Chapter 4: Driving and Dreaming
As Lorelai sped along down the highway, her high heeled foot pressed firmly on the gas pedal, and her fingers tapping a rhythmic tune on the steering wheel, the lyrics to the song she knows by heart don't even filter into her brain. Her mind is occupied with only one thing, and much to Lorelai's surprise, it's been the same thing that's taken up much of her thought power for quite some time. It's like a section of her brain has been hording all thoughts and mental images of one particular person, and the thoughts just toss themselves to the front of her brain at the most random moments. Sometimes she doesn't even realize that she's filed away these memories, she certainly doesn't recall ever consciously committing them to memory, but they pop up nonetheless and are as vivid as if they happened just hours before. As she switches to the left lane to pass a slow truck, a picture of Luke crouched behind the counter at the diner, holding a beer, and kneeling so close to her that she could see each tiny hair on his chin and feel his warm breath on her face, comes to mind. She remembers thinking how much she wanted him to kiss her at that moment, and then mentally berating herself later for even thinking those thoughts. It made her sigh slightly to herself as she thought about how the past few years might have played out much differently had they given in to that one simple kiss.
Sometimes she still couldn't believe that they had ever actually kissed at all, chalking it up to sheer overactive imagining on her part, but then he would call her, speaking in that low tone of voice that she had never heard him utter all those times at the diner. He saved that voice for something different, someone different, and Lorelai couldn't help but feel special every time she heard it.
At night sometimes, when she can't sleep, she lets herself obsess over the night of the Dragonfly test run when he had first kissed her. She had been in such a euphoric state the entire night that she almost couldn't believe it could get any better than it had been. His sheer presence had been wreaking havoc on her body, causing her to bump into things and people, and she often found that she was wearing a Cheshire grin that could beat a peppy teen's. So when he had leaned in that night and her stomach had started turning over in anticipation, her breath caught in her throat as her heart actually stopped for a second, she almost thought she was hallucinating. But the second his lips connected with hers, she knew it couldn't be a fantasy. Nothing that wasn't reality could feel that incredibly good, that incredibly right. She knew she was in trouble from that first connection, and she didn't ever want it to end, so she kissed him back. She would have kept kissing him until the sun came up if she could have, but they had been interrupted, as was the usual in Stars Hollow. The memory often sent her into a dreamland so peaceful that she awoke the next morning so well rested that it surprised her. She would open her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips, so glad that it wasn't all just a dream. So glad that she had gotten so lucky as to find a guy like Luke, and she would tell herself that there was no way she was going to let this one get by her. No way in hell.
So as she continued on her way to Maine, her face once again broke into a smile at the memory, hoping that she would have so many more to fall asleep to, and to wake up to. Maybe one day she wouldn't even need the memory; maybe one day she'd have the real thing, the real person right there beside her. It was this train of thought that always caused Lorelai a slight pause. She had never in her life gone down that mental path with a boyfriend. Even when she was with Max, she could never really see herself as being with him forever. Waking up next to him every morning, and falling asleep next to him every night wasn't really something she had been looking forward to, and that had freaked her out. She had known it wasn't right with him, but had been so afraid to even consider the possibility that she might never find that one guy that she wanted to share every aspect of her life with. She didn't want to be alone, so she was willing to settle; until Luke came along with his chuppah and his little speech, that was. His words had gotten to her much more than she had let on at the time, and had forced her to realize that Max wasn't the right person for her. Looking back on it now, she was so glad she hadn't made the mistake of marrying him, he was a good guy after all; just not her guy.
