Summary: Harry fuses with the Haunter of the Dark and is raised by the wizard who rescues him. (Wizard as in HP Lovecraft wizard, that is!)
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Pre-fic Comments:
All latin can be considered 'doggy latin', in that I don't know Latin and am trying to fake it.
Some adult language in this. Having a good knowledge of canon proceedings would be a good idea, as I skip a bit of detail later on.
For reference (yours and mine), Ma Baker has four sons. From eldest to youngest: Robert, Bill, Ash, and Tim.
"I am a man who walks alone
And when I'm walking a dark road
At night or strolling through the park
When the light begins to change
I sometimes feel a little strange
A little anxious when it's dark..."
Iron Maiden, 'Fear Of The Dark'
Harry's head lay flat on the table.
"Cheer up, they might get a clue and fuck off," Tim offered. Some of the students near then looked incredulous at his loose use of foul language.
"We aren't that lucky," Satanus said, thoroughly depressed. "I wanna go home, where they have modern appliances."
"That sounds like the best idea I've heard all day," Tim said approvingly.
Harry lifted his head from the table, sighed deeply, then started on a sandwich. "At least the food is good."
"Here's a question," Satanus said. "Why hasn't anyone asked about your eyes?"
"Uncle Harris told me that it's something like the same reason that normal people don't notice most magic," Harry offered.
"A Somebody Elses Problem effect?," Satanus asked.
"Yeah," Tim nodded. "Seems to be. What do we have next?"
"Er... Transfiguration," Satanus said, now the semi-official interface between the small group and official-dom. "With the old lady that looks like Granny Weatherwax."
All three looked at the Head Table, towards the stern steel-haired Professor McGonagall.
"Now that looks like detention, right off," Harry muttered.
"At least we don't have Potions," Tim offered.
"But we still have to figure out how to get out of here and into a decent school," Satanus reminded them.
"Well, what if Tim wrote to Ma Baker?," Harry offered. "She would talk to Grandpa Baker, and he'd raise all hell until things got fixed."
All three looked at the Head Table again, at the Headmaster this time. Harry pulled out a lined Muggle refill pad, and handed that and a Bic ballpoint to Tim.
"Severus, what are your newest charges planning?," Dumbledore asked absently, chewing on a corned beef sandwich.
"Something undoubtedly immoral if not illegal, given that Saint Potter is involved," Professor Snape sneered.
"He's only eleven," Professor McGonagall protested. "Be fair on him, Severus."
Snape sniffed. "I will treat him as he deserves, and no more."
"Still, it would be appreciated if you could find out what they're up to," Dumbledore suggested. "Have you tried the corned beef?"
Ma Baker coughed as a small imp appeared in a blast of sulphurous smoke. While she was getting used to the things appearing, she doubted anyone could get used to the stench.
"What've you got, then?," she said rhetorically, spotting the letter the imp was clutching just as it dropped the note in her hands and then vanished in another puff of smoke that didn't smell any sweeter than what it brought in the first place. "Hmmm... a letter! Boys! Tim sent a letter!"
The remaining three Baker boys surrounded Ma Baker as she read the letter out loud.
"Dear Ma, missing you already. This school is crazy, they don't even teach maths, English, or Science! I wish someone would make them fix that. Harry and Satanus are a great help, although I think Satanus is going to go mad soon, as this dump doesn't even have electric power. Old Wizard Harris is keeping an eye out for us, but I don't think that some of the snobs here like any of us."
"That doesn't sound too good," Robert offered. "Keep reading, Ma."
"I am going to send you film to be developed, as there isn't a photographer's shop within a million miles of this place. If you tell the messenger imp, it will wait for you to send a reply with it. Love you heaps, missing you more, your son Tim," Ma finished up.
All four looked at each other.
"Well, that didn't sound too good at all," Ash muttered. He was closest in age to Tim. "We need to get him out of there."
"Let's not rush in," Ma said thoughtfully. "I think I'll get my Pa onto them."
Bill and Robert looked at each other, then at Ma uneasily.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?," Bill asked.
"I'm sure he won't be too hard on those good-for-nothings," Ma said reassuringly.
Harry was beginning to /seriously/ not like this school.
In Transfiguration, Professor McGonagall seemed to have completely forgotten the events of the Sorting. When taking roll call...
"Potter, Harry," she said crisply.
Harry blinked, leaning back on his chair.
"Potter, Harry! Harry Potter, you will reply right now!"
"Er, Miss, his name is Harry LaVelle," Tim offered, raising his hand first.
"Very well, but no more being cheeky," McGonagall said, correcting her class list. "LaVelle, Harry."
"Here," Harry said.
And it didn't get any better from there on in. They had had to take quite a lot of notes, and when the Professor had turned around, she had seen Harry, Tim and Satanus writing down the notes dutifully.
"And /what/ do you think you are doing?," she asked.
"Writing notes," Satanus said, rolling his eyes.
"Regardless of how you may do business in Muggle schools, here in Hogwarts we use quills," McGonagall said, inspecting Tim's ballpoint pen. It then turned into a sparrow in her hands, and fluttered up to the classroom's rafters.
"HEY! That was MY PEN," Tim protested. McGonagall plunked an inkpot and a quill in front of Tim.
"And this is now your quill," she said. "Do not lose it."
She then returned to writing notes on the blackboard.
Tim found, quite quickly, that the ink from the quill went right through the page, as well as the next few pages under it. He threw the thing to the desk, turning to Harry.
"Oi!," he whispered. "Pen!"
Post-fic Comments:
Sorry this is short, relative to the first three parts. I only write longer than 5k when I'm really, really, really bored.
AlanP'sMusicRant:
Had a listen to 'Black Rebel Motorcycle Club's new album. Kinda okay, fairly obvious inspiration by Oasis. If you like death metal, then I suggest that you pick up Rammstein's new album. Even if you don't know German (I don't), it is pretty good. It's probably a good idea to look up a translation on the internet, though, so you have half an idea what they're on about.
If you haven't already, then I HIGHLY suggest you check out the band 'Bal Sagoth'. British heavy metal, all about wizardry and fantasy. Very, very good.