want?" She spat.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled forcing myself to stare at a point on the wall behind her. Looking at her at that moment hurt more than I thought it would, her tone cut deeper than the sharpest diamond edged blade.
"I came here to see you, I needed to see you," I managed.
"Well, that's all very well for you, but as you can see, I don't need to see you, Darien. I'm extremely busy at the moment so if that's it then you've just wasted your precious time," She turned once more to leave, but I wouldn't allow that. I took her arm, this time a little more roughly than I intended and turned her to face me.
"My time is mine to waste as I see fit. You're my wife and I will see you whenever I wish," I said tersely.
"We're separated, Darien or have you forgotten? You no longer have the right to visit me whenever you please, so stop ignoring my wishes and just leave me alone," she said coldly.
"Darling, I'm not in the mood for your tantrums. The point is I'm here and it is time we talked and cleared up a few things. Don't you think it's time we stopped hiding from our problems and move forward and correct them?" I said drawing her towards the couch pulling her down beside me. I was panicking inside, for I've never been so forceful with her before. In the past, it had never been necessary and usually I'd wait until she decided to accept my apologies and cooled down.
She looked at me with a shocked expression within those dreamy azure eyes. I had to admit it scared me half to death not knowing what ran through that pretty head of hers.
"Well, your looks are certainly not the only thing that have changed," She said quietly, her jaw set and lips thinning.
"Well, something had to," I responded, my hand unconsciously moving towards her cheek. I tried to make contact, but she quickly evaded it. I could only sigh dejectedly and continue. "Serena, I love you and miss you that's all there is to it. I want you back. What do I have to do to convince you to come back? I promise never to forget our anniversary again darling. I can do better, I know I can."
"It's not just about the anniversary; it's everything, a combination of things rolled into one. The anniversary was just the last straw," she sighed shaking her head looking a little sad. "Darien, couldn't you feel it? We were drifting apart long before that stupid fight. We each want different things in life, and I can't continue to live in the shadows. I had always come in second best when it came to your work and I can't. I won't live that way again, it won't work. You say you've changed and things will be different, but they're empty and useless words as far as I'm concerned, Darien." Serena reasoned solemnly slouched with her head down unable to meet my eyes.
"This time it would be different, Serena," I told her with all the sincerity I could muster.
"NO!" Serena's head shot up almost hitting mine. "Whenever I acquiesce it's always different for you, but it never really is. You have to understand there is a difference between saying you've changed and actually changing Darien. And I can't let myself believe you anymore. Not with this new responsibility to consider," she said eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to maintain control of her emotions.
"Don't you think you have a responsibility to hear me out, Serena … I love you. I know you've accomplished what you've set out to do with your dancing career; it's not a new responsibility anymore. You've done enough, especially for that young girl who can now go to Julliard. Serena I think it is time we fix our relationship and move on," I told her trying to get through to her.
"It's not about dancing Darien!" She screamed jumping to her feet. I looked at her feeling utterly confused. I didn't understand a goddamn thing anymore. Why was it so hard for her to accept the fact I had changed and wanted her to give us a chance to work things out?
"I can't go back to you, Darien. I refuse to raise our child in that kind of environment. I won't let you ignore this baby the way you ignored me, nor shall I allow this child to feel the doubt I've always felt living with you. Darien, I have to be sure it will work. Until then, I can't be with you or allow myself to believe you. You see, it's no longer about what I might want or need. I have to think about this new life growing inside me as well," she said as I sat there stunned. My eyes doubled in size, for I stopped listening to her after she uttered the words 'our child.'
"You're pregnant," I whispered finally getting some feeling back into my numb body.
"Yes Darien, around two months pregnant," she replied in a whisper.
"Isn't that reason enough for us to fix things between us?" I stated matter-of-factly.
"Weren't you listening to me at all Darien?" She snapped as I flinched inwardly. "I told you I can't be sure of your sincerity and until I am, I can't give us another chance. I need to be sure what you're saying is true and not just pie in the sky. I have to know that our life will really change in a meaningful way and you'll be there for me, as I for you. Barging in here like this demanding we repair our relationship isn't going to work, it's going to take a lot of convincing before I'm prepared to give it one last try, Darien. I'm not sure if you'll be able to convince me."
"So you want me to prove it to you," I said rhetorically clinging to this thin lifeline.
"It's not just about proving yourself to me, but I want a real and heart-felt transformation and not a façade that dissolves into thin air, it has to be ever lasting, or I'm not interested." she said and I knew this would be make or break for us both and it all depended on me.
