Title: As the 'Gate Turns: Amends
Author: Annerb
Rating: Violence, language
Summary: Is the price of vengeance too high?
Classifications: Series, Drama, Action, S/J, D/O

Season: Mid-season 8, up through End Game (AU from there)
Disclaimer The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

Author's Note: Time to wrap up loose ends! Sorry, just a bit more violence here..:)

Feedback: Always appreciated!

Part 20: Amends

Daniel rubbed his eyes and took a long drink from his coffee. He grimaced as the stone cold liquid hit his throat. He debated heading up to the commissary for more, but decided that he had punished his poor stomach enough for one night.

He glanced up at the TV screen that had been the focus of his work for the last few days. Jack thought he was crazy, but Daniel was convinced that maybe the tapes of Haley's last few days in the SGC would reveal something helpful. Honestly, he wasn't sure he would find anything, but at least it gave him something to do.

He pressed play on the tape again to listen to Haley ranting in Goa'uld. Daniel jotted down the time reference and a rough translation of what she said. 'You will all bow before your God. I am the great yada yada yada…" Daniel sighed. All of those damn Goa'uld sounded the same.

On the tape, Haley quieted down again and Daniel let his mind wander for a little bit. About five minutes of tape later she began mumbling in a language Daniel couldn't understand. He made a note and then rested his head on his arms in frustration. This really was getting him nowhere.

Daniel had almost drifted off to sleep when his head jerked up. Had he just heard his name? Daniel looked around the silent office, and then he realized that it had come from the tape. He jumped up and rewound the tape.

Sure enough, Haley had opened her eyes, looked straight at the security camera and said, "Daniel!" She said it in a kind of strange accent. She then continued on, speaking in what Daniel belatedly realized was Ancient. He scrawled down what she was saying and then paused the tape again. He stared down at the words and one familiar passage jumped out at him: "Overcome great travail and shutter chaos."

It was the passage that Haley had translated one day in the commissary so long ago. The one that led to the discovery that Jack was her father.

"The Crucible," Daniel whispered before grabbing the tape and dashing out of his office.

Sam looked up from her laptop to see Daniel charge into her lab. It was the middle of the night and yet Sam couldn't bring herself to be surprised that they were both still here. She blearily registered that he had been talking a million miles a minute since he stepped into her lab, even though she had yet to understand a single word. She rubbed her eyes in exhaustion and let Daniel's diatribe wash over her for another five minutes before she finally snapped.

"Daniel!" He abruptly stopped pacing and stared at her as if he had forgotten she was even in the room. They really both needed some sleep. "Please just tell me what you want and then leave me alone." She was being cranky, she knew, but it was four in the morning, for cryin' out loud!

Daniel didn't seem to care that she was grouchy. He pulled out a scrap of paper and passed it to Sam. "I need you to check out this gate address."

"Fine," Sam said briefly, eying three black stones that she just noticed Daniel was absently passing back and forth between his hands. "What are those?" she asked as she began a search for the address Daniel gave her.

He sighed. "That's what I've been telling you!"

"Well, tell me again, and speak slowly this time. I'm completely out of coffee at this point."

"They're Ancient artifacts we discovered on P4R-927 last year. They were found with some documents that talk of a portal to an alien culture's dimension."

Sam was pretty sure that didn't make sense, but she was scared to ask in case he set off on another endless lecture. It was way too late at night for that. "And the address?"

"I think it's the location of the alien portal or doorway."

"Did you just find this address or something? Or are you bugging me in the middle of the night for kicks?"

"Haley gave it to me," Daniel said, once again pacing back and forth.

Sam stared at Daniel, wondering if he had finally cracked. "What did you say?"

"Stop looking at me like I'm crazy, Sam. It was on the tapes, from when Haley was sick."

A beeping sound brought their attention back to the computer.

"Did you find it?" Daniel asked.

"Yes," Sam said slowly, reading the information on the screen. "It's P4T-833. SG-9 visited it four years ago. Uninhabited, no naquadah. Just a barren rock world, lots of sand."

"No signs at all that it was once occupied?"

Sam thought he sounded distinctly disappointed. She scrolled down through the rest of the report. "Wait, they found some sort of carvings on a cliff face, but there was no writing, so it was deemed unimportant."

"Are there images?"

"Uh…yeah," Sam said, pulling up the reports from SG-9. She slowly scrolled through the images. Most of them showed abstract drawings and carvings, none of them seeming to represent anything in particular. Sam was beginning to feel very tired again.

"Wait!" Daniel said. "Go back to that one."

Sam blinked wearily at the screen. "What, this?" The granite cliff face was barren except for three small circular niches placed in a triangular pattern. It seemed rather nondescript to Sam.

Daniel held the small stones he had been carrying up to the screen. "She was right," he said softly.

Sam looked from the stones to the image. "Okay, Daniel. It's time for some coffee and a really good explanation, in that order."

Half a cup of coffee later, Sam was beginning to feel a bit more cognizant. Well, as much as one can with little sleep. "Alright, start talking."

Daniel stared into his mug for a minute, as if gathering his thoughts. "I've been watching the tapes of Haley."

Sam nodded. "What did you find?"

"Lots of it was indecipherable, some Goa'uld ranting, too. But at one point she started speaking Ancient."

"That's not too surprising," Sam said.

"No, not in of itself, but she said my name."

Sam raised an eyebrow at him.

Daniel sighed. "Why do I feel like I am always defending my sanity these days? Look, I'll show you the tape when I'm done explaining. But for now, just listen."

Sam nodded.

