FIFTEEN: screw it

I love you, Vash.

For a moment, as she spoke to him, Vash felt his heart stop. He watched her, refusing to take his eyes from her, locked in the passion of the moment. He had heard the three little words that he had thought he would never here, from the very woman he had known would never speak them. Not to him anyway.

He knew that she had grown to care for him. He had known for a long time, since he'd told her something that still clutched his soul on occasion. It's your job or your life.

He remember the crushed look he'd seen on her face then, almost as though she'd had her heart torn from her chest. He'd known then that she'd developed feeling for him, but he had thought she had seen him as a friend and no more. Of course, she would never see him that way. It just wasn't natural for a guy with his reputation to attract a girl like her. Vash just wasn't the kind of man who demanded the love of any woman, especially a shrew like Meryl.

But things had changed and somehow he had swayed her heart in a direction he hadn't intended.

I love you, Vash.

So that's how she felt. It sent Vash spinning into a whirlwind of emotion.

He thought of that moment he'd spent in the tavern back at Black Rock, holding Meryl in his arms. He had taken a moment to reflect on his past, admiring her long and beautiful hair, still shorter than Rem's had been, though not by much. He realized it was more than the hair that drew him to her. It was her compassion. She had a businesslike drive to do anything and everything to better her life. Most would prefer the simple route.

Not Meryl. She hadn't even chosen the simple route to Vash's heart, though he would have easily opened the gate for her a long time ago.

Despite Legato and the Gung-Ho Guns.

Despite Knives.

He drew a deep breath and finally spoke. "You don't know how much that means to me Meryl. It must have taken a lot of time to build up the nerves to say it." He reached out and drew the tiny woman into his embrace. "We have a lot of work to do," he whispered after a moment. "I have a lot of work. I would care for nothing more than to have you at my side forever."

He held her back, gazing into her eyes.

There was a word waiting there, on the tip of his tongue. A word he dreaded for fear of what it might do to her. The word to kill all words:

"But…"

She closed her eyes and sighed. There was a quiet moment between them, a moment in which she gathered the strength to hear what he had to tell her. By her expression, he knew she was preparing to be as gently let down as Vash the Stampede could let her down.

He didn't want to do that. He dreaded doing that, especially to her.

"But," she prompted.

Vash closed his eyes. He was struggling saying exactly what needed to be said, to tell her that the last thing he would ever want to do was harm anyone, and he knew rejection could be more painful than the harm any weapon could cause. He took her in his arms once more and closed his eyes. She was stiff in his embrace; the hug felt awkward and forced.

Fighting back tears, Vash lay his face against the top of her head. For a long moment they waited there together, struggling.

Tears drizzled into her hair, soaking the soft, black locks.

"You know," he whispered. "I didn't think it could possibly be this hard."

"Just say it, Vash," she murmured. He took the strength from her voice to do what was right, but all the strength in the world couldn't help him because he simply couldn't decide which path was right.

The thought ran through his mind, something that had occurred to him as he lay next to a sleeping Meryl the night before. Oh Rem, is this what it's like? Is this the moment you were telling me to keep my eyes and heart open for?

Sadly, there was a different emotion attached to that question now.

He hated this, hated it more than anything.

"Meryl, I love you, too. I don't ever want to leave you. I don't want you to ever part from me. But…"

There's that god-damn word again.

"We have so much to do. I don't know what we're facing here, but it can't be good. We have a spawning geo-plant, and that scares the hell out of me. There's so many of them… I don't think it could possibly be natural."

He stopped himself. What the hell was he doing? He was taking Meryl's moment and twisting it into his own concerns. As important as those concerns truly were, Rem had once told him that he had to respect the feelings of others.

He blinked and looked quietly into those twin violet pools, staring back at him with tears pouring from them in currents, searching her heart. He could see the pain in them, knew that it bore more deeply into her heart than he could have ever imagined. He was tormenting her, and it was all because of his own selfishness.

He reached out and took her gently, holding her arms just below her shoulders. She tried to take advantage of the brief silence, started to speak, but he didn't hear her. He was watching her, dispelling his own troubles in a single moment, as a one simple thought came to him.

