Author's Note: WOW 8 reviews on the first chapter and im a newbie in the section, so kewl, thank you everybody! You guys made my day! Well... I think it was 1 person that took me up on the plushie offer... odd... and only a few of you voted on the 'ships... well you know what, I figured out the 'ships... and you guys aren't going to find out for a very long time, youll think you have it down then ill write it the other way... hehehe... last chapter you might have noticed a big use of italics and bold... hehehe sorry bout that, I got a little carried away... and sorry that this chapter is like pure angst... I couldn't fit any humor in it, and I try to whenever I can to make the chapters more interesting, but this chapter was just raw emotion and I didn't want to take away from that... oh, and this chapter is shorter, though still quite long, I think I like this length most so ill try and fit them around this... ok now the chapter, there will be Reviewer-Thank-You-s at the bottom of this chapter...

Plushie Orders:

My Divinest – 1 Freddy/Kevin Plushie, 1 Zack/Joey Plushie

Chapter 1

Tomika stepped onto the bus and sat in the empty front right seat. It had been two months ago since she last went to school but it seemed like it was only yesterday. Her days seemed just go by in a blur with nothing new ever happening, everything always being the same. She didn't know why, but her life had become... gray. She went to school, did her homework, volunteered, worked; A dull schedule of meaningless activities had seemed to consume her life, nothing to brighten it up, no friends, nobody to talk to, nothing to do.

A certain feeling seemed to have left her life, and everything else seemed to have gone along with it. She couldn't really pinpoint what the feeling was, but she knew it. Oh, she knew it well. It didn't have a name, it didn't really have a description, and for all she knew she was making it up...but she knew she wanted it...that feeling. She knew it was something like when you sung carols, baked cookies, opened presents, put up lights, decorated during Christmas. It was a feeling of safety and security... that something wonderful was happening to you because you thought it was wonderful. You could just see beauty everywhere and in everything. You couldn't describe the feeling but you could almost see it at times when you see something magical, because it was a feeling that...well, was magical. It was a feeling that everything was right with the world, well; your own world...and she had never felt it again, never since four years ago...

The whole band stayed home the day after Dewey's death. It was just too much for her to handle and she knew the entire band felt the same way. She didn't think that any of them could have brought themselves to go to school that day. Tomika knew she couldn't have.

She had spent the better half of yesterday in her room sobbing with a box of tissues. At first the news hadn't seemed to hit quite home; she had just sat there, shocked. But after her mother brought her mind back from wherever it had gone by calling her name over and over again, she immediately abandoned her food and ran to the bathroom to empty her stomach. She had to flush more than once, but when she started to retch nothing but air she collapsed on top of the toilet and the avalanche of tears began.

Somehow she had made it to her room, she didn't know when or how, but that's where she wound up. That was where her tears finally stopped because there was nothing left to cry. She had just lay there and didn't move, didn't think, just was. And eventually sleep came to her, a sleep brought on by pure exhaustion. Her body needed to regain all the energy it had lost, and she felt sleepier than she ever had before, all because what had just happened. It had felt like a floodgate opening and everything that had ever been pent up was being let out all at once, leaving nothing. It had just been too much for her; she needed rest, whether or not she wanted it.

Finally she awoke from her restless sleep when the sounds of thunder filled her room. Once she was awake she just sat up and looked out her window, it was a downpour. As thoughts of yesterday came back she realized she didn't really feel anything. She felt...empty. And that's exactly what she was; empty, physically and emotionally. Yesterday had drained everything from her, and she just couldn't feel anything...and she hadn't eaten for...she glanced at the clock, 3:07, an entire day. But she wasn't hungry; she didn't think she could even touch food. She didn't want to eat anything, she just wanted to...she didn't know what she wanted anymore because she just wanted one thing, one thing that she couldn't have.

She began to lick her lips that had become dry and cracked. They tasted salty...they tasted like tears.