"Here's a rough translation of what she said." Daniel pulled out a piece of paper out of his pocket and began to read: "Daniel, help me! Give me the keys. I need to stop, please.

"Then she recites this poem I found on P4R-927 last year with the stones:

"The troubled soul brings turmoil and pain,
Only the crucible may temper weakness.

Destruction and death, a stumble away,
But salvation waits at the foot of the trial.

Overcome great travail and shutter chaos,
By walking the path of submission.

Only through great sacrifice and risk,
May you find great rewards.

Severe trials and relentless study,
Oneness is the only form of survival."

Sam stared at Daniel, unsure of what to make of all this.

"It's some sort of severe spiritual test or something. A Crucible," Daniel explained.

Sam wasn't sure she liked the sound of that. "I don't understand."

"A crucible is defined as an activity or test that is very difficult, but acts as a sort of hardening or tempering process."

"And you think this will help Haley somehow?"

"No. Haley thought it would help."

Sam was beginning to wonder about his sanity again.

"Look, the Ancients studied this culture. We discovered a site on P4R-927 that we thought was some sort of Ancient lab. This was part of the text on the wall. It's like an ethnographic document or something. They were studying a species that live outside of this dimension and seem to have special mental abilities. For all we know, these are the people who taught them to ascend in the first place!

"We found these stones that the text refers to as the 'keys' to a doorway to these aliens. Anyone who steps through is subjected to the Crucible to test the traveler's worthiness. But we had no idea where this doorway or portal was."

"But now you do, P4T-833. You said Haley gave you the address?" Sam asked.

"Yes," Daniel said. "She quoted the poem and then at the end she says six syllables that seem like gibberish."

"A gate address," Sam breathed in awe. Either Sam was going crazy, too, or this was beginning to make sense. "Like Proklarush Taonas."

"Exactly," Daniel said determinedly.

"And you want to get Haley to go through that thing."

"This may be the answer we've been looking for all along."

"I don't know, Daniel. There are so many variables. We have no idea what she could be walking in to! Are these aliens even carbon-based life forms? Do they breathe oxygen?"

"I don't know. But Haley did. I don't think she would have asked for this if it wasn't a possible solution. She knew what was happening to her! For some reason she thought this would help her. We just need to accept that."

"And what happens to her if she does go through this crucible thing?"

Daniel picked up the stones again and began absently playing with them. "I don't know," he finally said softly.

"Daniel…"

"What's the alternative? Killing her? Like Dinah's people did to her? Are any of us prepared to do that?"

Sam regarded Daniel for a long moment, hating that he was right. "Grab the tape, Daniel. Let's see what the General has to say." Daniel may have convinced her, but Jack would be another thing all together.

"You've got to be kidding."

Daniel resisted the urge to yell. Jack was being just as immovably stubborn as he feared he would be. He kept his mouth shut, though, letting Sam do most of the talking, hoping it would sound less crazy coming from her mouth.

"We should at least offer the choice to her. She may still be willing to do it," Sam was saying.

Jack looked at Sam for a long moment, and Daniel had the distinct feeling he was intruding. "Carter, I know we all want there to be some magical solution, but even you should be able to see the holes in this plan. You could fly an X-303 through them!"

Sam crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the floor. It was a posture of defeat and exhaustion and Daniel felt his stomach clench.

Jack crossed the space between them and looped an arm around Sam. She leaned almost imperceptibly into him. "I'm sorry, Carter," he said softly.

Sam just nodded silently.

Daniel wasn't giving up yet. "Jack…"

"I don't want to hear it, Daniel," Jack said wearily. "It's a moot point anyway. We have no idea where she is."

Unfortunately, that was one point Daniel had to concede. How, exactly, did one find a needle in a haystack? Especially one that didn't want to be found?

Daniel took one last look at his friends and left them to find whatever comfort they could.

He was staring off into space an hour later when Sam walked back into his office. "I'm sorry, Daniel," she said softly, but Daniel just shook his head.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Sam."

Sam sat down in an empty chair, leaning her head back and rubbing her eyes. "The General's ordered us both to get some sleep."

Daniel just nodded. They fell into a long, comfortable silence. It stretched so long, that Daniel thought Sam might have fallen asleep. But when he looked over at her, she was staring hard at him, as if trying to figure something out. It reminded him of Haley. He shook the thought off and quirked an eyebrow at Sam. "What?"

"Are you in love with her?"

If Daniel had been drinking at the time, he was sure he could have produced a classic spray of liquid. As it was, he just nearly choked on his tongue. Which was good for the priceless, ancient artifacts on his table, but not so good for Daniel's respiratory functions. He coughed once or twice and Sam got up and obligingly whacked him on the back.

"I'm not asking as her mother, Daniel. I'm asking as your friend."

"Sam...," Daniel said slowly, dragging the word out to clearly communicate his discomfort with the subject.

"It's okay if you are. You should know that."

Daniel sighed and leaned his elbows on the table. "I don't exactly have a great track record, Sam. Every woman I have let myself have feelings for has ended up a Goa'uld or dead or a homicidal maniac. Or in Haley's case, all three. She's like the trifecta. Do I get extra points for that?"

Daniel belatedly realized what he had just admitted to. He glanced up at Sam, but she didn't seem freaked out or annoyed or anything. She just seemed sad.

"Daniel…you have to know that none of this is your fault."

"Yeah, I know, Sam," he said wearily. Suddenly he felt the need to confess. Sam would understand; he knew it. "You know the worst part, though? I never told her. I freaked out at the thought of what you and Jack would say and I let her leave here thinking god only knows what."

Sam was silent for a long time. Then she picked up the Ancient stones and pressed them into Daniel's hand. "Maybe there's still a chance for you to tell her," she said softly.

