A Dance on the Edge of Sanity

by Saereneth

The world would never be the same after the Storms. The things that used to be known are now mysterious. Few things are what they seem to be. Nothing is the same. In this turbulent time a child is born who will question all that is believed to be.

3. Different

A Dance on the Edge of Sanity

"Windstar! Come down from there! You'll fall for sure!"

Windstar looked down at the maid from her lofty perch. She sighed. Six years and they still didn't understand the point she had been trying to drive home since she was four:

"Tayledras don't fall out of trees!"

The poor maid was at the edge of her patience. She was terrified for the Princess; the maid had kept her feet firmly on the ground for all her life and couldn't understand why Windstar wouldn't do the same.

"Tayledras or not, Princess Windstar, you have to get dressed up for the Court party. Now, please come down from there!"

Windstar sighed again. "Can I help choose my dress?" She asked. "Please?"

The maid smiled. Windstar was ten years old and already sought after for her fashion advice. "Of course you can choose your dress, Windstar. You have better fashion sense than I do."

Windstar grinned and slid quickly down the tree. The maid grimaced, Windstar's controlled fall was beautiful to behold, and sent shivers down the maid's spine. Her snakelike grace was incredible.

"Here I am, Mirian. Let's go get ready for this dull party. Will there be pastry?"

Mirian laughed. "Child, if you keep consuming pastry like you do, you will be perfectly spherical by the time you're fifteen. Yes, there will be pastry."

The maid and the girl walked from Companion's Field to the Palace complex. They were followed by two Companions. After they left the Field the Companions watched from behind the fence, their eyes fixed on the small girl. As she disappeared around a corner, the two Companions looked at one another knowingly, then cantered off in opposite directions.

~

"Ow! Mirian, please be careful. I want my hair on my head, not yanked out on the floor!"

Mirian giggled. "I don't even need to help you, pretty one. You could handle this white mane of yours without any problem. Heck, you could do everything I do for you all by yourself! You hardly need me."

Windstar's back stiffened. She waited for Mirian to finish a brush stroke, then turned and hugged the maid.

"But Mirian, I do need you! If you left, I'd be all by myself when I wasn't taking lessons. Mother and Father are too busy for me most of the time, and none of the other children like me!" Windstar said. It was the truth, plain and simple. The other children didn't like her, and her parents tried their hardest but they were still busy most of the time. "I wouldn't have any friends if you left!"

Mirian looked at the child wrapped around her. 'Poor baby,' she thought. 'There's no reason the other children shouldn't like her. She's one of the sweetest people I know. It must be all her power. She's a mage equal to many already, and showing no signs of slowing down.'

Mirian patted the top of Windstar's head. "I'm not going anywhere, Windstar. Now, the party's almost started, you need to find a dress."

Windstar looked up at Mirian with pale, silvery blue eyes. Her wide cheekbones and sweeping eyebrows proved her Tayledras heritage, while her pale skin showed her mother was a Valdemaren. Her waist length white hair proved her unusual power. Mirian always thought she looked a bit like a ghost, pale and colorless, yet with her soul shining out from within her.

Windstar nodded. "Dress. Right. I can do that. What did I wear last time, Mirian?"

"That adorable pink dress, the one with all the ribbon bows. The ladies thought you were the cutest thing ever."

Windstar scowled. "And I thought I was the most uncomfortable thing ever. Gods, I don't know how those Valdemaran ladies do it, with all the poofies and fluffies. Uncomfortable and ugly!" She stalked over to her wardrobe. "Not this time, I tell you! Tayledras robes for me!" She riffled through her clothing. "Mirian, would you get me the silver horse and hawk hair charms and, errrr, the tiny quartz chains? Please?"

Mirian walked over to the wall on which Windstar's hair ornaments were hung. She sorted through the feathers, crystals, bells, ribbons, and charms until she found the adorable little chains with hawk and horse charms hanging from them. Then she found the the strings of refractive quartz crystals.

"Mirian, am I supposed to were one of my royal circlet things? Please say no, I hate them."