Screw it.

He bent forward and pressed his lips to hers.

----------

Meryl felt the tear staining her hair, felt the pain that was mixed within them, causing some to fall from her own eyes to the ground below. She had been expecting rejection, bracing herself from the pain that was sure to follow that dreadful notion. She felt so small here, trapped in his embrace.

His words came slowly, thoughtfully. She shared his heartache as admitted his love for her and went on about the troubling mystery of geo-plant. Those pained thoughts filled her with a light that she never expected to feel. She waited for her moment and when he paused, she took her chance to speak.

"Vash, whatever comes we will face it to–"

He wasn't listening. She could see it in his eyes. There was something else there that took hold of him and pulled him away from his troubles. Something that pulled him to her. In that moment, her words were silence there, locked behind the unexpected pressure of a kiss. A warmth spread through her from his hands; her initial shock wore thin and her eyes slid shut. A soft sigh escape her as she lost herself in the moment.

If there had been any part of her that had been holding back from this love she had discovered within her, it was lost to her then and there. Her hands moved up from their place at her side and wrapped around his waist. She returned the kiss with a passion that sealed him to her for all eternity.

----------

He felt her arms around him.

Vash, who had a strange habit of following women around like a loyal puppy, had not once in his life found himself in this position. Oh, he'd held girls briefly and even been kissed here or there, but this was a moment that tore his heart out.

Those other kisses had been nothing compared to this. Usually on the cheek or an occasional peck on the lips. Usually the girl hadn't even known what she was doing. Usually they didn't realize who he was. Usually, he was holding back. But this was Meryl.

Here was a girl who had known him for a long time, a girl that had a chance to experience most of his many sides, his vast multitude of psychological facets.

Here was a girl who knew the Humanoid Typhoon, who could topple entire cities in a matter of seconds.

Here was a girl who had been so demanding for so long that he'd known her as nothing more than a bitch for a long time.

And, on top of it all, here was a 132-year-old man who had given up on love countless years ago, kissing her ferociously, so hungrily, that it gave him a headache. This was one headache he would treasure until the end of his days.

The taste of her made his eyes water, along with the feel of her tiny body crushed against him, and the animalistic way she returned his passion. Here, Vash the Stampede hung up his nickname for the first time in ages. here, lost in her arms, he was simply Vash.

And he was holding her, simply Meryl.

----------

She lost more than her heart. In those first few moment when Vash held her so tightly in his arms, Meryl lost her soul. For the first time in her life, Meryl no longer cared about the consequences that came with all that life had to offer. All that truly mattered was this man, and this moment.

The past melted away, taking with it the sorrows of yesterday. Forgotten was the pain that either of them had suffered through the trials of life. Gone was the fear at what would happen when the moment ended.

All that was left was two hearts, intertwined.

Beating as one.

Somewhere along the line, she lost had herself and become a part of this man who held her as if she would fall away. Somewhere along the line she had lost all sense of common thought or care.

All that mattered was that she was in love with this man.

He, who carried such a powerful and painful burden. Like a girl she knew, awaiting their return in the SEEDS shuttle, he had a heart so enormous it included all of the world, and somehow, still had room for her.

She loved him for everything he was and wasn't and knew without a doubt that he loved her for all the same reasons. What was beyond them was obsolete. What lay behind them was already forgotten.

Her hands moved from his side to climb slowly, one cupping his sweet face, the other bracing itself against his neck, pulling him to her with a fear that if she didn't he would draw back and disappear and she would lose him forever.

No, the rest of the world did not have a place here in this massive cavern. The rest of the world had been cast aside to be locked away in the blistering heat of the desert sun.

All that mattered was this moment, instilled in time.

The world was lost unto him.

Here he was, holding her. His head swam with visions of the future, of the future he wanted for himself. A calm life in a beautiful place with his wonderful friends alongside him. He wanted paradise…Eden, as Rem had called it.