Daniel's eyebrows shot up. Was Colonel Samantha Carter, soldier extraordinaire, telling him to do what he thought she was telling him to do? Take matters into his own hands?

Sam laughed softly, undoubtedly reading the incredulity on Daniel's face. "If there's one thing I've learned, Daniel, it's that there is nothing worse than regrets. Trust me."

Daniel's fist clenched around the smooth stones, knowing Sam was right.

Sam must have seen the determination on Daniel's features, because she kissed him softly on the cheek and said "Good luck," before walking out of his lab.

Daniel was back again, pacing in Jack's office. It was really beginning to piss Jack off. Hadn't he ordered him to get some sleep? "Daniel-," he began, building up to yelling at him to just get the hell out of his office and go bug someone else for a while.

"Shifu," Daniel said, cutting off the inevitable tirade.

"What?" Jack asked in annoyance.

Daniel didn't stop pacing as he spoke. "Let me ask Shifu about this whole Crucible thing."

"Daniel…those guys are rarely forthcoming with useful information."

"I know, I know…but maybe-"

"Daniel!"

"Jack!" Daniel countered. "You have to let me do something!"

Jack had an unwelcome vision of Daniel pacing a rut into his floor for the foreseeable future. What harm could it really do? "Fine, go to Kheb. But you're taking Teal'c."

Daniel stopped mid-pace, looking pensive. Then he nodded purposively. "You'll see, Jack. In the end, you'll see."

Jack didn't have a chance to ask what the hell that meant before Daniel had paced his way right out of his office. Jack shook his head and went back to the pile of papers on his desk. He really hoped that Daniel wasn't finally cracking up. Jack could only handle so much drama.

Jack was in the control room to see them off; only half registering the way Daniel kept compulsively patting his zat as if to make sure that it was still there. In retrospect, Jack really should have known something was going on. Twenty minutes after Jack watched Daniel and Teal'c step through the gate, an incoming wormhole brought back a sheepish looking Teal'c.

"What happened? Where's Daniel?" Jack demanded.

"He took my by surprise," the large man replied, sounding rather sullen about the whole thing. "I do not believe Daniel Jackson had any intention of speaking with Shifu."

Jack took a deep breath, wishing he had paid a little more attention to Daniel's behavior. "Do you know where he went?"

Teal'c paused for a moment, his lips pursing almost imperceptibly. "I regret that I did not see the address of the world he traveled to, as I was unconscious at the time."

"Daniel's gone?" Sam asked, walking in on the conversation.

"Yeah, gone to play the hero," Jack complained.

"Huh," was all Sam had to say.

Jack turned around and glared at Sam. "Why don't you look surprised?"

Sam just shrugged, an enigmatic smile playing across her face.

Jack resisted the urge to yell. He just had to accept that he was out of the loop. In the meantime, he could contemplate ways to get back at Daniel, when, not if, he got back.

Zatting Teal'c hadn't been fun, but it was like Sam's words had lit a fire in his brain. Daniel didn't really have a choice. He just absolutely knew that he had to try. He wandered for almost a week, trying various planets with no success.

Then it had hit him one day. There was one place that Daniel just knew Haley would show up eventually: P3X-888. So all Daniel had to do was wait there until she showed up and then provide her with the information and tools she had asked for. Then he could clear up a few things.

Upon his arrival on P3X-888, Daniel feared that he was too late. She had already been there. The large body of water that was the original birthing grounds of the Goa'uld had a strange oily sheen on the surface. The beach was lined with dead symbiotes and other animals. They couldn't have been dead for too long, though, because even with the sheer amount of corpses, there was no smell. Daniel felt his stomach turn, nonetheless, and he began backing away from the gruesome sight when a voice startled him.

"Come to give 'saving me' another try?"

Daniel spun around to find Haley perched on a large boulder, writing in a journal. It had been weeks since any of them had seen her. As usual, Daniel was struck by how normal she seemed. She hadn't looked up from the journal she was carefully writing in. Her brown hair was in its usual careless disarray, hanging down over her face, partially hiding the uneven scarring on her features.

Finally looking up, she smiled slightly, her blue eyes revealing nothing. She jumped down and slowly walked towards Daniel.

"Not that I'm not impressed that you managed to find me. I should have known you would figure it out."

"To know the end, you must first find the beginning," Daniel quoted rather inanely when he managed to get his voice back.

Haley smiled. "Yes, origins are always important. It's never good to forget where you come from; it makes it harder to know where you're going."

Haley walked to the edge of the water and poked at the body of a symbiote with her toe. "The Goa'uld never learned that lesson. They pretend to be gods, but they were born out of the sludge and muck just like the rest of us."

Daniel briefly registered that this was a rather surreal conversation to be having.

"So, Daniel, now you've found me. I assume you're here to give me another speech."

"No," Daniel said carefully. "I just wanted to bring you these." He held out the three black stones.

Haley's eyes widened as she clearly recognized them. She shook her head and backed away. "I don't want them."

"You asked me for them," Daniel insisted, offering them to her again.

"That was before I really understood what was happening to me, Daniel. I was scared of the things I had no comprehension of. But I get it now. I've accepted my fate."

"It's not fate. You don't have to do this."

She stared at him for a long moment. "You're right, Daniel. I'm choosing to do this."

Haley walked back to the boulder and shoved the journal in her pack before slipping it on to her back. She pushed into the woods, heading back towards the Stargate. Right before she disappeared into the trees she called back over her shoulder, "You coming or not?"

