What If...
Disclaimer: Seed and Destiny never belong to me. Other than the plot of the story, nothing is mine.
READ BEFORE YOU PROCEED!
Author's Note: This is not exactly a typical fic I used to write. This one is what I have been playing around with on a forum, so expect the 'disconnection' or the 'weirdness' and the drastic change or break in some parts. When I update my story at the forum, I will come and update this one, too. As always, do not flame me. Thank you.
It was one typical fine day that day when Kira and Athrun came to Onogoro for the typical weekly grocery.
"You think we've got everything?" asked Athrun, putting his heavy load in the back of the car.
Kira made a quick scan of the list and nodded. "I think we have. What time is it now, Athrun?"
"About three," replied Athrun, getting into the driver's seat. "Why?"
"Let's go see Cagalli, shall we? We haven't seen her for quite a while now," said Kira, getting into his seat as well.
Athrun frowned. "Kira, she's very busy. And we don't know if she's at home or not."
"She is," said Kira confidently. He laughed at the dubious and confused look on his friend's face. "It's one of those twin things, you know. Don't ask me how I know because I just do. Now, let's go see Cagalli."
Athrun looked suspiciously at Kira. "You seem rather...eager, Kira."
Kira looked back at him. "Can't I want to see my own twin sister, Athrun?"
Athrun shrugged. "Well..."
"Well?"
"I don't know. You just act kind of...weird, I guess."
Kira just smiled - or was it that he smirked?
"There is something else that you might need to know," said Kira.
Athrun started the car. "What?" he asked, absently.
"You will need everything that you know and have learned to keep yourself safe, Athrun."
Athrun blinked. He turned to look at his friend. "Huh?"
Kira closed his eyes, putting his hands behind his head. "And I will, too."
Athha mansion...
"NO!"
"Cagalli-sama, really---"
Crash!
"I don't care! There is no way in hell you are going to make me wear that thing!"
"But Cagalli-sama--"
"It's 'Representative Athha' that they want!" Slam! "Not 'Princess Cagalli Yula Athha'!"
"Even so---"
"I DON'T CARE!"
CrashCrashCrash!
More shrieks, yelling, things breaking, and running back and forth.
The door creaked open cautiously.
"I thought so," Kira sighed, watching another vase flying through the air and crashing against the wall on the other side.
Behind him, the agitated Athrun was getting angrier and angrier.
"Kira! What are you doing?" he asked in a very exasperated voice. "We must get inside! Something's wrong and Caga---"
"Nothing that will endanger Cagall's life will happen," Kira cut him off. "Not yet anyway."
"What are you---"
Kira stepped away just in time when the door burst open. Athrun barely dodged the white somethings that sailed across the air above his head with force and speed before disappearing completely into the garden far behind them.
"Cagalli-sama!" an exasperated, scandalized cry.
"NO! And that's final! I tolerate slippers but I will never, ever tolerate those things!" an all too familiar furious yell.
Kira stepped out of his hiding (just when did he get to there?) and called into the house. "Cagalli! We're here to see you!"
Sudden silence.
Athrun blinked blankly while Kira waited calmly - or more like was bracing himself calmly when---
"Kira!" a whirl of gold and green flew out of the house and latched onto Kira, who caught her perfectly without losing his balance. "Oh god, I'm so glad to see you!"
Kira laughed. "I'm sure you do. How are you?" he set her down on her feet but she refused to let go yet.
"Quite good until..." here her face scrunched up intoan adorable pout. "...until Mana decided to get me into this thing! She's trying to make me wear heels, too! And you know how much I hate them!"
"Yes. I remember the last time one almost got me in the head from the back..." agreed Kira soberly, although his eyes were twinkling brightly. "You do look wonderful, though."
She snorted. "After running up and down, trying to get away from Mana and her evil make-up? Don't lie, Kira."
"I don't. And I am not. You look wonderful, Cagalli. I'm sure Athrun's thinking the same, ne Athrun?"
Cagalli turned, and she blushed. Oh no, did he see everything?
Athrun sure did see everything but at that moment he could not care about them less. It was the first time that he saw Cagalli in a dress. She looked like a real lady...a true princess...a...
"A girl?" Athrun whispered.
Kira visibly winced and Cagalli, after getting over her first one second of initial shock, naturally became EXTREMELY furious.
"BAKA!"
Slap!
