A Garden of Roses
Chapter 4: The
Nobody lives without love
Nobody gets to give up
You can try to lock your heart away
The love will come back for you some day
Nobody lives without love
Eddi Reader, Nobody Lives Without Love
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It had barely been a minute after Robin had left that two more people came barging through her door. Raven, who had been just getting ready to settle into a brooding and morose mood, turned irritably from the window, ready to snap off the head of whoever came in.
She stopped when she saw Star and another nurse with cotton-candy pink hair, noisily popping gum. Star, as usual, carried a tray of medicines; the other—Jinx, Raven thought, by the looks of her—clutched folded white pajamas.
"Pink or blue," Jinx asked, looking bored.
"Excuse me" Raven said, caught unawares by the question.
Jinx rolled her eyes at Star, a 'What crazy people we higher mortals are forced to deal with' sort of look, and then unrolled two cotton shirts. One had pink piping, the other blue. Raven understood the question.
"Neither" she replied, pulling her cape a little tighter around herself. "I like my clothes."
"Too bad, hun" Jinx said, not at all sympathetically. Raven wondered what in the world had made Jinx choose the nursing profession.
"I thought nurses were supposed to be like your nice old grandmother" Raven said, "who baked brownies and knitted you a sweater for Christmas."
Star giggled. "Poison brownies" she said, and giggled some more. Jinx silenced her with another glance and the giggles stopped abruptly. Raven wondered idly about the strange authority Jinx had over Star, who wasn't normally the type to be so submissive.
"So, pink, or blue?" Jinx pressed.
"Blue," Raven said shortly. It would remind her, at least, of the deep navy of her leotard and cape. Slowly, she cast off her old clothes, folding them neatly, as the two nurses watched, placing her belt on top of the soft square of cloth. She pulled on the cotton pajamas, which were oddly loose on her—they felt strange, soft against her skin, and she was more covered up than she ever was—and then Jinx snatched up the folded leotard and cloak, holding them distastefully as she would a dirty diaper.
Raven watched the last of her old identity leave with her old enemy.
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Robin surveyed Aqua Lad as the young man babbled on about something-or-other. Grudgingly, he admitted to himself what a young woman would see in him. Certainly, he was tall, perpetually tan , and lean muscles hidden under his skin. He was built strongly—it showed in the rectangular planes of his face—and his intelligent, slanted eyes were inky.
Pretty boy, Robin thought, that's what we would call guys like him at school….
Suddenly, Aqua Lad stood, knocking his couch a few inches back. "I am Aqua Lad," he said loudly, striking a heroic pose. "I can and will save you."
Robin was brought back to reality by this sudden proclamation. "Yes, you are Aqua Lad, and yes, you will save me," he said wearily. "Are you taking your medicines?"
"Aqua Lad doesn't need medicines," the other said defensively. "I don't know what you're on about all the time, muttering about my taking medicines and how I can't do this or that…."
Robin left him to his complaining, scrawling lazily on a prescription pad to increase the boy's dosage. He was schizotypal, that was sure…but perhaps there was something else….
His mind wandered back to the mysterious girl in blue and he pulled off Aqua Lad's information from the clipboard, revealing Raven's notes. Severely depressed, causing her to lose contact with reality…borderline, paranoid….She was a textbook case for all of them and yet Robin could not shake the feeling that she was perhaps the most sane of all the people in St. Agnes's. Or that he had, somehow, met her somewhere.
Dimly, he realized Aqua Lad was done with his tirade, threatening to slip back down into depression. He ripped the prescription off the pad and handed it to the young man.
"Give this to Pharmacy, " he instructed, "they'll give you a higher dosage of your Citromax. But your meds won't last forever," Robin warned. "You need to take it every day, understand? And make sure to schedule your next appointment with Cyborg."
Aqua Lad shuffled out of the room with his hands stuffed into his pockets.
Robin leaned back in his squishy leather armchair, closing his eyes. He was settling down for a quick nap when his pager beeped, loudly, annoyingly, and very high. He glanced down at the digital display, more than a little inclined to just ignore it; but he groaned when he saw the number.
"I'm coming, I'm coming, keep your shirt on," Robin grumbled as he got up from his chair, slipping back into his lab coat. "What do you want this time…"
The walk was long and lonely. The only noise was the ticking of a clock, which served more to define the silence, give it parameters, than defy it. He paused for a moment before the dark wood doors, his hand resting lightly on the cool metal doorknob, raised his eyes to the ceiling, took a deep breath…And entered.
