Dear Harry,
I have never been so humiliated in my entire life.
Ever.
Not even when Fred and George hung all my princess underwear on the clothesline where everyone could see it when I was five. Or when Percy made me proclaim my undying love for Crabbe in front of my entire family after I had been taunting him about Penelope. Even the time when the twins tried testing one of their new products on me and a box of tampons chased me around the house for a week isn't this bad.
I do believe I shall never come out of my room again.
But I'm sure you already know what happened. Ron probably wrote to you write away about it. He and the twins have been laughing their arses off for the past day. I could kill them.
Anyways, you won't be seeing me at Hogwarts this year because I will never live this down.
The Girl Whose Life is Officially Over
Ginny-
Actually, I have no idea what happened. I haven't heard from Ron over the past week. I was beginning to think you must have done something really really horrible to him. But apparently not.
And really, it can't have been that bad, can it of? Come on Ginny, you can't just sit around there moping. (And so the tables turn…)
-Harry
Dear Harry,
Au contraire. It CAN have been that bad. And it certainly was. But if you don't already know, I don't see any point in telling you. In fact, I regret ever bringing it up. Just to make sure no one outside my immediate family (excepting Hermione) ever finds out, I think I will go place some permanent Silencing Charms on all the boys. And something to stop them writing letters too. There has to be something for that.
The Girl to Whom Hope Has Returned
Ginny-
Come on, now. You can't just not tell me after making all that fuss about it. Honestly. And if you won't tell me I shall have to bully Ron into it. There's no way it's so bad you won't tell me. Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaassssseeeeeee?
-Harry
Harry
You would be surprised, Monsieur Potter, you would be surprised. I will most certainly not tell you. And Ron won't either, seeing as I have threatened him within an inch of his life. So. You will never find out. Let's just move on and pretend that nothing ever happened, shall we?
New topic: How was your day?
Ginny
Ginny-
That was truly pathetic. "How was your day!" Coming from Ron, I could see it. But I would have expected something a little more inventive from you. So I will just ignore it.
I swear I won't laugh at you. Really.
And even if I do, you won't know, because you will have told me in a letter. And I will never bring it up around you. Ever. So little of interest happens around here that you must entertain me. I'm even making puppy eyes at you, even though you can't see it. And you won't be able to resist them, I am sure of it.
-Harry
Harry
You are so, so full of yourself.
And just for that, I won't tell you.
Ginny
P.S. I am sticking out my tongue at your ugly puppy eyes. They have no effect on moi!
Dear Ginny,
Aw, come on. If you won't tell me how the hell am I supposed to comfort you or whatever? I really don't see how it could have been that bad.
And you know you love my puppy eyes.
-Harry
Dear Harry,
Fine. I shall tell you. But under two conditions:
You must comfort and sympathize with me and not laugh at me like all the boys are doing. And…
You are never allowed to tell ANYONE! Or I shall be forced to terminate your life.
So? Do you agree?
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
Yes.
-Harry
Dear Harry,
Alright. This is what happened. Ron and Fred were both furious at me, and of course George got worked into it too because he and Fred do everything together. So the twins decided to test some new product that they had been developing especially for me (can you see where this is headed…?). But to make matters worse, they 'accidentally' let slip to Mum that I have been dating over the past year. Actually, I believe the exact words they used were, "Snogging random boys in broom closets." But that isn't the point.
Anyways, Mum decided that it would be OKAY for them to test this new product on me. (Yes, you read that right. Unbelievable, isn't it?) The plan was to teach me a lesson about what the consequences would be if I continued this behavior. But I didn't know all of this at the time.
So I go down to eat dinner, take a sip of my drink, and, to make a long story short, find myself looking about eight months pregnant.
I swear I am going to kill Fred and George.
I was the only person in the family who found the situation somewhat less than amusing. Even Hermione started laughing. HERMIONE! But she's paid, along with everyone else in the household. Every time I have to get up in the middle of the night (for various reasons, each of them as unpleasant and pregnancy-related as the next) I make sure to be especially loud. I stomp, I moan, I groan, I retch as loud as possible with a nice symphony of gagging sounds to go along with it. No one has had a good nights rest since this thing started.
And it takes a week to wear off. I still have three miserable days to go. I have NEVER been so humiliated in my entire life. They will regret this.
So now you know. And I expect the comfort you promised.
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
Um. Wow.
Are you kidding?
Because you have to admit that is a little funny. But I suppose that isn't comforting. So, here goes nothing. Your comfort:
I AM SO BLOODY GLAD I AM NOT YOU!
-Harry
Harry
WHAT KIND OF COMFORT WAS THAT? YOU MADE ME FEEL WORSE!
And you bet you are glad you are not me. I'd like to see a YOU suffer through morning sickness and a perpetually full bladder and THEN see who is laughing.
Bastard.
You had better hope that is the hormones talking. Because if it isn't, your head will be ripped off the moment you walk into this house. I can guarantee it.
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
To quote someone you know very well:
Let me just enjoy this moment by cackling evilly.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
-Harry