Sam, Abby, Susan and Neela sat outside the changing rooms in some rather comfortable, over-stuffed chairs waiting for Jing-Mei to step out from behind the curtain wearing the dress she was trying on for her cousin's wedding. The five medical personnel had all somehow managed to get the same weekend off and were enjoying that free time. Susan - who was secretly worried about the state the ER would be in when they got back, after it had been left in control of Kovac, Carter, Pratt, Gallant, Morris and Romano - stood up suddenly and went over to the curtain and yanked it back.
Jing-Mei squealed slightly and turned around while the other four stood before her in awe. The silver silk material clung to her body in all the right places, the occasional pattern of flowers only heightening the beauty of the dress.
"You have got to buy this one," Abby said as she stood up, allowing her bag to fall to the floor, and walked towards the woman.
Sam stayed in her seat with her mouth hanging slightly ajar, as she took in the beauty. Beside her she heard Neela mutter an almost silent "wow" and she nodded her head in agreement.
"Seriously, Jing-Mei, it's... wow," Sam said and Neela nodded.
"I'm not sure..."
Ten minutes later, the dress had been purchased and all five of the women were strolling back towards their cars and were discussing their next stop.
"Well, Steve's out of town and I have an apartment, a DVD with surround sound, a massive chick flick DVD collection and a telephone in which to call in whatever food we want..." Sam offered and they all nodded excitedly.
Sam couldn't believe how well all five of them got on, but considering the fact that they worked so closely together and were really the only women on the floor (apart from Weaver and some of the other nurses), it wasn't really all that surprising. It was a relatively new experience for Sam, to have 'girly' days in the town as most of her friends since her early childhood had been men, and none of them really wanted to spend much time trekking through malls buying lingerie, spending forty minutes trying on a zillion pair of jeans and deciding not to buy any of them or laugh over lunch in a cosmopolitan cafe.
She had enjoyed herself and she was happy.
But every time Abby mentioned the name Luka, Sam couldn't help but feel that her day was being tainted. She felt torn: she was falling for Luka but she was also unwilling to give up her friendship with Abby, or her safe bet relationship with Steve. And she knew that she couldn't give Luka up either. Steve had been out of town for three days already and Sam had spent every one of those nights at Luka's apartment, waking up in his bed curled around him in some manner and form.
She smiled slightly to herself as the quintet said their goodbyes and promised to be at Sam's by seven-thirty. She walked to her silver Ford Taurus and deposited her mass of bags in the trunk before sliding in behind the wheel and starting the engine.
She had less than two hours to try and tidy her apartment and put away her purchases before the 'girls' got there. She smiled at the thought.
She had just finished hanging up the new coat she had bought when she heard the doorbell ring and she smiled as she put the coat in her cupboard and rushed to the door. Opening it, she saw Abby and Neela standing there, ladled down with three bottles of wine and bags full of ice-cream and popcorn.
Laughing, Sam ushered them in, closed the door and pointed in the direction of the kitchen. Just then, the phone rang and Sam picked it up on the second ring.
"Hello," she said cheerily and began walking into the lounge, tucking the cordless receiver in between her cheek and shoulder.
"Hey, beautiful, you sound happy," Steve's voice sounded on the other end of the line and Sam smiled at the sound.
"I am. How are you? How's your dad?" She asked as she plopped down onto the sofa.
"I'm okay. He's still in hospital; they want to keep him in for a fortnight. It's his lung again, it's collapsed and their going to try and put a balloon in it to keep it up."
Sam nodded although he couldn't see her.
"I know the procedure, it's relatively straight forward."
Steve laughed on an exhaled breath and Sam smiled sadly for him. The doorbell rang and she called through to Abby to answer it.
"You got visitors?" Steve asked, his tone surprised.
"Yeah, just some friends from work. We've had a girl's day out, just the five of us. Now we're going to stuff ourselves with ice-cream and watch some chick flicks."
"Yeah, speak for yourself Sam; the way I'm going, I'll be sticking to carrot sticks myself!" Susan laughed and Sam shook her head in her direction.
"You look great, Susan, or didn't you see your reflection in those denims?" Sam called back as Susan left the lounge to go into the kitchen, where the other three were.
"Been shopping then, beautiful?" Steve asked while a smile in his voice and Sam smiled herself. "I hope you bought lots of nice things," he laughed gently and Sam shivered.
"Yeah... You sound really tired, are you okay?"
She could hear him light a cigarette and she shook her head slightly - she had tried to get him to stop, but it was a habit of fifteen years and one that no one could break.
"I've just been spending a lot of time at the hospital. Mom's really upset, doesn't think he's going to make it."
Sam shook her head.
"Well, tell her I said that she doesn't have anything to worry about."
Steve laughed on the other end and Sam cracked up herself.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure she would appreciate it," he jested and she heard him inhale a breath of carcinogenic air.
"Well you never know..."
They were silent for a few seconds and Sam heard the girls make their way into the room.
"I'll call you later, babe. Mom wants on the phone to call the hospital to see if we can go up there yet. Love you."