As usual, Slade was seated in a wing-armed chair recessed into the shadows. Robin's eyes dilated from the sudden darkness and he blinked once. Not for the first time, Robin wondered if Slade ought to be the patient at St. Agnes's, rather than the doctor.
"Sir," Robin said, seating himself in one of the hard wooden chairs in front of Slade's hard wooden desk. "I have other work to do, patients to see—"
"Like that new girl, Raven," Slade cut in smoothly. His voice grated on Robin. It was metallic, automatic, inhuman.
"She's an interesting case, Doctor," Robin said, too used to Slade's personality to let it get to him. Too much.
"Take care you don't take… too much of an interest in her," Slade warned, not looking at him.
That's ridiculous, Robin wanted to say, but instead he nodded mutely.
"This is a warning, Robin," Slade said, turning away from him once more. "If I see that you have been spending an inordinate amount of time with her, then I will have to assign a new doctor to her."
Robin rose from his chair. "Yes, sir," Robin said quietly—not out of submission, out of insubordinance. He wasn't going to let the girl get away from him.
How does he know Robin wondered as he left, carefully keeping the heavy wooden door from slamming. He's got eyes everywhere…
He passed a small, skinny boy tinkering with the wiring on his way back to his own office. "Gizmo," Robin said, "run along and tell Cyborg to drop in at Room 4A, will you?" It was a command, not a real question. Gizmo took off his thick glasses, cast Robin a withering look, and then, grumbling, made his way to the front desk.
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Raven sat cross-legged on her bed with her eyes closed. Every day for a couple hours during the afternoon, St. Agnes's pumped classical music throughout the building. Raven actually enjoyed classical music of all sorts—including opera (which was, unfortunately for her, considered too "heavy" for most of the patients).
Not that she would let anyone know that. Most people assumed she listened to modern music—metal, Goth, rock. Which she did. Classical music was not what many people would consider enjoyable, though Raven did: many musicians—such as Beethoven—were plenty dark. Opera was positively tragic.
But she hummed along with the middle bars of a Chopin nocturne. The piano sounded as though its heart was breaking, raw, open, passionate. And still beautiful.
She stopped abruptly when she heard the doorknob turn. An athletic, black young man stood nervously in her doorjamb.
Raven stood up in surprise, and Cyborg noticed her eyes light up the tiniest bit as she took a step towards him. "Cyborg," she said, warmth in her voice. She smiled a little. "I'm pretty happy to see you."
"So, you know me?" Cyborg said, coming in and shutting the door. He smiled at her, fully. "I don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting," he continued.
"Trust me, we've met," Raven said shortly, and all of a sudden, her good cheer at seeing Cyborg melted as she remembered that no one else knew her.
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It was almost, in a painfully ironic way, the exact situation that Raven had been hoping for. Free from the constraints she was usually under, free to feel the wild rush of emotion of the sort she'd fantasized about, sometimes, when she was alone in her room.
She used to grin with pleasure imagining what could happen if she were able to feel as a normal person. What she and Robin could get up to…! She had a few, unextensive scenarios tucked neatly away in a small compartment of her mind, the part which she opened and indulged in only infrequently; they were not very thorough because of her complete inexperience with these matters.
But, nature overcame nurture in this case, and Raven, try as she might, couldn't bring herself to be as extravagantly emotional as Starfire, or Robin, or Beast Boy or Cyborg.
It was Robin's presence that hurt her. Back in the old world, back in the Tower, they had just come to be intimate, just come to be true friends. She was in love; she hated the term, she hated the myriad ways it was represented in the books and television, but she couldn't deny it. She was still unsure if she loved the feeling Robin induced in her, or if she despised it. She felt as though she ought to dislike it, but it was too hard with Robin, laughing Robin with his eyes (she imagined) twinkling; determined Robin, with the strong planes of his face set squarely against any obstacle; lover Robin, with his gentle hands and persistent lips.
Raven cast her eyes up to the white ceiling, willing her mind to mirror its cool smoothness. Yet she felt the now-familiar surge of anger and confusion and self-pity rise in her chest. Where was she, and why was she here?
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"Hey there."
Cyborg turned slowly around in his chair, suppressing his grin. He would know that sassy voice anywhere.
"What up…Bumblebee," he said coolly, finally turning to see the dark-skinned, almond-eyed young woman standing with a slim hip resting lightly against the desk.
Karen Beecher flashed a smile, slow as molasses. She pulled out a gold-plated stethoscope.
"Like it, Cyborg?" She fiddled with it, making sure it caught it the light and reflected a rainbow back. Now she couldn't hide her enthusiasm. "I'm now Chief-of-Staff over at Arkham."