She felt another breakdown coming but she was saved when her mother began to call her as she was coming up the stairs. "Honey, wake up." Tomika saw her doorknob turn and her mom entered holding the phone. "Oh, you're awake." She sat down next to her, fixing her hair with a smile on.

"Who-" Tomika began but her voice cracked. She cleared her throat and started over. "Who is it?" her voice was harsh and raspy, but she was able to get the sentence out.

"Its Summer, dear," when Tomika heard her name the first thing that came to her mind was the band, and with thought of the band came thoughts of... Her mother apparently saw something in her face. "I can tell her to call back later if you don't want to-"

"Its ok," she spoke clearer this time, but still a little throaty.

"I'll leave you alone." Her mom said, who left the room, closing the door silently, after handing Tomika the phone.

"Hello," she spoke into the phone.

"Hey, Tomika, its Summer, how are you?" her voice was a little too cheery.

"Oh, I'm fi-" her voice cracked again. She cleared her throat once more. "I'm fine."

"Oh, ok, good," she didn't sound all too convinced. "Well, there is a mandatory band meeting at D-" Tomika could hear Summer breathe deeply, no doubt keeping herself calm enough to not cry while on the phone. "I mean, Freddy's in 30 minutes, you remember where it is right?"

"Yea, I'll be there, later."

"Later." She heard Summer echo and Tomika hung up the phone and began to get ready.

As her mother's car pulled up to the Mansion that was the Jones' estate she heard thunder for the third time during the short time it took to get to Freddy's house. She stepped out of the car after saying goodbye to her mother and promising to call when she could pick her up; Summer had never said when the meeting would end. She closed the car door with a slam and immediately felt raindrops beating down on her. The rain was coming down too hard to stay in too long and she had to run to the porch where an overhang sheltered most of the rain from getting through.

After ringing the doorbell twice, strangely enough, Summer answered the door of Freddy Jones' house. Tomika couldn't help but think how rude that was; oh well, that was Freddy. Summer let her in and as she stepped onto the tiled floor she was hit with a warm blast of air, it felt good. Tomika noticed everyone else's shoes by the door so she took her shoes off too. "You're the last one here. Come on, follow me." Summer said gesturing for her to follow.

As they began to walk through the gigantic house the hallways were rugged, and it felt so good to feel the warmth of the rug through the thin layer of her socks. Summer continued to lead her through a series of more hallways that lead off into rooms that were large enough to fit over 4 of their classrooms in. Freddy seemed living proof to Tomika that people with money most definitely weren't the same; money didn't make the person. She couldn't help but see the differences between her family and his as she walked through his house with rooms embellished with expensive décor. But as she walked down the hallways she noticed one thing was similar with all the rooms they passed; they were empty. Freddy's parents must be away again, she thought. Freddy's parents were often gone but they still expected as much from him as Summer's parents did, a tough situation for Freddy. But since his parents are gone that's probably why we are meeting here.

Eventually they came to a room that was dimly light with the drapes covering the windows halfway. The rest of the band was strewn throughout the room, everyone sitting; all of them, Zack, Katie, Freddy, Lawrence, Marta, Alicia, all of them looking like...like someone had died. The irony of that thought cut through Tomika like a knife and she immediately regretted thinking it. She didn't want to start to cry here, if she did, then so would everyone else. It was like they were all leaning on each other in a circle, everyone dependent on one person, and if somebody fell, so would everyone else, so Tomika couldn't cry, nobody could. They had to be strong for what they were about to do. She knew what was going to happen, though she dreaded it. She knew, and she couldn't stop it, which just made it worse.

Tomika sat down and Freddy began to speak, in a far from happy tone. "Well, since we're all here, why don't we get this over with." Freddy's words came out much too harsh and a pained look came across everyone's face. Tomika knew he didn't mean it that way, but still. He immediately realized his mistake. "No- wait, I didn't mean-"

"Its ok," Tomika said softly, everyone looking at her, she usually didn't speak unless spoken to, or to settle an argument. "We know what you meant." He seemed relieved but his face still carried a guilty, hurt, expression.