When she let herself think about it, which wasn't too often, but in times when she was bored (like being cooped up in a car on the way to Maine for hours and hours) she let her mind wander to what it would be like to live with Luke, to marry Luke. She always pictured them eating breakfast in the kitchen, him cooking and her making coffee. It was the every day domestic things like that which made her stop and think. An average thing like making breakfast could be so much more interesting and fun with Luke around. Like their morning coffee fight at Liz's the other day. She had loved seeing him first thing in the morning, and she had secretly loved smelling like him all day because she had worn his clothes to bed and slept in his sheets. It was these moments that she found herself wanting more than anything. To just be there with him, to just live her life with him, to share everything about herself with him until they knew each other so well they could practically become one person.
Lorelai stopped herself then, not wanting to jinx what she had going on before it even really got going. She noticed then, out of her passenger side window, a sign welcoming her to Maine and she almost couldn't believe how the time had flown by. She could see the sun setting to her left, leaving golden streaks against the sky all around her. She pressed the gas a little harder, now more anxious than ever to just get to Luke because that was all that mattered at that particular moment. She needed him, needed to be near him, to touch him, to hear his voice next to her. He was like a drug and she was his willing addict, never wanting to be rid of him for fear the withdrawal would be far too painful.
Pulling out her phone for a second, Lorelai half thought of calling him just to keep her company while she drove, but decided it would ruin the surprise if he knew she was coming, and she definitely wanted him to be surprised. So instead she threw her phone onto the seat next to her and hummed along with the song on the radio, singing only half of the words, and then floating back into a dreamlike state where Luke reigned over all. Lorelai was trying to figure out what was so different about him that had her all worked up, but she couldn't put her finger on any one thing specifically. Shrugging to herself and trying to shake the day-dreaminess out of her head, Lorelai again reached for her phone.
Dialing the familiar number without even looking, she pressed the piece of plastic to her ear.
"Hello?" Rory answered on the third ring.
"Hey honey!"
"Hey mom, what's up?"
"Hmm, not too much. I just need someone to entertain me while I'm driving so I don't get bored and try to do tricks with the Jeep."
"And your superbly entertaining daughter was the only thing you could come up with?"
"Well yes, and I haven't talked to you in a while, you're ignoring your poor old mother while you're getting drunk and partying it up in college."
"Well you know how I love my partying."
"You are my daughter after all."
"So where are you driving to exactly?"
"Um…Maine," Lorelai whispered the last part.
"Maine, as in the state?"
"No, Maine as in a horse's hair."
"Well, just so long as we got that straight. Oh wait, isn't Luke in Maine helping his sister?"
"Maybe, I don't keep tabs on Luke."
"Don't lie, you know he's there and that's why you're going isn't it! That's a pretty far drive to go see a friend isn't it?"
"Well maybe I'm going to see someone who's more than just a friend."
"So TJ then?"
"Eww, don't even joke about that Rory! I'll have him pass your number out to the renaissance fair workers, I'm sure they'd be real happy to get the number of a 'real lady'."
"You restrain yourself, and so will I. Deal?"
"Deal. Hold out your hand and spit in it."
"Gross, I'm not spitting into my hand."
"Come on Rory, it's the only way I know how to seal a pact!"
"How about I just make spitting noises and then you can think I spit into my hand?"
"Well, as long as it's believable."
Rory made a couple of spitting noises causing Lorelai to start giggling. "You alright there mom?"
"You need to practice your spitting technique; it sounded like you were coughing up a hairball."
"Oh hush!" Rory stopped speaking for a moment, and Lorelai heard mumbling from the other end of the phone. "Hey mom, I have to get going, but have fun with your 'friend' in Maine."
"You're leaving me alone out here on the road?"
"Oh don't be so dramatic, you'll be fine. Entertaining yourself is one of your biggest talents remember?"
Lorelai sighed, "Okay, fine, just abandon me." She fake sniffled into the phone.
"Bye mom. Tell Luke I said hi."
"Bye hon." Lorelai threw the phone back onto the passenger seat and turned the radio up as loud as she could handle it. "Just a little bit farther to go," she said softly to herself, the anticipation of seeing Luke again pooling in her stomach. Her foot pressed harder on the gas, she couldn't wait to get there.