Chapter 4
A Secret in the Silver Palace
A child's cry sliced through the darkness engulfing Queen Serenity's chambers. Startled awake, the Queen bolted upright in her bed, and scanned the darkness, expecting her gaze to fall upon her daughter's cradle rocking with the motion of the crying infant within. It took her a moment to realize that the cry did not belong to her daughter. Serenity sighed, and fell back upon her pillow, patting her brow at her folly. Of course, it was not the princess who cried. Princess Serenity was a full fourteen years of age, far too old to sleep in a cradle in her mother's bedchamber. The princess now slept soundly in her own chambers, out of her mother's earshot- although she was never out of range of the mental link the mother and daughter shared.
The cradle itself was also absent from Serenity's chambers, having been taken up to the Crystal Tower that Hotaru might have a warm, soft place to sleep. It was Hotaru who cried now. Serenity had tuned her senses to the child, that she might hear her when she cried, and know what ailed her. It was in this manner that she learned that Hotaru had soiled her diaper.
Groaning, the High Queen dragged herself from her bed, exhaustion pulling mercilessly at every muscle in her body. I forgot what a trial such a young child is, she thought in annoyance as she stifled a yawn. Fighting back the urge to sever the mental link she had established with Hotaru and go back to sleep, Serenity stood up, and jammed her feet into her soft brocade slippers. Within her mind, Hotaru's cries intensified. The Queen instinctively clapped her hands over her ears, her head pounding from fatigue and the sheer volume of the infant's cries. Upon remembering that she could not shut out the sound, Serenity lowered her hands from her ears, wincing at the sound of Hotaru's wailing.
"Yes, yes, I am coming!" she growled through clenched teeth as she grabbed her silver cloak and threw it around her shoulders. Tucking a clean diaper into the deep inner pocket of her cloak, Serenity yanked the door to her chambers open, and hurried down the hallway, tying her cloak as she went.
Serenity stepped outside into a mass of chilly night air that bit at her skin as she hurried along the path to the Crystal Tower. The Queen shivered and raised her hood, wishing with all her might that she had worn a warmer nightdress. You ought to plan for this sort of thing, she scolded herself. You are raising an infant, after all. You will recall that the same thing happened last night. You were cold then, as well, and yet you refused to learn from the incident by dressing more warmly tonight, silly girl. With a sigh, Serenity drew her cloak more tightly around herself and quickened her pace.
The Crystal Tower loomed ahead of her on the horizon, a great, silver finger stabbing at the blackened sky. Serenity moistened her lips nervously, furiously considering what she would say to the guards. Of course, as their High Queen, and as the fifth descendant of Selene herself, the guards were bound to obey her. If she wished to go within the Crystal Tower, the guards were required to allow her to. They were not, however, forbidden to question her actions. Asking questions of his Queen was a guard's right as a protector of her interests. At times, it could even be considered his duty, if he suspected that the Queen's actions could be having negative effects upon the state of affairs in her Kingdom, or upon her own health. Serenity knew her guards were beginning to question the wisdom of her midnight "prayers," and although she reserved the right to withhold and answer, she still dreaded facing their questions.
Just as she had expected them to, the guards stopped her as she approached the Crystal Tower, their faces awash in concern.
"Oh, Your Majesty, please do not go up to the shrine," one of them pleaded. "It is late. You look weary. Please return to the palace to rest."
"Yes, Majesty," the second agreed. "You look as if you could fall into the great Morganna's arms at any moment from sheer exhaustion. Please get some rest." So, they will not even ask me my reasons? She thought, not at all certain how she felt about that. They simply beg me to return to my bed? At the moment, she would have liked nothing more-but the child she had hidden away within the Crystal Tower had other ideas.
Serenity grimaced outwardly as Hotaru's cries grew louder within her mind. She swallowed a moan, feeling as if someone were beating her about the head with a stick. Please calm yourself, baby, she pleaded silently. Your cries pain me so!
"Does your head ache, Majesty?" Serenity's eyes flew open with a gasp. She had not even noticed that she had been rubbing her temples. Merciful gods, how was she to explain herself this time without inviting more pleas to return to the palace? Well, whatever she did, she would have to do it quickly; both Hotaru's patience and her own were wearing thin. All at once, she did not care what the guards thought of her anymore. Although a certain, sensible part of her mind warned her against it, Serenity succumbed to her temptation, dropping her hands to her sides in fists and glaring icily at the guards.
"My head aches only from the sheer idiocy of your pleas!" she snapped, ignoring the pang of guilt that stabbed her. "I have told you many times before that my reasons for praying so late at night are my own, and that I will not return to my bed until I have prayed, and I am frankly growing impatient of your constantly questioning my actions! Now, let me pass!" The guards, quite taken aback by their patient, gentle Queen's tone-although perhaps hearing the desperation in her voice-stepped aside, bowing deeply.
"It shall be as Her Majesty wishes," the first one murmured. Serenity drew in a deep, calming breath, desperate to gather her scattered composure. Without another word to the guards, the Queen lifted her chin and strode haughtily through the door to the Crystal Tower, closing it curtly behind her. Once within the Crystal Tower, she surrendered to her conscience. Nervous guilt led her fingers to the knot of her cloak ribbons, nestled at the hollow of her throat, and her eyes strayed to the door.
Forgive me, my good men, she thought at the guards outside. You serve your Queen well. Letting her eyes flutter closed, she summoned up a mental image of the guards, and traced the curve of her crescent mark with her thumb to bless them in the name of Selene. Her conscience appeased, Serenity sighed, and turned to ascend the winding staircase up to Selene's shrine.
Hotaru was uncomfortable in her soiled diaper, and being uncomfortable made her cranky. The sobs emitting from the cradle were loud and angry. Serenity was quick to shush the babe as she entered the room at the top of the Crystal Tower, lowering her hood.
"Calm yourself, dear Firefly," she cooed sweetly, "I am here." The child's cries ceased for a moment, and Serenity smiled. Just the sound of her voice was often enough to quiet Hotaru when she was fussy. After an all-too-brief silence, Hotaru set up a derisive howl that made Serenity wince in pain, as if to say, "What kept you so long?" The Queen sighed and strode over to the cradle. It had been quite a chore to get the thing up to the shrine. Having found no other way to transport the cradle without arousing suspicion, Serenity had teleported it under her own power, an act that had left her unusually drained and dizzy due to her deep physical exhaustion. But at least Hotaru slept warm-when she was actually sleeping, that is.