"Well... err..." Marta began, but seemed to not be able to finish what she was about to say.

"Uhh... Yea..." Katie followed.

"So... umm..." Alicia spoke softly, her eyes darting across the room trying to get someone else to finish her thought. But there was only silence, nobody wanting to speak, and nobody wanting to say it.

Everybody began to stare at each other, not knowing what to do. Then, Zack moved out from a corner where Tomika had overlooked him, she didn't remember him being there. "I suppose I'll say it, Dewey's dead." His voice quivering at the end and his face contorted with emotion. Tomika thought that he was about to start to cry but instead he began to speak again harsher, angrier. "Dewey's dead and so's the band. Its over." When he finished talking lighting flashed outside, but the classic-movie-moment was lost to everyone. They were all too shocked with what he said...well not really what he said, but how he said it. Zack's eyes were full of anger, but she could see tears welling up, but he was fighting them. He was fighting a losing battle. "Goodbye." He said in what seemed to be, an enraged tone, but Tomika could tell it was fake. He was just as sad as everyone else. He left, stalking out of the room, but at the last moment Tomika saw him bring his sleeve up and brush tears from his face.

Katie looked up, her face straining to hold back what Zack couldn't. "It... is over... isn't it...?"

Tomika saw small nods from everyone in the room, and when they nodded Katie just let go and began to break out in tears. She ran to the nearest person-Freddy-and began to sob into his shoulder. She began to shiver violently and her gaps could be heard clearly throughout the room. Freddy had to wrap his arm around her to keep her body from crumpling on the floor.

Alicia, Marta, and Summer ran to each other in a hug and began to follow the suit Katie had started. Tomika knew Lawrence couldn't watch them without himself crying, which was why he left the room. Freddy, though, stayed to comfort Katie, if he moved then Katie would have just fallen and not gotten up. He was pretending to be strong for them, but she knew he wanted to just forget about not crying in front of other people and just do it, but he didn't. Everyone was crying, except for Freddy... and her. And that was when Tomika looked in the mirror on the wall, and realized that she was crying, crying silently. Tears were streaming down her face, leaving dark trails on her face. She didn't wipe them away, she didn't want to stop them, she wanted them to come, she wanted to feel the pain.

Why had the circle been broken? Now she had nobody to lean on, nobody did, they were all alone. They weren't standing up supporting each other anymore; they were all on the ground. Why, why was it broken! Why did Dewey have to die! Why were they crying? Who had done it...? Who broke the circle? Her mind whirled back but she couldn't think straight... Katie, why had Katie broken the circle? Then she realized it wasn't Katie, it was Zack.

She hated the memory, tried to stifle it, but it always came back to her. The bus pulled up to the school and she stood up to get out. She hated that day; it was the worst day of life. Then as she left the bus, her thoughts moved to another day, the day that they had all gone back to school. At lunch she had sat down at the table they all had sat down a week before, except… she had sat down at an empty table.

Reviewer-Thank-You-s:

LostInMySanity: lol thanx for reviewing... and yea sorry there has to be romance... hehehe

mellowyellow36: 8 )

sweetcaroline3313: lol the 'ship will be a secret but I promise I won't let anyone down!

Nanners-77: lol ok, I hope I made them sad enough though... I think I did but my editor, the person who you are editor to, and my beta are like you better make them sad! So I did lol, and kewl I got the characters down good? Lol I was so afraid that I would do a horrible job at that, hope this chapter is just as detailed!

Chinsky: lol too bad they won't be 10 year olds any more! Lol yes and dewey had to kick the bucket, sorry

Thedoorsrock: lol the 'ship will be a secret but I promise I won't let anyone down! (same thing I said to sweetcaroline3313)

Tarkyn: what people think and what im going to make happen are probably always different, mind you I never said the opposite I said differen't.. and I said probably hehehe

My Divinest: lol yea, the killer commas, hehehe and you're the only one who wanted a plushie! Can you believe ittt, and you know what the 'ships are my almighty editor! Glad you like it though...

ok, now REVIEW