"Sooner or later I will have you back. We are meant to be Serena; you know it as well as me. I know you're not ready to throw your life away, our life away." I said looking her in the eye.
"Well, for your sake let's just hope your right," I almost smiled until our private moment was ruined by an impromptu intruder. A man with unusually pale hair came waltzing into the room. I couldn't tell if it was natural or died… 'Hmm peculiar,' I thought to myself.
"There you are Serena, I've been looking all over for you," He rushed to her side ignoring my presence completely. I noticed her expression soften at the mere sight of him. Oh, my blood was boiling at that moment. Who the hell was he to my wife? He needn't be looking for her; she was already spoken for, by me.
"I'm sorry Diamond, I was just having an important discussion with my husband," She replied evenly. The asshole finally noticed I was in the room further more she still labeled me as her husband, good sign right. He glared at me with eyes edged with contempt. I couldn't let him treat me like trash, and who was he to judge… fucking home-wrecker. My dark blue eyes narrowed as my irritation grew and ire seethed inside me.
"Yeah, a discussion I would like to continue if you wouldn't mind … would you please see yourself out," I spat crudely as if he were lower than scum in a polluted pond.
"Darien!" Serena shouted outraged. "No need to worry yourself Diamond, we've just finished, let's go." Serena took his arm and turned her back on me. I quickly tore them apart, my instincts to protect what was rightfully mine kicking in.
"You're not going anywhere with him," I shot back moving Serena so she stood behind me, but she wasn't having any of that. She just pushed me out of the way and rushed to Diamonds side.
"Darien, you have no control over who I associate with or where I go even within the institution of matrimony. My life is mine to live, my friends are mine to have," Her smugness crushing my patience. I pulled her into an embrace. Diamond appalled by my actions moved to take her from me, but my malevolent glare caused him to back down.
My lips pressed firmly against her ear. "I love you Serena, you know that, never forget it, promise me you'll never forget," I whispered for her ears only.
"I-I promise," Her voice tender as she stuttered slightly.
"Say you love me too and nothing comes between that," I begged my vulnerability almost shameful.
"Darien, things change," she said simply.
"You love me, say it!" my grip tightened and I was only mildly aware that I might be hurting her.
"I love you… nothing comes before that," She said tenderly as she embraced me offering what little comfort she could under the circumstances. I accepted it gratefully. Eventually she pulled back and stoned her emotions. I knew at that moment it was unlikely she'd be willing to give into her deeper feelings for me, "but we'll see if it's enough to help us last." She cut in loud enough for Diamond to hear. I felt her words stab me through the heart. I looked on as she left the room with Diamond. Ouch…
Suddenly, I felt the watershed of emotions I had thus far been able to keep in check smash their way through my resolve. I was at my lowest ebb, but not without hope. I felt desolate, yes, in pain, no doubt, but I held onto the sweetness I knew I had neglected for so long. I was a fool and knew it and it hit me like a powerful force. I could feel myself convulsing as hot stinging tears streamed down my cheeks as I sat holding my head in my hands and wept. What was it going to take to convince her we were meant to be together? I was willing to change … No, not willing, going to change. I knew for the first time in my life I would become a new person from that moment forth. Despite the fact, her words cut so deeply discouraging me, but as she walked out of that room not once looking back, she took a large portion of my strength with her. I was left inadequate and exposed and I loathed that feeling of insecurity.
With nothing left to do, I drifted off home. Gradually I would attempt to rebuild my dignity and self-esteem.
end flash back
Well, this brings us to where I am today. My pride remains somewhat tarnished, resolve crushed and confused as to where I go from here. I knew I couldn't let this ruin my life. I had to plan and prove myself the better man, the man that gets the girl in the end. My constant drunken stupor wasn't really helping. I had to stop moping, but this was so difficult for me to do.
'Yeah, yeah I hear you … Life's hard get a helmet, get over it and move on, but aren't I allowed a period of grieving? My wife is determined not to forgive me; she's pregnant and a little too close to her new friend for my liking. I think that deserves another drink, wouldn't you say? Jesus, put down the heavy objects, I get your point. Two drinks then! Hey, I am just kidding with you. You're right, time to get off my ass and back into the game. I'll make Serena fall back in love with me… you; my dear readers might even fall in love with me too. Hey, hey, hands off, I'm completely committed to Serena now and forever … wish me luck Yeah!