A Garden of Roses
Chapter 3: The Story
I'm taking it easy, cleared my head
Cried me a river, said some prayers
But I often wonder, when I'm in bed
Where are you now?
Where Are You Now?: Brandy
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Robin heard a tentative knock on his door and the person knocking came in without waiting for a reply. Robin glanced up from his papers and grinned at Garfield Logan. The boy sat on the couch across from Robin's desk.
He was of medium height, slender, and with a slightly, almost imperceptable, nervous cast to his emerald eyes. He lay on the edge of the couch and he let out a loud honking noise.
"'Morning to you too, Gar—I mean, Beast Boy," Robin said, using the boy's preferred name. "What animal are you this time?"
The boy let out another honk before snapping up and sitting ramrod straight. "I was a duck," Beast Boy explained, hurt showing on his small face.
"Of course," Robin said seriously, nodding his head. "I wonder how I missed something so obvious."
"You're probably just tired or something," Beast Boy said, much happier. Robin was sure he was bipolar as well as multiple personalities, but it was a little early to tell on the bipolar front.
"So have you been taking your medicines?" asked Robin, glancing back down on his papers. His school had not been complaining of his "transformations"…
…as much, at least.
Beast Boy nodded—shadily, Robin thought. "I, uh, might've missed a couple days here and there," Beast Boy said, rubbing a hand behind his head.
"You know what I'm going to say, don't you?" Robin said. "It's important for you to take your meds every day. Or else we'll confine you here—or worse, Arkham."
This threat was enough, although both knew Robin would never send Beast Boy to Arkham Asylum. "Okay, okay, I got it," Beast Boy replied hastily. "I'll remember to take my meds every day." He dropped off the couch and crouched on all fours, making his eyes big and his mouth pouty. Robin recognised this as his "puppy" look.
Robin sighed. He hated being severe, but he had no other choice. His mind wandered back to his first meeting with Raven…the anger that had coursed through him was uncharacteristic, totally random. He couldn't think of why he'd even said those things…done those things….
"Hel-lo?" Beast Boy said, coming up to Robin and waving his hands in front of the doctor's frozen gold eyes. He made a high screeching noise and ran around the room with his arms outstretched and flapping, his best imitation of a pterodactyl. He came back to normal when this didn't work and rapped smartly on Robin's head. "Is there a doctor in the house?"
Robin snapped out of his reverie as Beast Boy chuckled at his own joke. "Yeah…sorry," Robin said, forcibly pulling his mind away from Raven. Why did she have such a hold on him?
But something she had said came back to him now…their first meeting. She knew Beast Boy. Robin grinned. Perhaps Beast Boy could pull something out of the cold girl.
"Beast Boy," Robin announced, getting up suddenly, "we are taking a field trip."
"Woo-hoo," the boy replied sarcastically. "You gonna show me Arkham again? 'Cuz dude, that place scared the crap outta me."
"Nope. There's someone I want you to meet," Robin replied, and held the door open for his patient to go out. Techinically, he wasn't supposed to do this, let two patients meet. Especially not an inmate and a visiting patient. But Robin shrugged off his slight sense of guilt, arguing to himself that not only would nobody see, but that it was for the greater good of both Raven and Beast Boy.
He carefully locked his office door and walked down the clean corridor, sighing in relief when he found the hallways empty and room 4A quiet.
…
Raven was just beginning to feel she had lost about ten brain cells when she heard her door open a second time. She resisted the impulse to whirl around to see if it was Robin.
"Raven," a voice behind her said, "I've brought a friend."
Raven turned and her eyes widened as someone unmistakably Beast Boy took a step closer. "I never thought I'd say this," she said in her usual quiet, emotionless way, "but I'm glad to see you, Beast Boy."
"Beast Boy, you know her?" Robin asked quizzically, beginning to question who was sane and insane in this place.
"No," Beast Boy said, "but when a beautiful lady says she's glad to see me…well then, I'm glad to see her!" He walked up to Raven and boldly embraced her.
"Beast Boy," Raven said dangerously, "don't touch me. Ever. Again."
He backed off, his arms up. "Ooooh, Ice Queen," he said to Robin, grinning.
Raven was shooting daggers at the hapless boy so Robin intervened. He slipped closer to her and smiled. "This is the Beast Boy you were talking about," he said, encouraging her to talk more.
