Harry
Very well, you're forgiven. But ONLY because you didn't say that you can never do anything right. You can do plenty of things right. But I have never been one for pep talks and I don't intend to give you one.
As for how I got on house arrest…That is a very interesting story. You see…
I MIGHT have walked in on Fred and Angelina snogging.
And I MIGHT have crept back out very quietly.
And I MIGHT have returned with my dad's old camera in my hands.
And then (just as a joke, mind you) I MIGHT have taken a few pictures of them.
And I MIGHT have left the room again without them noticing.
And I MIGHT have made a bunch of copies.
And I MIGHT have sent them to every member of my family to get back at Fred for testing one of his new 'hair care' products on me without my knowledge.
And after being sentenced to house arrest, I MIGHT have been sworn to secrecy.
But only maybe. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
In all honesty, Fred deserved it. It's rather unpleasant to put shampoo in your hair and then suddenly have a bunch of snakes slithering around on top of your head.
So. Anything new with the slave drivers?
Ginny
Ginny-
THAT IS WICKED!
I would have paid to see Fred's face. Actually, I would have paid to see your face too, when your hair turned into snakes. Hilarious.
And nothing much is new with Mr. and Mrs. We-Are-Lazy-Prats-Who-Can't-Be-Bothered-To-Get-Off-Our-Bums-So-We-Will-Just-Make-Poor-Harry-Do-All-The-Work. Dudley is getting surprisingly skinny though. The funny thing is that all the fat's moved to the front now, and when he walks he overbalances and then can't get up. I've been sentenced to weeding the yard, washing the car, scrubbing and waxing the floors, and cleaning out the attic all for laughing at him ONE BLOODY TIME! I swear they are insane.
I deserve a pep talk.
-Harry
Dear Harry,
Here is your pep talk:
Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and GET OVER IT!
Happy?
And if you HAD seen me with my face all lovely and surrounded by snakes, I would have had to kick you in a very er… Uncomfortable place, seeing as I was in THE BLOODY SHOWER! Anyways…
Does Dudley really overbalance? Or are you just saying that to make me laugh? Because it worked. I laughed so hard at the idea of that pig falling over because he couldn't stand up straight that my mum figured out that I've been reading and writing you letters while I'm supposed to be being punished. So now I DO have to de-gnome the garden, and it's all your fault. Grr…
Ginny
P.S. Mum talked to Dumbledore, but he's relentless. He won't give a reason for you having to stay at the Dursley's so long either. Sorry.
Ginny-
Well, tell your mum thanks for trying. Wasn't really to be expected anyway, Dumbledore's really stubborn.
And my desire to see Ginny/Medusa is gone, don't worry.
And yes, Dudley really does overbalance. It's awesome. I wish you could see it. But the Dursley's would probably try to punish you, and it would be something MUCH MUCH worse than a de-gnoming.
-Harry
P.S. You pep talks are horrible.
Dear Harry,
I am insulted. I put HOURS AND HOURS of work into that pep talk, but do I even get the smallest, tiniest bit of gratitude? No. Really, you should be ashamed of yourself.
And the Dursley's could never punish me. I would hex the living daylights out of them, and when the ministry came I would tell them it was you. MWAHAHAHAHA! All fear the wrath of the Evil Ginerva!
Evil Ginerva
Evil Ginerva-
Very ashamed.
Very fearful.
I do believe that your letter put the awe of God into me, or whatever the hell that saying is.
Psh.
-Harry
Dear Harry,
NEVER CALL ME GINERVA EVER AGAIN OR I SHALL WHACK YOU WITH MY GIANT PILLOW OF DOOM!
Evil Ginny
Very well. Since I can't call you Ginerva and Ginny is old, I will come up for a new nickname for you and evade your giant pillow of death. Pick one:
-Ginnikins
-Gin Gin
-Weaselette (haha)
-Flaming Red Snake-Hair of Doom (FRSHOD for short)
-Your Supreme Witchiness (W to be replaced with B when you are really evil)
So? Which will it be?
-Harry
Dear Harry,
NONE OF THEM!
I will be sending my giant pillow of doom along with my next letter and it will beat you into submission!
Wielder of the Giant Pillow of Doom
WOGPOD-
Well, I just went out and bought my OWN pillow of doom, and it is going to rip the arse off of YOUR pillow of doom. Ha.
-Harry
Dear Harry,
When you come to the Burrow our pillows of doom can have a cage fight, seeing as the one I just sent you probably has a slight advantage. I hope Hedwig didn't drop it. Cheers!
Ginny
Ginny-
You are dead.
That said, it was kind of funny to have your pillow blow up in my face. Let's just say I wasn't expecting it. At all.
Actually, I jumped about a meter it the air and got a lot of feathers in my mouth. Luckily the slave drivers found it so amusing to watch me choke on them that I wasn't punished at all.
My pillow of doom will be coming soon.
-Harry
Dear Harry,
Let me just enjoy this moment by cackling evilly.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!
Ginny