Standing over the cradle, Serenity frowned upon the sobbing infant with unjustified annoyance.
"You ought to treat me with more respect," she told the child. "Every night you drag me from my bed to change your diapers or feed you or just play with you. Perhaps you only see me as the woman who serves you, but I am the High Queen of this Kingdom, and a descendant of the goddess Selene herself!" Of course, titles and gods meant nothing to Hotaru. She continued to cry, stretching her arms out piteously for the Queen. Serenity rolled her lovely, blue-violet eyes, groaning in mock-exasperation.
"Alright, alright," she grumbled, unable to keep a slight smile from her lips. Producing a diaper from within the folds of her cloak, she proceeded to swiftly change the girl, casting the soiled diaper aside to soak in the washtub she had also teleported up to Selene's shrine. In the morning she would wash the diaper, along with whatever clothing was soaking beneath it. The Queen was so quick with her task that Hotaru continued to cry, unaware that the soiled diaper was gone. Serenity chuckled.
"You ought not to cry so, little one," she teased tenderly, gently lifting the babe from her cradle. "You will make yourself sick that way." Gently bouncing the child in her arms, Serenity began to sing softly. Safe in the warm arms of the woman with the soft, sleepy voice, Hotaru of Saturn finally calmed down. Weak with relief, the Queen sank gracefully to the floor and leaned against the wall, still singing. Wide purple eyes met the Queen's sapphire ones, staring fixedly as if afraid that Serenity would disappear if she looked away. The silver-haired woman regarded the child with worry.
What a fretful little thing she is, Serenity thought. I do hope she is not ill. If she does become seriously ill, I do not believe I could risk bringing a healer to her. The healer might reveal Hotaru's existence! Or worse yet, suppose the healer's spells somehow awakened the dark planetary magic within Hotaru? No, I see now that I can never let a healer come near Hotaru of Saturn. I must rely upon my own power to keep the child safe and healthy, just as I rely upon my own power for everything regarding this child. I even wash her diapers and clothes myself. Perhaps it would be wiser for me to ask for the help of a servant woman. At least then I would not feel so tired.
As that sudden thought struck her, Serenity stopped singing, taking a moment to push the thought aside. It did not matter how tired she became. She would not reveal the fact that she had rescued Lady Saturn's daughter to anyone. The risk involved would simply be too great. Hotaru now slept soundly in her arms. A quiet sigh of relief escaped her. As gently as she possibly could, Serenity raised herself from the floor. Softly, she brushed the child's cheek with her lips before laying her within the cradle and tucking the soft blanket around her. For a moment, she simply stared at the babe, awed by the sight of the frail, dark-haired thing asleep in her daughter's cradle, suckling on her tiny fingers. Then, with a sigh, she reached out to caress Hotaru's pale cheek.
"Dawn is fast approaching, young one," she told the sleeping child. "I must return to my bed. Sleep well, my firefly. May the gods protect you." With these whispered words, the Queen slipped from the room at the top of the Crystal Tower, closing the door gently behind her, and glided down the stairs. Once at the bottom, she paused for a moment, then turned to face the staircase once more.
The Crystal Stair was a very steep and tightly winding staircase. When she stood at the bottom and gazed upward, Serenity could see no further than three steps before the rest of the staircase became hidden behind the center column.
Just like my future, she thought, a wry little smile curving her lips. I cannot see further than tomorrow, but I sense that unpleasant surprises lie in wait around every bend. If I could speak of this to Princess Rei of Mars, or her lady mother, Queen Morrigan, I might ask one of them to consult the sacred flame, that I might know what the future has in store for me. But alas, I can speak of this to no one.
Still gazing as far as she could up the steep and winding staircase, Serenity traced the Mark of Selene with her thumb.
"Gods protect us both," she muttered, and raised her hood. With that, the Queen slipped out into the night.
***
Serenity was well aware of the toll her worry over Hotaru of Saturn was taking upon her, but she knew better than to give in to her weariness and invite the assistance of a servant woman.
I will stand strong, she told herself forcefully. I may drop dead from overwork, but not before Hotaru is old enough to care for herself. I cannot sacrifice her safety, nor the safety of this Kingdom, simply because I am tired. But even such thoughts did little to alleviate her bone-deep exhaustion. The moment she reached her chambers, her tired fingers fumbling clumsily with her cloak ribbons, she collapsed upon her bed to capture a precious few hours of sleep before the clock chimed, ordering her to begin her duties. As she slept, her sleep was plagued with nightmares in which she saw herself lying lifeless before her celestial mother's shrine while a starving Hotaru, naked on the cold floor with her tiny ribs sticking out in relief against her torso, cried herself to death. Serenity was almost relieved when the clock at last chimed her wake-up song, even if it meant facing important diplomatic matters, a terrifying prospect when she knew her concentration could be interrupted at any moment by the wail of her secret child hidden away within the Crystal Tower.
It is difficult enough caring for an infant without having to keep her existence a secret from all those you care for, she thought darkly as one of her servant women helped her into her gown. It is even more difficult when one happens to be the High Queen of the White Moon Kingdom, the sole ruler of nine worlds. Serenity resisted the urge to stiffen as the thought came across her mind unbidden.
No, she corrected herself. Not nine worlds. Eight. Saturn is no longer a part of this alliance, remember?
At breakfast, the Queen sat silently in her chair at the head of the table, gazing upon her only daughter. Princess Serenity, seated at her mother's right, ate daintily, her eyes cast upon her plate. She, too, was quiet, as were her uniformed guardians. Fighting back the smile that threatened her, the Queen retreated within her mind to discover if the five young women were truly being as quiet as they seemed to be.
In the deepest reaches of Serenity's mind, there burned nine presences, created by the life energy of the seven Sailor Soldiers, her daughter, and Hotaru of Saturn. Once, she had been able to feel the presence of her husband, as well, but he had passed away shortly after their child had been conceived. Because his spirit no longer dwelled within his body, Serenity had no means of sensing the late High King's presence unless he wished to make himself known to her. But she could still sense her daughter and the Sailor Soldiers, unless they consciously severed the link between them all, and they were strictly forbidden to except in extreme cases.
