ELEVEN: rem saverem

As Meryl slipped her pen and diary into the saddlebag of her thomas, she shot Vash a curious look. He was staring to the north, sitting cross-legged in the sand, elbows on his knees and head rested on his knuckles. He had been that was since they decided to stop to rest the thomases. Forty miles was a long day, and they had done it in less six hours. Luckily, two hours had been done under light of the four of Gunsmoke's moons. Meryl scratched behind Ian's ear, thanking him in a soft unintelligible whisper, the way Milly did on occasion.

"What exactly is this 'it' we're going to see, Mr. Vash?" Milly asked as she slumped against the side of the thomas, surprising Meryl. She sat back and gave her friend a look. At first, Vash said nothing, so Milly went on. "I hope it's a place where we can get some water."

She brushed a strand of brown hair out of her face and smiled. It made Meryl smile right along with her. It felt so wonderful to be on the road with Vash again. The thought of the journey pushed them on; Meryl so much more than she could ever have anticipated. By the look in her friend's eyes, Meryl suspected that there was only one thing missing, one thing they would never find.

Wolfwood…

Yet Milly's tear refused to fall. It was a great day, and Meryl knew it was all because of Vash. The journey ahead was no doubt fraught with danger. After all, they were traveling with a legendary ace gunman, deemed the world's first humanoid disaster.

It was funny, really, because Vash really wasn't as dangerous as his supposed persona. He was one of the gentlest men Meryl had ever met. The problem was, trouble followed him no matter where he went, and it was all because of some terrible rivalry with his brother that had led to the destruction of July, the Third City.

"Mr. Vash?"

But he wasn't paying attention, or he didn't care to answer the question. He simply gazed to the north and rose to his feet. "We should get going. The day's not getting any cooler sitting here." Stretching, Vash rose to his feet and flashed his friends his friendliest smile. "I'm glad you came with me."

Milly sighed.

Meryl gave her a sidelong glance and mounted Ian. Milly followed, and soon Vash had mounted hers, Rupert. She wondered if they were going to investigate the strange ship that had landed the other day, the ship carrying that strangely dressed yet beautiful woman who had watched Vash with such intensity. But she couldn't see why Vash would hide that much from them. After all, she had already seen the woman. She knew about the presence of the off-worlders. Why hide it at all…unless they were out here searching for something else.

The thought worried Meryl, yet it also intrigued her, for whatever reason. She wanted to know what Vash knew, to understand, but she wasn't about to feed her curiosity with questions. Instead, she looked to the sky and sighed. Meryl despised the heat, yet at the same time, she relished it. Sometimes, it could be a comfort that reminded her that there were constants on this Godforsaken world. "It's going to be a long day."

Vash gave her a look as he slipped on his sunglasses. Longer than you think, my friend. He had spent 131 years wandering this strange planet, and he was still barely used to the wonders that it held, despite the fact it was a deathtrap at the same time. He could survive without water for days, and had many times, but most people he knew could never last more than two days out here, with or without water. It worried him sick that he was bringing the girls out here, over such a long stretch of desert.

Then again, he knew what lay on the other side, and what was there was all worth it. If it wasn't, they may not have to suffer long at all, because death would be sudden and undoubtedly instantaneous. Without a word, he looked over to Meryl and offered a smile. The girl watched back for a moment and then looked away. She closed her eyes against the bright light of the twin suns and slowly brought her hands up and ran them through her hair to push it away from her face.

She really did have pretty features, Vash thought as he gazed upon her. Her face was heart-shaped and thin, much like her stature. But she didn't fool anybody, especially not Vash. She was well and able to take care of herself, more so then she had been even those short years ago when he had first met her.

With her hands still messing around with her long hair, she twisted it in a unique fashion and pulled a clip from the saddlebag, fastening it to her hair. She leaned back with another soft sigh and opened her eyes. She looked both tired and wide awake at the same time, deep in thought. Vash wondered what was on her mind, though he suspected it was a pleasant thought, by the tiny smile that slowly crept across her delicate features.

Vash mounted Rupert with a sigh. "Rem was a mother to me," he said quietly, and gave the thomas a gentle nudge, urging it onward. Without protest, the journey was begun again. He closed his eyes and let the first of his tears slowly slide down his cheeks.

It was time that they understood how he had come to be the person that he was today. At least, it was time for them to know the person who had been responsible.

Ian was soon walking right beside his brother, and the girls, therefore, were right beside Vash. They gazed to him with worry in their eyes. They knew he was about to shed some light on his past. He had told Meryl a great deal about Project SEEDS, but he had never explained to her who Rem was. They had heard the name several times during his recovery, before he had gone to face Knives, and Meryl had determined she had been an occupant and crewmember throughout the Project SEEDS mission. She didn't know any more of the person or character behind the name.

"She loved flowers," he said quietly, peering to the north. His flesh and blood right hand lifted to wipe fresh tears from his eyes. "Red flowers, especially red geraniums." The man smiled over to them, though they could see the pain hidden behind that smile. "I used to wear that red coat to honor her. She said that in the language of the flower, red means determination. She used to say it brought courage to her. I guess I can understand why. There never was a more courageous a woman."

Meryl smiled at the thought, knowing that there had indeed been someone else in his life. A mother-figure. She had often wondered if he had even enjoyed any semblance of a family life in his youth. As they moved forward, Vash told his friends about the woman he cared so deeply for, the woman he treasured. Rem Saverem, the woman he would have walked to the edge of the universe for, though she was already dead.