Daniel silently trailed Haley, wondering what she was up to. Once they reached the Stargate, she dialed up a world and stepped through. He only hesitated for a moment before following her.

The planet was rather nondescript, the same forests and mountains that Daniel had seen on a hundred other planets. They were following a worn, dirt path that paralleled a meandering stream.

"There is a temple here," Haley explained. "Priests and priestesses care for newly born Goa'uld, never knowing that they are empowering those that enslave them."

"What are you going to do?" Daniel asked.

"I'm going to ensure that no more children on this planet undergo the prim'ta."

"And the priests and priestesses?"

Haley didn't answer and Daniel wondered if she was rationalizing them as casualties of war.

After another silent fifteen minutes, the trail opened into a small clearing. There was a small house at the center, smoke lazily trailing into the sky from a sort of chimney. "Idyllic, isn't it?" Haley remarked. "Hard to believe it's home to a mass murderer."

Haley dropped her pack to the ground. Rooting around in it, she finally pulled out a Berretta and calmly checked the ammo.

"This isn't the temple," Daniel said softly, watching her with growing unease.

"Nope, this is just a little pit stop on the way," Haley said as she headed for the small structure.

She didn't bother to knock. Shoving her way inside with Daniel right on her heels, the house revealed a woman bending over a hearth of sorts. In the corner sat an older man, whose golden tattoo marked him as a First Prime. He jumped to his feet in surprise as they barged in.

Haley bit out something to the man that Daniel vaguely registered as a Jaffa proverb. Something about the wheel turning full circle and actions demanding vengeance.

The man's face paled and his wife cried out inarticulately. He waved for her to stay out of the way.

"You know who I am?" Haley asked.

"Yes," replied to Jaffa resignedly.

"And why I am here?"

"Yes."

"Haley," started Daniel, "what are you-"

"Do you want to know what this Jaffa did?" Haley interrupted. "A man refused to let his daughter be taken as a host for the gods. In response, this First Prime gathered up the entire village, locked them in a building, and burned them all alive. Does that deserve mercy?"

"Please," the woman suddenly beseeched, tearing Haley's attention from the Jaffa. "My husband is no longer in service of the false gods. He is a good man, I beg you. He has left those ways behind him."

Haley took a few steps towards the woman. "And does that make what he did okay?"

"No, it doesn't," said the Jaffa quietly. "Myna, please," he said softly to his wife, "do not interfere."

The woman silently shook her head, backing into the corner. "Please, no…"

"I am ready to face my punishment," interrupted the man, pulling Haley and Daniel's attention back to him.

"Good," Haley said, raising her Berretta level with his heart. "I'll make it quick, which is more than you did for those poor souls."

The man fell to his knees, arms wide open. "Yes. All I ask is that you leave my family be, they had nothing to do with my crimes."

Haley titled her head in consideration of him. "I will think about that."

The man closed his eyes in acceptance and Haley moved to pull the trigger, but Daniel jumped between them.

"Haley, don't do this."

"Get out of the way, Daniel," she bit out in response, her eyes hard.

"Please, don't interfere," the Jaffa implored.

Daniel ignored him and continued to try and reason with Haley. "This is murder and part of you knows that. This is wrong."

Haley's eyes now blazed with fury. "I should have known that you would never be able to understand." She moved forward and shoved Daniel aside, but he stubbornly refused to move.

"Yes, he did bad things," Daniel said sharply, "but does he really deserve to die? Is there no such thing as atonement?"

"Ask that to the people he killed. Some acts deserve no mercy."

"Who are you to make that choice?"

"I am the only one who can," Haley ground out.

"Please, it's alright," the Jaffa continued to plead as he nervously glanced between the increasingly agitated Haley and his softly whimpering wife in the corner.

Daniel raised his voice over the growing cacophony of sounds in the hut, when a few things happened in rapid succession. Haley raised one hand to her ears as if to block them all out and then the door behind her slammed open with force. She jerked with surprise and spun around, gun extended.

Daniel watched the unfolding scene with horror. Time seemed to slow; his body refused to move as if it was mired in the deepest swamp. He didn't even manage to make a sound before the sharp retort of the gun filled the room. The child's hand slipped from the doorknob in shock as red began to stain across his chest. The boy, easily no more than seven years old, hit the ground with a soft thump.

There was a loud wail from the woman in the corner and a shout of protest from the Jaffa, but Haley had already dropped her arm in shock. For just a second, Daniel saw something flash in Haley's eyes. He refused to call it satisfaction, but it was something horribly disturbing, and then it had melted away and she dropped to her knees by the child.

She cradled the small boy in her arms, rocking him back and forth. The child whimpered and she gently brushed the hair back from his face. "Shh…Jonathan… everything's going to be okay."

Daniel still stood stunned a few feet away, vaguely noting that she had called the child Jonathan. The boy in her arms gave a shuddering gasp and then lay still.

"No!" came the anguished gasp from Haley.

Daniel walked over and put a weary hand on her shoulder. "Haley…"

She shook him off. "No." Gently laying the boy on the ground, Haley stood and turned to leave the room, her eyes briefly falling on the parents now clinging disconsolately to each other. She pushed out of the room without a backwards glance.

Daniel silently followed her; unsure of what she would do now, absolute horror still curling in his gut. She paced silently outside the house, tapping the gun still clenched in her hand against her thigh in obvious agitation. Then she abruptly stopped and stared at the gun in fascination.

"It would be easy," she said quietly, not looking up from the gun. "It would be so easy to just end this all, once and for all, right now." She raised the gun to her temple and glanced at Daniel. "Right?"

