The Late Ron Stoppable
By S-Chrome
Description: Another one of those stories with a moral in it.
Disclaimer: The very dynamic duo of Ron and Rufus and those punctual bit players are owned by Disney. To commemorate my use of them without permission, I wear Mickey Mouse ears every time I write a Disney-related fanfic. Fair deal, right?
Hmmm... What did that clock say?
7:15AM? Oh, okay. That's cool. Snore
Ahhh... Sleep's cool.
Back to sleep...
'Hmmm... What does the clock say?'
8:13AM... Oh... All right... I'm good. Snore
'WHOA! WAIT A MINUTE! 8:13AM?'
Ron Stoppable threw the sheets off himself and promptly fell off of his bed with a resounding thud.
There was no time for rest, or personal injury for that matter.
Ron shook off the pain in his side. Like professional ballplayers going after overzealous fans in the stands, he charged into his bathroom for a lightning-fast shower.
Turning the faucet to the right as far as it could Ron began to bathe himself. 'How in the world could I have forgot?' Ron thought to himself. Out of all the days, this was the day of days... And the Ron-man was going to be late for his day. Argh!
While taking his lightning fast shower, the bathroom door opened, in came Ron's father. He was quite groggy in the morning and was never quite right until he had his morning coffee. After quickly brushing his teeth, he spit the foamy substance into the toilet and flushed it.
Oh boy...
With indoor plumbing the way it is, running water and the flushing of the toilets seriously do not mix. Either the water got very hot or very cold. Which meant in a matter of seconds Ron would be either scorched like the Sahara desert in the summer months or he would become a bathing popsicle.
Yeah, it definitely wasn't Ron's day today. Despite the fact that it was his day.
If one was to guess that Ron would become a Saharan popsicle. They would win the grand prize. After the misguided flush of the toilet by Ron's dad, the water turned extremely hot, causing young Stoppable to howl in surprise. Seconds later, the water turned bitterly cold, causing Ron to once again yelp in surprise. But no sooner than the water went below the freezing point, it went back above the boiling point. Ron yelled in terror and resignation.
'When will the bathroom El Nino end?!' He thought to himself. Just as he mentally asked himself the question, he physically answered it as well.
He turned the faucet to the left, effectively shutting the water off.
Sometimes, Ron would come up with the most brilliant ideas. The idea that Drakken was trying to steal Christmas, the idea of the Naco, and now, turning off the shower because the plumbing doesn't like him.
Yep... Brilliant.
Pulling the curtains away, Ron stepped out of the shower feeling more fresh and clean than those rappers from Atlanta. He ran back to his room to check the time. The digital alarm clock read 8:25A.M. 'Good grief' Ron thought to himself, exasperated. 'That took 12 minutes! One-fifth of an hour! 720 sec...' He then realized that he was doing a very unusual and dangerous thing.
He was thinking too much. Plus it began to hurt his head a little bit.
Throwing on a clean tank top, Ron began to dress. 'White dress shirt, check. Black dress pants, check. Clip-on tie, check.' Ron checked off the items of clothing he was going to wear. But one thing was missing.
'Spiffy black sports jacket...' Uh-oh.
Ron searched about his uncharacteristically clean room for the missing piece of his dress puzzle. He looked on his seat, on the door, checked the ironing board. No jacket. At long last Ron thought of something that would help his search by a tenfold.
Covering his mouth to make his voice louder, he called upon the only one who could help him at a time like this.
"Moooooom!" Ron yelled. "You know where my spiffy black sports jacket is?" He continued, keeping the same tone of voice. Yeah, with a voice that loud, there was no way Mrs. Stoppable was not going to hear her desperate son. What with her in the kitchen, and him upstairs in his room, the lines of communication were clear as day.
Mrs. Stoppable shook her head and sighed. Ron was almost grown up now, and she knew once he had grown all the way up, Ronald would be a truly great man... But for now...
"It's in your closet, honey." She yelled back. Aha! The closet.
That's not good news.
Ron shuddered. 'Anything but the closet.' Many accidents, mistakes, mishaps, and unfortunate events occurred whenever Ron opened his closet. But this was a desperate situation. He sooo didn't want to be late. Steeling his nerves, and taking a deep cleansing breath, Ron trotted to his closet.
"Okay, Closet." Ron said to the inanimate object in question. "I don't like you, and you certainly don't like me. But can we just call a truce for today?" He said, with some desperation in his voice. He didn't want to seem weak in front of the closet, but this was a situation too desperate to talk tough.
