A/N: Thanks for the reviews! keep them coming. CountessJackman, you're going to want to be Tsena even more in this chapter. hehe
Chapter Four: Feelings
A week later, Anakin strolled into the training room where Tsena was undergoing lightsaber drills alone, her training helmet blocking her sight. He sat down and watched her.
"Hello, Anakin," she called as she deflected another bolt from the training remotes.
He smiled. Hi Tsena. You're doing well.
Thanks, came her reply. Now please let me concentrate!
Anakin chuckled slightly, then quieted. He watched as she spun gracefully around, her ebony tresses flying out behind her. He couldn't see her eyes behind the helmet, but he knew they would be focused, staring into nothing as she concentrated on moving with the Force.
She's beautiful, he suddenly thought. And not just physically. Everything about her is beautiful – her spirit, her soul, her nature, her heart. Everything.
He felt as if he was looking at her through a golden haze. Everything she did seemed to slow down. He focused inward, searching deep within his heart, his soul, until he found the truth.
He loved Tsena.
He loved her, and had been in love with her since before his last mission. It was because he loved her that he had missed her so much.
He leaned back against the wall, blinking incredulously. All those years of believing he was in love with Padmé – he could see now that it had been nothing more than an illusion he had created about the first person besides his mother to care for him and treat him as more than a little boy.
All those weeks of missing Tsena, and he had put it all down as homesickness for his dearest friend. He had shoved aside the truth then, but now it was blatantly clear.
He became vaguely aware that she had finished training and was removing her helmet. He had to tell her. That was all he knew. Never mind that Jedi were forbidden to love. Never mind that he might be thrown out of the Order. He loved her, she had to know – then maybe they could work it out together.
When Tsena sat beside Anakin, she could sense that something was wrong. "Are you all right, Anakin?" she asked, concerned.
"Tsena, I – I…" He couldn't continue. He turned to look at her, his face a strange mix of emotions.
Frightened, she covered his hand with her own. "Anakin? What's wrong?"
He stared at her hand, then slowly looked back up at her.
"What – " she started to say, but was cut off by his lips gently touching hers.
Everything inside her seemed to shut down for an instant. She closed her eyes and a dam burst in her mind, a hundred thoughts she had buried now flooding across her mind. In his kiss she found the reason for her connection with him. In his kiss she found the reason she missed him every time they separated. In his kiss she found the last hidden reason why she was filled with joy at his return. The reason she had shaken off before she had a chance to explore. Love. Love was the reason, and she understood in that instant that she had loved him as long as she had known him.
She had been falling in love with him more every day, yet she had suppressed the feeling before she could identify it. Now, as he kissed her, she felt it, recognized it, celebrated it, allowed it to wash over her. She loved him.
He broke from the kiss and looked deep into her eyes.
"I love you, Tsena. I know that it's against the Code, I know that I could be expelled from the Order. But I had to let you know." He searched her face for understanding, but her expression was unreadable.
"You love me," she repeated, her voice wondering, her eyes seeming to look beyond him. He gazed at her anxiously, willing her to understand. Slowly, her gaze focused on him and she gave him a wobbly smile. She reached up and gently touched his cheek with shaking fingers.
"I love you too," she whispered.
His eyes widened in amazement. "You do?" he asked her, gripping her hand, which had not left his.
Tsena nodded. "As long as I've known you," she said simply. She hesitated. "We could be expelled from the Order. To love is forbidden."
"No," he took both of her hands in his. "Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. But we are taught to always be compassionate – and I define it as unconditional love. That's what my love is for you, Tsena. Unconditional."
Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "I don't want you to stop being a Jedi because of me. And I'm afraid that if something happens to me, you will lose faith in the Jedi."
He shook his head emphatically. "I promise you that will never happen," he said, looking deep into her eyes.
He bent and kissed her again, and she gave herself up to it, gave in to his love for her and hers for him. Nothing mattered but Anakin.
"Obi-Wan!" Mace Windu called. "Jovarii!"
Obi-Wan and Jovarii turned and bowed to the tall Master. They had been on their way to the training rooms to find their Padawans.
"Obi-Wan, the Chancellor has requested that Senator Amidala be placed under your protection. An attempt on her life was made earlier today," Mace said calmly.