Serenity gently fingered her lips, swallowing a laugh. From the flickers in the energy waves of the inner princesses and her daughter, she could tell that the five were communicating with one another within their minds, a trick they had all learned quite some time ago. They all tried to be cautious when speaking so with one another, but the Queen was a very clever woman. Besides, by the time the inner soldiers were old enough to begin learning such things, the outer princesses had already unknowingly trained their Queen to monitor their life energy for flickers that indicated metal communication. Most of the time, Serenity was able to catch them in the act. Often, she allowed them to continue their games, but occasionally, just to keep them aware, she surprised them by demanding to know what they were speaking of. She never forced them to tell her, nor was she lacking enough manners to increase her awareness that she might learn of what they spoke. But she also did not object to reminding her precious child's guardians that they might encounter an enemy with the power to read their thoughts, who would not be so polite as to avoid listening to their conversations. She could take no risks when it came to her daughter's safety.
For today, however, the Queen let her daughter and the Sailor Soldiers continue their conversation. She felt too tired to intervene. The reigning princess twitched suddenly and bit her lip, obviously fighting the urge to laugh at something one of her guardians had said. Serenity smiled fondly upon her only child. Oh, my precious child, the Queen thought, you truly are a gift from the gods. You are beautiful, and happy.were you ever fretful as a babe? Yes, I suppose you must have cried, as all children must before they learn to speak, but even the cook said you were the happiest child he had ever seen. Why is Hotaru of Saturn so discontented?
Quite suddenly, Young Serenity stopped eating, and raised large blue eyes to the High Queen's face.
"Are you ill, my mother?" she asked softly, not within her mind, but aloud. Serenity, startled from her bleak thoughts, cleared her throat and glanced away, embarrassed.
"Why, no, my darling," she replied awkwardly. "Whatever gave you that idea?" The princess frowned skeptically.
"You have hardly tasted your meal, Mother," she pointed out. "What is the matter?" Serenity sighed heavily.
"Nothing is the matter, my precious one," she lied. "I am simply weary, for I slept poorly last night."
"Was something troubling you?" Young Serenity probed gently.
"No, daughter," the Queen replied, not unkindly, but firmly enough to lay the subject to rest. Young Serenity, hearing the tone of her mother's voice, nodded, and turned her attention back to her meal. Her daughter's presence began to flicker within the High Queen's mind, indicating that she was once again speaking silently with her guardians. Serenity bit back a despondent sigh, and raised a glass of spiced Jovian wine to her lips. It flowed down her throat in a rich stream that burned her empty belly. Grimacing inwardly, she lowered her glass. She would have to work harder at allaying suspicion if she was to continue caring for Hotaru. The guards were no trouble. They were little more than the men who protected the Crystal Tower to her, just as she was merely the High Queen to them. She could bear to lie to the guards, and they did not know her well enough to catch her when she did. Princess Serenity and the Sailor Guardians- Serenity's beloved child and the four warriors who protected her-were another matter entirely.
***
Too exhausted even to consider dealing with matters of diplomacy, Serenity left such issues in Luna and Artemis' capable paws and retreated to her chambers for a rest. Of course, several times as she lie atop her covers, she questioned the wisdom of her actions. The last time you left the affairs of your Kingdom to Luna and Artemis, your walk with your daughter was interrupted by the news that Lady Saturn was with child, she reminded herself with wry bitterness. And it is likely that this time that very same child will interrupt you. As that thought crossed her mind, Serenity felt a prick of malice toward Hotaru. Immediately, she squashed the emotion, replacing it with shame. How could she harbor such feelings toward a child? Poor Hotaru did not know any better. She did not realize that she was a child whom her grandsire, the god of time, and even her own mother, had thought it best to destroy. She could not know how important it was to keep her existence a total secret. And how in Selene's name could she know that the woman who cared for her was the supreme ruler of eight worlds, with duties well beyond feeding her and changing soiled diapers?
Irritated with herself, Serenity tossed restlessly for a long while before a fitful slumber found her at last. Just as she had suspected, she was awakened only two hours later by a tiny cry within her mind; Hotaru was hungry. Serenity bit her tongue to keep from cursing, and threw herself from her bed. Hastily, she shed her nightdress, and slipped into her silver- white gown, fighting the need for sleep. She was on the verge of slipping out her chamber door when a sudden thought occurred to her. Pausing in mid- stride, Serenity turned to face the mirror that hung over her vanity.
The woman who stared back at her looked to be the ghost of someone whose life had been bleak, and full of hardships. Dull, haunted eyes, rimmed by dark circles, peered out at the High Queen from within a deathly pallid face. It was a moment before Serenity recognized the pale, tired face as her own. Sadly, she trailed graceful fingers over her cheekbone, mourning the loss of her beauty. At that particular thought, Serenity laughed mirthlessly, startled by her own folly. Vanity is no virtue, Serenity, she reminded herself. Besides, that was not the reason she had turned her eyes to the mirror. Her long silvery mane, tangled from sleep, was unbound, and flowed loose about her shoulders. To pray to Selene without her hair arranged in its traditional manner would be an utter sacrilege. True, she was not going before Selene's shrine to pray, but that was the lie she would have to tell the guards, who would most certainly not accept it if they saw her approaching the Crystal Tower with her hair unbound. She had been able to get away with it the past few nights because it had been dark and she had worn a cloak and hood, but in broad daylight, when there was no need for her to wear a hood, there was simply no chance that the guards would not question her motives for going to pray with her hair loose and flowing. Sighing through teeth grinding in frustration, Serenity stormed over the vanity and grabbed her brush, yanking it through her hair. Once her silver tresses were smooth, she twisted them into their customary dumpling tails and pinned them into place. It did not take her more than three minutes to dress her hair. She had been dressing her hair in that manner on her own for more than twenty years, and could likely do so with one hand bound behind her back. Still, those were three minutes more she would have to hear Hotaru wailing within her mind, and the sound caused her weary head to ache. With another sigh, Serenity slipped from her chambers to find Fauna and tend to Hotaru.
***
Serenity returned the Silver Palace just in time to take lunch with her daughter and the Sailor Guardians. Afterward, she went to the throne room to hold court. There was no reason for her to return to her bed. For several hours, she listen patiently to those who came before her, doing what she could to help them. As one young Lunarian woman with two sons and a quarrel with her elder brother left the High Queen's throne room, Hotaru awakened, her diaper once again soiled. Serenity groaned aloud before she could stop herself, earning the curious stares of Luna, Artemis, and the commoners.
