"This is not happening," insisted Piper at the kitchen table.
"You mean they just walked in and took the baby?" asked Phoebe. "You couldn't stop them?"
'They're bureaucracy demons," said Leo. "You know your powers don't work on them."
"According to this," said Paige, looking over the paper the demoness had given to Piper, "they're accusing you of some serious charges. Needlessly endangering the life of an unborn child, reckless disregard for yourself and the baby during your pregnancy, failure to provide reasonable and adequate prenatal health protection for the baby, and the unlawful appropriation of the baby's protection abilities for personal use. Whatever that is."
"It means," said a demon, simply stepping through the kitchen wall, "that she used her baby's protection abilities to keep herself from harm. Without first gaining the permission from the owner of those abilities. A ludicrous charge, I'll grant you, but we'll have to answer it at the hearing nonetheless. Irving Malachi Anthony Shyster, at your service. I'll be your advocate for the hearing."
"I. M. A. Shyster?" questioned Paige.
"My father had a very strange sense of humor," said Shyster.
The demon looked similar in appearance to Ms. Bicheterous. Except that he only looked to be about twenty years old. And he had a perpetual smile on his face.
"You're a kid," protested Piper.
"I beg your pardon," said Shyster. "I'm over four thousand years old. And I've handled hundreds of these types of cases. We're going to get your baby back, don't you worry."
"You sound pretty confident," said Leo.
"Yeah," said Shyster, smiling. "They teach you that at the Other World Legal Training Center and Bar and Grill. It's supposed to make the client feel better."
"I don't feel better," said Piper.
"Don't worry," said Shyster. "I'm going to beat this thing. Besides, I have a secret weapon. If I don't have to use it, so much the better. But if I do, it's guaranteed to get your baby back."
"Secret weapon?" asked Phoebe. "What kind of secret weapon?"
'Well, if I told you then it wouldn't be a secret, now would it?" asked Shyster. A file suddenly appeared in front of him. "Now, let's see. Piper Halliwell. A Charmed One, married to Whitelighter Leo Wyatt. Granddaughter to a Wicca high priestess. Club owner. And a stone fox. Oh, sorry about that. Scratch that last part."
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" asked Paige.
"Oh, absolutely," said Shyster. "I'm very good."
"I'd like a second opinion," said Piper sarcastically.
"Okay," said Shyster, "I'm also a great dancer. Sorry, just a little legal humor there."
"Very little," said Paige.
"Gee, no sense of humor," complained Shyster. "Okay, basically, they're accusing you of being an unfit mother."
"The baby is less than twenty-four hours old," insisted Piper. "I haven't had time to be any kind of mother, let alone an unfit mother."
"They claim your conduct during your pregnancy demonstrates that you really don't care about your baby," said Shyster. "You know, fighting demons, warlocks, that sort of thing."
"It's not like I had a choice," said Piper. "When you're attacked, you have to defend yourself."
"Hey, you're preaching to the choir," said Shyster. "I'm on your side, remember?"
"So, what do we do now?" asked Paige.
"We go to the hearing and kick some demon butt," said Shyster. "Figuratively speaking, of course."
"Without any preparation?" asked Piper.
"I'm prepared," said Shyster. "All you have to do is sit there and look pretty."
"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop hitting on my wife," said Leo.
"Gee, lighten up," said Shyster. "I'm just trying to be friendly, that's all."
He turned to Paige.
"So, are you married?" he asked as he transported them all to the hearing.