"Of course," Obi-Wan replied, glancing at Jovarii.
"You and Anakin are to report to the Senator immediately."
"Does she have any idea who was behind the attack?"
"She believes that Count Dooku and the Separatists were behind it."
Obi-Wan was astonished. "Surely not Dooku – he was a Jedi."
"Nevertheless, she is convinced that Separatists orchestrated the attempt, which brings me to you, Jovarii." Mace turned to her. Jovarii stood straighter. "Senator Amidala has expressed a wish to discover the identity of her attacker. You and Tsena will go with Obi-Wan and Anakin to assist in protecting the Senator and to find out as much as you can about the assassin. However, you and your Padawan will stay downstairs as Senator Amidala does not believe that the situation is serious enough for two teams of Jedi."
"Very well, Master Windu," Jovarii nodded.
"May the Force be with you," Mace said, and left them.
"Finally!" Jovarii grinned. "Something to do."
Obi-Wan laughed, and the sound filled her heart and mind with light.
Anakin stared at his Master's back as he followed him towards the Senate apartment complex. He felt somewhat apprehensive about this latest assignment. He glanced at Tsena beside him and found her looking at him, love and concern shining in her blue and gold eyes.
What's the matter, Anakin?
I'm worried about this mission, Tsena.
Worried? Why? You've been on countless missions more dangerous than protecting a Senator.
Anakin shut his eyes briefly. It's not my duty I'm worried about, it's who I'm protecting.
Oh.
He looked at her quickly. Tsena?
There was silence for a moment, then – Do you love her?
What? No, I don't.
They stopped walking, and as their Masters moved off to speak with some of the security personnel, Anakin took Tsena's elbow and drew her into a corner.
He looked at her carefully. Her face was not accusing, and he sensed no trace of jealousy.
"When I met her I thought I loved her and acted accordingly until I realised that it was all and illusion I'd created," he told her quietly. "I'm worried because she had noticed my behaviour towards her, and she'd almost…encouraged it. I don't want that to happen now, not when I have you."
She nodded and smiled at him. He lifted a hand and touched her cheek, as gentle and sincere a touch as a kiss. She knew it was his way of telling her he loved her without anyone hearing.
"Go – Obi-Wan has finished talking to the security." She gave him a soft push towards his Master. "Be careful," she added quietly.
He nodded and walked off with Obi-Wan, turning back just once to wave to the girl her loved.
What if the illusion comes back, and I think I love Padmé again? I don't want to think that. I love Tsena too much to hurt her. And what if Padmé has feelings for me? It had seemed like she did ten years ago. I just wish there were a way to finish off this assignment faster.
Even Anakin's thoughts were jittery.
"You seem a little on edge, Anakin," Obi-Wan observed as the turbolift climbed its way to the floor of Padmé's apartment.
"Not at all," he replied, sounding as unconvinced as he felt.
"I haven't seen you this nervous since we fell into that nest of gundaarks."
"You fell into that nightmare, Master, and I rescued you. Remember?"
They laughed and Anakin felt grateful for the distraction his Master had provided. However, it was not enough of a distraction, and he soon returned to his nervous state.
"You're sweating. Take a deep breath. Relax," Obi-Wan instructed.
"I haven't seen her in ten years," Anakin said. Hopefully ten years is enough for her to have forgotten me and any feelings she might have had towards me.
"Anakin, relax. She's not the Queen anymore," Obi-Wan told him as the lift doors opened and he stepped away.
"That's not why I'm nervous," Anakin muttered, following behind his Master.
They were excitedly greeted by Jar Jar Binks, the Gungan they were friends with from the blockade conflict on Naboo. He took them through to the room where Padmé, her handmaiden Dormé and her head of security, Captain Typho, were standing. Anakin noticed none of them, his thoughts on Tsena.
"Lookie, lookie, Senator! Desa Jedi arriven," Jar Jar announced.
"It's a pleasure to see you again, m'Lady," Obi-Wan said, ever the gentleman.
"It has been far too long, Master Kenobi. I'm so glad our paths have crossed again." Padmé smiled. She paused for a second. "But I must warn you that I think your presence here is unnecessary."