"If you will excuse me, my friends," she said to her feline advisors, "there is something that I must see to. Please look after things while I am gone, alright?" Both cats shrugged and agreed. Serenity returned to her chambers for a fresh diaper, and then slipped outside, hurrying toward the Crystal Tower. The guards let her through without question, much to her relief. Offering them a grateful smile, she entered the Crystal Tower, and ascended the winding Crystal Stair up to Selene's shrine. As usual, Serenity could hear Hotaru's cries long before reaching the shrine at the top of the Crystal Tower. Who would have believed that such great noise could come from such a tiny creature? She thought wryly, rolling her great blue eyes. Seconds later, the High Queen burst through the door to her celestial mother's shrine. Hotaru's frustrated wails hit her full force, sounding both outside and within her tired mind, pounding furiously into her skull. Serenity stumbled backward, moaning in agony. She held her aching head in hands that trembled with weakness.
"Please stop, Hotaru!" she whimpered, feeling tears of pain prick her eyes. "You know not how terribly your crying hurts me! Please, Hotaru, calm yourself!" But of course, Hotaru only sobbed louder. She could not quiet herself until she heard the Queen speaking gently to her. Setting her jaw, Serenity forced her eyes to open, and plastered a smile upon her face. Striding over to the cradle, she swept Hotaru up in her arms and bounced her gently.
"There, there, little one," she cooed comfortingly, "Everything is alright, I am here now." Safe in the High Queen's warm arms, her gentle voice ringing in her ears, Hotaru fell silent. Serenity sighed with relief as the pounding in her head subsided, and lay Hotaru in her cradle to change her.
"You have me wrapped about that tiny finger of yours, Firefly," she muttered under her breath. Hotaru grinned at the Queen and gurgled happily, glad to have her speaking gently once more. Serenity made a face at the child.
"Are you mocking me, young one?" she asked, pretending to be indignant. "Keep it up and next time I shan't come so quickly." Hotaru stuck her fingers in her mouth and suckled gently, staring innocently up at Serenity as if to say, "Of course I am not mocking you, Majesty." Serenity sighed and rolled her eyes. Securing Hotaru's diaper, Serenity swept the child up in her arms, wrapped her in a soft blanket, and cradled her against her breast. Hotaru watched the Queen expectantly. She knew what was coming next. Just as the child had undoubtedly predicted she would, Serenity settled herself upon the floor, spreading her skirts around her, and leaned against the wall. Allowing her heavy eyelids to come together, the High Queen began to sing.
Several lullabies later, Serenity fell silent. Opening her eyes, she smiled down upon the warm bundle in her arms, expecting to find her sleeping soundly. Round violet eyes met Serenity's sapphire ones. The Queen frowned. Hotaru, wide-awake and utterly taciturn, blinked placidly at the silver- haired woman and slurped on her fingers. Serenity sighed. "Close your eyes, Firefly," she whispered. "'Tis time for you to sleep." Hotaru burbled in response, a bit of her last meal spilling from her mouth and dribbling down her chin. This invited another sigh from the High Queen.
Serenity wiped the trickled of milk from Hotaru's chin with the corner of her swaddling cloth and got to her feet. Resting the child against her shoulder, she rubbed and patted her back and paced up and down the floor, thinking that perhaps if she were moving, it would finally lull Hotaru to sleep. Hotaru lay her head on the Queen's shoulder and slurped in her ear through several more lullabies. When Serenity had sung through every lullaby she knew, she began to sing songs of praised to the planetary goddess as well as the elemental gods who blessed them. She sang praises to the gods of other Kingdoms. She even began singing ballads praising the deeds of Sailor Soldiers from all reaches of the universe, but gave up on that when she could not remember all the words. Still, the slurping in her ear went on. Abruptly, she stopped pacing.
"Merciful heavens!" she exclaimed aloud. "You are a stubborn child, are you not?" Hotaru simply continued to suckle on her fingers. Serenity pursed her lips, pushing her long silver tails behind her shoulders. If only Hotaru could tell her exactly what she wanted. Life would certainly be simpler that way, she thought with a wry grin. Struck with a sudden inspiration, Serenity peeled back the folds of Hotaru's swaddling clothes, exposing her tiny navel. Grinning, she poked the button gently with the tip of one finger. Hotaru, pulling her fingers from her mouth, squealed with surprise and giggled. Serenity laughed merrily.
"Well, at least we know you are under no spell," she cooed, unaware that one long pony's tail had slipped over her shoulder and entered Hotaru's cradle. Hotaru began to flail and burble wildly, excited by the sight of that soft, silver stream. With speed to rival the fastest lighting bolt Sailor Jupiter could conjure, Hotaru grasped the shimmering tail tightly and pulled. It was Serenity's turn to shriek in surprise, and Hotaru's turn to giggle. Serenity made a face.
"Is this some attempt at claiming revenge?" she muttered, stroking the back of Hotaru's hand to make her drop her prize. Hotaru released the first silver tail, then grabbed a handful of the second one. The Queen yelped, her blue-violet eyes watering in pain.
"Please, Hotaru!" she cried, desperately trying to free herself from the child's grasp. "My hair is not a plaything!" At last she managed to wrestle her long silver tresses from Hotaru's chubby little hand. The child indulged her Lunarian caregiver with a gum-filled smile, and returned her fingers to her mouth. Serenity blinked at the child. Had she truly seen Hotaru of Saturn smile?
"You do seem less fretful than you did earlier," the Queen mused. "You look a bit fatter as well." Serenity gently traced the curve of Hotaru's rounding cheek, which was beginning to gain a bit of color as well. Hotaru favored the Queen with another smile before grasping her slender finger and taking it into her mouth to suckle on. Serenity smiled back.
"I have seen so much improvement in so little time," she mused. "It is almost unbelievable, yet I see that it has happened, and it fills my heart with joy." Only the sound of Hotaru's suckling answered her. The Queen laughed gently, her heart utterly content as she touched the child's soft cheek.
