Sunrise over the tango factory: Quick word...thanks for reviews...love you all...love you love you love you! Prepare for angst!
The bottle of pills sat on the side.
The light of the room reflecting off its dark brown glass.
It looked so still…. so harmless…almost inviting.
Lister gave a shudder and tried to turn away from it's non-existent gaze, but he could still feel its presence.
He felt like he was being watched…the pills were waiting...waiting for him to give up living…waiting for him to find his release.
Sitting on his bunk, head in his hands, shoulders hunched up to his ears. He was a picture of despair.
Since the 'dream', he'd slipped further into a state of permanent confusion and misery. He locked himself in his quarters, refusing to eat, refusing to speak, refusing to be himself.
No matter how much Kryten or Cat attempted to pull him from his mood, Lister still acted the same.
There was a brief knock at the door, before it slid open to reveal an apprehensive looking Kryten. Lister didn't even look up,
"Sir?" asked Kryten quietly.
Lister lifted his head to look directly at the mechanoid. Kryten wished he hadn't, Lister's eyes had lost their usual sparkle, the man that sat before him looked like his master, but in actual fact he was only a shadow of a man. A man half crazed by his loneliness.
Kryten twisted his hands nervously "sir, do you want anything to eat?"
Lister remained still before slowing shaking his head.
"Sir" pleaded Kryten "you must eat…"
Lister took to once again glaring at the floor, trying to block out the words that were being said to him…what did Kryten know anyway, he'd never experienced a feeling like this…he didn't suffer from emotions…he didn't have to endure the pain of a broken heart…he didn't have to continue a life without someone who was missed dearly!
Kryten sighed inwardly, "Sir, I'm asking you now…as a friend…to please snap out of this…this…sulk"
Lister head jerked up, he stared angrily at the mechanoid, but he still continued to say nothing in his defence.
Kryten persisted, "you lying in your room, refusing to talk or eat or sleep will not bring him back…and it's time you faced up to that…he's never coming back!"
The instant those words had poured from his mouth, he regretted it and he watched guilty as Lister's anger melted away into grief. He curled up on his bunk; knees drew to his chest with his back to Kryten.
"Sir?"
"Just go Krytes…" whispered Lister, silent tears streaking his cheeks.
Kryten hesistated, it didn't feel right leaving Lister alone after what has just happened.
"Go" said Lister, a little louder.
This time Kryten obliged, he walked from the room pausing only when he reached the door, he gazed sadly at Lister and shook his head, before closing the door gently.
Deep down, Lister knew Kryten was right.
Rimmer wouldn't come back…what was there here for him…not a life worth living that's for sure.
And theres no way Rimmer would give up being Ace just of him.
Lister's tears were coming thick and fast, but not out of sadness…they were tears of rage.
He left his bunk and allowed his eyes to wander round the room…the other side of the room was completely bare as Rimmer had took most of his possessions with him. Lister had tried creating a mess on that side of the room to cover to emptiness of it, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Rimmer wouldn't have liked it….
The blankness of the room made Lister angrier, it was a constant reminder of what was missing in his life, of what he'd had taken away.
"Why'd you have to leave?" Lister found himself screaming at the empty room. "Why'd you have to go…why'd you have to leave me on my own?" He paused, as if expecting an answer, "do I mean so little to you" Lister screamed "do you really hate me that much? Do you!"
The silence roared his ears; the sound of his heart pounding in his chest was the only thing disrupting the peace of the room.
Lister placed a hand to his chest, and felt his heart beat. He closed his eyes and for a moment was lost in its repetitiveness.
Thump.
Rest.
Thump.
Rest.
Thump.
His heart appeared to be working perfectly…but why did it hurt so much.
Why, from the moment he woke up til the time he fell asleep, did Lister felt like his heart was breaking?
Lister gave a shuddery breath as he spotted the bottle of extra strength pills he'd stolen from the medi-bay earlier.
With shaking hands he unscrewed the top, the pills clinked against the glass as he did so. He poured a handful out onto his palm and without a second thought, swallowed them. He hastily tipped out another handful and promptly swallowed them before repeating it over again. Before he realised what was happening, the bottle was empty.
Lister's head was spinning, he grasped the edge of side as the room rolled and turned, the bottle slipped from his grasp and shattered on the floor.
Suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to sleep, Lister rested his head on his arm and groand, he then become aware of voices in the corridor outside. He tried to move over to his bunk, so he would appear to be asleep but his legs refused to function. Lister eventually managed to grip the side and pull himself upright, and was just about to stumble over to his bunk when he heard the door swish open.
"Lister?"
Lister looked up to see Rimmer staring back at him. He just managed to give a smile before his legs buckled and he felt himself falling towards the floor and the comforting darkness that followed.