"Unfortunately," Raven sighed, but as she turned away, Robin could tell she didn't mean it. Unexpectedly something stabbed at his heart. Could it be, he wondered, that in this "previous life" Raven believes she was in…she had feelings for Beast Boy? Was it a mistake to bring him here?
"Good God I'm going crazy," Robin muttered as this thought crossed his mind. They were both patients of his! Even if Raven had felt something for Beast Boy…it shouldn't have mattered, right? But it did…. He had said it so quietly he thought no one would hear, but Raven just smirked beside him.
"Tell me something I don't know, Boy Wonder," she said out of the corner of her mouth, her lips barely moving. Robin opened his mouth to utter a witty retort before what she had said hit him.
"Boy Wonder?" Robin repeated. The name struck something in him, a faint chord of familiarity. But no one had ever called him that. Of all his nicknames, Boy Wonder was definitely not one of them. But she said, Robin remembered, this morning, that I used to be called the Boy Wonder. I was Batman's sidekick. It sounded ludicrous to his ears, so well-trained to the rantings of the insane, and he wanted to believe that Raven was insane, hallucinogenic. But the note the name resonated in him encouraged him otherwise…
Beast Boy's caperings pulled Robin from his musings and Raven shot him a vaguely sympathetic look. Hastily Robin glanced down at his watch—an expensive- looking silver Seiko, Raven noticed—and restrained Beast Boy, whose current form was that of a monkey. "All right Beast Boy, nice seeing ya', but time's up," he said to the boy, who stiffened and returned to normal under Robin's strong grip.
"And so we part in such sweet sorrow," Beast Boy said dramatically, sweeping low over Raven's hand and kissing it. "Ladies love when you treat 'em like that," he whispered in an aside to Robin.
Either Beast Boy was dead wrong or Raven wasn't a lady, Robin couldn't help but think, since Raven looked ready to kill Beast Boy. "Beast Boy," Raven said in a voice of barely- masked annoyance, "never touch me or pull anything like that on me. Again. Ever." She turned to Robin. "Is it me, or have we had this conversation before?"
Robin ushered Beast Boy out of the room and into the smiling hands of a plump elderly nurse. "Schedule your next appointment with Cy," Robin called after him. "And don't forget to take your meds or I swear you're going straight to Arkham!"
"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?" Raven said after a moment.
Robin shrugged. "Whatever works," he said diffidently. Silence reigned for a few moments, uncomfortable, heavy.
"Raven…" Robin said, his gold eyes direct. "Did you ever have a… thing for Beast Boy?"
Raven choked for numerous reasons. The first was that the idea was absolutely laughable. The second was a too-quick intake of breath. What is he asking me? she wondered. Could he be asking because he…doesn't want it to be true…? When she regained breath the first thing she managed out was "Are you serious? Beast Boy and me?"
"I'll take that as a no, then," Robin said, and Raven noticed a flash of relief in his eyes as he cast them down again toward his expensive Seiko watch.
"Nice watch, though," Raven said. Robin looked up briefly and flashed a smile with teeth whiter than Raven remembered.
It was really too unfair, Raven decided, as they both looked out the window. The gloomy façade of Arkham Aslyum stared threateningly out at them. Robin was right there in front of her and he didn't know it and she couldn't say anything and she had so many memories whose recollection sent pains shooting through her heart. What's happened to the Robin that I knew? Raven wondered. What's happened to the world I knew? Could she possibly start from the beginning with Robin?
More importantly, would he accept her?
…
In the first years of the Titan fellowship, everyone thought Robin would end up with Starfire. Even Raven had thought that—and she hadn't cared. What, after all, were emotions for? What did they bring except desolation and pain? But as the Titans grew older Raven found it harder and harder to keep that attitude. She had seen emotions-- true emotions-- roiling and soothing and painful and balming, and that the end result of feeling emotions could actually be happy.
Not that I ever had the chance to find out, Raven reminded herself sourly. It was for the good of herself, her friends, and in fact the world around them, that she remain apathetic and spend hours upon hours in solitary meditation, and she was not in the habit of being sulky and self-pitying. Oh, she had pulled it off all right, retreating under her cloak or burying herself in a book. But she couldn't help but wish, occasionally, that she might be…normal…and feel as normal people did.