Before Daniel could even react, she pulled the gun from her head and aimed it at him instead. "Or maybe it should be you. I could destroy the last vestiges of my conscious and then it would be simple. No more need for justification."

Daniel blinked unbelievingly at her. He wondered if she really had it in him to kill him. He was scared that she did.

"This isn't the way it's supposed to be," she said, abruptly lowering the gun and resuming her pacing. "I know what needs to be done. And I am the only one who can do it. The only one worthy of doing it!"

Her eyes blazed as she continued her rant. "There has never been one like me and there never will be again. These people," she spat, "they cannot possibly comprehend. In the end, they don't matter at all."

Daniel's anger finally pushed through his shock. "Listen to yourself! Don't you know what you sound like?"

She stopped pacing and stared at him, her eyes narrowing.

Daniel continued on unabashedly. "Maybe you were in control at first, maybe not, I don't know. But look at you! You say you hate the Goa'uld and everything they have ever done, but you're just like them!"

She raised the gun once more to aim at his chest. But Daniel saw the slight tremor there.

"You once swore that you would make them pay for what they did to Jonathan. But what the hell did you just do?" Daniel asked harshly, gesturing back towards the house from where sobs could still be heard. "You murdered a kid! For absolutely no reason, other than the fact that you could!"

"It was an accident," she replied in a hard voice, but he could see the sheen of tears in her eyes.

"That doesn't change the fact that he's dead. Or that part of you enjoyed it."

His accusation seemed to rip into her, but she didn't deny it. She raised her other hand to the gun, trying to control the shaking weapon.

Daniel's voice softened. "You say this is about not being a victim, but it's not, Haley. This is about revenge. And it's destroying you."

"I'm saving them…," she finally said in a weak voice. "No one should have to go through what I have…I won't let them."

In the ensuing silence a keening wail could be clearly heard. Haley's eyes snapped to the source of the offending noise and she charged back towards it with new purpose.

Daniel stepped in front of her. "No," he said firmly. "More death isn't going to make anything better."

"I know," she said softly before easily hooking her leg behind Daniel's and knocking him to the ground in one swift motion. She walked around his fallen body and continued towards the house.

By the time he managed to follow her into the house, Haley was kneeling by the boy with her eyes closed and one hand pressed to his bloody chest. The gun lay discarded by her feet and the boy's parents watched from the other side of the room, their fear of Haley clear on their faces.

Daniel was about to ask what the hell she was doing, when the boy drew a shuddering breath. Suddenly her posture and concentration were all too familiar. Jack had done this to Bra'tac. He had read reports about Ayiana's special abilities. She was healing him, like an Ancient.

The boy's eyes eventually fluttered open and Haley sagged back away from him, allowing the child to run to his parents. They stared at her in awe.

"Take me to the portal," she said softly without looking up from the bloody, stained ground in front of her.

Jack stood in front of the whiteboard, his eyes traveling over the red slashes that represented deceased Goa'uld. The overwhelming majority of them were red now. Instead of the intense satisfaction Jack knew he should feel at such a sight, however, he only felt growing unease. Lord Yu's last warning crawled around in his head. Do you honestly believe that when she is done with us, that she will just stop? She is a killer. That is all she will ever be. She won't stop until this galaxy is a wasteland.

Jack couldn't help but wonder if he had been right. Would she turn on the Tok'ra next? Maybe the NID for what they had done to her. Or maybe she would feel the need to wipe out every Jaffa and the potential fake gods that swam in their stomachs. Jack had seen images of the devastation on various Goa'uld planets. She had, on occasion, destroyed entire ecosystems, just to get to one Goa'uld.

If she did turn on Earth, could they stop her? Could any of them do what might need to be done? Jack was finally beginning to understand Selmak and what it must have cost her to do what she thought was right. And why Daniel had taken off, placing his hope in some mystical alien test.

Jack's dark thoughts were cut into by the klaxons and Walter's warning voice. "Unauthorized off-world activation!"

He sprinted down the stairs and took up position by Walter's shoulder.

"We are not receiving an IDC, sir," Walter offered.

"Keep that iris shut," Jack ordered needlessly. They all knew the drill by now. Except these days Jack always wondered if it was her on the other end. She knew not to come through, but he still dreaded the sick thud that accompanied the impact of something against the iris.

"Picking up a radio signal, sir," Walter suddenly said, surprise clear in his voice.

"Let's hear it."

"SGC, come in. This is Daniel Jackson. Do you read?"

Jack let out a breath with a whoosh and hastily grabbed the mic. "Daniel, where the hell are you?" he demanded without preamble.

There was a moment of nothing but static, but then Daniel's voice was back, heavy with something that Jack couldn't quite identify. "I'm with Haley."

Jack was stunned for a moment. "What?"

"She's made her decision, Jack. You might want to meet us on P4T-833 as soon as possible." There was a pause. "To say goodbye," Daniel finished.

Jack felt his stomach drop. This wasn't the way it was supposed to end. "Daniel-," he started, only to be cut off.

"Jack. Just get Sam and come quick." There was another pause and Jack swore he could hear Daniel sigh. "Jackson out."

And with that, the wormhole suddenly blinked out, and the finality of the situation settled on Jack like a lead blanket. He blindly grabbed the first airman that walked by. "Get Colonel Carter here ASAP," he ordered gruffly, strangely unable to tear his eyes off of the silent Stargate.

Haley sat motionlessly at the foot of the Stargate, absently listening to Daniel's conversation. The majority of her concentration was on the image of surprise on the child's face when her bullet had slammed into him. It was the only thing really holding back the stronger part of her that wanted to scream, 'So what? What does one child really matter? Go back and finish off the father!' The part of her that actually wanted to fire a bullet into Daniel, just so her last tether to complacency and mediocrity would be severed.