Turning the knob slowly, Ron opened the closet door, and located his jacket within seconds. He grabbed the hanger and quickly shut the door. He then put on the jacket, and ran to the bathroom mirror.
"Oh! Who is that blond that's sharp as a tack?" Ron asked to no one in particular. "I know who... It's Stoppable... Ron Shtoppable... Ladies man!" He answered with the Sean Connery-esque accent that he learned from that spy guy a year and half back. Memories, memories...
Ron then snapped back to reality, he had forgotten something. It was pink, hairless, and naked.
Rufus!
Darting back into his room, Ron called for his naked mole rat partner in crime.
Rufus was having such a nice dream. After foiling Drakken's plot all by himself, he found himself taking a delightful vacation in Hawaii. Several naked mole rat hula girls surrounded him, looking at him in awe. Just as he was about to make himself more acquainted with these girls, he was awakened by the yelling of his owner.
Needless to say, Rufus wasn't too pleased to see Ron. But he did marvel about who good he looked in that suit.
"Come on, Rufus. We're running late." Ron said with urgency. Rufus jumped in Ron's right pant pocket. With that, Ron began to take out of his room and toward the stairs. There was something he was still forgetting. It lodged in the back of his head for seconds and then he finally remembered. He forgot to tie his shoes.
Oops!
One wise person who shall forever be nameless stated that one should not stop and think after running. Ron didn't know who it was, but he certainly knew why he shouldn't... He stopped in mid-sprint and tumbled forward.
Rufus quickly hopped out of Ron's pocket he tumbled down, down, down the stairs.
The thumping sounds of Ron's two thousand body parts hitting the stairs would have been too much for anyone to bear or hear for that matter.
Finally, he hit the rock-bottom... Of the staircase anyway. Right on his chin. Ron had finally reached a new low, falling down the stairs in your own house. Ron shook of the new pains which happened to be situated all over his body. With great difficulty, he lifted his left hand to check his digital watch.
It read 8:58AM
'Ugh, this tanks!' Ron thought to himself with disgust. He had 17 minutes to get to his destination and counting.
Ron managed to pick himself up from the staircase and head for the kitchen. Despite this mad rush he was in, he couldn't face a day without a good breakfast. So he quickly grabbed a granola bar and headed for the door.
Knowing that doing a dead sprint to his destination would be stupid and an ultimately futile attempt at making it in time, Ron ran to the backyard to get his motor scooter. Yes, it used to be a regular motor scooter, but thanks to Mr. Dr. P, ohh... It was a fire-breathing, 200 horsepowered king of the road. And all that masculine stuff.
Ron quickly grabbed the key from his pant pocket, and turned the key in the ignition. The scooter sputtered at first then roared to life.
"Booyah!" Ron exclaimed. He hopped on the scooter and drove off in a flash. Perhaps his miserable luck was changing today.
The Middleton High School Auditorium. Site of the regional basketball champion Mad Dogs, site of the regional football champion Mad Dogs, and site of the 2005 MHS graduating seniors.
Yes, it was graduation day. The day where parents watched their offspring take those little pieces of paper that guaranteed them that they would go out into the real world. Well... After college obviously. But for the graduating class, playtime was finally over.
Or was it.
"You're sooo not valedictorian material." Bonnie Rockwaller said to her rival and cheerleading counterpart, Kim Possible.
"And you are?" The teen hero... Or heroine replied. The argument continued back and forth for another couple minutes. One good thing about graduation, Kim thought to herself, was the fact that she'll never, ever see Bonnie Rockwaller ever again. Unless they end up attending the same university. She shuddered at that thought. Bon-Bon related thoughts started to cease when she looked over her fellow students in the backstage area of the auditorium. No sign of Ron.
'Where is he?' She asked herself.
Meanwhile, a known scooter zoomed through the streets of Middleton with the boy in question and his naked mole rat in operation of this machine of super speed. Ron was giddy. He was making fantastic time and at this rate, he would be at the school within five minutes. His thoughts then shifted to something he watched a few months ago. Some mathematician in a movie explained that anything bad can and does happen.(³)
Just then Ron's scooter sputtered out and died right there on the blacktop.
"No!" Ron exclaimed to himself. Not now. Not vapor lock!
Without even thinking, Ron hopped off the scooter, and began to run toward the school. What he didn't hear was the horn of the 18-Wheeler Big Rig that crushed his mega scooter into hunks of scrap metal.
