Title: As the 'Gate Turns: Surfacing
Author: Annerb
Email: PG, minor language
Summary: Suppression rarely works, as both Daniel and Haley discover.
Classifications: Series, D/Other, Drama
Season: Mid-season 8, up through End Game (AU from there)
Archive: Yes, SJD and Heliopolis
Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-1, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

Author's Note: This part is about what Haley does while Jack and Sam are in Minnesota. Here comes the soap! By the way, for everyone who fears "The End" is coming up quick, all I can say is no worries. There is still one big twisty secret left! You should know by now that I'm all about the foreshadowing. (And just so you know, this thing is slated to go until Chapter 20 at least.) The angst is far from over, my friends! Thanks to Montage and Triptnx!

Feedback: Always appreciated!

Part 14: Surfacing

Daniel swore softly under his breath as the lead of his pencil snapped. He was getting quite aggravated with this most recent translation. For some reason he was getting nowhere, fast. His concentration wasn't what it usually was. He should have been racing through this as he always did when he came in on Saturdays. The Mountain only had a small skeleton crew on the weekends. Today was even especially quiet with no Jack to come in and distract him with inane questions and hokey jokes. Okay, so he did secretly like the hokey jokes, but he would never admit that. He leaned back and sighed, rubbing his hands over his weary face.

Someone knocked at the doorframe and Daniel opened his eyes to see Haley standing there.

"Watcha doing, Daniel?" she asked, cocking her head to one side.

Daniel almost laughed; it was another one of those moments when Haley seemed to be channeling Jack. How had they ever managed to not see the resemblance? Haley may look a lot like Sam, but she had the O'Neill personality down pat. He smiled at her, about to reply to her question when he suddenly sat up straight in his chair.

"Aren't you supposed to be in Minnesota with Jack?"

Haley smiled somewhat hesitantly with a mischievous glint in her eyes that would have made Daniel look carefully at his coffee for the next few days if it had been Jack.

"Well…technically, yes."

Technically, yes? What was that supposed to mean? Daniel raised both his eyebrows at her, prompting her to continue.

Haley sighed and draped herself over a free chair next to his desk. "Well…I kind of guilt-tripped Sam into coming up to the cabin and then I sort of…well…stranded them there together."

The bark of laughter from Daniel startled Haley for a second before she grinned widely at him. Daniel was doing a poor job of controlling his mirth, but he couldn't help himself. He could just see Jack and Sam's faces when they realized they had been had. Daniel wiped a tear from his eye and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. "Haley, not that you didn't have good reason to act the way you did, but you do realize that they are absolutely going to kill you when they get back, right?"

Haley nodded solemnly, like a person before the firing squad. Then she shrugged, "At least I have this weekend left." Ever the pragmatist. Daniel did understand why she did it, Jack and Sam had been driving him nuts too, and he knew Teal'c was at a loss as to what to do as well.

"I guess we just hope they use the time to fix whatever it is between them," Daniel suggested, before turning back to the frustrating translation on his desk.

Haley quickly shook her finger at Daniel. "Oh, no, no, no, Dr. Jackson. No more work today. If this is my last weekend, you and Teal'c are definitely going to have to take me out and show me some more Earth pass-times."

Daniel glanced up at Haley's eager face and shook his head. "Sorry, Haley, but Teal'c is visiting Ishta and I am stuck on an impossible translation that I have to get done."

Before he could say anything else, Haley had snatched the picture from him and grabbed a tablet of paper and a pencil. She stared at the image for sometime, her forehead crinkled up in concentration. Daniel's protest died on his lips as he watched her in fascination. He would be quite impressed if she could read this obscure Goa'uld dialect.

Suddenly, Haley began madly scribbling on the pad of paper. She had filled about two pages when she looked up at Daniel, a luminous smile on her face. She silently handed him the paper. Daniel glanced over it, ready to check the translation, but Haley had other plans. She grabbed his arm and began dragging him out of his lab. Before he could protest once again, she began a diatribe on all the things she wanted to try. "I've heard of a Tau'ri sport called bowling, I think I definitely want to give that a try…"

Daniel shook his head in amusement, already resigned to the fact that he wasn't going to get any more work done today. Looking at his smiling companion, whose eyes were shining with excitement, he found that he really didn't mind that much after all.

