Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina
What's the Worst That Can Happen on Friday the 13th?
Sentences that are in Italics are thoughts and descriptions
"Sentences that are surrounded by "" are spoken words"
SENTENCES OR WORDS THAT ARE IN ALL CAPS IS YELLING
Today is Friday the 13th. The most terrible day in the entire calender and out of 360 some odd days in each year, this was the worst one of them all. The day of nonstop bad luck was feared by most people and the residents of Hinata Sou was no exception. This is how the Hinata Sou residents coped with this day.
Naru and Motoko both woke up and walked outside to go to the breakfast table where Shinobu was busy preparing breakfast. It doesn't seem like anything bad has happened yet. Su happens to walk by and greets them.
"Hello Naru and Motoko! Uh, why aren't you two wearing any clothes?"
"What are you talking about, Su?" They didn't understand why Su would say such as a thing until they patted themselves down and just realized something.
"OH SHIT! How could I possibly just walk out the door of my room without putting any clothes on!" They both screamed as they ran into their rooms to put on some clothes. On any other given day, Keitaro would have walked by and got blasted into outer space for peeking on them while naked even though they were stupid enough to walk around outside bareassed when they knew a man lived in the building.
Meanwhile, Kitsune was in her room preparing to drink a bottle of sake but this day of terrible luck had other plans.
She looked at her collection of sake bottles and picked one out. When she went to pick it up, it suddenly fell out of her hand and crashed to the floor.
"OH SHIT! That was an expensive bottle of sake I just dropped."
She then went to reach for another bottle of sake and that one also slipped out of her hands and crashed to the floor.
"Oh come on! What the fuck? Why can't I pick up a fucking bottle of sake? What is my fucking problem? Damn it, I am not even drunk yet and I am already breaking stuff."
"Oh well, I guess I will try to pick up another bottle." This went on for a half hour until she dropped and broke all 50 bottles of Sake.
"This just fucking sucks! I now have to spend money to buy shit that I wouldn't need if I could figure out how to pick up a fucking bottle. What the fuck is wrong with me today?"
They all eventually arrived at the dining room. Well, after Naru, Kitsune and Motoko each tripped on Su's toys and fell down three flights of stairs. Lets just say that it was a painful experience but just blew it off as they arrived in the dining room to eat breakfast.
"Well Kitsune, coming to eat breakfast while sober. This isn't like you to do that. What is the occasion, hmm. . .? Going out on a date, Kitsune?" Naru joked to Kitsune who was for a lack of a better word pissed.
"Shut the FUCK up, you stupid bitch!"
"Well, what is your FUCKING problem, today?"
"I just broke 50 bottles of sake and I am not really in the mood for your bullshit."
"Watch your mouth around Su." Motoko scolded Kitsune for her offensive language
"Why don't you take that sword of yours and shove it up your ass, you self righteous bitch!"
"How dare you talk that way to Motoko!" She wound her fist to punch Kitsune but as bad luck goes she missed Kitsune and smacks Motoko in the face
"Watch where you throw your fists, you stupid bitch. What are you, fucking blind or something?"
"Well, you should talk, miss perfect!"
"What does that mean?"
"Why don't you figure it out on your own for once, you controlling, idiotic, bitch."
A fight started to break out between Motoko and Naru while Kitsune started to attack Naru for insulting her. On any other day, Keitaro is usually the target for such abuse but he and Shinobu had already left to go shopping before the fight broke out.
Haruka had decided to stop over and opened the door and what he saw didn't please her the least bit.
"What the hell is going on in here?" The dining room was completely trashed and Naru, Motoko, and Kitsune had their hands wrapped around each other's neck.
"Hey you three. Who is going to clean up this room?" Kitsune was about to walk by her when Haruka grabbed her by her shirt and prevented her from leaving.
"Oh no, you don't! You aren't going anywhere until you pick up this room."
"Fuck off! I am going to the store." Haruka tried to stop her but she just pushed her off to the side and walked out.
"Hey you two, aren't you going to pick up this room, right now. "
"Why should we do it? This wouldn't have happened if Naru hadn't open her big fat mouth."
"Well, you aren't innocent in this either, you self righteous know it all bitch."
"I don't care what you say, Haruka. We are both going out for a walk and you can kiss my ass if you don't like that." Haruka didn't like what she was hearing but decided to have a talk with them when they cooled off and she started to clean up the mess.
Kitsune walked up to the long set of stairs and looked around for anything that she could trip on. Seeing that there was nothing that she could trip on she started to walk down the stairs. She took a few steps but tripped on her own two feet and went flying down the stairs. Yes that never ending set of stairs in the front of the building. Lets just say that falling down those stairs is extremely painful.