With Rufus now in his back pocket, Ron did his best impression of a marathon runner, sprinting his way to school. Not caring about the consequences or even the fact that he would be ticketed for J-walking and stopping ongoing traffic. They'd have to catch him first...
Speaking of ongoing traffic, Ron crossed Main Street. Once again, he didn't acknowledge that the lights on his side was Red. Just then, a red convertible was speeding down the block. Ron stopped in obvious shock, too far gone to move.
His very life flashed before his eyes. 'Hehehe... Kim has cuddle buddies.' May have been his last thought.
Whatever it was that made Mystical Monkey Power work, it certainly took effect at this moment. That and dumb luck known as 'The Ron Factor' took center stage as Ron jumped several feet in the air and narrowly missed the convertible. Just as fast as the good ol' MMP took effect, it left his body and he did a beautiful face plant onto the sidewalk.
Ron opened his eyes and quickly felt his mouth to check if all his pearly whites were still there. 'Booyah! No missing teeth!' He then looked back at the convertible, which hit a fire hydrant. 'At least I'm better than the car' Ron thought to himself.
Dusting himself off, Ron continued his sprint to Middleton High. He checked on his naked buddy and found that he was OK. Then, he checked his watch which now looked worse for wear.
It read 9:13AM!
Two freaking minutes!
Once again, the run for the punctuality of Ron continued. He then saw that all too familiar building. 'Made it' Ron thought.
Now to perform the impossible.
Kim & Bonnie looked at each other, eyes narrowed and teeth bared. At long last, Mr. Principle, the principal was about to announce the 2005 Class Valedictorian. Both were primed and ready to thanks everyone who helped them along the way, and the value of education.
"The class of 2005's Valedictorian has shown that he or she has acheived excellence in all fields of scholastic development. Inside and outside of the classroom. And that student is none other than..."
Kim & Bonnie put their hands to their faces, the anticipitation too much for them both. And finally, the winner was announced.
"...Justine Flanner!"
"WHAT!" Kim & Bonnie both exclaimed. Yes, both of their need for the top spot of valedictorian clouded their minds, and at last, someone else actually won out of those two. It was certainly after-school special material.
But now wasn't the time.
Ron made a quick dash into the auditorium. 'Rats' he was indeed late. He quickly dashed out of the auditorium and into the backstage area. The students looked at him with surprised glances.
'Jeez!' Ron thought. 'Almost forgot my cap and gown.'
Meanwhile,
"Since Middleton High is all about having fun. We will be announcing our graduates backwards!" The principal announced. Indeed, there was always fun to be had on Graduation Day.
"Zimmerman, Robert!" Principal Principle announced.
As Ron put on his cap and gown, he was approached by his all too familiar best friend and prom date, Kim Possible.
"Kim!" Ron whispered excitedly.
"Ron!" She replied, returning the excitement. She pulled him into a tight hug and took a look at him. Boy, he didn't look so good. But actually, in a way, he did.
"You almost didn't make it." She whispered sternly. "What happened?" She asked with concern.
"Oh boy..." Ron began, "You really don't want to know." He said shaking his head.
"Yes I do." She said to him. "Spill."
"Thomas, Monique!" The principal bellowed from in front of the curtain. Monique walked regally from her spot, waved to both Kim and Ron.
"Go, Girl!" Kim exclaimed, pumping a fist for her friend. Monique gave a wink and entered the stage.
Ron remained silent. 'So that's what Monique's last name is!'
He hoped with Monique's name being called Kim would drop the subject of his struggles just to get here. No such luck.
"Now... Where were you?" Kim asked. Ron was backed into a corner. He couldn't lie to Kim, mostly because the lies he made were absolutely childish and ridiculous. So, taking another deep cleansing breath, Ron prepared to tell the almighty painful truth about his whereabouts.
"Wellll. First, I woke up late. Then the shower couldn't decide whether it was on hot or cold." Ron said with exasperation. He then continued the terrible tirade. "Then I couldn't find my spiffy black sports jacket. By the way, you like?" He asked in the middle of his speech.
Kim nodded.
"Good. Got it at Smarty Mart for $29.99. Anyway, I forget to tie my shoelaces and then fell down the stairs. I hate when that happens, don't you?"
Kim nodded again while trying to keep a giggle from escaping her lips.