That Saturday they actually ended up at the Denver Art Museum, one of Daniel's favorite local haunts. Haley clearly showed greater interest in things that her parents had little time for and therefore little knowledge, and she wasn't quite ready to face the fact that Sam had been a junior bowling champ. She claimed to enjoy doing something that actually felt 'new.' Since she was with Daniel, 'new' meant anything involved in the study of culture, and, surprisingly enough, mini-golf.

They spent most of the afternoon wandering the halls of the Denver Art Museum together, Haley occasionally asking questions, but more often than not, they just silently contemplated the works created by unknown hands centuries before. A work of art is an interesting thing, like a little time capsule, each one wanting to tell the story of the artist that made it and the people who viewed it and what it meant to them.

During dinner, Haley had managed to weasel out that Daniel liked to play miniature golf. The words brought up no images or strong memories for Haley, so she decided that it was safe, something definitely worth trying. They found a great little night course, carefully lit up with colored paper lanterns. The full moon and clear night sky helped illuminate the field as well.

At the first hole, it became clear to Daniel that Haley was absolutely terrible at mini-golf. He at first feared that she would get frustrated and throw her clubs around, much to the peril of the other golfers. But glancing at her face, he was surprised to find her smiling brightly and desperately trying to catch her breath in between laughter. She seemed to be delighted at how much she sucked! When she caught him looking, she cheekily observed, "Guess they didn't mix in the all important mini-golf gene when they made me!"

Daniel had to smile at her, it had been quite a while since any of them had seen Haley this at ease, this happy. He was still baffled at her reaction. Why had he expected her to not take it well that she was bad at something? Because that is exactly what Jack or Sam would have done. It was a strange thought, but he knew it was right. He had come to expect certain behavior from Haley, thinking of her, as he always did lately, as Jack and Sam's daughter. He was always picking out Jackisms and Samisms.

This night, however, watching Haley and her totally crap golf game, was an uncomfortable reminder that she actually was her own person, with her own interests and personality, no matter how many other people's knowledge and memories were running around in her head. Why uncomfortable and not interesting and welcome? Daniel didn't really want to know, but he was suddenly far too aware that he was alone with Haley. He had an irrational need for Teal'c or anyone else to be there with them.

"Daniel? You coming?" Daniel looked up to see Haley standing over the first hole, triumphantly holding her golf ball. Her gaze became speculative as she watched him. "You okay?"

Daniel smiled faintly at her. "Yeah, just thinking."

Haley nodded in understanding, knowing that thinking could be an engrossing and sometimes dangerous thing. "Well, finish thinking already and come with me to the second hole. I think I can get this next one in less than 20 strokes!" Daniel glanced at the scorecard as he went to follow her. The next hole was a par 4. It was going to be a long night.

'Long night' turned out to be an understatement. They had only made it to the seventh hole before the lights were literally turned off on them. Haley really was very bad. Her infectious merriment made the ordeal worth it and Daniel had to admit that she really did seem to be trying, though improvement was long off. They carefully made their way over the darkened course together, both trying to stifle laughter at the expression on the face of the long-suffering golf attendant who took their clubs from them.

As they wandered out to Daniel's car, he glanced at his watch, startled to see that it was almost eleven already. He really hadn't meant to keep her out this late. Haley came up behind him and looped her arm through his. She gave his arm a small squeeze and said, "Thanks for today, Daniel. I don't think I've had this much fun in a long time."

"I had fun too, Haley." He was surprised to find that he actually meant it. It had been a long time since he last let himself completely forget about work for a while. "Of course, I didn't really mean to keep you out this late. Jack wouldn't be too happy with me."

Haley shrugged and let go of his arm. "I'm not a child, Daniel," she gently reminded him, the smile dropping from her face. She got into the passenger side of the car before Daniel could think of a way to respond to that. It would be easier if she was a child, wouldn't it? questioned the annoying voice in his head. Daniel tried to shake the thought out of his head and began the silent drive back to Colorado Springs.

Rather than drive the extra 30 minutes to the mountain, Haley crashed in Daniel's guestroom just as Jack or Sam had done countless times before. Haley had quietly thanked Daniel for a spare shirt and sweatpants, offering him a small smile before retreating to the guestroom.

