Chapter 4
An Ocean of Memories
The Carpathia picked up our life boat as the sun finally started to rise from the never ending ocean. We were told to go to a table and tell them our information. I went there first, "My name is Lily Francis, First Class, age 20, stateroom B-1, Boat 4." I was then taken to hospital wing of the ship where I was told that I was becoming ill. They said I had early signs of Pneumonia and so they gave me hot tea and some dry clothes. When I took off my life belt I felt like I had left something behind, it was a strange feeling that I have never had before.
I walked around the ship looking for familiar faces among the crowds that covered the deck, but I found none. I searched for some of my friends because I needed someone to talk to. Even when I searched around the first class passenger area they appeared strangers to me…and could have easily been confused with second class.
That night I slept among hundreds in the Carpathia dining room; I was so tired that I had no trouble falling asleep.
April 18, 1912
I was a comforting yet depressing sight to see the Statue of Liberty when we arrived. The statue itself seemed so small, but that might have been because it was surrounded by so many people.
When in port we were told that the Titanic survivors would be getting off first. There were big crowds of people being held back by gates. People were crying, holding up pictures of their loved ones, and calling out their names in hopes they were among the survivors. After a couple hours in a shelter we were allowed to leave.
Honestly I didn't know where to go and I had no one to stay with. On top of that my belongings and money were resting at the bottom of the Atlantic. As a result I felt naked and exposed, robbed the sea of my personal possessions, friends, and hope.
Mrs. Astor saw me walking and offered to help me, for which I will always be thankful for. My birthday was still a little merry as I celebrated it with some other survivors that Mrs. Astor knew. I stayed with her and helped her as she mourned her husband's death and she provided care for my pneumonia.
Then the day came that I was to leave for Southampton, again I would be boarding a ship to cross the Atlantic. My parents were very happy to see me and I was even happier to see them. It would take many nights to recount my voyage there and overcome the anxiety I felt coming home.
I visited the Titanic memorials and often visited the graves of the crew and passengers, like Mrs. Allison. She kept her promise of not leaving her husband on the ship and perished as a result. At times I felt left behind and I frequently had dreams about that maiden voyage. In most of them I was trying to stop the boat from sinking and every time I would fail. I tried not to read the lies in the paper about the trials. I was most thankful that I wasn't called to be witness since I didn't want to hear the truth of it all.
I never did marry nor have children as I approached my final age of thirty-nine. I guess because I could never find the right man who suited me. I also had larger challenges to face as I was in a constant battle with pneumonia, which I was never able to overcome.
In my last dream journal entry I wrote: I was running through the empty halls; I had no control over my feet and couldn't stop. I looked around frantically wondering where I was going. As I reach the end of the hall I could see smoke coming out a room, there was laughter echoing out. With utmost caution I slowly open the door and in an instant I recognized the room to be the First Class Smoking Room. I was greeted by a man, it was that of Mr. Thomas Andrews, "Lily, I promised you that I would be here waiting for you, that promise I kept."
Completed: August 24, 2005