Sam hung up after returning the sentiment and dropped the phone on the floor.
When they were all settled comfortably on one of the two sofas or the arm chair, Sam lifted the remote control and pressed play on the DVD.
"So, what are we watching?" Neela asked with her strong, proper English accent.
Sam tutted and shook her head.
"Wait and see..." When the opening credits began, they all made some form of a squeak and Sam smiled as she settled down, placing her feet over an indignant Abby's lap.
Tears streamed down the faces of the five grown women as the credits of When A Man Loves A Woman played across the screen. After a few minutes of sniffing and giggling at one another, Sam heard the doorbell again and frowned.
They hadn't ordered any food in.
Standing, she wiped her eyes again and laughed when she saw Abby's red, puffy eyes and knew that hers were in a much similar state. She glanced at the clock: 23.02.
"You guys didn't order a taxi or something did you?" She asked as she climbed up the platform to the level of her door and waited for them all to indicate that, no they hadn't, before opening the door.
What she saw sent a rush of panic through her and her blood crashing to her feet.
Swinging the door open so he could see fully inside her apartment, she saw his face form an 'Oh' expression and then she spoke.
"Luka!" She said far too loudly and stepped back allowing him entrance into her hall way.
She stared at him with a "what the...?" expression on her face and he shrugged slightly, before removing his jacket.
"What are you doing here?" She asked as she walked back into her lounge and retook her position on the sofa, next to Abby and the largest bowl of popcorn.
"I heard that you ladies were having a girl's night in, thought I might join you," he lied convincingly and placed his hand on Abby's shoulder as he passed her on his way to the foot of the Susan's armchair.
"Yes, Luka, girls' night in and unless you've had plastic surgery performed in the last eight hours, you're not invited," Abby said playfully and threw a handful of buttered popcorn in his direction.
He laughed and moved out of the way of the poorly thrown shot and smiled at the other occupants of the room.
He noted their puffy eyes and the occasional sniff and he frowned in amusement at them all.
"Have you all been crying?" He asked, his tone ridiculing and the girls all looked at one another with embarrassed smiles on their faces.
"We watched When A Man Loves A Woman..." Susan supplied as she laughed at herself.
Luka raised his eyebrow and met the eyes of all five of them then shook his head.
"Sam, do you mind if I use your bathroom to clean myself up a little?" He asked as he spotted the two empty bottles of wine and the three quarters full third bottle sitting on the table.
"Couldn't you have done that before you got here?" Abby complained as she attempted to swat his knee and she wobbled on the edge of the couch.
Sam giggled and pulled her back onto the safety of the armrest and nodded to Luka.
"Just through the bedroom, the door on the back wall," she told him and he stood up and left the room.
She had managed to calm her racing heart beat when she heard his convincing lie and she had allowed her drunken eyes to take him in. It seemed like so long ago that she had actually seen him that she felt like it had been months and not merely thirteen hours ago. He looked tired, after what was no doubt a long shift, and Sam knew that he was there to take her to his apartment.
She didn't understand why he insisted that they always retreat back to his place, even when hers was closer but she didn't object. The less time she spent with him in her house would mean the less time she would spend lying awake at night, smelling him on the covers. She preferred his bed too. She was always able to sleep better when she was in his rather than in hers. She had also noticed that when he spoke of taking her back to his place, he always told her he was taking her home.
"Is that you thinking about Ray again, Sam?" Susan jested, her voice dripping with wine as her eyes struggled to stay open.
Sam rolled her eyes and lazily threw a corn at Susan's dosing face.
"I can't believe you made post-its saying that I was checking him out... the poor boy can't look me in the face anymore..."
"Yeah, that's because his eyes are concentrated somewhere else..." Jing-Mei suggested and they all burst into fits of laughter.
"I think men should have boobs," Neela said suddenly and in a tone that suggested that the thought was something of a breakthrough. "I mean... then they would know what it feels like to have them stared at!"
Abby raised her eyebrow at Neela and shook her head.
"Neela," she elongated the vowel in the middle of her name, "men wouldn't care, cause it would mean that they would be able to fondle themselves instead of having to attempt to grope at their... penises."
Sam laughed again and stood up from the sofa. Seeing Abby's confused stare, she thumbed in the direction of Susan who was asleep on the arm chair, her feet curled under her and her head resting on her palm.
"I should probably get her home," Jing-Mei said as they all stared at the blond haired woman.
"I'll get a blanket for her until you guys get your taxis."
Sam left them chatting in the lounge and made her way to her bedroom. When she stepped through the door she let out a strangled laugh at the sight that greeted her.
Luka was lying, face down, arms spread wide across her bed. Sound asleep. She watched him for a second then stepped out into the hall and grabbed Abby's attention.
"Abby, come here," she whispered loudly and Abby stood, gripping onto the furniture for support.
When she reached Sam's side, she leaned against the door frame and looked to Sam with a frown on her face.
"What?"
Sam tilted her head in the direction of her bed and saw Abby's eyes turn towards it. The soft expression that appeared on Abby's face was enough to swell the guilt inside her. She was so in love with this man.
