INTERLUDE: from the diary of meryl stryfe

July 17, Year 131, 11:42 p.m. – Odd how quickly the heart can turn, isn't it? Twenty-four hours ago I was lost in a conundrum, so lonely I was ready to tear my hair out at the roots. It would've looked pretty silly, I admit, after I'd spent nearly a year growing it out. But I think everything is gonna be okay. My hair is safe, for now, because after all these months, my nights of worrying over where he was hiding and how he was living and what stars is he gazing upon are over, because last night we were finally sleeping under the very same star.

I'd tell you that it didn't feel strange or wonderful or awkward to find myself sleeping next to him, after all this time, but that would be a lie. I felt all of those things and more. To wake up and find that I almost couldn't breathe, my heart pounding wildly, when I found him holding me down, was beyond description. It scared my to death. It turned my stomach in knots. It was wonderful. It was frightening. It was all these great and hideous things at once. Truth is, I couldn't begin describe it at all without contradicting my every word with another just as important and honest as the one before.

I guess I felt safe, lying in his arms. At the same, my heart beats like a timid rabbit's in a raptor's talons every time I think of him, standing there next to us, walking alongside us like he had never left to being with. Just how the hell am I supposed describe that? Easy enough, yet at the same time it isn't easy at all. I want to write every word I can think of, but there are so many and they are so jumbled in my head I think I'd only end up writing gibberish in the end.

So I won't say anything at all, save this: Vash is back, and for me, that's really all that matters. I'm sure Milly feels the same way.

And what would life with Vash be without the mystery?

What is this mysterious "It" that draws him toward the north, away from whatever civilizations might remain on Gunsmoke? Milly has already said she would walk through fire for him, if he asked her to. I think I would to, but I hesitate? Can I honestly promise him that, or will I wind up hesitating, like I did a year ago, when I couldn't find the words to tell him that I had come to have feelings for him?

It's that one tiny hesitation that keeps me from him, that keeps him from revealing to me so much more about his obscure history than I could have ever imagined.

I guess it's important that we've found him. There really can't be a second step to this journey without that crucial first step, the step that brings him back to us, after so long. We found him in Black Rock, and that's enough for me. At least for now. Maybe it's all we really needed.

Milly would tell me not to kid myself, that we had only come this far today because we really care about him. That much is true; to say anything less would be a lie. I do care for him, more than I have ever cared for any one person.

But does it really matter what I feel right now? What's important is that he has us if he needs us, and that he will be here if we need him. Right now, isn't that so much more than I could have hoped for even yesterday?

And you know what? That's all the confirmation I really need.