"Congratulations," Cyborg said warmly, shaking her hand. "It's very shiny. Not my style of bling, though."
Karen snorted, eyeing him up and down, deliberately taking in his shiny titanium and crystal casing. "As though you need any more." she said.
"Oh really, now?" Cyborg replied, arching an eyebrow. "Ya know, I was thinking of asking you out tonight—but if you're going to be too busy admiring your new stethoscope, then we can always reschedule…."
"I think I can work something out," Karen said, leaning closer to him and smiling fully. Her green eyes twinkled. "See you." She walked away from him with her hips swaying under the lab coat.
Jinx watched all this from the corner where she was hiding, turning away from the pair with a heavy heart and downcast eyes.
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Robin parked his motorbike in the garage, gently caressing it for a few moments before finally stepping inside. For the first time in ages he stopped by at his personal library, with its huge, fantastic collection of books he had inherited. He ran his fingers over the old, leather spines, not entirely sure why he was there, or what he was looking for.
He moved past the psychology literature section, past the medical textbooks, and there it was, finally: fiction. Somehow, a few titles seemed to jump to his fingers as though by magic. Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, Shakespeare's Greatest Tragedies including Othello, The Tempest, and Hamlet; and, of course, The Collected Edgar Allen Poe. He himself hadn't read the books in years, not since his high school literature days; but some feeling told him Raven would enjoy these books.
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Duly, the next day, Robin brought the books with him as he signed in at St. Agnes's.
"How was your date last night, Cy?" he asked his friend, as the other rapidly typed security codes into the computer.
Cyborg laughed. "Grea," he said. He eyed the books Robin was carrying. "Dude, do you really not have enough work to do that you have enough time to read books for fun? 'Cause if you do, man, you can have some of my work…"
"No, these are actually for—"
"Raven," both Robin and Cyborg finished at the same time. Cyborg grinned at the slightly astonished look on Robin's face.
"Did you really think it wasn't that obvious?" Cyborg said with a chuckle. "You like her, don't you."
Robin didn't reply. "You know what, I think I do," he said softly. He turned to go to room 4A, although his brow remained knit with thought.
Raven seemed to have just awoken when Robin came in, gently closing the door behind him. He grinned—Raven felt a slight pang—and stepped more fully inside.
"Good morning," he said, for now the professional doctor, "how are the medicines working for you? No side effects?"
"Oh no, not if you don't count choking on those horse-tranquilizers and feeling like I'm going to vomi,t" Raven replied sourly.
"Great, glad to see you're feeling better," he said cheerily. All of a sudden he felt slightly awkward and he thrust the books at her. "Here. I brought you something. I thought you might get a little bored all by yourself here…"
She was going to reply that she preferred to be alone until she looked at the embossed titles of the books. Raven looked up into Robin's gold eyes with warmth and gratitude. "Robin…thanks," she said, and he was pleased to hear the slight note of pleasure she injected into her voice. "These are my favorites," she said, and Robin could have sworn she had ended on an exclamation point, though he couldn't be sure.
"How did you know" she asked.
Robin shrugged—he honestly didn't know how he knew. "I enjoyed reading them too, so I thought you might." It was a lie; he'd hated Poe as a teenager and while the Shakespeare were fine, Frankenstein was a little too creepy for him.
Hesitantly, Robin and Raven stepped closer to each other.
Tentatively, he put his arms slowly, gently around her.
Slowly, she leaned in closer to rest her head on his chest.
Finally, the doctor and the patient, Robin and Raven, embraced.
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A/N: Wow…thank you for all the reviews! Here's an update just in time for Valentine's Day. Hope you enjoyed the reading! Oh, and I figured out an explanation for why Raven's in this alternate reality, but you'll have to wait until the final chapter to find it out.
Okay, on to review replies: I got so many wonderful, amazing ones that I simply must.
Kirish: No, I'm not dropping this—and gee, hard to think of why you're reading if you consider the major premise of my story as "shit."
Elm-Tree10: Yes they are!
Samisweet: Thanks for your review. You'd actually be surprised how many Desis are on definitely was.
The Wings of a Raven: Thanks! Um, once I think of a suitable condition for Speedy, I can put him in. I actually have done some research for this story so the conditions are real, although the medicines aren't.
AnnFaithDarknessGoddess : Wow, thank you so much for your sweet review!
FweenessMeep No Meep: Why's it so wrong? Your name is very cute by the way.
As usual, many thanks and a Happy Valentine's Day to all who have read my story and reviewed, and all those that are reading and plan to review.