Title: Living through the dark
Author: mabunny
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue...
Rating: R
Show: Dark Angel
Genre: Drama/Tragedy
Pairing: M/A
Summary: When Max's world is crushing down on her, she will
need to face her fears in order to survive...
Author's Notes: Takes place after "The Berrisford Agenda"
He walked into the apartment, not even bothering to knock first – but then again, when has he ever? – And went straight towards her bedroom from where he could clearly hear her talking to OC. He stood there, leaning on the doorframe for a few seconds, watching her sit on the edge of the bed with her back to him, saying:
"I really don't know what to do anymore"
And he could hear her voice cracking. He wanted nothing more then to say some kind of smart-aleck joke to lighten the mood, but that was when OC spotted him, hugging her boo and silencing him with a finger raised to her lips.
"I'll be right back"
She said to her, and with that she left her boo to collapse on the bed as she walked out of the room – tugging at Alec's jacket and motioning for him to follow her quietly without a word. After making sure the door is closed, she went up to him, now standing in the middle of the living room, and said impatiently
"What do you want?"
"I just came by to talk to max... is everything ok?"
He said, now worried at the scene we witnessed earlier.
"No. and she ain't up to hearin' ya today, so why don't you leave now and talk to her some other time, a'aight?"
she said, knowing that the longer he stays, the more chances there are for Max to have to see him, and she knew that was the last thing her boo needed right now. "Look, I wanted to talk to her at work today but she wasn't there."
He said, already beginning to loose his patience.
"I don't think now is the best time for her to talk to ya, so whatever it is, it's gonna have to wait."
She said, trying to push him towards the door unsuccessfully – seeing as he was much stronger then her. He was about to say something else when he heard a little voice behind him say
"What are you doing here?"
He turned around to see Max standing at the doorway of her bedroom, her skin pale and beaten – all black and blue – and her eyes swollen from obviously crying for a long time since before he got there. He faintly heard OC making her exit behind him, saying
"Sorry boo. I tried... I gotta go anyway..."
And leaving the two transgenics alone.
"Normal said you called in sick today. I wanted to see if you're alright – which you're obviously not. What happened?"
He said, and by the end of his mumbling he was already standing close to her, examining her bruised face.
"Nothing."
She stated simply, avoiding both his touch and his eyes. She walked past him to the kitchen and got herself a tall glass of milk.
"Was there anything else you wanted?"
She asked, wanting him to disappear before she starts crying again, her voice already cracking. He looked at her, shocked, his first intentions of thanking her for what she did for him the previous day already far away from his mind, replaced by the building concern for her well-being. After a few moments of silence, when the soft sound of her now empty glass hitting the counter woke him up from his shock, he finally managed to say
"Was it White? Did he get to you again?"
She laughed inwardly, thinking 'if only that was all that has happened to me in the last 24 hours...' but instead just saying
"Yeah, that too... can you leave now?"
"Look, I didn't come here to fight, alright? I just wanted to thank you for saving my ass yesterday. I wanted to tell you that at work but when I heard you called in sick, I was worried..."
"I thought you wanted my absence. Isn't that what you said at Crash? So why all of a sudden are you coming to look for me, huh?"
She said, still not looking at him.
"Look, I'm sorry for saying that, ok? I was kinda in a bad mood."
"Yeah, well, now I'm the one in a bad mood, so why don't you just leave me alone, huh?"
She said, making a bee-line to her bedroom only to have her arm caught by his hand, making her turn around again to face him. But she still didn't dare to look at him, and it was getting on his nerves.
"Just talk to me, ok?" he said desperately.
"I don't think so. Now let go before I kick your ass!"
She said, memories of the awful day she had swimming in her head, making her sick and dizzy.
"Not until you tell me what happened!"
"When you asked me to leave, at Crash, I respected that. Why the hell can't you just do the same and go away?!?"
"Because I know better then that now. You obviously need someone to talk to about this, whatever it is-"
"And that person is you of all people?"
"Maybe. I'm making it me now, so you just don't have much of a choice, ok?!?"
"God! Just let me go and get the hell out of here!"