She had begun to build an image of this woman in her mind as he described her. She was strange and tender in her ways, the person who made Vash human, despite his true origins. She was gentle and kind, and Meryl could almost picture her holding those red flowers to her nose, smiling as their lovely scent filled her heart and soul.

She realized as he spoke that a lot of the truth, which he had kept hidden for so long, was being explained to her, here and now. Only slightly, but all the same, she was beginning to understand. It lifted her spirit, encompassing her soul in a warmth a thousand times as powerful as the heat of the barren world around her. She felt his pain, his joy, his pride at this woman he described, and she felt that she somehow knew her, understood her, even though she knew how utterly impossible that was. No doubt, Vash had cared for her a great deal and losing her must have been excruciatingly hard. Meryl couldn't begin to imagine, and she doubted she wanted to.

Behind her, Milly smiled. "She must have been a wonderful lady, Mr. Vash," she announced. There were hidden tears behind her words, happy tears as Vash exposed some of his painful past, along with some of the good memories. "It's like my big big sister always says, sometimes those we know for only a short time make the biggest impacts on our lives. Kinda like your time with us, don'tcha think, Meryl?"

The smaller woman took a long moment to answer. She lifted her eyes, looking as if she had been lost deep in thought before she regained herself, and nodded her agreement. Indeed, Vash had played a role in their lives, but it was a large role that was ongoing; Meryl wondered if she would ever live to see the end, though, again, she wasn't sure she really wanted that, either. Even when Vash disappeared from their lives, it felt almost like there was a continuance waiting just beyond the horizon.

"Ya know, I've never really thought about it like that, but you're absolutely right, Milly." He smiled and continued on his way, leading them northward. "You two are really amazing. I really believe that."

Meryl shook her head, gazing to him, ignoring the slightly sinking feeling nagging her at the pit of her belly. "We just follow you, Vash, and try to help whenever we can. I think the truly amazing one here is you."

"I want you to ask yourself who is the dangerous one, and remind yourself that no one ever follows the dangerous one. It takes a very special gift to have the courage to walk at my side, Meryl, and you have that gift. You both do." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Not many people follow such a feared man as myself."

"Did Rem have this special gift?" Meryl asked, smiling.

"She instilled it in me," he whispered, gazing off to the horizon.

"Vash, people only fear you because they don't take the time to know you. Even I took awhile to see who you really are."

"And it's a constant reminder that I don't belong in your world," Vash snapped. He closed his eyes, immediately regretting his tone.

Meryl flinched.

"Mr. Vash!" Milly started. The big girl had an angry look on her face. "You have no right to yell at Meryl like that!"

He nodded. "I know. I'm sorry." He gazed up to the horizon. "I have a lot of pent-up anger in me. It shouldn't be there, but it is."

"If you ask me, it's just anger," Meryl whispered. "After the way you've been treated, it's just." She reached out and lay a hand on his shoulder. "At least you didn't do what most people would have done. You didn't give up. And you didn't turn into the man they made you out to be. You were strong, even though you know people will always think wrong of you. They'll start thinking it of me, and of Milly. They already have. They think we're a gang, simply for knowing you and following you."

He smiled slightly. "Is that what they think?"

Meryl grinned and nodded. "That's what they think. And you know what, I don't give a damn. All that matters is that we're together. We will always be with you, so long as you allow it. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass."

"And mine too," Milly grinned.

Vash smiled. "Thank you," he whispered. He had never really thought of it in that way before, that he had brought this new curse upon them, a curse that they had seemingly turned into the greatest gift that he could possibly provide. He did what he did simply because it was the right thing to do, or at least what he thought was right at the time.

Life was a twisted mess for the Humanoid Typhoon, and many key moments of his past were lost in a mass of jumbled and shredded memories, somehow faded from his brain. Use of the angel arm had that effect on him.

"You're right. I know you are, beyond a shadow of a doubt." He lowered his head. "Thank you."

Meryl smiled. "I know."

"Rem would have adored you. Both of you."

"And I think she would be proud of you."

That brought another of those smiles, the smile Wolfwood would go on about.

"Life isn't always the way we wish it could be," Meryl said after a moment. "That's what makes it what it is, what makes it special and unique. We can only make the best of what we are giving in life. From there we can regret and depress on all that happens. Or we can make something out of it. That's the lesson you should have learned after you killed Legato."

She paused a moment to look out over the horizon before she pulled herself back down to the world of the living.

"Someday people will understand. It may not be in our lifetime, but someday, they will know the truth of Vash the Stampede."

"Gee, Meryl. I never heard you talk like this before," Milly said, grinning. "You sound like a philosopher. It's kinda scary."

She lifted her canteen to her lips and sipped at the cool water. Milly care so deeply and obviously for her friends that she would walk to the edge of the unknown just to be with them, and beyond, if she had to. Her smile alone revealed the truth of that. Meryl had to smile at the thought.

"I suppose you're right, Milly. I never really noticed it before."

"Actually, it makes me feel a lot better. Thanks." Vash leaned back, his hands on his hips, and stretched his aching muscles. "It sounds exactly like something Rem would say."

Meryl grinned. "I'll take that as a compliment. Maybe the best of compliments, coming from you."

He only smiled back.