It wasn't usual for her to even think about it; she simply accepted her role in life and as a member of the Titans. It was just the type of person Raven was.
It had taken a couple years for Robin to realise that Starfire was not a good match for him. According to him, he and Starfire hadn't done much of anything together, which made Raven feel, almost inexplicably, happy. Although Cyborg was against the match, telling her that they were too stubborn for each other, Raven demonstrated her own stubborness by persisting.
I wish I could see you now, Cyborg, Raven thought, so I could tell you how well Robin and I worked out.
After hours of long, grueling practice, Raven had learnt to control herself even better than before, so she could indulge in her emotions with Robin without destroying Jump City. To some extent, at least; she was still sorely limited in how far she could go. Only Cyborg knew of the couple; Starfire consoled herself with Beast Boy and the two were seemingly deliriously happy with each other. Raven felt glad for them—but still Cyborg, Raven's second-best friend in the Titans after Robin, was alone.
…
The thought of Cyborg made Raven turn suddenly to Robin, who was still in her room, observing her as she stared out the window, lost in introspection.
"Robin," Raven said, "does Cyborg work here?"
Once again, the girl's uncanny knowledge caught Robin off-guard. It lent credibility to Raven's story…impossible as Robin knew it was. "Yeah, he does," he replied after a moment. "Shall I call for him to come and see you?"
"That…would be nice," Raven said. After a slight pause, Raven continued. "I never…had a thing with him, either."
Robin let out an unconscious sigh of relief, wondering even as he did so. I've not even known the girl for two days and I'm already jealous of her imagined lovers! Robin said to himself. It's time for a vacation…But he couldn't resist the strange pull the girl had on him. He knew her face but he didn't know her; he didn't know from when or where. He could say with perfect certainty that he had never met Raven before but he was sure they had, sometime, perhaps in a dream he had once had…?
"So," Robin said, relieved that Raven had not had romantic relationships with the other two men in the team—perhaps he was the one she'd had a "thing" for—"tell me more about your previous life. You didn't have a chance to finish."
"Right," said Raven. She sighed, resigning herself to telling him his old life. She had watched him with observant eyes through his initial years of turmoil, the moments of rage bordering on obsession remaining with him throughout his life. This thought sparked an idea with her and she allowed herself the slightest of smiles. "But first—let's switch roles. This time, I'll be the ones asking questions, and you can answer."
Robins shrugged, allowing the crazy girl to have her way. "Sure," Robin said, settling back in a plump chair and handing his long white coat and clipboard and pencil to Raven. "Play doctor," he told her. Raven slipped into the coat—a little too long and a little too large. Robin had always been just shy of being slender and he was only a little bigger than Raven.
"What made you want to be a shrink?" asked Raven. Out of all the possible occupations in the world, psychiatrist was not the one Raven would have expected for Robin. Robin ought to have been something else—a martial arts teacher, or (Raven's personal choice) a lawyer. Psychiatry was a presitigious enough position, Raven thought fairly, it required an MD, but it seemed so…unsophisticated, so unlike Robin—who, Raven was convinced, was probably the craziest of all the Titans.
Robin thought for a moment. "I really am fascinated with the human mind—how it works, its complexity, how and why it goes wrong. This profession gives me a chance to explore it. Plus, I really want to help people and try and cure them." He paused, then continued. "When I was a kid, I was actually treated for schizophrenia. I had an alternate ego—"
"Let me guess," Raven interrupted. "You went around calling yourself Red X?"
"Well…yeah," Robin said, astonished by her reply. "How did you know?"
"When you were a Titan," Raven said, "you had a mortal enemy called Slade—"
"Slade?" It was Robin's turn to interrupt. "Is it the same Slade I know?"
"Might be; Slade's not exactly the most popular name, you know."
"Is this…Slade I used to hate…sadistic, creepy, inhuman?" Robin asked.
"That sounds like Slade all right. Will you let me finish?" Raven added as Robin opened his mouth to say something else. "You asked how I knew about Red X." Robin settled back in his chair, although his dark brows were still pulled together.
"Anyway, you devised this plan—probably one of your most idiotic—where you donned a mask and went by Red X. You fought your own teammates in an attempt to get closer to Slade. And it almost worked." Raven stopped, unsure of whether to continue. She looked down at the clipboard, idly coloring a dark circle on the left- hand margin.