Kira looked away. Ouch.
"...Truthfully, Athrun, I didn't expect that you, of all people, would say that to her."
A cool damp cloth pressing to his cheek, Athrun glared at Kira but didn't say anything.
Kira sighed.
After Athrun had said that one forbidden word and received one resounding slap to his face, Cagalli stomped back into the mansion, slamming the door shut behind her (causing both of them to jump a little).
Even with the big and thick door close, they could still hear, quite clearly, more sounds of things breaking, her yelling, and others screaming.
Then absolute silence.
Kira turned to look at Athrun sympathetically. "Athrun... you okay?"
Athrun blinked once, twice... He opened his mouth to reply---
And the door flew open.
They jumped out of the way just in time as Cagalli strode out. This time her hair was free of clips and ribbons. She was properly dressed in her formal white uniform, and she looked very pissed indeed. She looked scary enough at that time to scare the hell out of, say, combined troops of EA and ZAFT running away screaming.
She glared at him once (and Athrun wondered why he's still not dead yet), gave Kira a stiff hug, then proceeded toward the waiting car without a single look back.
They watched and kept watching even after the car had disappeared from sight. Then, Mana, looking as though she had just been through a big hurricane, came out and asked them to go inside to - ahem - rest a little.
An extra set of cloth and basin of cool water had been prepared after the loud slap earlier, you see.
"She'll be done with the meeting late, so you stay the night," said Kira, finishing the last of his tea in one gulp.
Athrun blinked. "Huh?"
"Wait for her to come back, then you apologize to her. Don't return until she forgives you."
"Huh!"
"I mean it, Athrun," Kira looked at him seriously. "Do you really think that you should let it go like this?"
Silence.
"I don't understand," sighed Kira. "You have never been like this with other girls before. And with Lacus, you even seem comfortable complimenting her."
"But Cagalli's not like other girls, Kira! Cagalli is..." he became lost as he search for words to describe. "Cagalli is..."
"Is what?"
Athrun looked helplessly at the floor, finishing lamely. "...is Cagalli."
Kira rolled his eyes. "Exactly. That's why the slap," he said with uncharacteristic brusque bluntness. At this moment he was sure Cagalli's twin brother. But then his eyes softened. "Not that I don't understand what you mean because I do. It wasn't until my forth time that I was able to get used to her in a dress at last." He was thoughtful. "Green's nice but I think white does look better..."
Athrun perked up at that. "Forth? White? Wait! How many times have you seen Cagalli..."
Kira blinked, then he started counting his fingers. "...Seven? Eight? Nine times, I suppose, if counting this afternoon, too."
"What?" he got up abruptly, dropping the cloth in his hand. "How come I didn't know---?"
"Well, you were angsting over Cagalli having a fiancé then, remember?"
Athrun sank back down in his seat. "...Oh."
"And it just happened that during that time she had to go around attending social events quite a lot."
He sank back even further, looking down at the floor glumly. "Oh..."
"Yes, and I went with her as an escort. Otherwise she would have to go with..." Kira's brow twitched. "...him."
Kira looked pointedly at him. "You are not giving Cagalli up, are you, Athrun?"
Green eyes, which had been gazing gloomily at nothing in particular, narrowed dangerously. "...No. No way in hell."
Silence.
Then, Kira got up. "Anyway. You still have hours to think of something to say before she comes back. Don't let me down, Athrun, or I will have to hunt you down to the last corner of the universe and hurt you."
Athrun looked up at his friend, surprised.
Kira smiled at him, weakly. "I mean it. Cagalli is my sister, Athrun. She is my family and the only thing that I have left after everything. She is important. She is very important. And I will never forgive whoever that makes her cry. Not even if he's you. No," he shook his head. "Especially if he's you, Athrun Zala. That, I will never be able to forgive."
Silence.
Athrun then looked up and he met Kira's eyes squarely, solemnly. "I don't expect you to do any less, Kira."
Kira stared at him for a moment, then he nodded. "Good luck, then. I will see you...later."
"Later," said Athrun.
Kira pulled on his jacket and left. The door closed with a soft click behind him.
Athrun picked up the cloth that had fallen from his slackened grasp earlier and dropped it in the basin.
The sun cast its last light into the room, bathing it in warm orange and pale crimson.
Now... what to do?
10.53 pm.
