Title: As the 'Gate Turns: Adjusting
Author: Annerb
Rating: PG, minor language and violence
Summary: Sam and Haley deal with their new relationship
Classifications: Series, S/J Angst, Drama, Mid-season 8
Season: Mid-season 8, up through End Game (AU from there)
Archive: Yes, SJD and Heliopolis
DisclaimerThe characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.
Author's Note: Here's part 5. I hope you like Haley, she's got a long path ahead of her. This chapter is pure angst and fluff. I promise more action next time! Thanks for all the great feedback! Triptnx and Montage: you guys keep me going! (That's a good thing, I swear ;)
Feedback: Always appreciated!
Part 5: Adjusting
Watching Haley and Sam together was almost painful, Jack noted. Not only because of what Haley represented, an unwelcome reminder of Sam's relationship with Pete, but also because of the palpable unease between the two. Suddenly they were mother and daughter and neither of them seemed to have any idea how to deal with the revelation. Jack had rarely, if ever, seen Carter this unsure of herself. He imagined her guilt would be nearly unbearable. Heck, he felt guilty and she wasn't even his daughter. They all seemed to feel that they should have been able to protect her from the Goa'uld and the NID even more so. She should have been safe on earth. Jack had been the one to let her leave the facility under the care of the Pentagon; he was as responsible as anyone for what happened to Sam's daughter.
Having finished telling Haley everything they had managed to translate from the Enki's lab, they all sat in silence in the briefing room. Haley was still reeling from the fact that she actually had parents; that she wasn't just something made in a lab. She really was human, with a mother and a father. That thought brought her up short. She looked up at the Colonel, check that, her mother.
"Colonel Carter." Sam's head shot up at her title. They both realized the absurdity of Haley addressing her mother in such a formal way. Sam seemed saddened by it.
"Haley…do you think you could not call me Colonel? It just seems…" her voice faltered and she came to a clumsy stop. Her eyes, however, seemed to plead with Haley.
Haley didn't think she could bring herself to call this near-stranger mother. She opened her mouth to try, but just shook her head and looked away, unable to bear the look on the older woman's face.
Daniel, propelled into action by the pathetic scene before him, jumped in to help. "How about Sam for now? That's what her friends call her and at the very least, we are all friends now, right?" Haley nodded mutely, not missing the grateful look that Sam threw Daniel.
"Of course. Well…Sam, I was just wondering…um…about my father?" At her question the atmosphere in the room rapidly changed. Haley noted everyone's reactions with curiosity. She had thought it a rather straightforward question, but their expressions told otherwise. Sam seemed to pale a bit as if unprepared to answer the question. Daniel sent a concerned look at Sam as if equally unsure of her reaction. Teal'c remained impassive as ever, though he did almost imperceptibly move closer to Sam's chair. While Daniel and Teal'c betrayed concern for Sam, General O'Neill's posture became rigid, and Haley had the feeling that he really didn't like the turn the conversation had taken, though she couldn't imagine why.
Haley decided that she didn't need to know right now. "I'm sorry," she said in a slightly shaky voice, "I don't really need…"
Sam cut her off. "No, of course you deserve to know. It's just…" She seemed to be failing to steel herself against whatever she had to say.
Daniel once again swept in to save the day. "It's a little complicated. Your dad isn't part of the program and…well, Sam isn't with him anymore." Daniel looked to Sam to see if he should say anymore, but she was staring blindly at the table, her face inexpressive.
Haley was also closely watching her mother's face, assuming that it must have been a bad break-up. Was her father a horrible person? Did she really want to know? At least he didn't seem to be dead. "What is his name?"
"Pete Shanahan," Daniel supplied when it became clear that Sam wasn't going to answer.
"Pete Shanahan," Haley repeated softly. She closed her eyes and thought of the name, concentrating all of her will on it. From deep within a great fog in her mind, Haley began to see a smiling face, a farm and then a blue uniform. Before she could grab onto any of the elusive images they were gone.
She opened her eyes to find them all watching her intently. Self-consciously she shifted in her chair and then looked at her mother. "He wears a blue uniform…a keeper of the peace or something. Is that right?"
Sam looked shocked but nodded her head. "Pete was…is a policeman. They protect people and make sure that the laws are followed."