But the smaller part of her focused on the image of the child and Daniel's harsh words. Part of you enjoyed it. She couldn't deny it. Haley was so tired of being the victim that she relished having the upper hand, being the one who decided life and death. Her fingers itched for a weapon.

The wormhole blinked out and she looked up to find Daniel watching her with deep wariness. She actually managed to feel a small flash of shame that he, of all people, would fear her. That's why she would do it. The Crucible. She did remember all about it. She knew what it entailed and she was terrified of it.

Words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. "Even if I manage to survive, more than likely I will never be able to come back."

Daniel didn't respond; he just nodded mutely, his face drawn and pale.

She felt her heart squeeze. Would he mourn her? Or had she just invented something in her mind that had never existed? And then Haley was staring at him like she was seeing him for the first time since he had hunted her down on P3X-888. "Why did you come, Daniel?"

"We'd better get going," he said, deflecting her question.

"Not yet," she said softly, making a decision. "I want…I want to give you something first."

The suspicion was back in his eyes with force and Haley felt a two-leveled response. Sadness and satisfaction mingled uneasily. The part of her that still cared wanted to weep at that look. But the larger, louder part reminded her that he wasn't good enough for her, for what she was. She was oil and water, separating into layers. She felt it trying to mix once again, to end her confusion, but she fought it down, remembering a blood soaked floor. 'Just a little longer,' she thought, closing her eyes for a moment.

When she opened them again, Daniel had one hand on his zat. "I'm fine," she managed to say. "I don't have a lot of time, though. Please, just let me do this one last thing."

She could see his struggle between wanting to trust her and knowing better. She pushed to her feet and approached him slowly, her hands held wide. "I just need you to know," she said, her voice thick. She must have given something away in her voice or in her expression, because Daniel's eyes softened, almost imperceptibly.

"Haley…"

"I won't hurt you." She could see that part of him wanted to believe that. But as she moved within reach, he pulled his zat. She smiled slightly, glad that he wasn't taking any chances, and put one hand to his temple, closing her eyes.

She started slowly, so as not to startle him. First it was some of her earliest moments with him. Fleeing Baal's mother ship, standing in the sun outside the Mountain together. Mingled with the images were her feelings: friendship and gratitude. How he made her feel safe when everything around her was confusing and new. And then later, how her heart had nearly beat out of her chest when he had held her so gently after her nightmare. He would be able to feel her passion mingled with her fear that she would hurt him. Her disgust at herself, her feelings of unworthiness. The way part of her seemed to extinguish when he had left her to go off world. All of this, she carefully poured into his mind.

Mentally she pulled slowly back and opened her eyes. She could feel the zat pressing against her stomach, but Daniel made no move to fire. "I had to let you know…before it was too late," she explained softly, pulling her hand away.

But Daniel grabbed her to stop her withdrawal. "How did you-" he broke off and shook his head. "Is there any way… That is, can I…," he sputtered, uncharacteristically incoherent. He lifted her hand back to his temple and somehow she just knew what he wanted.

"If you're sure," she said uncertainly.

"I'm sure," he said, his voice suddenly steady again.

He lacked the control Haley had and the images were jumbled, nearly incoherent. But she carefully skimmed them as he projected them. She was surprised at the tenderness and his guilt that his feelings were wrong somehow. There was even vague guilt that by caring for another that he was betraying Sha're's memory. But overriding all of it was an undeniable devotion and she had her answer. She knew why he had come after her. Why he would always come after her, no matter what she had done.

"I'm sorry, Daniel," she whispered softly, resting her head against his neck. She knew he understood that she was apologizing, not only for everything that she had done, but for everything that they would never get to do.

His arms went around her and she let herself sink into him for a moment. "No regrets, Haley," he breathed against her hair. He pulled back and pressed one hand to her face, his expression suddenly intense. "If anyone can survive this thing, Haley, it's you. I just know it."

Then his expression softened again. "But just in case…" He leaned slowly in and Haley felt her breath catch in her throat. His lips were soft and undemanding on hers and she wanted to crawl inside the moment and never let go. There was a tenderness there that she had never known.

Even as she abandoned herself to the sensations, though, others began to intrude. Different lips pressing punishingly against hers, accompanied by the metallic taste of blood. Her hands clenched involuntarily and her mind began demanding action. Retribution.

Daniel must have sensed the shift, because he pulled away, concern on his face. Haley felt one renegade tear crawl down her cheek. "I'm out of time," she whispered.

He brushed one hand tenderly against her face before stepping back and re-aiming the zat at her, his expression one of grim acceptance. He dialed the gate, never turning his back on her, guarded wariness in his eyes once more.

Jack and Sam were already waiting for them on P4T-827 when they got there. They seemed a little shocked to see Haley emerge first with Daniel closely behind, zat trained on her.

Seeing them again shook Haley to the core. Her softer feelings for them were being quickly submerged by darker images of the things they had suffered and the things they had inflicted on others. Haley briefly wondered how she could have been stupid enough to give Daniel her weapons and her personal shield. It wouldn't take much to get them back, though.

"Haley," Daniel said sharply as if he knew the turn her thoughts had taken.

Haley took a deep breath and nodded, fighting the anger. "In my pack…a red composition book." Daniel nodded and dug through her bag, finally pulling the requested item out and passing it cautiously to Haley.

Haley pressed the journal into Sam's hands. "This should make everything…better," she said somewhat stiffly.