Sighing, Cagalli looked out into the dark night longingly. Stars shining brightly above, the sea humming, singing softly an old lullaby below...
Ah, how she missed them.
How she missed the precious freedom that she used to have, now that she possessed none. How she missed the lightness of life that lifted her to the air and the sky, now that she had been burdened with this responsibility. How she missed the wings that gave her flight to her dream, now that they were clipped.
How things have changed...
The thick curtain behind her parted and someone, tentatively, dared to stepped in to her fragile world. He stopped when he reached the very line of respectful distance, then, with a touch of hesitance, asked, "Cagalli-sama, are you... are you feeling all right?"
A frown settled between her brows. She didn't turn to look at him. "Do I look all right to you, Colonel Kisaka?"
A brief pause, then, "No."
"Do I look all right to anyone else?"
"...Other than the unusual silence and caution you have displayed tonight, yes, Cagalli-sama, you do look all right," he replied, a faint note of unhappiness in his otherwise respectfully polite voice.
Cagalli waved her hand impatiently. "Then does it really matter if I feel all right or not? No, don't answer that. How much longer do I have to stay?"
A regretful reply, "Still a few more hours."
The idea of throwing the untouched drink in her hand at someone suddenly became rather tempting.
"I see..." she sighed.
A moment of silence.
A sigh, then Colonel Ledonir Kisaka walked up to stand beside her, his former charge now Representative Cagalli Yula Athha. He took the glass from her hand gently.
"You're going to break it," he said, and put it aside for the moment. He regarded her with concern. "What they said still bother you? Or is it that something happened before I met you this evening, Cagalli?"
Her head bowed, she refused to look at him and stayed silent.
After all these years of looking after her, he knew her well enough to wait patiently until she felt that she was ready to tell him. Whatever it was.
Of course, nothing - not his experience as her guardian nor the all other experiences - had prepared him for what he heard next, which could practically floored him, if it's not his sheer pride and dignity that kept him standing still. Not to mention the fact that he was hearing it coming out of the mouthof Cagalli Yula Athha.
"...Maybe things wouldn't have turned out the way they have if Iacted more like a girl…"
Kisaka would have spat if he had been drinking at that moment, or perhaps he might be on his way choking to his death when he heard her said that.
"What?" his voice rose slightly in both its volume and pitch. Where the hell did she get that from?
And he said to her just as much. To hell with propriety, he didn't give a frigin' care to it.
So, Cagalli told him of the little incident she had with Athrun and Kira that afternoon.
"It didn't bother me too much until I got dragged into this stupid party, you know," she said gloomily. "I was just what I had always been but, Kisaka, after I saw those princesses of the other families, and after what the other Representatives(here Kisaka mildly contemplated the thought of assassination the said representatives) said, I couldn't help but wonder… would it have been better that I thought and acted like those," a snort, "dolls. As much as it disgusts me…" She suddenly became sad. "If I was like them…perhaps Ahmed and the others might not have died, perhaps Orb would never have been invaded, perhaps… perhaps then…Father would still be alive…."
"Cagalli…"
"Ah, there you are, my princess!"
Cagalli's expression turned frozen cold as she straightened up, and turned to face… "Yuuna Roma Seyran," she said with as much neutrality as she could.
Kisaka distanced himself properly away from both of them, his face an appropriate mask of politeness.
"Cagalli!" he made as though to hug her but stopped half-way when he saw the murderous look in her eyes. He laughed and instead took her hand and kissed it.
Cagalli suppressed the urge to use that same hand to punch his face.
"My lovely fiancée," said Yuuna, smirking and not letting go of her hand. "How cruel of you for avoiding me all these times."
"Avoiding you? Whatever can you possibly mean?" asked Cagalli, looking back at him steadily.
Yuuna, either it was that he was oblivious of Kisaka's presence or just simply that he did not care, went into his drama mode, saying in an injured voice, "But other than discussion the serious matters at the Parliament, we hardly see each other these days. And you, my princess, would not let me perform my rightful duty to you as your fiancé, escorting you to events. Such as this one, too…" A mocking light and the barely concealed malice glittered in his eyes. "It is truly a shame that you rather not wear a dress, Cagalli. You would have put all of the other princesses to shame if you were to wear one."