It was very late and Daniel had just managed to fall asleep when he was woken up by soft sounds coming from the next room. He was ready to just roll back over to sleep, assuming that Haley was a snorer liker her parents, when he heard her voice through the thin walls, low and harsh. "Please, no… No! I don't want…"

Daniel got out of bed and quietly opened the door to the guestroom to find Haley in the grips of a nightmare. The sheets were twisted around her body, her hands fighting an unseen aggressor. All the while she was quietly mumbling in incoherent, yet anguished words. Daniel carefully went to Haley's side. He gently took her hands, "Shh… Haley, it's just a dream. Wake up, Haley. Everything's okay."

At first, she fought him and then sat up with a gasp so suddenly that she nearly knocked Daniel to the floor. Her eyes were wide and staring, lit by confusion. Daniel wasn't sure that she was actually seeing him or something else instead. After a moment, she looked down at her hands in horror.

"Blood…my hands…there is so much blood on my hands!" She looked frantically up at Daniel, her eyes full of tears. "It was me, but it wasn't. And there was so much blood." She began to hysterically rub at her hands, as if to wipe off the imagined blood.

Daniel grabbed her hands again and pulled her into a hug. "Shhh…Haley. There isn't any blood. You're okay." Daniel was trying to calm her, but he was still stuck on the words she had used. It was me, but it wasn't. Was she remembering something from when she was a host? They had accepted it as a blessing that she didn't seem to remember anything from her time with Anat, and he really hoped that this dream wasn't a memory resurfacing.

He continued to gently rock Haley and he could feel her starting to calm down. "It was only a dream, Haley," he murmured into her hair. He could feel her shake her head.

"No, it wasn't. It was me." She pulled back and looked Daniel straight in the eye, her own full of pain and tears. "I don't want that to be me," she confessed quietly, brokenly.

"It's not, Haley, it's not," he gently reassured her and she leaned back into him, resting her head against his chest. How long they sat like that, with Haley carefully cradled in his arms, his cheek resting against the top of her head, he was unsure.

After a while, he became aware of her slow, even breathing that seemed to indicate that she had fallen back asleep. When he pulled back, however, he was slightly startled to find her awake. She was staring back at him.

Daniel reached out one hand and gently brushed her hair back from her face. Haley leaned her head into his hand, closing her eyes.

The simple act made Daniel's heart constrict. "Haley…" he said softly. At the sound of her name, she opened her eyes again, full of trust and need.

Suddenly Daniel's head was swimming. He was aware of the burning warmth where her hand lay on his chest. He was seeing her, as if for the first time, as a woman, something he had been subconsciously fighting for a while, ever since he found out who she really was. But feeling her in his arms, her face so close to his, he couldn't ignore it any longer; he didn't want to ignore it. His hands gently tightened on Haley's arms and her eyes widened as they stared relentlessly at him, almost as if she was asking him what was happening to them.

Daniel had just let himself wonder what she was feeling at that moment, and what she would do if he just leaned in and…when reality crashed back in. She was Jack and Sam's daughter, barely more than a child. She should be like a niece to him, a sister. Just like Cassie. These thoughts were like a rush of cold water to Daniel. He suddenly felt sick and stood up abruptly, letting go of Haley and stepping quickly away from the bed.

Haley seemed to sway for moment, confusion clear on her face. Daniel continued to back out of the room, silently berating himself as the worst kind of person, practically a child molester! He refused to look at her again, looking so bereft and vulnerable swallowed up in one of his old t-shirts. He made a hasty retreat, babbling something like "goodnight," and fled the scene as he continued to reproach himself.

If Daniel had looked up, maybe he would have seen the pain in Haley's eyes; who was desperately trying to understand the complete revulsion on Daniel's face. He didn't look up, though, and so Haley was left with the dawning realization that she repulsed him. He was disgusted by what Haley had remembered, what Haley had done as a Goa'uld. As she buried her head in her hands, however, she had to admit that she didn't blame him. Now that the memories were beginning to creep back in, she could barely stand herself.

Haley did finally manage to drift back off to sleep, but she was troubled by strange images and half-remembered feelings. Needless to say, by the time the sun rose again the next morning, Haley was both relieved to see the end of the night and reluctant to face Daniel again. Other than the sharp image of blood running over her hands, none of the other memories had stuck, but they left Haley feeling dirty and slightly violated nonetheless. As she stood before the dresser mirror in the early morning light, her gaunt face seemed to be a thin mask; barely covering what Haley had begun to fear was a monster. She wondered if she really even knew who she was or what she was really capable of anymore.