"You're royalty, Windstar. You always have to were some kind of circlet in Court to show your rank."

Windstar sighed. "All right, I need the, need the, ummmm, the dragon circlet. It's a gift from my Uncle Firesong, you know. He asked the hertasi to carve dancing dragons in it for me. He said it was made form moonstone, it's supposed to enhance Mind Magic. I just think it's pretty."

Mirian picked up the thin circlet. Made from an almost translucent white blue moonstone, it reflected rainbows when the light hit it. True to it's name, it had dragons carved all around it. Each dragon held the next one's tail, and no two were the same. Mirian had thought dragon's had wings, but these didn't.

"Here's me in my dress! Would you hand me three of the hawk and horse chains and two of the crystal strings, please? Thank you." Windstar quickly braided the chains into her hair, adding a very subtle glimmer to her hair with the crystals and an impression of movement with the flying hawk and running horse charms. She had chosen a lovely ice blue robe and breeches combination, with open, flowing breeches of pale blue, a matching shirt, and over it she wore a slightly darker vest robe that reached her calves, with silver embroidery covering it. Another example of hertasi work, the embroidery looked different from different angles. From one angle, Mirian could see soaring hawks, but from another angle she saw the winged horse of Valdemar, and from yet another angle, it looked like cascading silver waterfalls. On top of all of this, Windstar placed her dragon circlet. She looked like a princess from a far away land, made of ice and steel.

"How do I look, Mirian?" She asked.

"Like a frozen waterfall, my dear. Absolutely beautiful."

"Do I look sufficiently Valdemaren with the horse motifs, but also sufficiently Tayledras with the style? I don't want to show favoritism or anything, somebody would get offended. I have to 'properly represent two peoples united' after all."

'Poor Windstar. Thrown into the political maelstrom almost before she can walk, and used as a symbol of a very important alliance.'

"You look perfect, Windstar. Now off with you, or you'll be late."

Windstar sighed. She didn't like Court parties. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mirian. I'll probably be up late tonight, playing the sweet child, while still being thought of as a symbol."

Mirian frowned in sympathy. "You'll do fine, little one. You always do. Goodnight."

~

"Mother, I hate using my daughter as a symbol. She doesn't want to be here; the Court life is suffocating her. She needs something new, something different from what she has now! She's no more suited to being a Court flower than I or Darkwind!" Elspeth said. She was frustrated. She knew she needed to get her daughter out of Haven for a while, but she didn't know how to find an excuse to leave her teaching duties for a while. Then again, Windstar needed Mage training badly, and she needed the kind of two on one training she and Darkwind couldn't give her with their other training duties.

Elspeth tried again. "She needs to be away from here, she's never going to get properly trained with all the people she knows constantly pestering her. She, Darkwind and I need to get away for a while to train her properly, and dammit, I would like to spend some family time with my family!"

Selenay grimaced. She couldn't think of a good reason to send the small family elsewhere for a while, and she needed a reason to send two of the best Mage teachers away. She felt like she was in a trap she couldn't escape. It wasn't a nice feeling.

"Elspeth, Darkwind, I need a crystal clear reason to send you away, I-"

The Queen's Own, Talia, interrupted Selenay. "Selenay, if I may interrupt, I think I have a perfectly good reason for Darkwind and Elspeth to leave Haven for a while. Assuming, of course, " she said, looking at the two, "They are willing to act as ambassadors, and Elspeth is willing to take on an intern." Elspeth opened her mouth to protest, but Talia cut her off. "Hear me out, Elspeth. I know you don't want to take interns, but I think you may take exception to this one. Princess Lyra got her Whites a week ago, and unlike Kris she is going on a field internship. If you take her on your ambassadorial trip with you, she'll get the experience she needs, you'll be away from Haven, and Windstar will get whatever she needs. Sound good?"

Darkwind looked at Elspeth. :What do you think?: he Mindspoke. :It sounds like a decent plan to me. A lot of work, but we'll get to go somewhere else. It'll help cure us of our cabin fever, at least.: Elspeth frowned. "Exactly where would we be going? I'll tell you what, I don't want to go North."