"You know, Firefly," she murmured, "Your grandsire, the god of time, wished me to leave you to die the very day you were born. He believes you to be some sort of agent of evil, corrupted by demons. I trust your grandfather deeply, young one, truly I do. But he is wrong. You are no demon. You, dear Firefly, are a gift from the gods." **************************************************************************** ** Wow! Serenity suuuuuuuure is trusting of this little death goddess who Chronos thought should die! Sorry. I was just reading a MST, so I'm feeling really sarcastic. But I guess we all know where Usagi-chan gets her trusting nature. Like mother, like daughter. Heh heh. Please review
A child's cry sliced through the darkness engulfing Queen Serenity's chambers. Startled awake, the Queen bolted upright in her bed, and scanned the darkness, expecting her gaze to fall upon her daughter's cradle rocking with the motion of the crying infant within. It took her a moment to realize that the cry did not belong to her daughter. Serenity sighed, and fell back upon her pillow, patting her brow at her folly. Of course, it was not the princess who cried. Princess Serenity was a full fourteen years of age, far too old to sleep in a cradle in her mother's bedchamber. The princess now slept soundly in her own chambers, out of her mother's earshot- although she was never out of range of the mental link the mother and daughter shared.
The cradle itself was also absent from Serenity's chambers, having been taken up to the Crystal Tower that Hotaru might have a warm, soft place to sleep. It was Hotaru who cried now. Serenity had tuned her senses to the child, that she might hear her when she cried, and know what ailed her. It was in this manner that she learned that Hotaru had soiled her diaper.
Groaning, the High Queen dragged herself from her bed, exhaustion pulling mercilessly at every muscle in her body. I forgot what a trial such a young child is, she thought in annoyance as she stifled a yawn. Fighting back the urge to sever the mental link she had established with Hotaru and go back to sleep, Serenity stood up, and jammed her feet into her soft brocade slippers. Within her mind, Hotaru's cries intensified. The Queen instinctively clapped her hands over her ears, her head pounding from fatigue and the sheer volume of the infant's cries. Upon remembering that she could not shut out the sound, Serenity lowered her hands from her ears, wincing at the sound of Hotaru's wailing.
"Yes, yes, I am coming!" she growled through clenched teeth as she grabbed her silver cloak and threw it around her shoulders. Tucking a clean diaper into the deep inner pocket of her cloak, Serenity yanked the door to her chambers open, and hurried down the hallway, tying her cloak as she went.
Serenity stepped outside into a mass of chilly night air that bit at her skin as she hurried along the path to the Crystal Tower. The Queen shivered and raised her hood, wishing with all her might that she had worn a warmer nightdress. You ought to plan for this sort of thing, she scolded herself. You are raising an infant, after all. You will recall that the same thing happened last night. You were cold then, as well, and yet you refused to learn from the incident by dressing more warmly tonight, silly girl. With a sigh, Serenity drew her cloak more tightly around herself and quickened her pace.
The Crystal Tower loomed ahead of her on the horizon, a great, silver finger stabbing at the blackened sky. Serenity moistened her lips nervously, furiously considering what she would say to the guards. Of course, as their High Queen, and as the fifth descendant of Selene herself, the guards were bound to obey her. If she wished to go within the Crystal Tower, the guards were required to allow her to. They were not, however, forbidden to question her actions. Asking questions of his Queen was a guard's right as a protector of her interests. At times, it could even be considered his duty, if he suspected that the Queen's actions could be having negative effects upon the state of affairs in her Kingdom, or upon her own health. Serenity knew her guards were beginning to question the wisdom of her midnight "prayers," and although she reserved the right to withhold and answer, she still dreaded facing their questions.
Just as she had expected them to, the guards stopped her as she approached the Crystal Tower, their faces awash in concern.
"Oh, Your Majesty, please do not go up to the shrine," one of them pleaded. "It is late. You look weary. Please return to the palace to rest."
"Yes, Majesty," the second agreed. "You look as if you could fall into the great Morganna's arms at any moment from sheer exhaustion. Please get some rest." So, they will not even ask me my reasons? She thought, not at all certain how she felt about that. They simply beg me to return to my bed? At the moment, she would have liked nothing more-but the child she had hidden away within the Crystal Tower had other ideas.
Serenity grimaced outwardly as Hotaru's cries grew louder within her mind. She swallowed a moan, feeling as if someone were beating her about the head with a stick. Please calm yourself, baby, she pleaded silently. Your cries pain me so!
"Does your head ache, Majesty?" Serenity's eyes flew open with a gasp. She had not even noticed that she had been rubbing her temples. Merciful gods, how was she to explain herself this time without inviting more pleas to return to the palace? Well, whatever she did, she would have to do it quickly; both Hotaru's patience and her own were wearing thin. All at once, she did not care what the guards thought of her anymore. Although a certain, sensible part of her mind warned her against it, Serenity succumbed to her temptation, dropping her hands to her sides in fists and glaring icily at the guards.
"My head aches only from the sheer idiocy of your pleas!" she snapped, ignoring the pang of guilt that stabbed her. "I have told you many times before that my reasons for praying so late at night are my own, and that I will not return to my bed until I have prayed, and I am frankly growing impatient of your constantly questioning my actions! Now, let me pass!" The guards, quite taken aback by their patient, gentle Queen's tone-although perhaps hearing the desperation in her voice-stepped aside, bowing deeply.
"It shall be as Her Majesty wishes," the first one murmured. Serenity drew in a deep, calming breath, desperate to gather her scattered composure. Without another word to the guards, the Queen lifted her chin and strode haughtily through the door to the Crystal Tower, closing it curtly behind her. Once within the Crystal Tower, she surrendered to her conscience. Nervous guilt led her fingers to the knot of her cloak ribbons, nestled at the hollow of her throat, and her eyes strayed to the door.
Forgive me, my good men, she thought at the guards outside. You serve your Queen well. Letting her eyes flutter closed, she summoned up a mental image of the guards, and traced the curve of her crescent mark with her thumb to bless them in the name of Selene. Her conscience appeased, Serenity sighed, and turned to ascend the winding staircase up to Selene's shrine.
Hotaru was uncomfortable in her soiled diaper, and being uncomfortable made her cranky. The sobs emitting from the cradle were loud and angry. Serenity was quick to shush the babe as she entered the room at the top of the Crystal Tower, lowering her hood.
"Calm yourself, dear Firefly," she cooed sweetly, "I am here." The child's cries ceased for a moment, and Serenity smiled. Just the sound of her voice was often enough to quiet Hotaru when she was fussy. After an all-too-brief silence, Hotaru set up a derisive howl that made Serenity wince in pain, as if to say, "What kept you so long?" The Queen sighed and strode over to the cradle. It had been quite a chore to get the thing up to the shrine. Having found no other way to transport the cradle without arousing suspicion, Serenity had teleported it under her own power, an act that had left her unusually drained and dizzy due to her deep physical exhaustion. But at least Hotaru slept warm-when she was actually sleeping, that is.