"Almost?" Robin prompted. Raven chanced a glance back at him saw his gold eyes were sharp—she couldn't dodge the question.
"Almost," Raven repeated. "You scared us, Robin." Her quiet voice startled Robin, who had heard a raw emotion hidden under the lowered volume and carefully controlled enunciation. And for one of the first times she had used his name. "And then…Slade was defeated but he lived on in your mind. You kept fighting him—somebody—ended by beating yourself up. You would get so angry sometimes. Not," she added hastily, "that I blame you."
"Yeah, Slade's not exactly the most likeable of people," Robin agreed. The hard glint remained in his eyes. "I'm not really that angry—at least, not anymore."
"You grew out of it," she assured him. She turned her attention briefly back to doodling on his notes.
"Tell me more," Robin urged. "Tell me more about the Teen Titans in general. Who we were, what we did."
Raven explained. She told of their pizza nights and the argument every morning between Beast Boy and Cyborg about what to eat for breakfast. Her voice was starting to grow hoarse as she talked about their main enemies, their greatest battles.
Robin drank in all the information. He knew this was going against everything he had learnt in his internship—but this was different, he knew it was. Raven's "condition" was unlike anything else he had read in the literature or studied in school. And the tales she was telling!—about him, and the people he knew, and everything they did…it was all so amazing!
"Now tell me," he pressed, "about what were like as people. What life was like. Five teenagers with the occasional new arrival living together for that many years."
Raven knew this was coming but she still wasn't looking forward to it. What if, by her telling Robin of his "thing" for Starfire, he would decide to go with her? But it was an integral part of the Titans' years together—and besides, Raven told herself, Robin had come to her in the end anyway…even back then….
"You had a 'thing' for Star," Raven said. "I think everybody did, back when we were younger. All the guys, at least. Thought she was beautiful. Or something."
Robin grinned slyly. "Jealous?" he asked with a teasing cocking of a brow. Raven looked defiantly into his eyes for a moment.
"No," she said, "just thought you all were wasting your time. Starfire was an alien who could barely speak proper English. Just because she was taller, and had a better figure, and had shapelier legs, doesn't mean she was a better person." Didn't mean she was better than me.
"We were still good friends though, out of necessity." Raven smiled slightly, the tiniest upquirk of the lips. Robin noticed it. "She was so bubbly and cheerful all the time. It ought to have been against the law."
Robin smiled also. "She hasn't changed." He chuckled. "I'm surprised. I didn't think I went for Star's…type."
"Neither did I," Raven muttered, but when Robin raised his eyebrows questioningly, she shook her head. "She ended up with Beast Boy, actually. Cyborg was against it. Said they were too childish—wouldn't be good for each other."
"Star, and Beast Boy?" Robin repeated. "That's too…weird." He grinned at Raven—the sort of grin, she knew, of a man who was getting ready to flirt.
"Who'd you end up with?" He asked the question so lightly, so teasingly.
She was torn. She wanted to tell him and at the same time didn't want to. She didn't want to be at his mercy again. She still loved him, she knew she did—but she would have to earn back his love. And that would take time. And every day she would feel the pain in her heart when she saw him so close to her with his gold eyes flashing…so close they were separated by bare metres, as far away as though at opposite ends of the universe.
"Aqua Lad," she lied tonelessly.
Robin looked as though he wanted to ask even more but out of habit glanced down at his Seiko and cursed. "Forgot about him," he muttered. "I've an appointment with him," he explained, as he took his coat and clipboard from her.
Raven watched him as he left, walking with powerful, purposeful strides. "Is everyone I know here?" she asked out loud. Is this my new world?
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A/N: Uh…heh heh…;; sorry for making you guys wait that long! I know I promised but it's just been impossible…I'll honestly try to be better! Anyway, a million thanks to all you who reviewed, you make my day(s) as I write and inspire me!
A note about the plot though….A lot of you have been kind of pushing for the characters to remember their old life but that's not going to happen. Something weird happened to Raven—heck, even I don't know (yet)—but she's the only one and she's truly stuck in an AU. But it'll all turn out well in the end.
Softballtitan009: Thanks! But no, I didn't get the idea from Family Guy, I don't think I ever watched it, actually.
Zodokai: Thanks for reading! Hope this answers a few more of your questions.
Fallenharbinger: Well…glad I got you introduced to a new type of fic…Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.