But he didn't even flinch at her screams. He knew how badly he needed to talk to someone about Rachel, someone who'll understand, and that she probably needs the same thing right now – even if she won't admit it. He knew he was gonna have to fight her for this, but he was determined to help her, to pay back for all the times she helped him and saved his ass. He put his hand on her face, making her look at him for the first time since he got there, but what he saw in her eyes broke him inside. There was fear and anguish, helplessness that her usual stubbornness wouldn't let her show at any other time. He guided her to the couch slowly; already afraid of what he was going to hear from her. As they sat down, he wrapped his arms around her in a small attempt at comfort, fully expecting her to move away, even hit him for getting so close – but nothing came. Nothing but tears, as she let herself break down again, and he let her cry for a while, not wanting to let go, and sensing she didn't want him to, either. After what seemed like hours, she finally looked up at him – on her own – mumbling "thankyou"s and "sorry"s which only made him hug her tighter. Then he said
"Are you ready to talk now?"
She just buried her head in his neck, hoping to just stay like this for a while longer, but when he said
"Well?"
She knew he won't let go of it. Remembering a conversation that took place in a church a year earlier, she said
"Do you think some things are unforgivable?"
Her question took him by surprise but he knew he had to say something or she won't continue to talk anymore.
"I don't know. I hope not."
He had a lot of things he needed to be forgiven for, and so he opted for heart-felt sincerity instead of the sarcastic jokes he had on his mind.
"Do you think there's a good place somewhere?"
He heard her ask quietly. At first he thought he heard her wrong – a good place? What was that about? But when after a few seconds she lifted her head again, fear and innocence shown clearly in her eyes, and he knew there was a reason for the questions, he just couldn't see himself as the right person to answer.
"What do you mean?"
He asked finally. She let out a disappointed sigh and then just went on with her questions.
"Do you think we were better off in Manticore? That things made sense there?"
"No! What makes you say that?!?"
He was shocked to hear that, especially coming from her. Suddenly she got up, tearing herself away from his embrace and making him stand up as well, and walked to her bedroom.
"You should go"
She said, simply, before closing the door behind her, leaving him shocked and confused as to what had just happened. It took him a few minutes to gather his thoughts and walk out of the apartment, but now he was on a mission: he was going to find out everything about what happened to Max, and since he knew she won't tell him anything else on her own – not tonight, anyway – he went for the one person who might have some answers for him – or at least a possible lead.
He walked into the apartment, not even bothering to knock first – but then again, when has he ever? – And went straight towards her bedroom from where he could clearly hear her talking to OC. He stood there, leaning on the doorframe for a few seconds, watching her sit on the edge of the bed with her back to him, saying:
"I really don't know what to do anymore"
And he could hear her voice cracking. He wanted nothing more then to say some kind of smart-aleck joke to lighten the mood, but that was when OC spotted him, hugging her boo and silencing him with a finger raised to her lips.
"I'll be right back"
She said to her, and with that she left her boo to collapse on the bed as she walked out of the room – tugging at Alec's jacket and motioning for him to follow her quietly without a word. After making sure the door is closed, she went up to him, now standing in the middle of the living room, and said impatiently
"What do you want?"
"I just came by to talk to max... is everything ok?"
He said, now worried at the scene we witnessed earlier.
"No. and she ain't up to hearin' ya today, so why don't you leave now and talk to her some other time, a'aight?"
she said, knowing that the longer he stays, the more chances there are for Max to have to see him, and she knew that was the last thing her boo needed right now. "Look, I wanted to talk to her at work today but she wasn't there."
He said, already beginning to loose his patience.
"I don't think now is the best time for her to talk to ya, so whatever it is, it's gonna have to wait."
She said, trying to push him towards the door unsuccessfully – seeing as he was much stronger then her. He was about to say something else when he heard a little voice behind him say
"What are you doing here?"
He turned around to see Max standing at the doorway of her bedroom, her skin pale and beaten – all black and blue – and her eyes swollen from obviously crying for a long time since before he got there. He faintly heard OC making her exit behind him, saying
"Sorry boo. I tried... I gotta go anyway..."
And leaving the two transgenics alone.
"Normal said you called in sick today. I wanted to see if you're alright – which you're obviously not. What happened?"
He said, and by the end of his mumbling he was already standing close to her, examining her bruised face.
"Nothing."