Standing over the cradle, Serenity frowned upon the sobbing infant with unjustified annoyance.
"You ought to treat me with more respect," she told the child. "Every night you drag me from my bed to change your diapers or feed you or just play with you. Perhaps you only see me as the woman who serves you, but I am the High Queen of this Kingdom, and a descendant of the goddess Selene herself!" Of course, titles and gods meant nothing to Hotaru. She continued to cry, stretching her arms out piteously for the Queen. Serenity rolled her lovely, blue-violet eyes, groaning in mock-exasperation.
"Alright, alright," she grumbled, unable to keep a slight smile from her lips. Producing a diaper from within the folds of her cloak, she proceeded to swiftly change the girl, casting the soiled diaper aside to soak in the washtub she had also teleported up to Selene's shrine. In the morning she would wash the diaper, along with whatever clothing was soaking beneath it. The Queen was so quick with her task that Hotaru continued to cry, unaware that the soiled diaper was gone. Serenity chuckled.
"You ought not to cry so, little one," she teased tenderly, gently lifting the babe from her cradle. "You will make yourself sick that way." Gently bouncing the child in her arms, Serenity began to sing softly. Safe in the warm arms of the woman with the soft, sleepy voice, Hotaru of Saturn finally calmed down. Weak with relief, the Queen sank gracefully to the floor and leaned against the wall, still singing. Wide purple eyes met the Queen's sapphire ones, staring fixedly as if afraid that Serenity would disappear if she looked away. The silver-haired woman regarded the child with worry.
What a fretful little thing she is, Serenity thought. I do hope she is not ill. If she does become seriously ill, I do not believe I could risk bringing a healer to her. The healer might reveal Hotaru's existence! Or worse yet, suppose the healer's spells somehow awakened the dark planetary magic within Hotaru? No, I see now that I can never let a healer come near Hotaru of Saturn. I must rely upon my own power to keep the child safe and healthy, just as I rely upon my own power for everything regarding this child. I even wash her diapers and clothes myself. Perhaps it would be wiser for me to ask for the help of a servant woman. At least then I would not feel so tired.
As that sudden thought struck her, Serenity stopped singing, taking a moment to push the thought aside. It did not matter how tired she became. She would not reveal the fact that she had rescued Lady Saturn's daughter to anyone. The risk involved would simply be too great. Hotaru now slept soundly in her arms. A quiet sigh of relief escaped her. As gently as she possibly could, Serenity raised herself from the floor. Softly, she brushed the child's cheek with her lips before laying her within the cradle and tucking the soft blanket around her. For a moment, she simply stared at the babe, awed by the sight of the frail, dark-haired thing asleep in her daughter's cradle, suckling on her tiny fingers. Then, with a sigh, she reached out to caress Hotaru's pale cheek.
"Dawn is fast approaching, young one," she told the sleeping child. "I must return to my bed. Sleep well, my firefly. May the gods protect you." With these whispered words, the Queen slipped from the room at the top of the Crystal Tower, closing the door gently behind her, and glided down the stairs. Once at the bottom, she paused for a moment, then turned to face the staircase once more.
The Crystal Stair was a very steep and tightly winding staircase. When she stood at the bottom and gazed upward, Serenity could see no further than three steps before the rest of the staircase became hidden behind the center column.
Just like my future, she thought, a wry little smile curving her lips. I cannot see further than tomorrow, but I sense that unpleasant surprises lie in wait around every bend. If I could speak of this to Princess Rei of Mars, or her lady mother, Queen Morrigan, I might ask one of them to consult the sacred flame, that I might know what the future has in store for me. But alas, I can speak of this to no one.
Still gazing as far as she could up the steep and winding staircase, Serenity traced the Mark of Selene with her thumb.
"Gods protect us both," she muttered, and raised her hood. With that, the Queen slipped out into the night.
***
Serenity was well aware of the toll her worry over Hotaru of Saturn was taking upon her, but she knew better than to give in to her weariness and invite the assistance of a servant woman.
I will stand strong, she told herself forcefully. I may drop dead from overwork, but not before Hotaru is old enough to care for herself. I cannot sacrifice her safety, nor the safety of this Kingdom, simply because I am tired. But even such thoughts did little to alleviate her bone-deep exhaustion. The moment she reached her chambers, her tired fingers fumbling clumsily with her cloak ribbons, she collapsed upon her bed to capture a precious few hours of sleep before the clock chimed, ordering her to begin her duties. As she slept, her sleep was plagued with nightmares in which she saw herself lying lifeless before her celestial mother's shrine while a starving Hotaru, naked on the cold floor with her tiny ribs sticking out in relief against her torso, cried herself to death. Serenity was almost relieved when the clock at last chimed her wake-up song, even if it meant facing important diplomatic matters, a terrifying prospect when she knew her concentration could be interrupted at any moment by the wail of her secret child hidden away within the Crystal Tower.
It is difficult enough caring for an infant without having to keep her existence a secret from all those you care for, she thought darkly as one of her servant women helped her into her gown. It is even more difficult when one happens to be the High Queen of the White Moon Kingdom, the sole ruler of nine worlds. Serenity resisted the urge to stiffen as the thought came across her mind unbidden.
No, she corrected herself. Not nine worlds. Eight. Saturn is no longer a part of this alliance, remember?
At breakfast, the Queen sat silently in her chair at the head of the table, gazing upon her only daughter. Princess Serenity, seated at her mother's right, ate daintily, her eyes cast upon her plate. She, too, was quiet, as were her uniformed guardians. Fighting back the smile that threatened her, the Queen retreated within her mind to discover if the five young women were truly being as quiet as they seemed to be.
In the deepest reaches of Serenity's mind, there burned nine presences, created by the life energy of the seven Sailor Soldiers, her daughter, and Hotaru of Saturn. Once, she had been able to feel the presence of her husband, as well, but he had passed away shortly after their child had been conceived. Because his spirit no longer dwelled within his body, Serenity had no means of sensing the late High King's presence unless he wished to make himself known to her. But she could still sense her daughter and the Sailor Soldiers, unless they consciously severed the link between them all, and they were strictly forbidden to except in extreme cases.