Rem…

The thought of her name swept him away from this girl he kissed, taking him back to his childhood, to a moment he had shared with Rem…

----------

"Vash? What are you doing in here?"

He looked up. Though he was scarcely eight months old, he seemed to be closer to eight years, in physical development as well as mental aptitude. He grinned up to her and showed her what he had found, tucked away in a box below his bed.

Rem gasped. "I don't believe it! Vash, thank you so much!" She knelt next to him and slipped the small object from his hands and slid it on her ring finger. The large gem sparkled as brilliantly as her dark eyes. "Oh, I was so afraid I'd lost it. Thank you, Vash."

She rewarded him with a tender kiss on the forehead.

For a moment, Vash looked confused. "But Rem, it's just a rock."

She laughed. "Oh, Vash." She reached out and cupped his cheek. "I guess you're right. It's just a rock. But to me, it's so much more. It's very symbolic."

"Symbolic? You mean like a red geranium?"

She giggled. "That's right. It was given to me by a man who promised to love me forever. It's an engagement ring."

"I don't know what that means."

"It means we were to be married, silly."

"Married?"

"Yes. You see Vash, when a man and a woman grow to love each other so much that their hearts are overflowing, they often choose to bind their love in the form of matrimony. Marriage. It takes more than a single vessel to carry such a delicate love, and the couple may consummate their relationship through vows that they will never lose their love for one another and that they will stay together until their very lives drain from their bodies."

"Wow. I never thought of it like that before. Love must be a very fragile thing."

Rem smiled that delicate, perfect smile. "It's the most fragile of things. At the same time, the bonds of love are stronger than death."

Vash frowned at that, but he decided he wasn't ready to hear that side of the story. Not yet. Instead, he asked another question that had crossed his mind. "How will I know if I ever find love."

She giggled. "Oh Vash, you're such a baby!"

"Rem!"

"Love is infinite, sweetie. It is intricate, and at the same time, so painfully simple. I found love in the arms of the man who gave me this ring in one fleeting moment when he came to me and swept me away. I call it a perfect moment. You can't plan a moment like this, Vash. It comes to you without mercy and tears you away from the simple life you knew, but at the same time it breathes into you fresh life, and the strength of another's love." She touched his hand, her smile glowing as it always did. "It is the moment you must keep your eyes and heart open for, because when it does come, it can so easily slip by unnoticed."

----------

Vash opened his eyes suddenly, still locked away in his own perfect moment.

Oh God… It's true, Rem. Oh, thank you…

His lips slowly slipped from hers, his green eyes rolling over the delicate features of her perfect face, waiting for her to open her eyes. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Or was it hers? Not that it really mattered. They were so close not that their hearts might as well beat as one. The heat of her flowed through his veins, and vice versa.

She was here. She was his.

And he was hers, now and forever.

Her hand had long since slipped from his face to his chest. She felt the pull there, the strength. The beating of his heart answered in call to the beating of her own. It was magical. She had not realized truly that he had pulled away from her, even apart she was still somehow connected to him. Throughout the fragile thread of life, that was the way it would always be. She felt it in her bones.

It took her many long seconds to regain herself, to pull herself from that moment that had enveloped her so completely. Slowly though, her eyes opened, almost seeming to give off a gentle hazy glow in the aftermath of a perfect moment. Blinking slowly, she raised her gaze elegantly to meet his.

Cheeks flushed, hair mussed, lips swollen, all signs of the tender moment that had just unfolded between them, she silently thanked whoever there was to thank for this wonderful man who clung to her. The one that came to mind was Rem. She wished she could have known him as he had, to understand exactly just what a wonder she truly was.

"I love you," she whispered. It was the only thing that seemed appropriate to shatter the silence that had taken hold.

In the old days, he would have melted before any pretty young lady that had looked his way, but this time was different. Then, it would have been nothing more than a passing fancy. Vash knew without a doubt that this was something far more permanent. This was indeed that perfect moment Rem had told him to watch for. It was as if she had known precisely when the situation would arise, precisely who the girl would be. He wanted to take Meryl in his arms against and hold her for all eternity. He was tempted to pull her to him and show her so much more than a kiss.