"He looks so peaceful..." She whispered as she scratched her top lip with her index finger. She sighed and continued to watch him. "It's so strange, seeing him like this."
Sam turned from her watch of Luka's back rising steadily up and down as he breathed in the deep breaths of a peaceful sleep.
"Like what?" She asked hushedly, with a frown creasing her brow.
"Sleeping so peacefully. In the few times that I've actually spent the night with him, he's always had nightmares."
Sam looked away from Abby's face and stared at Luka. He had never had nightmares while she was with him. She looked down at her feet, then to Abby.
"The few times?"
"Yeah. He never stays over. And if he does, it's always at my place. Never at his. I can count on one finger the number of times I've woken up and he's still been with me in the morning."
Sam frowned more deeply at that.
"I thought you two had been together for like... eighteen months?"
Abby nodded against the doorframe.
"We have."
"Then I don't..."
Abby sighed.
"Ever since I've known him, Luka's been suffering from PTSD. On the rare occasion that she does stay over, he'll wake up in the middle of the night out of a nightmare about... well about his past and he'll leave. Maybe not physically but he won't be completely with me. I don't think I've ever woken up in his arms. He's always sitting up on the side of the bed watching me, or lying on the complete opposite side of the bed. Or not in the room at all."
Sam gulped down hard as she stared once again at the prone man lying on her bed, with his head tucked into the fluffy comforter. She thought back to the past three mornings when she had woken up from a peaceful slumber and found herself curled up in Luka's arms. The guilt inside grew.
"Wow..." She muttered and smiled sadly to Abby.
"I don't know where he goes at night. It's a place he's never let me into. Sometimes, I'll be awake and I can hear him talking to himself, muttering in his dreams but when I ask about them he brushes me off. And it's at times like those when I think that I don't know him at all."
Sam wanted to cry. Luka hadn't told Abby about his family - or what he had told her had been vague and empty, not the same heart wrenching tale that he had told her of the day that they had all died and when a part of him died with them.
"I hate to wake him when he's sleeping so calmly," Abby muttered and Sam turned to her.
She looked back at him and weighed her choices.
"He can stay here tonight, that way you know where he is," she murmured and saw Abby turn to her with glassy eyes.
Abby reached her hand out and touched Sam's shoulder gently and smiled.
"Thanks, Sam," she whispered and pushed herself away from the door. They were almost in the lounge when Abby turned to her again. "Since he's in your bed, where will you sleep?"
Sam laughed slightly and shook her head.
"I said he could stay here tonight, I didn't say he could sleep in my bed. I'll drag him by the foot into here and prop his sorry ass on the sofa!"
She could lie convincingly, too.
Abby laughed and nodded as she picked up her coat from the back of one of the sofas. Jing-Mei and Neela were already waiting to go and Susan was semi-conscious and asking for the IV bag. Sam smiled. Outside, they heard the tooting of a car horn and Sam moved to the window to check that it was the taxi.
"I'll help you down with Susan," she said as she moved towards the door but Abby shook her head.
"It's fine, we've got her. You gotta save your energy for shifting that six foot four trunk of wood in there," she laughed and nodded in the direction of the bedroom and tucked Susan's arm across her shoulder.
"I'll see you all on Monday," Sam said as they left her apartment and she closed the door and locked it.
She leaned against it for a second before moving away and into the lounge. She picked up the empty bottles and took them into the kitchen and deposited them in the garbage can. Deciding she was too tired - and a bit too drunk - to try and tidy up any more, she went about putting the lights out and then made her way to her bedroom.
Luka hadn't moved. He was still lying across her bed the wrong way, his shoe clad feet dangling off the side. He must have literally dropped onto the bed.
She moved to him and slipped his shoes off his feet and attempted to lift his legs but to no avail. Never before had she ever thought of his height as an inconvenience - until now.
She went to her drawer and pulled out a set of new pajamas - a tank top that said "Sparkies, open twenty four hours" and a pair of shorts to match - and made her way into the bathroom to cleanse her skin and throw on her nightwear.
When she exited ten minutes later, Luka had pulled his body onto the bed and was at least lying on it the right way - if not under the covers. Sam smiled and moved to the dresser at the foot of the bed and sat on it. She had put out all of the lights, the only stream of light was the moons reflection of the sun that slid across Luka's back. She pulled her knees up to her chest and watched as his handsome face twitched slightly and then his fingers as they reached up and rubbed at the end of his nose.
She couldn't believe the person Abby described was the same person that was lying before her now, so peaceful, so beautiful, so calm.
She sat like that for what felt like an eternity just watching him. Eventually, she uncurled herself and slid off the dresser. Moving slowly, she knelt on the edge of her bed and crawled up Luka's back until she was lying with every inch of her front resting against his back, her legs on his, her head in the middle of his shoulder blades, her arms stretched to the side and her fingers curled around his wrists.
She was falling in love with him.
Here where the world starts spinning round
take a ride and you'll feel what you've never found
Here when the stars start fading out
you hear the angels laughing without a sound
Welcome to the beautiful... the beautiful