Naru and Motoko both decided to walk down the stairs and as the day of bad luck goes they also tripped on their own two feet and fell down the long flight of stairs.
Naru was heading to Tokyo U to get her mock exam test results back and well this day wasn't going to get any better.
She went up to the large bulletin board in the school that held papers with the names of the applicants and their test results and looked for her name. When she found her name, the grade she received wasn't going to make her day any better.
"How the FUCK did I get an F. That is bullshit. I have to ask the idiot what he got on his mock test. That will surely be entertaining to say the least."
Leaving the school even more pissed than before and since people were starting to stare at her since she was making a scene and cursing at the top of her lungs wasn't exactly what one would call acceptable behavior. She decided to go home but her walk home wasn't going to be problem free. She decided to go home since this day wasn't going very well for her and thought she needed some time to cool off. As she walked home she was following a young man and girl who resembled Keitaro and Shinobu.
"Hey, that looks like Keitaro. Why don't I ask that idiot what he got on his test results? They are probably going to be so bad even my results would look good compared to his."
She started to run after Keitaro who actually was just someone who resembled him when the bad luck struck again. She tripped on her own two feet and fell forward. Using her instincts, she reached out for anything that would stop her from falling. She caught onto something that stopped her from falling. She grabbed onto the pants of whom she thought was Keitaro and pulled them down in front of a pile of people.
"Police, stop that pervert!"
A police officer caught up to the "pervert" and attempted to arrest her. Unfortunately for Naru, this particular officer was also having a bad day of her own. When Naru resisted arrest, the officer pulled a billy club out and beat the shit out of her and then put on handcuffs and put her in jail.
Meanwhile,
Motoko was busy practicing her sword swings but when she swung her sword hard it slipped out of her hand. Unfortunately, Haruka was walking up onto the roof as the sword just missed her head.
"GOD DAMN IT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, TODAY!" She screamed at her and know this, she has had enough of this crap.
"It was an accident, Haruka! I didn't mean for my sword to fly at you like that."
She just gave Motoko an evil glare. "We both know that you wouldn't do something stupid like lose your grip on your sword. I have had enough of this shit and she ran after her and she was ready to kill."
15 minutes later. . .
"I hope we have come to an agreement on what you should do to correct your mistakes today."
She walked away as the heap of flesh that slightly resembled Motoko who tried to apologize but couldn't.
Unfortunately for Motoko, a robot appeared and thought that Motoko was an intruder and started to attack the "intruder". It seems that Su forgot to program all of the resident's names into its list of people who are allowed access to the Hinata Sou. It was a painful experience that called for a trip to the hospital.
In the hospital. . .
"Ok Motoko, you are going to be all right but I want you to stay here for the day to make sure you are all right." She turned on the TV and walked away. Unfortunately for her, the tv show was a series of steamy soap operas that lasted for FIVE hours. She hated such shows and since she considered them to be nothing more then perverted crap that she couldn't stand listening to them much less watch.
She frantically grabbed for the remote control but it fell to the floor. She tried to reach it but couldn't because of her injuries. It so seems that this was the one time no one was going to constantly disturb her for something and so no one ever walked into or even near her room for the next five hours.
"NO! "
Meanwhile. . .
Kitsune was at the liquor store to buy some sake for herself. She looked around the store and found where they kept the sake.
"I might as well buy the best stuff this place has because I am going to need it after this crappy day." She first started to think for a moment, wondering if she should pick up the bottle since she hasn't had much luck when it comes to picking up a bottle without breaking it. "I might as well pick it up or I will never get to drink today."
She picks up the bottle and nothing happens and for Kitsune that is a relief.
"Great I finally find a bottle that I didn't break yet."
Lo and behold, the curse of Friday the 13th was about to strike again.
Suddenly all of the shelves in the store that were in front of Kitsune just collapsed and every single bottle that was on those shelves broke.
"Oh that is just wonderful. I knew that something like this was going to happen." The store keeper having heard the racket went to see what was causing it. When he saw Kitsune standing next to the broken shelves where a small pond of sake had formed. He began to speak and lets say he was basically pissed.
"You aren't leaving until you pay me back for all of the damage that you caused."
"But I don't have enough money to pay for all of that."
"Well, you are going to have to work for me for ten hours each day until you pay for all of the damage and you better not be drunk when you show up to work."
No!
Later on. . .
Keitaro and Shinobu arrived back at the house and met Haruka who was inside.
"Hello Aunt Haruka! Why are you here?"
Suddenly, she threw something at Keitaro but missed him and flew through the open door and hit Kitsune who was just coming up the stairs from her new job and promptly fell down the stairs.