Now it was Jack's turn to join in the conversation. "How exactly did you know that, Haley?"
"I don't know, I just thought about the name and I think I saw him." She shook her head. "It's happened a few times, ever since…" she broke off and shuddered, unwilling to think of things that had happened to her at the hands of those faceless men.
"Ever since the NID kidnapped you?" Jack finished for her.
Haley nodded, "I don't know what they did, but it's like there was a wall in my head, and they poked a hole in it. It doesn't always work, but sometimes, I just know things."
"That's how you knew to break into the dialing program and use the Stargate," Daniel said in his awestruck, look-at-me-I'm-connecting-the-dots voice.
Jack looked alarmed at this new information. Haley rushed to prove herself. "I didn't tell them anything. I may have been…angry…that you let them take me, but I didn't betray you. Especially not to people who would do such things."
"No one is accusing you of anything, Haley," assured Daniel. He looked archly at Jack, "Right, Jack?"
"Of course not," agreed Jack distractedly. He was contemplating what all of this meant. She had potential access to unknown amounts of information about Earth and through Sam, the Tok'ra. And now the NID and who knows who else knew about Haley.
Teal'c seemed to be contemplating the same things. "Haley must be kept safe at all costs. Our enemies must not be allowed to have such an advantage over us and our allies."
Jack nodded, knowing Teal'c was right, but unsure of where that left Haley.
Daniel, who had been looking confused, seemed to have caught up with the two other men. "What exactly are you saying? That Haley can't ever leave the Mountain?"
"Daniel, we are not suggesting that she be locked up. But even you must comprehend what this means. She knows everything Carter knows! It's a bit of a security risk!"
"Actually O'Neill, according to the research notes, Haley should have access to Colonel Carter and all of those before her, including General Carter, as well as Jolinar and all of her hosts and all of the Goa'uld."
The staggering amount of memories and information that this covered momentarily stunned Daniel. He quickly recovered. "That can't be, though. If she did have access to these memories…she would be evil or at the very least, crazy. Remember Shifu. Oma blocked all of his Goa'uld memories because it would have overwhelmed him. The only way to win is to deny the battle."
"That may be so, Daniel, but she still knew stuff she shouldn't! You know I can't explain this, but I do know that the NID and Goa'uld will do anything to get their hands on that information." At Haley's outraged expression, he put his hands up. "You don't have to volunteer the information, Haley. They have ways to force it out of you, trust me."
"So, what? We just keep her hidden down here like a state secret along with the Stargate? Or maybe ship her off to the beta site?"
"You know that's not what I-" Jack was cut off as Sam abruptly stood.
"Stop it." Her voice was quiet, but firm. "Above all, Haley is a person. And she is also sitting right in front of you, so stop discussing her like she is not even here."
Haley nodded her thanks to her mother, but Jack moved to open his mouth again. Sam quickly interrupted. "Look, sir, I understand that there are safety issues to be considered, and I trust you to come up with something secure and fair. But this is my daughter we are talking about, not some new alien technology. Please keep that in mind." Sam got up and walked around the table to stand behind her daughter. "For now, though, I think we have said enough. Haley looks exhausted and a little overwhelmed. I am going to take her to some quarters and let her rest."
Haley stood up and smiled weakly at Sam, grateful to get out of the charged atmosphere of the briefing room. She noted the somewhat shell-shocked faces of the men in the room as she followed her mother out of the room. Sam had easily steam-rolled all of them, Haley thought with a small smile. She was proud to note that her mom could kick some ass when she needed to. And if Haley had some of this woman in her, then maybe she would be okay too.
Jack had given Haley the whole night to rest, but first thing in the morning, he sent Dr. Warner to get a full check-up on Haley. Jack wanted to know exactly what he was dealing with. He was sure to hear it from Carter and Daniel later, but Jack had to think of base security first.
As soon as he finished, Dr. Warner was sitting in Jack's office, giving him a full report.
"Well, sir, she seems to have been subjected to significant amounts of shock therapy. There are burns on many parts of her body, but most of them should heal on their own. It seems that the people who held her were careful not to permanently damage her."
