Chapter 2

His father was dead. King Philip was dead. Murdered. It seemed as if the foundations of his life were collapsing on him. The moment when Hephaistion had grabbed his arm and raised him up, declaring him as a new king… he still couldn't quite understand. He was the king now. But he had not become one the way he had wanted to. The way he had always dreamed to.

Alexander rolled to his other side, remembering his fight with his mother. He had blamed her. Even now, he still wasn't sure if he believed her innocent. At the moment, he believed very little of anyone.

The door of his room opened and soft sound of feet touching the floor told Alexander that someone had entered. Despite his current mood, he found himself smiling. Hephaistion. No else would have dared to enter his rooms like this, uninvited. But Hephaistion was different: he would always be welcome. No one would be able to change that.

As the other man came into view, his blue eyes shining with concern, Alexander rolled onto his back upon his bed, giving Hephaistion a small smile. Extending his hand, he beckoned Hephaistion closer. Smiling, Hephaistion accepted the invitation, letting Alexander draw him to the bed beside him.

Allowing Alexander a small moment of comfort, Hephaistion obeyed the young king's silent plea, resting his head upon the smooth chest, his eyes searching Alexander's. Shifting slightly, he rested his head above Alexander's heart, listening the steady beat beneath the skin. Closing his eyes, he felt Alexander's hands draw him closer, closing him into a desperate embrace.

"I am glad you came," Alexander whispered, his left hand smoothing Hephaistion's hair. "I do not wish to be alone. Not today."

Hephaistion opened his eyes again, feeling Alexander's hurt plainly. "You had a fight with your mother."

"Is there anything you do not know something about?"

"I can see it upon your face, Alexander. And it doesn't require much thought to reach the right conclusion, anyway," Hephaistion smiled sadly, his hand playing idly with Alexander's garments. "Have you already decided?" he asked then, letting Alexander decided how and to what question he wished to answer.

Alexander caught Hephaistion's hand in his, drawing it to his lips and softly kissing it. "I am at loss. Frightened. I do not know what to do. And yet I know…"

"Of course you know," Hephaistion said, causing Alexander to look down at him. "You are my Alexander, after all."

Alexander smiled at this, letting the matter drop for a moment. They lay thus for a long time, Alexander taking strength and faith from his lover. Lover, Alexander wondered, letting his gaze drop upon Hephaistion again, who had his eyes closed and lay unmoving in his embrace and for a moment Alexander wondered if the other man had fallen asleep. But when he stroked Hephaistion's hair again, a smile upon the other's face told him that Hephaistion was indeed still awake. For years we have loved each other, but I wonder if we have ever said it aloud. I have never had the courage, and I have lived believing that no words are needed. Maybe they are not…

Alexander pondered this, frowning slightly. Even as his entire world was changing, many of his beautiful illusions shattering to the ground, one thing stayed unchanging, unyielding. Hephaistion's love for him. And his love for Hephaistion. And yet he somehow felt unfulfilled. He knew that their love was not perfect. Not entirely. "When men lie together in lust, it is a surrender to the passions, and does nothing for the excellence in us." Words said many years ago still both haunted and encouraged Alexander. Maybe he now knew what Hephaistion had felt like that day: he himself felt uncertain at the moment. He feared he would break the line: that he would do something that would stain their love forever.

"What are you thinking?" came out a soft voice, and Alexander found Hephaistion's eyes staring up at him. "Your heart beats so hard that I…" he halted, seeing Alexander's expression change slightly. "Did I say something?" he asked, fearing he had done something to upset his friend. He never wanted to upset Alexander, especially today…

"Do you not know why my heart beats?" Alexander said, his voice deep with some unnamed emotion. He drew Hephaistion closer, his fingers caressing the warm skin he encountered beneath the clothes. "My heart beats for you, Hephaistion, and when you are near, it feels like bursting with joy."

Hephaistion took a deep breath, smiling tentatively. But before he was able to give Alexander any kind of answer, the arm still winded around him tightened, and with a swift movement Alexander rolled them around, landing beside Hephaistion with a grace honed by years of practice.