After long minutes standing in front of the mirror considering herself, Haley became aware of the sound of movements in the kitchen and the soft sound of coffee percolating. She forced herself to take a deep breath and then left the room, shoulders squared and face closed. She only hoped that she could maintain her façade, preparing herself to meet the disgust and fear in Daniel's eyes.

She walked out to the kitchen to find Daniel making breakfast.

"Morning, Haley," Daniel said neutrally, even as he carefully avoided meeting her eyes. "Coffee?"

Haley nodded mutely and moved past him to reach the coffee pot. Her arm brushed against Daniel's and she felt a strange surge.

'I don't know why we wait, to tell people how we feel…' The words seem to be coming out of my mouth. I am no longer in Daniel's kitchen, but standing by a gurney in what I recognize as the Observation Room in the SGC. There is a figure wrapped extensively in gauze lying on the bed, hooked up to all sorts of monitors. I try to push away from the gruesome sight, but I have no control over my body. I stare in horror at the figure on the bed and suddenly I know. I know that it is Daniel and the he is dying a horrific death. My head begins to swim with emotions and thoughts that are not my own. I feel the pain and hopelessness of losing someone that is like a brother to me, angry at myself for never telling him how important he was in my life, how much it meant to me that he was always there for me, off-world and on. Tears that are not mine rush down my cheeks and I began to drown in a flow of emotions that I cannot control.

Haley opened her eyes to find herself leaning against the counter, her knuckles white as they relentlessly gripped the edge. She stared hard at the abstract pattern on the counter-top, willing her head to empty of foreign feelings and images. A soft plop of water onto the counter made her aware of the tears flowing down her face. She roughly swiped at them and took a deep breath, hoping to quell the pounding in her head.

"Haley?" Daniel's concerned voice broke through the fog swarming Haley's head. She forced her hand to grab a mug and casually fill it with coffee. She hoped that Daniel couldn't see that her hands were shaking. Taking a deep breath and forcing a smile on her face, she turned to regard Daniel.

Even as her smile seemed to reassure him that she was fine, Haley couldn't help but see Daniel's face wrapped in gauze, his expression full of pain. She turned away from him and stared into her coffee mug, as if hoping to find answers in the dark liquid. What had just happened? And when had Daniel died?

Monday morning found Haley feeling slightly better. She had managed to grab five hours of quality sleep and hadn't had any flashes, images or whatever they were since the evening before. By the time Jack and Sam made it back to the base, she had almost convinced herself that she had imagined the dreams and flashbacks. Besides, her mind was focused on the impending punishment for stranding them at the cabin together. It was far too much to hope that she would simply be given thanks; she knew she was going to have to pay.

"Haley," Jack said sternly, when she reported to the briefing room as ordered. "If you ever pull anything like that again, I will have you spending the rest of your life scrubbing every floor in this base!" He glared at her for a full minute, watching her squirm. Then he grabbed Haley into a giant bear hug and whispered softly into her ear, "Thanks for giving us a much needed kick in the ass, kiddo."

Haley couldn't help but smile.

The first thing Daniel noticed was that Jack and Sam were, for the first time in months, at ease with each other. They were smiling and joking. It warmed his heart to see his friends happy again. As he stood, smiling at them, however, his betrayal of them clinched down on his happiness. What would they say if they knew the thoughts he had been having about their daughter? That he had practically made a pass at her while she was under his care?

Daniel thought that he should tell Jack and Sam about Haley's dream, that she might be remembering things. But in the end, guilt stayed his tongue.

If Jack or Sam had noticed any strange behavior from Daniel, neither of them mentioned it. Two days later, when Daniel requested permission to join the long-term research on PS6-976 in the Reynaul lab, Jack gave him a long look, but didn't pry. The research group had been pressuring to get Daniel there for months. After all, he was one of only two fluent speakers on the planet. Jack approved a two-week stay, assuming that Daniel maybe needed a break from all the action. They had all, after all, been through a lot in the last year or so.

As Daniel stepped up to the wormhole, he glanced back at the briefing room windows to find Haley watching him. He gave himself one moment to look at her, his eyes traveling over her features. This is for the best, he told himself firmly. And then he turned abruptly away from her and stepped into the waiting wormhole.