Jack didn't reply, but just continued to stare at the doctor. Jack really hated this part of his job. Why would he really want to hear everything those slimy bastards had done to Haley? But it was Jack's responsibility to be on top of this sort of stuff. Jack gestured for the doctor to continue.
"I also found traces of various chemicals in her system. Some of them I couldn't identify, but one of them seems to have been sodium pentothal. I also think they may have used TD."
"Truth serums," Jack mumbled. "Do you think that shock therapy and drugs could lead to her new abilities to access certain memories?"
Dr. Warner shook his head. "I really couldn't hazard a guess, sir. Her MRI is unlike anything I have seen before. The basic structure of her brain differs from a normal human in many ways. The areas dedicated to language and memory are significantly enlarged, which I guess isn't too big of a surprise. But there are complex cells and structures in that area that I have never seen, let alone heard of, before."
"What exactly does all this mean, doctor?"
Dr. Warner just shrugged and had the good grace to look chagrined. "To be honest, sir, I have no idea. She seems to be in good health and I see no reason to think that her brain isn't functioning in a perfectly acceptable way for her. There is really nothing we can do other than watch her for any symptoms or abrupt changes in behavior."
Jack looked less than pleased to have what amounted to a ticking time bomb of information running around. He knew exactly what he would like to do in such a situation, but the fact that this was Carter's daughter they were talking about complicated what would otherwise be an open and shut case. If he was honest, he still didn't entirely trust Haley. She just knew too damn much. But there was little or nothing he could do about it. Jack dismissed the doctor and sighed, reluctantly realizing that he was going to have to restrict Haley to the base. Needless to say, there were going to be some very unhappy campers.
Haley hadn't been nearly as upset as everyone else at the pronouncement of her restricted status. Not that she would admit it, but she was personally rather reluctant to go running around a world that had already proven itself to be less than friendly. If she was allowed an occasional visit to the surface, she could be content.
Daniel, on the other hand, took the information as a personal insult. He railed at Jack to no avail while Teal'c stood by in silent agreement with Jack's decision. Even Sam had backed down after a token protest, most likely limited by her military position. Although it was possible that she agreed with Jack, it would be easier to keep Haley safe in the nation's most secure military facility. Haley didn't have it in her to remind them all of how easily she had slipped into the base.
The weeks passed slowly for everyone. At Sam's request, SG-1 had been given some downtime so she could get to know her long-lost daughter. It still felt weird for Sam to refer to her as such, especially since technically Sam as barely old enough to be her mother. To say that their bonding wasn't going all that smoothly was an understatement. They could be seen together all over base, stiffly sitting together with surprisingly little to talk about. Haley refused to talk about what had happened to her when she was with the NID and it was quickly made clear that Jonathan was also an off-limit topic. Sam told Haley about Mark and his family and briefly discussed Earth, but to be honest, Sam didn't have much more of a life outside of the Mountain than Haley did.
Haley began to spend more and more time in Daniel's lab, ostensibly to help him with any Goa'uld translations he was working on. Daniel wasn't fooled. The translations were little more than unwelcome reminders of her 'childhood' and he could see her rubbing her temples absently while she worked. No matter her real reasons, however, Daniel couldn't find it in him to kick her out of his lab. He appreciated her company and she really was quite good, especially with the more obscure, older dialects that gave Daniel a lot of trouble. If she really felt the need to hide, Daniel was glad he could offer her refuge.
Not every day was full of heavy sighs and headaches, though. Some days Haley would regale Daniel with her interesting take on the universe. She was such an engaging mix of naïve and wise. She took great pleasure in new things, but seemed to have amazing insights on everything from human behavior to theoretical astrophysics (at least Daniel assumed she did, they didn't tend to talk about higher level science, primarily because Daniel didn't understand a word of it). Daniel would tell her stories about fascinating cultures he had run into, both because it distracted her from the translations for a while and also because she was a captive audience, a rare thing for Daniel in the SGC.
Daniel was laughing particularly hard at Haley's take on the Shavadai culture when he looked up to see Sam standing in the doorway to his lab. She smiled broadly at them, but not before Daniel could see the flash of pain in her eyes. He suddenly felt horribly guilty. There was still terrible strain between Haley and Sam and here he was sharing an unguarded moment with Haley, practically monopolizing her time. Of course, it didn't occur to Daniel in his guilty state that he would have had a hard time getting rid of Haley even if he had wanted to.