"I love you too," he whispered, taking her hands in his own.

"Wow," Meryl breathed, gazing up to him with tears in her violet eyes.

He grinned. And then he stepped to her side, draping an arm around her, and finally pried his eyes from her face. He looked to the ship, eyeing the word "SEEDS" painted in big block letters against the dull gray metal of the hull.

Project SEEDS, the organization that Rem had aided, the group that had worked so hard to achieve a desperate goal, had finally come full circle.

"Thinking about Rem?"

He nodded. "Always. There's so much that reminds me of her. But even good things can fade into twilight." He smiled down to her. "It forces us to remember that life proceeds in a constant cycle, and that we must learn to accept the bad along with the good. And if the bad seems to grow against you, it helps to remember there will always be good on the other side, waiting to be found."

Meryl smiled. "Is that something she once said to you?"

He laughed. "It does sounds like her, doesn't it?" He looked down to her. "But no, that was all me, Meryl."

"She seems like the kind of person needed in this world. She lives in you now, though, doesn't she? I can almost see her, the things you say sometimes. The look in your eyes when you remember her. It all makes perfect sense, now that I understand this woman who you idolize so much."

The two of them grinned at the thought, like two children lost in the memory of a vivid tale of inspiration. For Vash, there was no more inspirational figure than Rem Saverem. Meryl believed that the past could be kept alive by remembering the people who had experience it. It could be passed on by people like Vash, who could share it with those that would continue on with the story.

Such stories were never truly forgotten.

He held her close to his side, thinking of the tender moment they had just shared. His heart was still overflowing, a flood of emotion that held him so tightly he thought he might never escape its wrath.

It was impossible, and they both knew it.

"I wish she were here now. I think she'd like you very much."

With that, he led her back into the ship, holding her by his side.

He never wanted to let her go.

----------

He soon came to a valley cradled beneath towering pillars of stone. He kicked sand up behind his bike, racing across the desert. His eyes scanned the horizon searching for his target. Vash the Stampede was out there somewhere, he was certain.

Off in the distance, to the west, he caught sight of a break in the sand, so dark it couldn't be normal.

He realized he was looking at a cave.

Of course. If there was any place to rest throughout the desert, it would be the hidden caves riddled here and there across the wasteland.

He directed his bike toward the cave to investigate.

----------

She fiddled with it despite the nagging warning at the back of her brain to leave it where it lay. She couldn't help herself. There was just the sudden urge to mess with something out of the ordinary, something that simply didn't belong.

How had it gotten here?

Frowning, Milly nudged it again with her toe. It didn't budge. Was it dead? The big girl fidgeted nervously as she tried to contemplate its purpose. Blood smeared the ground beneath it, staining what she imagined had been a beautiful, white coat in its own gore. It seemed dead enough, but she still feared those big, red eyes, the glistening fangs that lined its jaw. Shuddering, she looked away.

The gunshot wounds that littered its side told her that the poor creature had not had a chance to defend itself. It made her nervous. The poor thing…

She wondered what type of creature it had been.

It looked like a dog, but it was much bigger than any dog she had ever seen. She wondered what a giant dog was doing in this strange place. And what terrible person had taken a gun and executed it? That thought alone broke Milly's heart.

Something shuffled in the darkness to her right. There was the sound of a soft growl. The big girl turned her head slightly to the darkness.

The glow of big, red eyes in the shadows was unmistakable.

Milly froze.

She was not alone.

----------

Meryl clung tightly Vash's side as they moved back down the dark corridors of the ship. She couldn't help but wonder at what he was thinking, and as she turned her face upwards to look to his, she knew that she didn't have to think too hard what was on his mind. Their future.

The future that could never be.

Things at this moment were so unpredictable, it was almost too obvious that the perfect bliss of that past moment would come crashing down on them.

It was all too perfect.

Meryl didn't want to think about the ultimate conclusion that lay ahead. She was hoping that somehow she would be wrong and their would be a happy ending, but in this life… In this world…

Ultimately, she knew it was too much to ask for.