Serenity gently fingered her lips, swallowing a laugh. From the flickers in the energy waves of the inner princesses and her daughter, she could tell that the five were communicating with one another within their minds, a trick they had all learned quite some time ago. They all tried to be cautious when speaking so with one another, but the Queen was a very clever woman. Besides, by the time the inner soldiers were old enough to begin learning such things, the outer princesses had already unknowingly trained their Queen to monitor their life energy for flickers that indicated metal communication. Most of the time, Serenity was able to catch them in the act. Often, she allowed them to continue their games, but occasionally, just to keep them aware, she surprised them by demanding to know what they were speaking of. She never forced them to tell her, nor was she lacking enough manners to increase her awareness that she might learn of what they spoke. But she also did not object to reminding her precious child's guardians that they might encounter an enemy with the power to read their thoughts, who would not be so polite as to avoid listening to their conversations. She could take no risks when it came to her daughter's safety.
For today, however, the Queen let her daughter and the Sailor Soldiers continue their conversation. She felt too tired to intervene. The reigning princess twitched suddenly and bit her lip, obviously fighting the urge to laugh at something one of her guardians had said. Serenity smiled fondly upon her only child. Oh, my precious child, the Queen thought, you truly are a gift from the gods. You are beautiful, and happy.were you ever fretful as a babe? Yes, I suppose you must have cried, as all children must before they learn to speak, but even the cook said you were the happiest child he had ever seen. Why is Hotaru of Saturn so discontented?
Quite suddenly, Young Serenity stopped eating, and raised large blue eyes to the High Queen's face.
"Are you ill, my mother?" she asked softly, not within her mind, but aloud. Serenity, startled from her bleak thoughts, cleared her throat and glanced away, embarrassed.
"Why, no, my darling," she replied awkwardly. "Whatever gave you that idea?" The princess frowned skeptically.
"You have hardly tasted your meal, Mother," she pointed out. "What is the matter?" Serenity sighed heavily.
"Nothing is the matter, my precious one," she lied. "I am simply weary, for I slept poorly last night."
"Was something troubling you?" Young Serenity probed gently.
"No, daughter," the Queen replied, not unkindly, but firmly enough to lay the subject to rest. Young Serenity, hearing the tone of her mother's voice, nodded, and turned her attention back to her meal. Her daughter's presence began to flicker within the High Queen's mind, indicating that she was once again speaking silently with her guardians. Serenity bit back a despondent sigh, and raised a glass of spiced Jovian wine to her lips. It flowed down her throat in a rich stream that burned her empty belly. Grimacing inwardly, she lowered her glass. She would have to work harder at allaying suspicion if she was to continue caring for Hotaru. The guards were no trouble. They were little more than the men who protected the Crystal Tower to her, just as she was merely the High Queen to them. She could bear to lie to the guards, and they did not know her well enough to catch her when she did. Princess Serenity and the Sailor Guardians- Serenity's beloved child and the four warriors who protected her-were another matter entirely.
***
Too exhausted even to consider dealing with matters of diplomacy, Serenity left such issues in Luna and Artemis' capable paws and retreated to her chambers for a rest. Of course, several times as she lie atop her covers, she questioned the wisdom of her actions. The last time you left the affairs of your Kingdom to Luna and Artemis, your walk with your daughter was interrupted by the news that Lady Saturn was with child, she reminded herself with wry bitterness. And it is likely that this time that very same child will interrupt you. As that thought crossed her mind, Serenity felt a prick of malice toward Hotaru. Immediately, she squashed the emotion, replacing it with shame. How could she harbor such feelings toward a child? Poor Hotaru did not know any better. She did not realize that she was a child whom her grandsire, the god of time, and even her own mother, had thought it best to destroy. She could not know how important it was to keep her existence a total secret. And how in Selene's name could she know that the woman who cared for her was the supreme ruler of eight worlds, with duties well beyond feeding her and changing soiled diapers?
Irritated with herself, Serenity tossed restlessly for a long while before a fitful slumber found her at last. Just as she had suspected, she was awakened only two hours later by a tiny cry within her mind; Hotaru was hungry. Serenity bit her tongue to keep from cursing, and threw herself from her bed. Hastily, she shed her nightdress, and slipped into her silver- white gown, fighting the need for sleep. She was on the verge of slipping out her chamber door when a sudden thought occurred to her. Pausing in mid- stride, Serenity turned to face the mirror that hung over her vanity.
The woman who stared back at her looked to be the ghost of someone whose life had been bleak, and full of hardships. Dull, haunted eyes, rimmed by dark circles, peered out at the High Queen from within a deathly pallid face. It was a moment before Serenity recognized the pale, tired face as her own. Sadly, she trailed graceful fingers over her cheekbone, mourning the loss of her beauty. At that particular thought, Serenity laughed mirthlessly, startled by her own folly. Vanity is no virtue, Serenity, she reminded herself. Besides, that was not the reason she had turned her eyes to the mirror. Her long silvery mane, tangled from sleep, was unbound, and flowed loose about her shoulders. To pray to Selene without her hair arranged in its traditional manner would be an utter sacrilege. True, she was not going before Selene's shrine to pray, but that was the lie she would have to tell the guards, who would most certainly not accept it if they saw her approaching the Crystal Tower with her hair unbound. She had been able to get away with it the past few nights because it had been dark and she had worn a cloak and hood, but in broad daylight, when there was no need for her to wear a hood, there was simply no chance that the guards would not question her motives for going to pray with her hair loose and flowing. Sighing through teeth grinding in frustration, Serenity stormed over the vanity and grabbed her brush, yanking it through her hair. Once her silver tresses were smooth, she twisted them into their customary dumpling tails and pinned them into place. It did not take her more than three minutes to dress her hair. She had been dressing her hair in that manner on her own for more than twenty years, and could likely do so with one hand bound behind her back. Still, those were three minutes more she would have to hear Hotaru wailing within her mind, and the sound caused her weary head to ache. With another sigh, Serenity slipped from her chambers to find Fauna and tend to Hotaru.
***
Serenity returned the Silver Palace just in time to take lunch with her daughter and the Sailor Guardians. Afterward, she went to the throne room to hold court. There was no reason for her to return to her bed. For several hours, she listen patiently to those who came before her, doing what she could to help them. As one young Lunarian woman with two sons and a quarrel with her elder brother left the High Queen's throne room, Hotaru awakened, her diaper once again soiled. Serenity groaned aloud before she could stop herself, earning the curious stares of Luna, Artemis, and the commoners.