Sam asked them both if they wanted to get some lunch and Daniel jumped at the chance. He ignored Haley's hesitation and propelled her towards the commissary. They met up with Teal'c and Jack there. It was a rather rare occurrence to get all of them together like this these days. Jack was usually too busy to even eat; Daniel could have sworn he saw Walter hopping around in the hall with an armful of paperwork. Jack didn't seem to have noticed, however, as he dug into his food with relish. Daniel didn't know how he could really enjoy Monday Mystery Meal. Personally, he stuck to the sandwiches on Mondays.
Whatever conversation there had been at the table dropped off rather quickly and Daniel was left sharing a confused look with Teal'c. Sam and Haley seemed to have nothing to say to each other, as usual. But what surprised Daniel was the even greater strain between Haley and Jack. Haley seemed to be acutely aware that Jack didn't trust her and Daniel couldn't even begin to guess the source of Jack's unease. He really hoped this wasn't some poorly placed Pete agitation. It's not like Sam actually went through with marrying him. The longest conversation Haley and Jack had was Jack handing Haley a napkin and her quiet "Thank you, General O'Neill," in response.
When lunch was finally over, Jack having had enough of Walter's pacing outside in the hall, Haley followed Daniel back to his lab. He had half a mind to shake her and force her to go talk to Sam, but he knew that would only hurt Haley's feelings. So instead, he let her get suitably distracted by a new passage brought in by SG-5 before he started asking her questions about her relationship with Sam.
"Haley, I know it's not really my business, but why are you hiding from Sam?"
Haley looked up at Daniel. "Hiding? I'm not hiding."
"You can't actually expect me to believe that you love translating this much, or that my stories are really that interesting."
"Your stories are interesting," Haley said half-heartedly.
Daniel laughed. "Maybe," he said disbelievingly, "but that's not really why you are here."
Haley sighed and began absently doodling on her pad of paper. "I'm not really avoiding her...much." 'Damn Daniel and his insight,' swore Haley. She thought she finally had a good thing going here. She was almost convinced that she could spend the rest of her life hiding in this lab.
"Come on, Haley. What is this really about?"
The one thing that annoyed Haley more than Daniel's perception was her own willingness to confide in him. She put down her pen and tried to put her feelings into words. "When she looks at me…I don't know, it's like she doesn't see me, all she sees is a reminder of things she would like to forget. There is just so much guilt whenever she looks at me. And it's not like I don't understand it, or even forgive her for it, it's just…hard to take after a while."
Daniel nodded in understanding. "You think you remind her of her failings."
Haley shrugged. "At the very least, I am constant reminder of her failed relationship. As to whether she feels guilty about Baal and the NID, I don't know." Haley tried to keep her voice free of any anger, but she was pretty sure she failed, judging by Daniel's next statement.
"You haven't forgiven her yet."
Haley's eyes flew to Daniel's face. She searched his expression for any recrimination, but there was none. Just simple understanding of her difficult position. After a while, Haley looked away and sighed. "No…I guess I haven't." It was hard for Haley to admit to, but as she said it, she knew it was true. She hadn't forgiven Sam.
"Logically, I know that none of this is her fault. But a part of me…is just so angry that you were all here, just within reach, while everything was happening to me. I also can't help but think that you would have all fought harder to keep me here when the Pentagon asked for me, if you knew who I really was."
Daniel looked thoughtful, but didn't deny it.
"It's childish, I know. But I just can't help feeling that way." Haley sighed and turned back to her translation, signaling the end to their discussion.
Daniel watched Haley for a long time, a plan beginning to formulate in his mind.
Sam was startled from her work by Daniel slapping down a piece of paper down on her desk. Sam looked up at him in confusion, but he just smiled brightly at her, looking annoyingly self-satisfied. He gestured for her look at the paper. Sam picked it up and saw that it was a flyer for a small cabin on the Oregon coast. It boasted beachfront property and central heating and air.
"Uh…that's nice, Daniel, really. Are you taking some vacation time or something?"
Daniel rolled his eyes and gave Sam and exasperated look. "No, I'm not. But you are."
