A/N: Well this is my first fanfiction I've written and to be honest this isn't really the type of story I'm interested in, and I don't know where it came from at all. Howeverhere it is, and I'd really appreciateany reviews as long as they aren't flames. Thank you.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, it's places/characters/etc
One choice. I had one choice. I had informed the Dark Lord of my position as the Potters' secret keeper and he immediately questioned me for their whereabouts. Remembering that day, I had never been so unsure. There were many instances during my time as a double-crosser where I was hesitant in answering to the Dark Lord, but in the end the fear for my life and the promise of a great reward always prevailed. And yet, in that time, answering that one question would reveal my one-sided loyalty to the Dark Lord, no one else. I would no longer be just a double-crosser, I would be the back-stabber…the traitor. All if I made this one choice.
Could I do it? Could I turn my back completely on friends who have only always been there for me? Could I betray them?
Could I turn my back on Remus or Moony as we so often called him? Who always cared the most, helping me with my schoolwork when I was on the brink of failure? Always making sure I had tried my very hardest?
Could I turn my back on Padfoot? He often made fun of my weaknesses…but whenever I was teased by anyone else, he'd threaten them to stop. He and Prongs were not a pair to mess with and would defend me in times of trouble. Could I dismiss their friendship just like that?
Could I turn my back on Prongs, James Potter the great quidditch player? He was arrogant sometimes yes, but he was the one who befriended me in the first place. And it was he who helped me the most when we had decided to become Animagi.
And could I turn my back on Lily? She had always been so friendly and welcoming. She and Moony were the only ones who didn't make fun on my choice to be a rat in my animal form. She said it was a clever choice, and that I would be able to sneak past people unawares.
Could I turn my back on them I had asked myself. Yes I had thought, yes I could. The Dark Lord promised me more, more rewards and riches if I was loyal to him. And I made my choice, my one choice.
"They're at Godric's Hollow My Lord, living as muggles."
He told me I would receive a great reward for this, more than what he had ever given to another Death Eater. Not even that spot of guilt to be found in my heart stopped me from feeling such pride. My loyalties were to the Dark Lord alone. Guilt was not a feeling that existed inside me…inside any Death Eater.
But the events that followed did not go as he planned. He had succeeded in killing James, and had even killed Lily in attempt to get to Harry, but he didn't achieve his one goal. To kill Harry. Instead the Dark Lord was defeated, on the brink of death with no means of being healed but for what Dark Magic could conjure. That night I knew I was no longer safe. The other Death Eaters were sure to think that I had betrayed them and it was almost definite that Padfoot (on second thought Sirius wouldn't allow me to call him that anymore) would hunt me down himself. Then Lily's words rang through in my head:
"I think it's a clever choice, he'll be able to sneak past people unawares, which is more than I can say for you James."
I would be a rat, hiding from my enemies, hiding from the friends I betrayed. Sure, both Padfoot and Moony would know what I was, but how were they to find the right rat with millions of other rodents in the world? First I would get rid of Sirius; Dumbledore thought it was he who was the Secret Keeper and if he were to go to Azkaban, the person I considered the most dangerous to me would be gone. One less thing to worry about.
Finding Sirius was simple, or rather getting him to find me. I had purposely gone to a place crowded with muggles so my plan would work and it went without a hitch. He found me with no delay and threatened to kill me, I played out my innocent act and made it out as if was the guilty one, and then before he could do anything about it, I murmured a classic curse known to Death Eaters. I changed into a rat at the same moment, bit off my right index finger (or part of my paw I should say), sneaked past all the dead bodies and members of the Ministry and went with other rats into a storm drain. The next day I learnt that 13 of the muggles had died and Sirius had been put away in Azkaban without trial, to my pleasure.
However, I could no longer live a normal life; who knew how long I would have to live as a rat? But a life in the sewer wasn't what I wanted, if I were to be a rat, I at least would be a rat with an easier life. 2 days after Sirius was imprisoned, I had finally arrived at the Magical Menagerie. It was a cold wait but eventually the owner found me, cleaned me up and put me in the rat cage. I was there for 2 weeks before a found a suitable family to stay with, I had watched all the customers carefully to make sure they were an all wizarding family, in order for me to know what is going on.
And what better family could I ask for? The Weasleys were definitely not what one would consider an honourable pureblooded family but at least they were never supporters of the Dark Lord, and least likely to have a run in with a former Death Eater. And so I lived comfortably for the next 11 years, a rat for 11 years…but safe. Then what I possibly couldn't imagine had happened. Harry Potter became best friends with my owner! At first I dismissed it as nothing…what could possibly happen? But no, now the Dark Lord showed himself in ways none could predict. The first time was unsuccessful and the same can be said for his attempt in Harry's second year, but that faithful night on a full moon, I will never forget.
Sirius Black had returned! Escaped! And his one goal in mind? To kill me…not be rid of, not wipe out, but kill. It is not needless to say his goal did not come to pass, yes he did reveal to Harry and a couple of his friends the truth, but I was alive. I returned to the Dark Lord, who was weak in health and mind however determined to have his vengeance. But something changed in me that night, that something which is the reason I cannot forget it…it was Harry who had saved my life. Harry Potter, son of the man I betrayed, the man whom I called my friend, the man I killed, saved my life. Why would he do that? Sirius was very intent on killing me, as was the usually reserved Remus…but the one person who should have been most angry at me, spared my life. At the time I did not know it, at the time all I wanted to do was grab that chance and stay alive…but deep down my thoughts had changed. It is these thoughts of doubt that are resurfacing now.
The Dark Lord of course had risen again; he is now fully alive in both body and mind. I should be proud to play a key part in his resurrection, I should be proud to be his Death Eater…but that was just it. I was, no us his Death Eater, he owns me. Many of us deny this to ourselves, and once I was the same, but I can't lie about it anymore. He owns us and that was the reality. Is it better to live a life not controlled by yourself, or die knowing it was your choice? I have asked myself that many a time recently, always thinking the first preference. But with each time I ask myself that, the latter sounds more and more appealing. How much longer can I go on like this? It is a question I am afraid to answer.
The time when Harry saved me from death continues to play through my mind and echo in my ears, as much as I wanted to throw it away, I had a bond. Forever would my conscience be plagued by this feeling of owing the boy something in return. I owed him a life debt and that too was the reality.
And that piece of reality was stronger than any other of my thoughts. Though that only makes me more confused. Do I return the debt defying the Dark Lord, or let it lie and torture my mind for eternity? Desperately I wish I don't have to. I wish that this was never entrusted upon me. I wish…I wish…I wish all of this never happened. And it is this time that it really dawns on me. I made a terrible mistake to be trapped in my own thoughts and conscience. I made the wrong choice. That one choice has ruined me. The one choice cannot be amended in my mind unless I do one thing. Unless I make another choice. One more choice that will be my end.