Hephaistion squirmed, but Alexander's arm still kept him prisoner, the young king's smile telling that his lover wasn't going to move anywhere before he so wished. Gradually, Hephaistion relaxed, his eyes never leaving Alexander's. He reached out a hand, caressing the sand-coloured hair, travelling from there down to a cheek and then to tense shoulders, his massaging fingers making Alexander arch back. Hephaistion mirrored the movement with his other hand, his fingers soon working the tense muscles loose. Alexander didn't move during this, his eyes never leaving Hephaistion's.

When Hephaistion was finished, Alexander rolled his shoulders gratefully. "Thank you," he whispered. His face went thoughtful again, and he inched a little closer to his lover. "Whatever tomorrow may bring, I am afraid of it no more."

Hephaistion laughed quietly, his eyes shining. "You have feared nothing for many years, Alexander. At times, I wonder if Achilles is born again in you."

"If so, then Patroclus lives in you," Alexander replied, resting his head against Hephaistion's bent knees. "My Hephaistion," he finally whispered, his eyes shining with his love for the other man.

Hephaistion shifted, barely hearing the words. "Yours," he replied, "now and forever. In life and death, I am yours, if you so choose."

"Such gift is given to me that even the Gods envy it," Alexander breathed, kissing the skin beneath his cheek. "I wonder if this is what Achilles felt when Patroclus was taken from him: that the Gods envied him so much for his love that they took his beloved away from him."

"Then I suppose we should be glad we are not Achilles and Patroclus," Hephaistion uttered, challenging Alexander with his gaze.

"No, we are not," Alexander said slowly, raising to sit on his place. Slowly but gently his hands pried Hephaistion's thighs apart, and then he slowly drew himself to rest upon his lover, a smile of triumph upon his face. "We are not Achilles and Patroclus, but we shall be greater."

Hephaistion didn't reply into this, for he had no words for the man above him. The only thing he knew was that if Alexander indeed planned to go east – and he had no reason to believe he did not plan to – he would go with him. Wherever Alexander went, he would follow. It was an oath he had swore to him years ago, and he would hold true to it, with all his heart.

Alexander was speaking again, pouring out his heart of his visions of future. Hephaistion only partially listened him, knowing the meaning behind the words as surely as Alexander's heart beat against his: Alexander would be a legend. He would be a myth. Some would say he was a God. Let them say it, he thought. I know the truth. Because I know Alexander. And I will always love him. As he is now, and not as a son of a God. I will love him as a man, like Patroclus loved Achilles who was blessed by the Gods.

"Hephaistion?"

A soft call awoke Hephaistion from his thoughts, and he smiled up at Alexander. "I will follow you," he breathed, his eyes glimmering with love and unshed tears. "I will follow you wherever you may go on your road. To the very gates of Hades if you so ask." The desperation in his voice nearly shocked Hephaistion himself, but he didn't wonder at this. His urge to be with Alexander was like the air he breathed: necessary, the lack of it deadly. "I will always be with you, and I will never leave you, my Alexander," he whispered fervently, twining his hands around Alexander's shoulders, his legs locking themselves around Alexander's waist, pulling the other man closer, as if trying to prove by this that he meant every word.

An Alexander clung into him with the same, desperate ferocity. "Yes, Hephaistion, we will always be together, in life or death, it doesn't matter. I will love you forever." Hephaistion lifted his face, touching Alexander's forehead with his, relaxing slightly. Alexander shifted, his hands burying themselves between Hephaistion's body and the mattress beneath them, drawing the other's body closer to his.

Finally content, Alexander closed his eyes, welcoming the sleep and the dreams that it would offer. Tomorrow he would be king again, but tonight he would be only a man. A lover.

Long after Alexander fell asleep Hephaistion laid awake, listening the other's deep breathing, feeling every rise and fall of Alexander's chest, savouring every beat of his heart against his. None but Gods knew of tomorrow, but today they were both alive. And he would see to it that Alexander would live long into the future, even if this would cost him his own life.

Finally Hephaistion gave in to the sweet call of rest, and with a final kiss to Alexander's forehead, Hephaistion let the dreams take over him, feeling safe and loved in the embrace of his beloved.

to be continued…