"I don't think so, Daniel. I'm swamped with work."
"Sam, don't be stupid." At Sam's raised eyebrows, Daniel quickly continued outlining his plan. "If you and Haley are ever going to fix whatever it is between you, you are both going to need to get out of here. Think of it as a bonding trip."
"You really think we need to go all the way to Oregon so we can bond?"
"Sam. She's never seen the ocean before. It would mean a lot to her, I'm sure of it."
"Then maybe you should take her," Sam said as she turned back to her work. She hoped that if she ignored Daniel long enough he might take his tempting offer and disappear.
"Stop pretending that you don't care. You have no idea what to do and I am offering you the perfect solution. Trust me."
Sam didn't look up from her laptop. "You know there is no way General O'Neill would let me take her from the Mountain. So why even bother talking about it?"
"Leave Jack to me. I already rented the place for you. Pack enough stuff for a week at the beach, Sam!" With that, Daniel practically waltzed out of her lab.
"You know, you really are annoying, Daniel!" Sam called out after him affectionately.
"Absolutely not, Daniel."
Daniel ran his hands over his face in frustration. He had been getting the same answer from Jack for the last twenty minutes. "Come on, Jack. I told you, I rented a second cabin less than 200 yards away that you can pack with security personnel to your heart's content."
"No."
"It'll only be for a week!"
"No."
"I think Haley deserves to see something of the world!"
"Still no."
"Sam is perfectly capable of taking care of herself and Haley!"
"Of that I have no doubt. After all, she has to baby-sit you all the time doesn't she?"
Daniel ignored the barb and decided it was time to pull out the big guns. Normally he wouldn't stoop so low as to use Jack's feelings against him, but this was a special circumstance. Anyway, it's not Daniel's fault that Jack was being so stubborn!
"Jaa-ack," Daniel said slowly, "Sam really needs this. You've seen the way she's been lately. You can't deny her this chance."
Now Jack was glaring at Daniel, completely aware of exactly what Daniel was trying to pull. "Daniel…" he growled warningly.
"I don't think a trip to the beach is going to significantly impact national security, Jack. Let them go." He could tell that Jack was beginning to crack, so he put the last nail in the coffin. "You know that if you don't, I will plague you, I mean, come personally to debrief you on my research. Every. Single. Day." Now Jack's eyes were wide with alarm and Daniel could tell that he was torn between beating Daniel up and just acquiescing to get him the hell out of his office.
Jack sighed and then nodded. "Fine. One week, and I want six special op guys in the house next door. I want four check-in calls a day. And I'd damn well better get an awesome souvenir." Anything to keep Daniel from boring him with endless archeologist talk, Jack told himself as he watched Daniel waltz out of his office. No body needed to know that Jack had really given in just because he wanted to see Carter smile again.
Sam still really couldn't believe that the General had given them permission to go. She was currently sitting on an airplane with her daughter (and a six-man security detail) somewhere over Idaho. Sam really wondered what exactly Daniel had done to get them here. Hopefully Sam wouldn't have to buy his soul back someday.
Sam looked over at her daughter, who was currently staring out of the window. Neither of them had said much so far. Haley had been surprised that they were leaving the Mountain and Sam hadn't missed the mix of panic and excitement in her face. Sam remembered how reluctant to leave the base she had been after the whole Adrian Conrad thing. Hopefully this trip would be good for both of them. Haley had only broken the silence of the flight once to ask where they were going, but Sam just shook her head and told her it was surprise.
Once on the ground in the Portland Airport, Sam demanded to have a rental car to herself with Haley. Sam figured that if they were trapped in a car together that they might actually have to talk to each other. But as the miles passed, Sam couldn't help but notice that Haley was becoming more and more agitated. She kept looking back to see if the security guys were still behind them.
"You okay, Haley?"
Haley jerked as if caught doing something she shouldn't be. "I'm fine," she said quietly.
Sam almost kicked herself. This trip was supposed to be a fun, carefree vacation, but Haley looked like she was about have a panic attack. "Haley, I'm sorry. If you would really rather be back at the base, we can go back. Really. I want you to feel safe."
Haley's back stiffen and she looked upset to have been caught showing fear. "I'm fine," she said again, this time more firmly as she looked out at the passing scenery.