He held her to his side, no doubt thinking similar thoughts, though neither had the heart to say what was on their minds. Their hearts were lost in a torrent of emotion, and they dreaded bringing those thoughts to the forefront of conversation. They simply didn't deserve it. No doubt they could handle it, but it seemed a crime to delve into those waters now.

So he simply took her through the ship and led her back to find Milly. The big girl would want to know.

"I didn't think she'd go this far," he said after awhile, as they slipped through dark corridors that Meryl had not yet seen. "Guess we're going to do a bit more exploring."

Meryl's thoughts of the tormented future with Vash gave way to fresh worries. She glanced up to the man at her side. "Vash, you don't think there's anything in here that could be dangerous, do you?" It had been troubling her since before their confessions outside. He gave her a look, and he could see the fear in those twin violet pools. "We need to find her."

He shrugged. "Hard to tell. I'd say those plant spawn are dangerous enough, but who can say?"

He led her down the hall, his eyes slipping through the shadows. She could see a glimmer of doubt in his eyes, a serious frown that told her he wasn't sure what was wrong, but there was something. Something he could quite lay his finger on. When Vash had that look in his eye, it typically meant trouble was on the horizon. If not closer.

With a slow breath, he gave her a look of warning.

Meryl brushed her hair out of her face with one hand as the other wrapped delicately around one of the derringers hidden within her cloak. It wasn't the situation that troubled her. Milly was a big girl that knew how to take care of herself. It was the look in his eyes. She followed after him slowly, preparing herself for whatever evil awaited them.

The gunshot came in unexpected. For Vash, it was a moment which stood still in time. He froze just as the bullet rushed past his chest, narrowly brushing the fabric of his poncho. It raced toward Meryl's head. Visions of a red explosion shook him furiously, tearing at his heart. A bullet meant for him, and it was clearly a kill shot if it stuck her.

He gave Meryl a sharp kick from behind, sending her forward just as the bullet ripped past her ear, grazing her hair. Vash's hidden machine-gun tore free of his left palm; it was up in an instant. One bullet was all he would need.

Meryl somehow held her footing and turned to see him. She pulled her derringer free an instant later. She could see his eyes widen at the target.

Where is he?

He fired the gun without exactly seeing. He was off again in an instant, grabbing Meryl by the waist and rushing deeper into the ship.

"You hit?" he asked as he ran, frustration and anger in his voice. She gave him a quick shake of her head and buried her face against his shoulder. It was surreal, that something like this would happen so soon after something so wonderful. He could feel her tears against his neck. She held in her questions for now, though he knew there would be a lot of them.

I should have known! he thought, furious with himself.

Damnit, I should've known!

----------

"Sonuva bitch. Missed him."

Jon dropped down from the ceiling. He held out his hand toward the shadows, summoning his weapon back to him. The rifle slipped through the air and met his hand a moment later. He knew he had made a huge error in judgment. He'd wanted better than this. The plan was to injure him before he could ever have a moment to suspect anything. Now the target would be able to prepare.

As he inspected the weapon, he realized that the barrel and been quite riddled with bullets. It was smashed in and partially melted. Vash's weapon had been quite effective.

Grunting, the bounty hunter tossed the ruined rifle aside.

It was no matter, really. He had other means to the right end. Vash couldn't defend them all.

He moved quickly, eyes narrowed in determination as he went to work.

----------

He ran. Meryl in his arms, he ran. His life, his heart.

She belonged with him. He wasn't about to lose her, not now that he'd somehow found the necessity to be with her. Furiously he searched for the nearest place to hide. Suddenly he came to a skidding halt and set Meryl down. She looked about, wondering why they had stopped, and then she saw it. A narrow shaft in the left wall that split off away from the main corridor.

"Keep on going. I'll wait for him here."

She froze. The hidden gun sprang free from the chamber in his wrist. He checked the sight, glancing back down the way they'd come.

"No!" She reached out and took his good arm. "Vash I can't leave you. Not now. Let me help."

"Just go!" he snapped. He glanced back to the darkness.