"I have no need for escort and it is certainly not my shame that I do not wear a dress tonight," Cagalli snapped, her eyes flashing. She yanked her hand from his grasp and glared. "And it's not as though you ever bothered to perform your 'rightful duty' to me before I became what I am now anyway. Colonel Kisaka, I would like you to please escort me back now. Representative Seyran, if you will excuse me."
"That's not quite a way to speak to your fiancé, my dear princess," said Yuuna, irritated that she actually dared to brush him off so easily. Did she forget that she needed his family's support to her role as the future representative of Orb?
"I can speak whatever I want and I don't care!" she flashed back. Too bad the glass was too far for her to reach now that she was a step away from the exit. That hateful drink would have made him look a little agreeable if it was to be thrown in his face. Preferably she herself was the one who threw it in his face. "And I will have you know this, Yuuna Roma Seyran, I am not your princess. I have never been and never will be. Not yours. Not anyone's. Not ever. I'm my own damned princess and not you and any one can do anything about it!"
She didn't wait to see the reaction her words had on him. She was just too angry and too sick of every despicable thing that had been surrounding, threatening to drown her, ever since she took on the role of Athha family's representative. It should never have to be this way. Never. Who would have thought that coming back home would mean so much pain and suffering. She knew she didn't think and didn't know, forget expecting it.
Such lies and deceits that she had to live in. And how she hated them all.
Cagalli let out a long sigh when she at last managed to get into the car. It had not been easy, fighting her way through a sea of people who tried to hold her back. It was a miracle that she hadn't done anything violent against anyone yet.
Kira's right, she thought ruefully and closed her eyes. I have been working too hard and thinking too much these days. I get upset easily even with little things like… a wry smile. This afternoon thing with Athrun…and the comments of those air-headeds. Another deep sigh. If I take their comments seriously, then I really do need a break.
"Cagalli."
Cagalli opened her eyes, and turned. "…Kisaka? Ah, sorry. I forgot all about you."
He smiled. At least she's still herself enoug to admit things like that so honestly. "It's all right. And I want to tell you that you have got a couple of days break, starting tomorrow."
Cagalli blinked. "Eh?"
"You do realize, don't you, that you need one," he closed the car door and told the driver to head back to the Athha mansion.
"Ah…Just now."
"You have been pushing yourself too much these past months, Cagalli. And you never listened."
She made a face.
"But other than that, for all that you have been doing and fighting all alone and all along for Orb and all of us up until now, and for what has taken place with Yuuna-sama… Uzumi-sama would have been very proud of you, were he able to see you tonight."
Cagalli turned away, looking out to the window. "Aa…"
Kisaka reached out and patted her head lightly. "But don't forget that there are those out there who are very worried about you and want to see you happy. They don't expect you to be strong all the time. If you want to laugh, then laugh. If you want to be angry, then be angry. If you want to cry… then cry."
"Aa…"
"We all never want you any other way than what you have always been, Cagalli. Because you are what you are, because you have been what you have always been, that's why we have all of us today. If you were to be someone else that you were not, Tassil and the others might not be saved; the Archangel and everyone might have been dead or captured; and, who knows, Orb might still fall, even though you were not involved. Things might have turned out for the worse, even, if you were not involved. You should also know that without you, the peace that we have now today, might never have existed were you not to be you yourself then."
Cagalli didn't respond and she didn't turn. She was silent but her shoulders were trembling slightly.
And Kisaka knew her enough not to press further. He drew his hand away and finished, "He knew, Cagalli. That's why he did what he did. He loved you very much and had always been very proud of you just the way you had been. Always."
Silence.
Kisaka leant back in his seat, crossing his arms, slipping back to his colonel-and-the-representative's-bodyguard role once more.
"Kisaka."
"Cagalli-sama."
"Thank you."
11.43 pm.
The door opened noiselessly and Cagalli stepped inside into the pitch black mansion. Everybody's in bed as expected. Besides the guards, she had made it a rule that no one waiting for her coming back every night. It's not as though she came back often anyway since she usually slept in her own office at the Parliament (despite Kira and Kisaka's great displeasure).
Sighing, she made her way unerringly to the stairs. Even if she's blind she would still be able to tell exactly which part of the house she was in. Hell, she could tell which things were placed where without having to think at all even. This was her home after all, as much as she had despised it before. So much.
I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember anymore. Please, don't make me remember... she begged silently. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to feel the pain again...
Against her will, her feet took her to that room. One that held so many memories. Sweet happiness, heated anger, bitter sadness...