Sam reached out to touch Haley, but she jerked away. Everything was just too tenuous. She tried to ignore the pain on her mother's face. "You know…," she started inarticulately, unable to really express her feelings.

"We know," Jack broke in firmly, one arm tightly around Sam.

Haley nodded, grateful for once that he could read her so well. She stopped a few steps away and turned back to them. "Promise me something."

Jack nodded.

"Don't wait too long. You're not going to find anything more important than each other." Sam's eyes widened for a moment, but Jack nodded.

"I promise."

Haley nodded and moved back to Daniel's side. He held out the three black stones to her. Her hand trembled as she reached for them, her fingers briefly tangling with his. "Thanks, Daniel," she said quietly.

Daniel briefly squeezed her hand and then stepped away, his eyes never leaving hers.

Haley stepped up to the portal, her feet dragging as if they were encased in lead. The three stones fit easily into the waiting grooves and then the granite wall began to slowly shift and swirl, eventually settling into a glassy black surface the size of a doorway. As Haley raised one hand towards it, she couldn't stop shaking. Fear swirled in her stomach, her mouth dry.

'Sentimental weakness!' part of her railed. In her mind's eye, she could clearly see how easy it would be to disable to the three of them. How easy it would be to escape. She didn't need to do this. She had nothing to prove. There was nothing wrong with her. Her hand began to drop back to her side when she heard the unmistakable sound of a zat gun readying itself to fire. Daniel wasn't giving her a choice.

"Don't." His voice was hard and flat.

It was the uncontrollable anger that finally pushed her forward, at the last second. She wanted to punish him for thinking he could tell her what to do. She didn't need weapons to do it either, her hands were all she needed. Didn't they understand her greatness? She was a goddess; they were mere mortals. She was better than all of them.

She turned away from the portal, her eyes flowing over the people watching her. Her family. Weakness. She wanted to rid herself of them. Her hands tightened reflexively and her eyes met Daniel's. He didn't have it in him to fire on her. He was soft.

She managed to take one step forward before he proved her wrong. "I'm sorry, Haley," he said softly, and then he fired.

There was pain and she was falling. Her back touched something liquid and cloying. It was pulling her in. She struggled for a moment, but then her eyes met Daniel's. He was staring at her, stricken. She remembered the feel of his lips on hers, his thoughts mingling with hers. Giving him an infinitesimal smile, she relaxed into the grip of the portal, surrendering. And then there was cold blackness.

Three months later, they all began to accept that Haley really wasn't coming back. No one knew what to feel about that. It was almost like the strange limbo they had all been in after Daniel's ascension. None of them wanted to believe that she was dead, but they also knew that she would never come back.

So, while Sam certainly mourned her loss, at the same time, she didn't feel the same dark hopelessness as last time. Maybe because she could convince herself that Haley was better off, no matter where she was. Perhaps a harsh thought from a mother, but she knew what her daughter had struggled with. Maybe in the end Shifu had been right. There was no way to win the battle; the only way was to avoid it entirely. And whether dead, or saved by some far-off aliens, she was hopefully free of the battle.

Sam was aware enough, however, to realize that Jack was probably the main reason she had avoided complete despair. He had kept his promises. He hadn't turned away from Sam this time. They mourned together.

They had all spent two weeks at Jack's cabin immediately after returning from P4T-833. Daniel had looked so wretched that Jack hadn't even had the heart to yell at him for running off without permission. Instead, he had ordered them all out to the cabin. The galaxy would be safe enough without them for a while.

It had been a quiet two weeks for the team as everyone tried to reconcile everything that had happened over the last few years. It was a strange feeling, to know that the central goal of their lives for the last ten years was finally within reach. The Goa'uld would never threaten the galaxy again. During their downtime, they all made some important decisions in face of this.

Teal'c struggled with his decision to leave the Tau'ri. He was in a unique position to be able to help his people redefine their lives outside of the dictates of false gods. They needed him, just as the SGC had needed him for the last decade. His place was clearly with his people now. Jack, Sam, and Daniel could not begrudge him that, no matter how much they would miss their friend, their brother.

As for Daniel, he seemed to have reached a strange sort of peace. Sure, he still had some dark moments, where he was downright morose, but in general, he was philosophical about the changes in their lives. One night at the cabin as they all sat quietly around the fireplace, he decided that he didn't need to go through the gate anymore.

When Sam had protested, he just gently reminded her that he wasn't a soldier. Circumstances had forced him to take up the mantle of a warrior, but he had never wanted it. Sam couldn't help but remember Daniel back in the beginning, holding a gun awkwardly, preferring to grin widely and give strangers the benefit of the doubt. Always quietly determined to save his wife, to right wrongs.

Somewhere along the line, Daniel had hardened and weapons began to fill his hands with ease. The change should have bothered Sam more, but they had all been too busy to really notice. Looking at him now, though, Sam knew he was right. War took too much away from him, bit by bit. They needed him to not be a warrior. He was their soul. She wondered if seeing what anger and vengeance had done to Haley had finally been the last straw. It was time for Daniel to put down his gun.

In the middle of such change, Sam made one more discovery that altered everything. After five days of talking and relaxing at the cabin, Sam was beginning to lose her mind from boredom. She pulled out the journal Haley had pressed into her hands, unsure of what she might find, but knowing that she couldn't put if off forever. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, letters perhaps, or explanations for the things she had done, confessions of love and affection. It contained none of those things. Instead, it was filled with compact writing and drawings that made no sense to Sam.

For the next week, she studied the pages endlessly (whenever Jack wasn't demanding that she put it down and do anything else for a while). Their last night, while Daniel was fixing dinner, Sam finally understood what she had been looking at. It hit her like a bolt of lightening.