She stated simply, avoiding both his touch and his eyes. She walked past him to the kitchen and got herself a tall glass of milk.
"Was there anything else you wanted?"
She asked, wanting him to disappear before she starts crying again, her voice already cracking. He looked at her, shocked, his first intentions of thanking her for what she did for him the previous day already far away from his mind, replaced by the building concern for her well-being. After a few moments of silence, when the soft sound of her now empty glass hitting the counter woke him up from his shock, he finally managed to say
"Was it White? Did he get to you again?"
She laughed inwardly, thinking 'if only that was all that has happened to me in the last 24 hours...' but instead just saying
"Yeah, that too... can you leave now?"
"Look, I didn't come here to fight, alright? I just wanted to thank you for saving my ass yesterday. I wanted to tell you that at work but when I heard you called in sick, I was worried..."
"I thought you wanted my absence. Isn't that what you said at Crash? So why all of a sudden are you coming to look for me, huh?"
She said, still not looking at him.
"Look, I'm sorry for saying that, ok? I was kinda in a bad mood."
"Yeah, well, now I'm the one in a bad mood, so why don't you just leave me alone, huh?"
She said, making a bee-line to her bedroom only to have her arm caught by his hand, making her turn around again to face him. But she still didn't dare to look at him, and it was getting on his nerves.
"Just talk to me, ok?" he said desperately.
"I don't think so. Now let go before I kick your ass!"
She said, memories of the awful day she had swimming in her head, making her sick and dizzy.
"Not until you tell me what happened!"
"When you asked me to leave, at Crash, I respected that. Why the hell can't you just do the same and go away?!?"
"Because I know better then that now. You obviously need someone to talk to about this, whatever it is-"
"And that person is you of all people?"
"Maybe. I'm making it me now, so you just don't have much of a choice, ok?!?"
"God! Just let me go and get the hell out of here!"
But he didn't even flinch at her screams. He knew how badly he needed to talk to someone about Rachel, someone who'll understand, and that she probably needs the same thing right now – even if she won't admit it. He knew he was gonna have to fight her for this, but he was determined to help her, to pay back for all the times she helped him and saved his ass. He put his hand on her face, making her look at him for the first time since he got there, but what he saw in her eyes broke him inside. There was fear and anguish, helplessness that her usual stubbornness wouldn't let her show at any other time. He guided her to the couch slowly; already afraid of what he was going to hear from her. As they sat down, he wrapped his arms around her in a small attempt at comfort, fully expecting her to move away, even hit him for getting so close – but nothing came. Nothing but tears, as she let herself break down again, and he let her cry for a while, not wanting to let go, and sensing she didn't want him to, either. After what seemed like hours, she finally looked up at him – on her own – mumbling "thankyou"s and "sorry"s which only made him hug her tighter. Then he said
"Are you ready to talk now?"
She just buried her head in his neck, hoping to just stay like this for a while longer, but when he said
"Well?"
She knew he won't let go of it. Remembering a conversation that took place in a church a year earlier, she said
"Do you think some things are unforgivable?"
Her question took him by surprise but he knew he had to say something or she won't continue to talk anymore.
"I don't know. I hope not."
He had a lot of things he needed to be forgiven for, and so he opted for heart-felt sincerity instead of the sarcastic jokes he had on his mind.
"Do you think there's a good place somewhere?"
He heard her ask quietly. At first he thought he heard her wrong – a good place? What was that about? But when after a few seconds she lifted her head again, fear and innocence shown clearly in her eyes, and he knew there was a reason for the questions, he just couldn't see himself as the right person to answer.
"What do you mean?"
He asked finally. She let out a disappointed sigh and then just went on with her questions.
"Do you think we were better off in Manticore? That things made sense there?"
"No! What makes you say that?!?"
He was shocked to hear that, especially coming from her. Suddenly she got up, tearing herself away from his embrace and making him stand up as well, and walked to her bedroom.
"You should go"
She said, simply, before closing the door behind her, leaving him shocked and confused as to what had just happened. It took him a few minutes to gather his thoughts and walk out of the apartment, but now he was on a mission: he was going to find out everything about what happened to Max, and since he knew she won't tell him anything else on her own – not tonight, anyway – he went for the one person who might have some answers for him – or at least a possible lead.