Talia smiled. She looked at Selenay. "I believe we need an ambassador to the Kai-ling Empire. It's one of the far Eastern States that the Empire couldn't overtake. The Empress has expressed interest in an alliance with us, as we a aligned with her friends in White Gryphon. You would certainly be gone long enough for Lyra's internship. It's a month long ride on Companions just to get there."

Elspeth and Darkwind looked at one another again. Darkwind said, "We'll have to ask Windstar what she thinks. She-"

Windstar jumped down from her perch in the window frame. The adults in the room started, they hadn't noticed her there. She looked like a ghost in her shimmering pale garments. She regarded them with silvery eyes.

"Sounds like an interesting excursion to me," she said. "Do you think one of the Companions would be willing to carry me? Dad's got Sikeny, she always agrees to carry him. But would any of them carry me?"

Elspeth smiled. She was getting an earful from Gwena, who was asking her why she allowed Windstar to think the Companions didn't love her. "I'm sure one of the will bear you, Windstar. From what Gwena tells me, they'll be lining up for the privilege." She smiled at her daughter. She looked at Darkwind. :Would you be okay with this, ashke? It sounds like a good idea to me.: Darkwind smiled. :Elspeth, I said before I thought it was a good idea. Let's go. It should be fun.:

Elspeth looked at her mother. "We'll go," she said. Selenay smiled.

Windstar looked at them. Her brows furrowed, she looked hopefully at her mother. "Does this mean I don't have to go to the party tonight?"

Elspeth sighed, then smiled. "No love, we have to suffer the party together."

Windstar scowled.

~*~*~*~

Windstar wondered through the wooded part of Companion's Field, skipping lunch to avoid the company of the other Palace children. Sunlight shone all around her, but she had chosen the darkest part of the little grove of trees as her hideout. There was a hollow under one of the trees where a flexible person could hide out of sight.

Windstar looked up at the trees surrounding her. "Why do they hate me so much?" She asked the trees. "What about me is so distasteful that they all hate me?"

She looked down at the crumpled note in her hand. 'There's no room in Valdemar for a half-breed freak. Why don't you just die, so the Palace won't be so cursed?' A lone tear fell from her eye. She sniffed, and wondered 'Why? I may be a half-breed freak, I'll give them that. But I'm not cursed, am I?' Windstar looked down at her right wrist, where a strange birthmark lay on her skin. It showed a silvery crescent moon and a golden half sun placed together to make one large circle, half moon, half sun. The moon was closest to her hand. 'Am I cursed?' She decided to ask Mirian next time she saw the maid. Mirian knew everything, and always had time for her questions. 'Not like my parents. They never have time for me. Maybe they hate me too.'

The bell tolled, calling Windstar back to classes. She sighed and stood up. 'None of the other children my age have to take as many classes as I do. It's not fair!' She ran across the bridge to the Palace complex. 'I just have to get inside. Then the others can't bother me.'

This thought came too late, however. Just as she rounded the corner, she was cornered by three noble boys.

"Why look, boys, it's the mutant." the tallest boy said. "You know, in some countries they've taken to killing the unusual children born after the Storms. They're often not quite human, you know."

"She certainly looks more spirit than human to me," another boy said. "There are no white haired mages anymore. Their kind became useless after the Storms. Or at least that's what they say." He sneered. "Ask your parents, little girl. Are they really as weak as they say, or are they just hiding their power for secret things?"

Windstar faced the tallest boy. The insults about her humanity were normal, but few Court bullies had the nerve to insult her parents.

"What do you know about Mage craft, brat? You couldn't recognize a mage if your life depended on it!" She said loudly.

The tall boy stepped back the second she said "brat." He narrowed his eyes at Windstar. He exchanged a look with the two other boys and nodded at one of them, who ran around the corner. He gave Windstar a nasty smile.

"I may not be able to recognize a mage, little creature, but I do know how to tell if you're human or not. Humans have red blood." He pulled a knife out of somewhere. "Do you have red blood, little mage?" He reached for her.