He's good. Real good. How'd he get here, and how'd he know I was coming? Vash didn't speak his mind. There were too many questions. All he could do right now was what his heart told him, and his heart told him to face whatever it was that was after him alone. Meryl couldn't help. He shot a look to the girl, standing there, helplessly gazing to him. Sweat trickled down his face.

"Vash…"

"Please, I need you to trust me and just go. I'll find you when it's over."

He slipped into the darkness of the shaft, motioning for her to get moving.

----------

With a final, pained look, Meryl turned and fled down the corridor, taking her wherever it would lead. She slowed after a time, afraid she would run into trouble somehow. She hated the idea of leaving him behind, hated it with a passion, but she knew she couldn't stay.

She'd seen the determination on his face and she knew he would keep true to his word. He would fight the dangers, and he would survive. He would come back for her, just as he had promised.

"Please come back to me," she murmured as she leaned, exhausted, against a wall.

She felt as if she were being watched. She glanced around, wondering what so smoothly surrounded her and squeezed her into its brutal entrapment.

She wrapped her arms around herself, fighting to keep warm. She couldn't explain the cold, only that it never relinquished its command on her. Milly, where are you? She felt alone, save for those sinister eyes she felt upon her with every moment that passed her by. Her best friend was missing and the love of her life had gone off to face whatever was following them.

One thing was clear: the fear of danger tore her to pieces.

----------

Something told her she should be frightened, but somehow she wasn't. She slipped deeper into the crevasse, heard the whimper of whatever the thing was, tucked into a mass of pipes and wire. She could see the little nose, the two big, red eyes peering at her, blinking every so often.

"You're real cute, ya know?" Milly whispered, beaming as only Milly could. She wanted to scoop the thing into her embrace, but she couldn't reach it. She didn't know if it was even a very good idea. The little guy whimpered a little. Milly giggled. "I bet Meryl'd love to see you. I wonder where they are."

She heard a distant bang, echoing against ships steel skeleton, but thought nothing of it. The ship was full of weird noises. She wondered how loud the thing was when it was up and running and full of people.

"So, how'd you get in here, anyway, little fella?"

----------

He slipped through the dark corridors of the ship, rifle in tow. He moved with confidence, dancing in and out of shadows like a ghost.

I gotcha now, Vash the Stampede, he thought silently. I can smell your fear. I can feel you trembling. I can taste your…

Boot leather?

Sure enough, Jon caught sight of a boot aimed at his face. With a cry of surprise, he tried to dodge, but the kick was well-timed and perfectly aimed. His head rattled as the boot slammed into his jaw, sending him tumbling through the darkness. The rifle clattered away from him, well out of reach. He could see the silhouette of a man towering over him as he rolled over onto his side touching his jaw.

"Get out of here. You're not welcome here."

Vash the Stampede…

He was fast. He was accurate. But he wasn't ruthless. It was something he simply couldn't do. He started to turn away. His machine-gun slid back into its hidden chamber. The gunman straightened, sighing heavily.

Jon shuddered and started to crawl away.

"And don't ever come back."

Vash took her eyes from the man and started to walk away.

The sharp crack of a gunshot filled the corridor behind him. Vash's eyes widened. Instantly, he realized his mistake. He had begun to spin around, lifting his prosthetic arm, when the bullet exploded through his left leg.

With a cry of pain, Vash crumpled to the ground.

He was down, but by damned wasn't prepared to give up so easily. The hidden gun in his prosthetic arm sprung free. He sprayed the air over the intruder's head with bullets. The bounty hunter covered his head, cowering in fear. He realized in that moment that it was exactly as the others had told him. The idiot couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. But he's firing so many god-damn rounds that he might actually get lucky and hit me, Jon thought. The smell of gunpowder was overpowering. His eyes watered fiercely as he started to crawl away as quickly as he possibly could.

Vash's cry could be heard over the gunfire, a constant scream that echoed through the corridor. Jon slipped down another corridor, rose to his feet and ran as fast as his legs would carry him.

He had to get away from that madman…