Sam sighed. 'This was going really well,' she thought sarcastically to herself. Sam knew the last thing Haley would want to do would be talk about her kidnapping, but maybe it was time for her to listen.
"I never told you, but I was impressed with the way you escaped the NID guys." Haley's back was ramrod straight, but she didn't say anything. "That move you used on the woman, it was a Jaffa skill. Teal'c taught it to me after I was kidnapped."
That got Haley's attention. She didn't look away from the window, but Sam could sense her interest. "About three years ago, this rich billionaire decided that my brain was the key to curing a rare illness he was suffering from. They grabbed me from a parking lot. I tried to fight them off, but there were just too many. I even managed to almost escape once, but they caught me. They had me for days before they decided to kill me so they could dissect my brain. General O'Neill got there just in time. If he had gotten there a minute later…" Sam trailed off and closed her eyes briefly at the memory. Carefully watching the road, Sam could now feel Haley's eyes on her.
"When I got back, I was jumpy for weeks. I didn't even want to leave the mountain, but I was too ashamed to admit how scared I was. For once, I actually felt safer off-world than I did on Earth. I don't know whose idea it was, but Teal'c decided to teach me some Jaffa self-defense to add to my Air Force training. I'm not sure that I'm any better prepared now, but it was empowering and I realized that I couldn't hide forever."
Sam chanced a glace at Haley to find her sitting back and watching the scenery. She didn't say anything to Sam, but she could tell Haley was thinking about what she had said. It might have been Sam's imagination, but she liked the think that Haley seemed a little more relaxed. They sat in silence for the rest of the trip until they pulled up in front of a small cabin surrounded by towering redwoods.
"This is it," Sam said quietly before leading her silent daughter away from the cars and into the trees. They followed a small path that wound around the house. Slowly, the trees began to thin and the ground turned to rock and then sand. Suddenly, the trees gave completely away and they were standing on a wide, empty beach that seemed to stretch on forever. Sam heard Haley gasp behind her. Looking back, she could clearly see the look of complete amazement on Haley's face.
Haley brushed past Sam and stepped out into the soft sand. Sam retreated some distance and settled on a fallen log, content to watch Haley as she explored this new wonder. Sam silently sent Daniel thanks for making her do this; it was completely worth it. If Sam hadn't been so grateful, she might have been annoyed that Daniel had been right once again. Instead, she smiled and watched her daughter wiggle her toes in the sand and lift her face into the salty breeze coming off the ocean.
Haley spent quite a long time wandering the beach in complete rapture. After about twenty minutes of just breathing in the air, listening to the waves and letting sand run through her fingers, Haley finally stepped forward to touch the water. She gasped when the cold water hit her toes and laughed as she tried to outrun an incoming wave.
After an hour or so, Haley walked back up the beach to sit next to Sam. Still watching the ocean, she softly said, "Thanks for bringing me here. It means a lot."
Sam smiled. "I wish I could take the credit, but it was Daniel's idea."
Haley nodded and continued to watch two gulls fighting over something in the sand.
"He remembered the story you told Jonathan," Sam said carefully, not wanting to push Haley too much. She could see Haley's back stiffen at her words and she sighed softly. "Look, Haley. I'm not expecting anything from you. I just want you to know…that you can talk to me. About anything."
Just when Sam was sure that she wasn't ever going to talk, Haley spoke so softly that Sam almost missed it. "Jonathan would have loved this."
"I'm sorry, Haley. I wish there was more we could have done for him."
Haley shrugged off Sam's apology and took a deep breath as if preparing herself to say something unpleasant. "When Jonathan died, I was sad and angry. But I was also…relieved," she confessed quietly.
Haley darted a quick glance at Sam to gauge her reaction. Her mother didn't look disgusted or horrified like she expected, though. Instead, Sam just continued to stare out over the ocean with sad eyes. It gave Haley enough courage to continue.
"My whole life," she said softly, "there was always one of the children there. They were sick and scared and they always looked to me to make it better. But there was nothing I could do. I couldn't make them better; I never even understood why they were so sick!" Haley closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "From the moment they first came out of that pod, they were hanging on my arm, looking at me with sad, hopeful eyes. All I could do was hold them when the pain became too much and tell them stories that promised brighter futures. But I knew it was a lie."