"Oh my god," she swore softly, hands to her mouth, journal tumbling haphazardly into her lap.

"Colonel Carter?" Teal'c asked in concern.

But Sam just continued to stare at the open pages.

Then Jack was kneeling in front of her, glancing at the pages incomprehensibly. "Carter?" he asked gently, reaching out and touching her arm.

Sam's eyes snapped up to his. "Jack," she said intensely. "I know what this is."

No one mentioned her slip up; instead they all just clustered around her, concerned that she might have finally lost it.

Sam looked at all their faces, so full of concern and began to laugh hysterically.

"What is it, Sam?" Daniel asked quietly, watching Sam with alarm.

Daniel looked so worried that Sam grabbed his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "I'm okay. It's just…" She held up the journal. "It's a ZPM. They're schematics for building ZPMs."

That had been two and a half months ago. Sam had already managed, with the help of the schematics and their careful, almost child-like explanations, to build a working prototype. Sure, she had to rewrite a dozen known laws of physics along the way, but she had done it nonetheless. Thanks to Haley's last gift, Atlantis had been bolstered with much needed supplies and manpower and Earth now had an operational defense system.

Sam, for the last three days straight, had been working on the next generation of ZPMs that could be easily adapted to more traditional forms of human technology. Early one morning, after another long night spent in her lab, she was startled by a soft knock on her door. Looking up from the prototype in front of her she saw Jack leaning casually against her door. All thoughts of the ZPM fled and she jumped to her feet.

"Sir," Sam said with a smile, dizzily glad to see him after a two week absence. "When did you get back from Washington?"

"Just now," he said, returning her smile lazily.

As glad as she was to see him, something in his face made Sam's eyes narrow automatically. He was up to something, she was sure of it. But then he had pushed off of the doorframe and grabbed a pen from her desk, playing with it absently.

"You've kept yourself busy," he noted, gesturing at the half-dismantled prototype on her desk.

"Yes, sir," she answered slowly, still eying him suspiciously. When he continued to fiddle, Sam decided she needed more intelligence to figure out what exactly he had up his sleeve. "How was your trip?" she asked nonchalantly.

"Oh, you know how I love pomp and diplomacy," he said playfully.

Yes, she did, which was why the wide smile on his face and the general sense of self-satisfaction were so unnerving. Maybe he was just as glad to be home. The thought brought her smile back.

But then Jack oh-so-casually turned and closed the door to her lab. Sam's eyebrows shot up.

"Sir?" she asked uncertainly, praying that she had just imagined the small squeak in her voice.

Jack smiled softly and moved closer to her. "I missed you, Carter."

Sam almost forgot the weirdness of the shut door for a moment in the flush of happiness that warmed her body at his uncharacteristic confession. But then her back abruptly made contact with the counter behind her. She hadn't even been aware of slowly retreating as he moved continuously towards her.

When he was easily within reach of her she managed to squeak out, "Sir, what are you doing?"

"Keeping my promise," he replied softly, reaching for her face.

It was only in that moment that Sam finally registered that Jack was wearing civvies. Nice khakis with a white t-shirt and that leather jacket that she had always admired on him. Ripping her thoughts away from the inappropriate topic of her CO's state of dress, she wondered the probability that he could have been infected by an alien virus on his trip. Or maybe she had?

"And don't call me that," he continued, interrupting her internal dialogue.

His hands were now on her face, one of them absently tucking a stray piece of her hair behind her ear. "Sir?" she asked again, unnerved by his odd behavior.

"Yeah, that," he said with a slow smile spreading across his face. "You see any stars on my clothes?"

Her addled brain was slowly catching up to what was happening to her. The trip to Washington, civvies, and a shit-eating grin. That all equaled one thing. "You retired," she accused, her eyes narrowing once again.

He nodded once, clearly bemused. "Official as of last night at midnight."

"You can't." She hadn't meant for the words to come out so harsh, but she was more than a little overwhelmed at the moment.

Jack dropped his hands and sighed, but didn't move away from her. "Why not? Carter, the Goa'uld are done, the Replicators a distant memory and we have a fully functional Ancient defense system that we can now power indefinitely, thanks to you. When, exactly, do you think would be a better time?"

They were all very logical reasons and Sam couldn't fault them. Six months ago she had completely prepared herself for his retirement, before everything went to hell. But their chance was here now. The waiting could be over, if she wanted it. You're not going to find anything more important than each other. It really was great advice.

A slow smile spread over Sam's face. Jack relaxed in response, probably glad that he wasn't going to have to fight her about this. Then that self-satisfied smirk was back and a dangerous gleam was in his eye. Sam found she didn't mind so much anymore.

"I was wondering if you could help me with something, Carter," Jack said, his face suddenly serious.

"What would that be?" asked Sam, not really finding it as hard to drop the honorifics as she thought it would be.

"Well, you see," he said, pulling Sam a little closer, "I was really sick a couple years ago. Almost died and everything." His tone was still serious, but something mischievous lurked in his eyes.

"Really?" Sam replied, trying to ignore the annoying fluttering in her stomach.

"Yeah. Apparently I lost a lot of very important memories."

"That sounds terrible," Sam said with mock sympathy.

Jack nodded solemnly in agreement. His hands slid slowly down her back to rest at her waist. "Care to help jog my memory?"

Sam smiled wickedly and leaned in towards him, her lips close to his ear. She could feel his hands reflexively tighten against her back. Then she breathed, softly against his neck, "I thought you'd never ask."

Jack let out a soft groan and, heedless of security cameras, very thoroughly kissed Sam senseless.

Someday had finally come.