"Well, I was here to tell you what happened today but first, how was your day today?"
"Well, we went to the school to get my test results and I got a perfect score!"
"Wow, that is great, Keitaro and then what."
"Well, I was walking along the street with Shinobu and found 2000yen and I bought me and Shinobu a nice lunch and then we went shopping and I didn't have enough money to pay for the groceries but when I went up to pay it seemed I was the 1000th shopper in the store. I got all of my groceries for free and that was a relief and then I went home. I went through an entire day without one bad thing happening. So where are the rest of the girls?"
"Well, Su is up in her room doing god knows what as for the rest of the girls well. . ."
"Well, what?"
"Naru got arrested for being a pervert."
"Naru arrested for being a pervert? Now, are you sure that is our Naru that you are referring to?"
"I don't have a single idea on how that happened? They were going to put her on the registered sex offenders list if she didn't partake in 1000 hours of community service as punishment for her crime."
"As for Motoko, she gave me an attitude when I found that girl, Naru, and Kitsune fighting in the dining room and they made quite a mess and refused to clean it up. She then decided to throw her sword at me and I gave her "reasons" why that would not be a good idea. She was then attacked by one of Su's "toys" and was sent to the hospital. She is going to be fine but will be staying there for the rest of the day."
"And as for Kitsune, she is working at a liquor store?"
"Kitsune is sober and working at a liquor store! I thought I never see the day she would work for money instead of borrowing it from all of us."
"Well, it seems that she broke quite a few bottles of expensive liquor and has to pay it back by working there each and every day. So, she won't be drinking any sake anytime soon."
Well, I am going to go back home and get some rest, ok."
"Good night, Aunt Haruka."
"Hearing him call her aunt pissed her off and she took a book and threw it at him. It missed Keitaro and went out the front door."
"Oh this day just sucks. I can't drink sake because I had to break all of my sake and the shop I went to as well and I have to work for nothing. I then get hit by a book thrown by some asshole and I fell down the stairs and now I am sore, tired, and hungry. How could this day get any worse?"
The book that Haruka threw eventually found a target.
"What the fuck?"
The book hit her in the face and she fell down those steps. . . again.
"Oh, I just had to open my big mouth and ask how this day could get any worse."
The End
A/N Well, I though this was very funny as well. It is a coincidence that this upcoming Friday is the 13th. I remember an old superstition about the bad luck associated with this day and thought about writing a story in which Naru, Kitsune, and Motoko each have a very bad day. Keitaro was always used and abused from those three girls and I thought I would turn the tables and give them a bad day and give Keitaro the best luck he ever had. I had an another ending in mind but it couldn't get it to work but I will include it here after the author notes
Alternative ending
"What did you get on your exam, Naru?"
"I got an. . ."
"SHE GOT AN F, KEITARO!" Su yelled at the top of her lungs
Keitaro started to laugh hysterically at the thought.
"WHY YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
She lunged for Keitaro but tripped and fell, ripping off Keitaro's pants in the process.
"God damn it Naru, GET A ROOM!" Kitsune yelled at Naru as Keitaro pulled up his pants.
"I see that you have a secret perverted streak, Naru and I can't allow that. Motoko raised her sword as she yelled AIR SPLITTING SPIRIT SWORD." Naru was hit by the ki blast and sent flying through the roof.
"Now if you would excuse me I will go up to the roof to train. Motoko spoke as Naru was coming down from her "trip"."
As she walked toward the stairs, she tripped on her own two feet and ripped off Keitaro's pants as well.
"Oh, miss my chastity is sacred and holy! I see you are nothing more than a pervert in disguise as well." She yelled as she gave Motoko her famous Naru punch. Motoko having expected the attack, gave one of her own and they both went flying through the roof.
Of course Kitsune was in the way of their attacks and was sent flying through the roof and where they landed well . . .
They landed in a tree and when they fell through its branches, it ripped off all of their clothing. That was bad enough but it so happens that Haitani and Shirai happen to be walking by this tree at the same time.
"Hey Shirai, look over there"
"No way is it real or is it just my overactive imagination."
"Well, if it is that then I am seeing things too."
Suddenly the three wake up and notice a small crowd forming around them.
I wonder what is so interesting . . . they then looked at each other and figured it out.
"NO!" The echo of the scream could be heard from the entire planet.
The Other End
So what do you think? Please read and review. Readers who give reviews and have an e-mail address will know of all of the ideas I have thought up and can help me decide which one to write next. So send those reviews damn it. Oh one more thing I recommend reading The Dinner Party Confession written by yours truly. It has the same twisted humor you will find here and is by far the most funniest thing I have ever written.