Windstar tried to run away, but the remaining boy pinned her to the wall with his superior weight. She saw the knife coming towards her cheek, inch by slow inch. The boy holding the knife was grinning with a savage grin. The knife inched closer to her face.

'I'm about to be skewered by a cheese knife,' Windstar thought, panicked. She was shaking all over. The knife inched in closer, and she closed her eyes, struggling. She tried everything she could think of to get loose, but none of the moves she knew worked. The bigger boy kept her pinned. She panicked, flailing about, getting nowhere.

Then the knife touched her skin. Her eyes snapped open and focused on the knife. She knew nothing except the fact the knife was about to draw blood. She focused all her being on the knife. Magic flowed out of her and into the knife. She willed it to be something else, anything else. A second later, the boy holding the knife swore.

"Damn! It's freezing to my hand!" He pulled the knife back, shaking his hand. The knife stuck, frozen to his hand. "Stop it, demon! Let go!"

Windstar couldn't hear him. Her ears were roaring, and she knew she'd lost control. She felt nothing but cold and pain. She looked passively at the boy, shaking his head and swearing. She blinked once, then knew no more.

The boys swore more as she collapsed into a heap on the floor, rings of frost forming around her.

~

Elspeth was pacing up and down the Healer's hall, pale with fury.

"What the hell happened?" She bellowed at couple in front of her. These were the parents of the boy who had tried to stab her daughter. "How could you allow him to be so close minded? What were you thinking, allowing his bullying to go on like this? You got three notices last year alone about his behavior, and yet you did nothing! Now my daughter is in shock, because your bully of a son tried to stab her!"

The boy's mother flinched and opened her mouth as if to say something, but her husband spoke first.

"Tried to stab her, woman. My son didn't intend to do your daughter any harm. He was just, ahh, curious, shall we say. Your daughter isn't exactly normal, you know."

Elspeth's eyes bulged. "Curious," she spluttered. "Curious? Not normal?" She closed her eyes and shook her head. "If he was curious, don't you think he could have talked to Windstar? I'd say he was malicious, I think he had every intention of hurting her. As for not being normal, what exactly is your definition of normal, Lord Berick?"

Lord Berick's eyes moved quickly, flashing from his wife, to the room the Healers were keeping his son, then back to Elspeth. He shifted his weight slightly then said, "Well, Lady, there's some that think Mage children born after the Storms aren't quite right, if you understand. Like the Change children up North, only less obvious. They say they float around, sneaky and pale as ghosts. Of course, it's probably all nonsense, but there you have it." He turned. "Ah! Healer Faran! How is my son?"

The Healer looked warily at Elspeth then said, "He's got a nasty chill, and that knife froze right to his skin, my lord. We had to cut it off. There's someone Healing his hand right now. It should be fine. You can come see him if you like."

Lord Berick smiled. "I think we'll do just that, Healer." He and his wife walked away, leaving Elspeth by herself in the long hallway. 'Not quite right?' She thought. 'What is that supposed to mean? Windstar is a mage, but she's still a normal little girl. Same problems, same joys. I think.' Elspeth sighed. 'How can I know so little about my own daughter? It's good we're going on this ambassadorial trip. We'll have more time together there than we do here. Plus we can start training her in using her Gifts.' She sighed again.

"There are too many things causing sighs today," Darkwind said, walking up behind her. "How is Windstar? Please say she is well."

Elspeth turned and wrapped her arms around him. "I don't know how she is yet, Darkwind. I only know she is with the Healers. That at least is comforting. She went into magical shock trying to defend herself."

Darkwind pulled out of her embrace and looked into her eyes. "It would seem we need to teach her how to defend herself physically as well as magically. Had she been a little more prepared," he trailed off, staring at a wall. He looked back at her. "This would never have happened in a Vale, Elspeth. I think we should leave Haven and go to my people, at least until Windstar is older. She would be safer there."

Elspeth stared at him. How could he suggest she leave? She was sworn to Valdemar, she couldn't just leave for her own purposes.