"I'm sure the Jedi Council has their reasons," Obi-Wan replied simply.
She moved to stand in front of Anakin, who snapped out of his thoughts reluctantly. She looked curiously at him for a moment.
Maybe she doesn't remember, he thought hopefully.
"Ani?" she said incredulously.
Or maybe she does.
"M'Lady," he said with a deep nod.
"My goodness, you've grown."
He gave a short laugh. "After ten years, I should hope so," he joked.
Padmé laughed and shook her head. "Oh, Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine."
No chance of her feeling anything for me if she thinks of me as a little boy, Anakin thought in relief. So there's no problem. Good.
"Our presence will be invisible, M'Lady, I assure you," Obi-Wan said to her.
"I'm very grateful you're here, Master Kenobi," Captain Typho spoke up. "The situation is more dangerous than the Senator will admit."
Padmé wore a slightly disapproving look. "I don't need more security," she said. "I need answers. I want to know who is trying to kill me."
"Anakin and I are here only to protect you, Senator," Obi-Wan was calm.
"Two other Jedi – friends of ours – are downstairs in case an investigation is necessary."
She nodded, satisfied. "Very well. Perhaps with merely your presence, the mysteries surrounding this threat will be revealed."
The sooner the mysteries are unravelled, the sooner I'll feel comfortable. And the sooner Tsena and I can be together in the Temple, Anakin couldn't help thinking.
"Now, if you will excuse me, I will retire." Padmé left the room with Dormé.
Captain Typho stepped closer to the Jedi. "Well, I know that I'm glad to have you here," he said. "I don't know what's going on here, but the Senator can't have too much security right now. Your friends on the Jedi Council seem to think that miners have something to do with this, but I can't really agree with that."
"What have you learned?" Anakin asked him automatically.
Obi-Wan looked at him sharply, disapproval on his face. It's not our job to find the killer – we will not exceed our mandate, my young apprentice.
"We'll be better prepared to protect the Senator if we have some idea of what we're up against," Anakin explained logically. He had no idea why Obi-Wan would have thought he had meant otherwise.
"Not much," Typho replied. "Senator Amidala leads the opposition to the creation of a Republic army. She's very determined to deal with the Separatists through negotiation and not force, but the attempts on her life, even though they've failed, have only strengthened the opposition to her viewpoint in the Senate."
"And since the Separatists would not logically wish to see a Republic army formed…" Obi-Wan trailed off.
Typho shrugged. "We're left without a clue. In any such incident, the first questioning eyes turn toward Count Dooku and the Separatists." Catching Obi-Wan's frown, he hurriedly added, "Or to some of those loyal to his movement, at least. But why they'd go after Senator Amidala is anyone's guess."
"And we are not here to guess, but merely to protect," Obi-Wan's voice was firm.
"I'll have an officer on every floor, and I'll be at the command centre downstairs." Typho bowed and left.
Anakin was lost in his thoughts again. "She didn't even recognize me," he murmured, feeling almost relieved at the fact.
"You're focusing on the negative again," his Master said sharply, misunderstanding his comment. "Be mindful of your thoughts. She was pleased to see us – leave it at that. Now, let's check the security here. We have much to do."
Anakin didn't bother to correct him. He didn't want to explain the whole situation and risk his and Tsena's futures in the Jedi Order.
"Yes, Master," he said with a bow. He followed Obi-Wan out of the room, setting aside his tumbling thoughts to focus on the task at hand. He had a job to do.
As she sat brushing her hair, Padmé stared into the mirror without seeing her reflection. All she could see was the tall, handsome young Jedi who was now her protector.
Anakin…
She had thought about him often after their parting on Naboo. They had shared a connection of some kind, one that was impossible to forget. Yes, he had only been a boy at the time, but he had looked at her then in a way nobody had looked at her before. She closed her eyes, remembering his intense gaze.
She hadn't recognized him at first. But when she'd realized it was him, she'd had to fight to keep composed and indifferent.
She felt a stab of regret for her comment about him being a little boy – he certainly wasn't one now. He was a young man, and one she felt strongly about at that.
She stood and moved to the door – she had an idea she wished to share with Anakin to discover the identity of her assassin. And it was the perfect excuse to speak with him again, this young man who had stolen her heart.