"So... I jet out the house, hop the scooter, and I'm scooting along, right? So I'm halfway there and you know what it does!" Kim shook her head. "It freakin' dies on me, Kim!" Ron quietly exclaimed. "I mean, I know vapor lock is a very serious issue with mopeds... But it's ridiculous! So, I run down Main Street, you still following me here?"
Kim shrugged but her look still urged Ron to continue.
"So yeah, I'm flying down Main Street and this big ol' Mustang or Corvette comes flying at me at lightning speed. I'm like, ahhhh! And..."
"Swayze, Daisy!" Principal Principle continued on. Ron stopped his quiet tirade. He didn't know that the Principal
was calling the names in reverse alphabetical order. His name was coming up soon! He kept his ear in tune with the principal. He could tell Kim the story later.
"Or next student needs no introduction." The principal said with zest. Middleton High's very own Ron S..."
He was cut off by Ron who came sprinting from behind the curtain. He grabbed the diploma and raised both fists in victory and let out a triumphant "Booyah!" He then proceeded to walk across the stage, striking poses
"Uh... Congratulations Ron Strositie!"
Strositie!
Well... This was certainly embarrassing. Ron looked back at the principal and then the shocked crowd, gave a little sheepish grin, and returned the diploma to the principal. 'What a costly error.' Ron thought to himself. Now he knew what it meant to feel like Buckner.
After that it was Exit, Stage, Left time for Ron until his name was announced. Uh... Where was the exit? He walked toward the end of the stage and tripped on his robe.
Oh boy, version 2 point 0.
Ron tumbled and tried to wave his arms to keep balance, but to no avail. This time, he fell over the stage.
And made yet another delightful face plant onto the auditorium floor.
The crowd gave out a horrified gasp as Ron hit the floor face first into the newly waxed floor.
'Hey' Ron thought. 'The lights are growing diiiiim...' With that, he immediately lost consciousness.
Ron woke up in an unfamiliar venue. When he checked his surroundings, he put two and two together and figured out he was in the Nurse's office. The nurse, Mrs. Quack, quickly went over to him.
"He's waking up!" The nurse announced.
Just then, Kim, Monique, Felix, and even Tara entered the room. All of them with concerned looks on their faces.
"Uh... Hey guys." Ron said to them. "How long was I out?"
Felix check his watch carefully before responding. "Uh... You've been out for... 2 hours."
Ron then proceeded to scream. "Two Hours! Ugh... This is soooo not my day." But then Ron sprung an idea.
"Uh... Did any one of you guys get my diploma for me?" He asked. The group exchanged glances and proceeded to back away from Ron. Mixed answers of "Um..." and "Well..." were exchanged among the four. Ron looked at them crossly.
"Ehhh... I do have a diploma, right guys?" Silence. "Guys?" More silence.
Just then, Kim spoke up.
"Welll, Ron." She began nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. "Your name was... Never announced." She said solemnly.
Oh no...
Ron was about to ask why, when Mr. Barkin stepped into the office. He was sick of hearing these kids beat around the proverbial bush.
"What she's trying to say, Stoppable. Is that you did not graduate." Barkin said, dropping the ton of bricks on Ron.
"What!" Ron shouted. "How! Why?" He said, almost breaking down. He waited 4 years for this moment, and just when he thought he got out of it, it pulled him right back in.
"You failed P.E., Son." Barkin replied.
P.E.?
P.E.?
Physical FREAKING Education?
Ron was too shocked to speak. So Barkin continued.
"You will have to take it over during the summer." He said to a now colorless Ron Stoppable. He looked like he was going to faint once again. But Barkin snapped him out of his not-graduating haze by slapping another ton of bricks on him.
"We have installed a tutor to work with you during the summer as well." He said with a small chuckle. Ron took a look at the doorway and gasped at his new tutor.
"Stoppable, meet your summer tutor, Brick Flagg." Barkin said, holding back laughter.
Brick stepped into the nurse's office with a diploma in his hand and a wide smile on his face.
"Hey, Stompable." Brick said to a shocked and dismayed Ron. "We're gonna have LOTS and LOTS of fun this summer." He said with that grin never dissipating from his face.
Ron fell back into the bed and shut his eyes as tight as he could.
Forget Wannaweep, This was going to be one ugly, sweaty, CRUEL summer.
The End.
Lesson #1: Vapor lock is nothing to play with.
Lesson #2: Always take Physical Education seriously. It's a very necessary subject in high school.
Reviews, please. I'm beggin' ya.
S-Chrome