Her hand grabbed the handle and she applied pressure to it. The door opened easily, soundlessly.
Her breath hitched in her throat as she took in the sight. Everything's the same. Not a single thing had changed since she made her last visit here months ago. Once this was her favorite room. Once she came here so very often. Once...
"But I don't want to dance with any of those...those...snobs!"
On the other side, standing respectfully a distance away, was Kisaka. His shoulders were shaking slightly as he tried to suppress his laughter.
"Who are the snobs that you say, Cagalli?" asked Uzumi in a grave voice, but his eyes were twinkling with amusement.
A ten-year-old Cagalli flushed in half embarrassment and half in anger. "I--I--- Those girls that I saw at the party the other day! And that uncle Unato's son, too! They... I don't know!" the last part ended in a frustrated wail. "I just don't like them! Please don't make me learn, Father!"
"But you don't have to dance with those princesses, Cagalli," explained Uzumi patiently. "You don't have to dance with anyone you don't want to."
Her head perked up at that. "I don't have to dance with him?"
He nodded. "If you don't want to. You just have to learn a way to refuse...politely."
She frowned. "Then, there's no one else I can dance with, Father. Everyone I have met until now, princesses and princes, they are all snobs. And I hate snobs."
"Ah, but you will meet more people," said Uzumi, pulling his scowling daughter up to her feet. "There are millions of people out there, Cagalli. And not all of them are snobs."
She hesitated. "Maybe. But Gloria --- I mean 'Lady' Gloria is a snob, too. Father, she's awful! Why did you get her to teach me etiquette?"
"She is a respectable lady of good reputation..."
"Give me back Mana. I will try to be a good princess if you will give me back Mana." She looked pleadingly up at her father. "Please. Please, Father?"
"Mana cannot teach you how to dance, though. She's a nurse," reasoned Uzumi.
"But you can teach me," she said, tilting her head to one side. "You can teach me, can't you, Father? I like you better than anyone else. I like you more than anyone in the world."
Uzumi's brows raised. "I should hope so, my daughter."
She tugged at his hand happily. "Then teach me, Father. Teach me how to dance."
"Teach me..."
Cold light of the white moon streaming in through the wide, elegant windows, giving pale glow to everything that her fingers had touched.
Cagalli padded across the room to where the grand piano stood, bathing in the moon's light, looking as fine as it was the first time she had laid her eyes on it.
"Piano? Can't I learn something else?" she asked, sitting down on the chair next to him.
"What else do you want to learn?" he asked and opened the lid carefully. "Harp? Flute? Or maybe violin?"
"...Do I really have to?"
"As a princess, you are supposed to." His fingers danced over the ivory keys nimbly and the room was filled with the sweet, sad melody.
She was silent as she watched his fingers moved with lives of their own. She glanced up at him and saw happiness and faint sadness on his face, and she wondered why.
"Your mother used to always ask me to play this song for her," he spoke in a soft voice. "The Carriage of Dawn. For those who will not return..."
She lifted the lid of the piano. Ivory keys gleamed white and she let her fingers felt their soothing coolness while memories came to life once again and playing before her. She closed her eyes...
And her fingers started the forgotten dance.
"He knew, Cagalli. That's why he did what he did. He loved you very much and had always been very proud of you just the way you had been. Always."
She didn't deserve it. Not any of it. Why, she was not even his real daughter.
"If there is no one to carry on our ideals, everything will be over! What can't you understand that?"
Even after everything that she had done and said to him. Even after Orb fell...he wanted her...he trusted her to carry on...
"I am happy to have been your father."
But will you be able to forgive me, Father?
Tears slipped down her cheeks quietly, and the last note faded away to a sigh of silence.
"Cagalli...?"
Her close eyes fluttered open slowly, almost reluctantly. She turned to the direction of the voice and, through the hazy fog of tears, she could just make out his tall figure.
More tears slipping down her cheeks and gentle hands wiped them away.
She looked. She looked and she saw green. She opened her mouth and called his name.
The clock struck twelve.
A new day.
The 16th of June.
"I am happy to have been your father."
She saw Orb burnt and fell. Just like it had a year ago.
Until the forum is up again, this will be on hold. So, how do you like it? If it is good and people want to read more, I will update the story when I update the one at the forum, too.
As always, please review but don't flame, thanks!