"We can't just leave, Darkwind! I have a duty to Valdemar-"

"You also have a duty to your family, Elspeth! We can protect ourselves from people who wish us harm, but Windstar can't do that yet! She needs the kind of two on one attention you know we can't give her here! I think we should stay away from Haven for a while after we return from the Kai-ling Empire. I think it would be good for her."

Elspeth stared. He was right, she did have a duty to her family, but she also had a duty to stay in Valdemar. She also knew Windstar wasn't getting anywhere near the amount of attention she needed. She had lost control of her Gifts today, and if she hadn't passed out, she may well have killed the boys who were bullying her. She rubbed her hands through her silver hair. "We have to make the best of the time at the Kai-ling Empire we can," Elspeth said. "After that, we just have to see what happens next."

Darkwind nodded. While not a permanent solution, the trip to the Kai-ling Empire would allow them time to think.

The Healer in charge of Windstar walked up to Darkwind and Elspeth. He looked at them, then said, "Follow me, please." They did as were told, following the Healer.

"Your daughter was in magical shock, as I'm sure you know," the Healer said. "When she was attacked, waves of cold flowed out from her. The servants who found her said she was lying in a circle of frost. She was extremely cold when they brought her here; she had icicles in her hair. We got her warmed up, she's awake now. It's probably safe to take her to your rooms now, as long as she stays there for a day or two." The Healer turned a corner and opened the door. Windstar was lying on her back in bed, her eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Darwind and Elspeth rushed to the side of her bed. Windstar turned her head towards them, her eyes focusing on them. "Are those boys all right?" She asked desperately. "Did I hurt them?" Elspeth scowled, and Darkwind looked at his daughter and said, "They're fine, Windstar. Are you okay?"

Windstar let out her breath. 'Good,' she thought. 'I didn't kill them. I'd be even more of a curse if I was a murderer.' She looked at her father. "I'm okay, Father. A little cold, and kind of tired, but okay." She looked up at her parents. 'Why are they always here AFTER I need them, instead of when I need them?' She asked herself. 'Do they hate me too? Maybe they should. Only a baby loses control like I just did.' Windstar said, "I'm sorry I lost control like that. It was very stupid of me. I should have done better. Maybe they wouldn't hate me if I were better."

Darkwind grimaced. "Who hates you, ke'chara? Those boys were just bullies, they don't understand what it is to hate," Elspeth said. "What makes you think anybody hates you?"

Windstar looked at her with wide eyes. She silently handed her mother the note she had been reading before she'd been attacked. She watched as her mother read it, frowned, then handed it to Darkwind. Elspeth sat down on the side of Windstar's bed. "Windstar," she said, "Have you ever gotten any other notes like that one? I really need to know." Windstar looked at her mother. "I've gotten plenty of notes like that, Mother. They all say they hate me, say I'm cursed. Are they right, Mum? Am I cursed?"

Elspeth wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter. "No Windstar. Never let anybody tell you you're cursed, or evil, or a freak. You're just as special and wonderful as anyone else, never let anyone tell you otherwise, do you hear me?" Elspeth said to her daughter. "Never."

Windstar pushed out of her mother's arms. "If I'm not cursed, Mum, why do I have this weird birthmark?" Windstar said, holding out her wrist to show the silver and gold moon and sun birthmark. "It doesn't look normal to me."

Elspeth's brows furrowed. "Windstar, I don't see any birthmark there. But even if you did have a birthmark, you wouldn't be cursed. Just because a person is different doesn't make that person bad. It just makes her unique."

Darkwind moved to Windstar's other side and wrapped his arms around his wife and daughter. He put his face very close to his daughter's ear.

"Windstar, I know being different is hard. Your mother and I have been different all our lives, and it's not an easy thing, seeing others fit into society perfectly while you stand on the outside looking in. It will always be hard, but you can make it easier. Make friends, Windstar. The people who don't like you are a minority. The beautiful thing about Valdemar is that for the most part, people judge you on what you do and how you behave, not on the color of your skin or your religion or anything else. That is what makes this place so strong. Valdemar will bend, but it will never break, because of it's acceptance of others."