"If you will excuse me, my friends," she said to her feline advisors, "there is something that I must see to. Please look after things while I am gone, alright?" Both cats shrugged and agreed. Serenity returned to her chambers for a fresh diaper, and then slipped outside, hurrying toward the Crystal Tower. The guards let her through without question, much to her relief. Offering them a grateful smile, she entered the Crystal Tower, and ascended the winding Crystal Stair up to Selene's shrine. As usual, Serenity could hear Hotaru's cries long before reaching the shrine at the top of the Crystal Tower. Who would have believed that such great noise could come from such a tiny creature? She thought wryly, rolling her great blue eyes. Seconds later, the High Queen burst through the door to her celestial mother's shrine. Hotaru's frustrated wails hit her full force, sounding both outside and within her tired mind, pounding furiously into her skull. Serenity stumbled backward, moaning in agony. She held her aching head in hands that trembled with weakness.
"Please stop, Hotaru!" she whimpered, feeling tears of pain prick her eyes. "You know not how terribly your crying hurts me! Please, Hotaru, calm yourself!" But of course, Hotaru only sobbed louder. She could not quiet herself until she heard the Queen speaking gently to her. Setting her jaw, Serenity forced her eyes to open, and plastered a smile upon her face. Striding over to the cradle, she swept Hotaru up in her arms and bounced her gently.
"There, there, little one," she cooed comfortingly, "Everything is alright, I am here now." Safe in the High Queen's warm arms, her gentle voice ringing in her ears, Hotaru fell silent. Serenity sighed with relief as the pounding in her head subsided, and lay Hotaru in her cradle to change her.
"You have me wrapped about that tiny finger of yours, Firefly," she muttered under her breath. Hotaru grinned at the Queen and gurgled happily, glad to have her speaking gently once more. Serenity made a face at the child.
"Are you mocking me, young one?" she asked, pretending to be indignant. "Keep it up and next time I shan't come so quickly." Hotaru stuck her fingers in her mouth and suckled gently, staring innocently up at Serenity as if to say, "Of course I am not mocking you, Majesty." Serenity sighed and rolled her eyes. Securing Hotaru's diaper, Serenity swept the child up in her arms, wrapped her in a soft blanket, and cradled her against her breast. Hotaru watched the Queen expectantly. She knew what was coming next. Just as the child had undoubtedly predicted she would, Serenity settled herself upon the floor, spreading her skirts around her, and leaned against the wall. Allowing her heavy eyelids to come together, the High Queen began to sing.
Several lullabies later, Serenity fell silent. Opening her eyes, she smiled down upon the warm bundle in her arms, expecting to find her sleeping soundly. Round violet eyes met Serenity's sapphire ones. The Queen frowned. Hotaru, wide-awake and utterly taciturn, blinked placidly at the silver- haired woman and slurped on her fingers. Serenity sighed. "Close your eyes, Firefly," she whispered. "'Tis time for you to sleep." Hotaru burbled in response, a bit of her last meal spilling from her mouth and dribbling down her chin. This invited another sigh from the High Queen.
Serenity wiped the trickled of milk from Hotaru's chin with the corner of her swaddling cloth and got to her feet. Resting the child against her shoulder, she rubbed and patted her back and paced up and down the floor, thinking that perhaps if she were moving, it would finally lull Hotaru to sleep. Hotaru lay her head on the Queen's shoulder and slurped in her ear through several more lullabies. When Serenity had sung through every lullaby she knew, she began to sing songs of praised to the planetary goddess as well as the elemental gods who blessed them. She sang praises to the gods of other Kingdoms. She even began singing ballads praising the deeds of Sailor Soldiers from all reaches of the universe, but gave up on that when she could not remember all the words. Still, the slurping in her ear went on. Abruptly, she stopped pacing.
"Merciful heavens!" she exclaimed aloud. "You are a stubborn child, are you not?" Hotaru simply continued to suckle on her fingers. Serenity pursed her lips, pushing her long silver tails behind her shoulders. If only Hotaru could tell her exactly what she wanted. Life would certainly be simpler that way, she thought with a wry grin. Struck with a sudden inspiration, Serenity peeled back the folds of Hotaru's swaddling clothes, exposing her tiny navel. Grinning, she poked the button gently with the tip of one finger. Hotaru, pulling her fingers from her mouth, squealed with surprise and giggled. Serenity laughed merrily.
"Well, at least we know you are under no spell," she cooed, unaware that one long pony's tail had slipped over her shoulder and entered Hotaru's cradle. Hotaru began to flail and burble wildly, excited by the sight of that soft, silver stream. With speed to rival the fastest lighting bolt Sailor Jupiter could conjure, Hotaru grasped the shimmering tail tightly and pulled. It was Serenity's turn to shriek in surprise, and Hotaru's turn to giggle. Serenity made a face.
"Is this some attempt at claiming revenge?" she muttered, stroking the back of Hotaru's hand to make her drop her prize. Hotaru released the first silver tail, then grabbed a handful of the second one. The Queen yelped, her blue-violet eyes watering in pain.
"Please, Hotaru!" she cried, desperately trying to free herself from the child's grasp. "My hair is not a plaything!" At last she managed to wrestle her long silver tresses from Hotaru's chubby little hand. The child indulged her Lunarian caregiver with a gum-filled smile, and returned her fingers to her mouth. Serenity blinked at the child. Had she truly seen Hotaru of Saturn smile?
"You do seem less fretful than you did earlier," the Queen mused. "You look a bit fatter as well." Serenity gently traced the curve of Hotaru's rounding cheek, which was beginning to gain a bit of color as well. Hotaru favored the Queen with another smile before grasping her slender finger and taking it into her mouth to suckle on. Serenity smiled back.
"I have seen so much improvement in so little time," she mused. "It is almost unbelievable, yet I see that it has happened, and it fills my heart with joy." Only the sound of Hotaru's suckling answered her. The Queen laughed gently, her heart utterly content as she touched the child's soft cheek.
"You know, Firefly," she murmured, "Your grandsire, the god of time, wished me to leave you to die the very day you were born. He believes you to be some sort of agent of evil, corrupted by demons. I trust your grandfather deeply, young one, truly I do. But he is wrong. You are no demon. You, dear Firefly, are a gift from the gods." **************************************************************************** ** Wow! Serenity suuuuuuuure is trusting of this little death goddess who Chronos thought should die! Sorry. I was just reading a MST, so I'm feeling really sarcastic. But I guess we all know where Usagi-chan gets her trusting nature. Like mother, like daughter. Heh heh. Please review