Haley felt her mother's hand grab onto hers. Sam didn't say anything, but the gentle pressure was enough to help Haley finish her broken confession. "So, when Jonathan died, there was a part of me that was relieved. I felt, I don't know…free or something. Like, for the first time, there was no longer anyone depending on me. There was no one left to fail."
After a long moment, Haley finally looked at Sam. "Does that make me a horrible person?"
Sam could tell that Haley had kept this bottled up for a long time. "Haley, you obviously loved Jonathan. You did everything you could possibly think of to keep him safe. You didn't want him to die, and you shouldn't feel guilty that he did. You've had so much responsibility and so much horror put on you for so long and you are so young. You did better than I could ever imagine anyone doing. I am…more proud of you than I can ever say, Haley."
Haley looked up at Sam with eyes full of tears and Sam gave into the urge to pull her into a hug. Haley resisted only for a moment before curving into Sam's body. They sat like that for a long time, mother and daughter, before Sam whispered into Haley's hair, "You're not a horrible person, Haley."
That simple statement offered Haley the absolution she didn't even know she craved. Eventually, she turned in her mother's arms to face the ocean again. Together, they watched the sun set in silence.
It wasn't an instant turn around, but the ice had certainly been broken between Haley and Sam. Haley began to realize that it was okay to let yourself need someone and Sam began to forgive herself for all the things she couldn't save Haley from. They spent their week on the beach, Sam teaching Haley how to body surf. They also took long walks down the shore while they learned how to talk to each other. They even spent one day in a small nearby town, giving Sam's credit card a workout of the kind it hadn't seen since Orlin. Sam overcompensated for missing Haley's childhood by buying her a huge wardrobe and Haley gladly let her, amazed by the vast variety of things available for purchase. They bent their heads together and laughed at the long-suffering security guards as they were used as personal baggage carriers.
Far too soon, they were making lunch on their last full day at the cabin. Haley had grown accustomed to the salty breeze and the feel of sand under her feet. A huge part of her didn't ever want to return to the stifled halls of the SGC. Though she did miss Daniel…well, his lab at least. She was looking forward to doing more translations. Really.
Working on lunch together that last day, Haley finally confessed what had made her decide to stay at the SGC that fateful day after the NID kidnapping. "I was staring at you, trying to decide if I could trust you and I saw something."
"What?"
"It was you and a little girl, sitting in the dark. You were promising that you wouldn't leave her. You were both crying."
Sam put the knife she was cutting tomatoes with down and turned away from the counter. "Cassie," she said softly.
"You kept your promise. That's when I knew that I could stay."
Sam shook her head in amazement. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that."
Haley laughed. "Well, if it's weird for you, imagine how it is for me!"
"Have you had any more…flashes or whatever lately?"
Haley shook her head. "They don't happen very often and only when I am trying, you know. I have to concentrate really hard."
Sam nodded and turned back to making sandwiches.
"Though, I did have a pretty funny one last week."
"Oh, really?" Sam said, secretly delighted that she felt comfortable enough to confide in her.
"Yeah. I was in Daniel's lab helping him with a translation and suddenly I had this image of him being dragged through the sand by a large, hairy animal. I couldn't help but laugh out loud and Daniel looked at me like I was crazy. He wouldn't believe that I simply found the translation funny."
Sam smiled. "That certainly sound like Daniel, though I don't really remember that."
Haley shrugged, "Well, it was rather unclear. I might have seen it wrong."
"Do you enjoy helping Daniel with the translations?"
"Yeah, I guess. It feels good to contribute somehow and its not like there is a whole lot else to do in the Mountain. Unless you are going to let me join a SG team or something." Haley smiled mischievously at Sam, who was adamantly shaking her head.
"Not in this lifetime, kiddo."
Sam and Haley reappeared at the Mountain safe and sound with healthy tans and a much easier relationship at the end of the week. Daniel was glad to see that his enforced therapy trip had worked. Sam smiled gratefully at Daniel and Haley gave him a peck on the cheek and a soft, "Thanks, Daniel." Daniel couldn't hold back a quick "I told you so," to Jack, but the General was too busy watching Sam smiling at her daughter to even care.