Windstar turned to look at her father with teary eyes. Darkwind met her gaze, seeing his reflection in her eyes. He felt as though she was weighing his words, searching his soul to see if he told the truth. She seemed satisfied by what she saw, for she broke eye contact with him. She looked at her lap. "Can we go to our rooms now?" She asked pleadingly.

"Of course, dearheart," Elspeth whispered. "Let's go home."

~

Eclipse wandered the woods of his father's keeping. His thin body slipped through the trees easily, and only a skilled hunter could follow his trail. He walked with no destination in mind, just wanting to get away from his life for a little while.

'A little while,' he thought bitterly. 'That's all I'll ever have. A little while. A little while to spend away from my studies. A little while to play. A little while to get away from my 'grand destiny.' A little while to live! Will I ever have more than a little while?'

The boy continued to walk. He had tried to run, once. He had wanted to run away from his father's dictation. He didn't want to learn mage craft, mage craft that his father had given him before he was born. He didn't want his life planned for him. Unfortunately, he had no way af escaping. He still had the scars from last time he tried to run away. His father had branded a skull onto his left palm. He had said, "This is how farmers marked their livestock. If the cows run away, anybody can recognize the mark. I thought it would work for you as well. If you try to run away again, my servants will look for you, and find you using this mark. If you run away again, boy, you will have a lot more than a burn to worry about."

Eclipse sighed. 'I exist to do my father's bidding. I am a puppet, and I will always be a puppet. After I kill this girl-mage he obsesses about, he will either kill me or make me into his heir. I have no choice but to obey him. He'll kill my mother if I don't do as he says. So I have to kill what's her name, Windsun or Starwind, or something like that. Uhg.' His thoughts were not happy. He looked down at the brand on his palm, right under the birthmark on his wrist. He hated that birthmark. A silver half moon and a golden half sun, connected together to form a circle. The sun was closest to his hand, one of it's rays pointed straight at his father's brand mark.

He scowled at his hand. 'Great,' he thought. 'An ugly brand and an equally ugly birthmark. How nice.'

Eclipse heard a rasping voice calling his name. "Eclipsssse! Eclipssse, wherrre arrre you?" That would be his father's creature, Tathil. Eclipse hated the black lizard man. Tathil enjoyed causing pain. Particularly Eclipse's pain. "Eclipssse, it isss time forr you to come home. Your father wisssshess you to be within his ssssight."

Eclipse's face hardened. 'He doesn't wish my presence. He demands it. And I have no choice but to bend to his every whim. For pleasure or for pain, I am his. I am bound with unbreakable chains, bound to his will. I am trapped.' He looked down at the book he had been carrying. It was a new book, talking about the mage Ma'ar and his untimely defeat. His father had wanted him to read about his ancestor, making sure Eclipse knew his place in the long line of evil. Eclipse had hardly read the book, except for the part about An'desha. An'desha had helped overthrow Ma'ar, freeing himself from Ma'ar's terrible grip in an epic attempt. Eclipse should hate An'desha, but he didn't. An'desha represented everything Eclipse wanted. He broke free from evil and even now lived his life under his own steam. He had escaped evil. Eclipse stared at the book sadly. He let it fall slowly from his fingers to the ground, leaving it to the elements as he returned to the only place that welcomed him. His sanctuary, his prison. He sighed, looking over his shoulder at the book. 'There won't be any epic escape for me,' he thought. 'I am trapped. I can never escape.'

~

A.N. Sorry for the shortness of this chapter. The next one should be up soon though. I'm also sorry for the speed growth of Windstar, but I promise she won't age ten years each chapter. Thank you for the reveiws, they meant a lot. Etcetera-cat, I will elaborate on the mage in later chapters, I promise. Shaelesand, I was born a month and a half early, and I was fine. With a healthy mother, often six weeks doesn't make that much of a difference.

Sage Twilight, thank you!