A Dance on the Edge of Sanity



Mirian looked through the carefully folded clothing in the doe skin saddlebags. The ambassador from Kaki-Lang had told her the weather in his country was much warmer than in Valdemar. Mirian had packed mostly silk clothing for Windstar, with some light woven cotton for play clothes.


"Robes, dresses, breeches, shirts, hair ties, ribbons, bells, crystals, and undergarments and sleep clothes. I do believe that's everything." Mirian double checked the fastenings on the saddlebags, to make sure nothing would fall out during the long journey to Kaki-ling. She then turned her attention to the tougher saddlebag that would hold Windstar's riding clothes, boots, and some heavier clothing should the weather in Kai-ling be colder than expected.


"The leather breeches with the padded bottom, the cotton shirts, and the the Shin'a'in riding vest-robe. Very nice, it's all there."

Just then, Windstar walked in her door. She was dressed in tawny leather breeches, a white cotton shirt, and a sort of long vest with geometric patterns and lots of pockets.


"I absolutely love these pockets, Mirian." Windstar said, thrusting her hands deep within her breeches pockets. "I have four pockets on my breeches, and six in my vest. I don't need saddlebags, I can carry everything on my person!"


Mirian grinned. It looked like Windstar had tried to do just that. The pockets on the outside of her thighs bulged, and the vest hung heavily against her body, born down by the weight in the pockets. "Windstar, what on earth do you have in those pockets?"


The girl looked at Mirian. She started pulling things out of the pockets, naming them as she went. "A water container, a rain hat, a pair of specs to keep the sun out of my eyes, some bandages, bruise healer, some dried fruit, dried meat, and a trail dagger." She grinned. "Everything I need to survive. Kero gave them to me."


Mirian laughed. "I've no doubt Kerowyn gave all that to you, lass. Only a mercenary would think of carrying all that around in her pockets. If you really want to carry it all, be my guest."


Windstar grinned. "I will! I love pockets! All my clothing should have pockets!"


"You'll have to take that up with Grith, child. That little hertasi will be going with you, Rymeer will be caring him in the gryphon transport basket." Marian smiled at Windstar. "You're all packed, little one. It's time to get out there and go!"


Windstar stopped smiling. She ran to Mirian and wrapped her arms around the maid. "I wish you could come with me, Mirian. I'll have no friends without you!"


Mirian frowned. "You'll get along fine with the others, Windstar. There's your parents, and Rymeer, and Grith, and your Aunt Lyra. You'll be fine. Plus, There's Herald Jovel, so you can't possibly have no friends!"


Windstar sniffled. "But I don't spend as much time around them as I do around you. I like you, I want you to come with me!"


"Windstar, I have to stay here. I'm needed at the Palace. You'll be with lots of people who love you, I'm sure you'll forget all about me in no time."


Windstar drew away from Mirian, looking shocked. "F-forget about you? Never, Mirian! I couldn't forget about you. You've always been there for me when I needed you! I couldn't just forget you!"


Mirian blinked. She was touched by this speech from her charge. "Oh, Windstar, thank you. I won't forget you either, I promise. You need to go now, or you won't be able to leave today." She picked up the three heaviest saddlebags and walked out the door, hiding her eyes as she wiped the tears from them.


Princess Windstar would be missed.


~


:You have to understand Mero, Windstar is a very special case. I don't know why she's so different from the other mages, but she is. You need to be very careful around her.:


Rolan huffed. Gwena was right, there was something very strange about Princess Windstar. She didn't quite fit in to any of the categories of normal, in fact, she didn't quite fit in anywhere. She simply did not fit into his plans!


Mero snorted. :I can see she is different, Gwena. I'm not blind, though I may not be Grove born. I am simply carrying the girl to Kai-ling. Elspeth and Darkwind can handle anything that could go wrong, assuming I fail my duty, which I won't!: The young stallion was offended. He was perfectly capable of dealing with the young mage, and he resented Gwena's assumption that he was ignorant and foolish. :I'm not Choosing her, I'm just serving as transport. Stop treating me like a colt; I am too old for coddling now. Windstar is just a child, she can't do anything that I couldn't run from if I needed to. Or have you forgotten that I know how to run?:


Gwena reared a little, bring her head above Mero's for a moment. :Don't be stupid, Mero! Windstar is a full Adept, and a mostly untrained one at that. You have no idea how dangerous an untrained mage can be!:


Mero stamped a hoof impatiently. :Actually, I do have some idea, Gwena! I-:


:Enough,: Rolan said. :Gwena, I think Mero has a decent idea of what mages can do. Mero, you're a smart one, and you'll undoubtedly be an asset to us later in your life; but that depends or your staying alive. If you begin to feel stirrings from Windstar, tell one of the others immediately, and if Gwena gives you an order, you obey her. Do you understand?:


Mero raised his head . :Yes Rolan. I understand perfectly. I understood the moment I volunteered for this job.:


Rolan nodded. :Very well. Off with you, then. See you when you return.:


Mero nodded once then cantered off to the stables to get his traveling saddle. Gwena turned to Rolan.


:I am worried, Rolan. I do not understand Windstar. Her magic is strange to me, and her thought process is rather self-destructive. An uncontrolled self-destructive mage child is not a good thing. I fear for her.:


Rolan bowed his head, his eyes moving rapidly back and forth. His ears twitched as though he were listening to something. When he finally brought his head up, he looked tired. :Just try to protect her, Gwena. I cannot think of anything else you can do. Return to us safely, little one. Goodbye.: With that, Rolan trotted off, deep in thought. Gwena was left alone.


:I don't understand it. I don't understand it at all.:


~


"Do you have everything ready, Windstar?" Darkwind asked. "Are you ready to go?"


Windstar looked at her packs. "Looks good to me, Father. Mirian did most of it for me, she said I'd be sure to forget something, so she might as well do it for me."


Darkwind smiled. "Knowing you, Windstar, I have no doubt you'd forget something. Probably your head," he teased, ruffling her hair. "That's all right, I'd forget my clothing if people didn't scream when I walked out of the door naked."


Windstar erupted into giggles at this statement. Elspeth chose this moment to say, "They wouldn't scream, ashke. They'd ooh and aah over your magnificent person." Windstar doubled over, laughing even harder. Elspeth looked offended. "Well, it's true!" She said, causing Windstar to laugh even harder. Elspeth looked around. "I think we have everything. I'm going to miss this place. I hope we can come home soon. Are you ready, Windstar?"


Windstar groaned. "The answer was yes three minutes ago, and it's still yes now. Where's Herald Jovel? He's coming with us isn't he?"


"He'll be outside with the Companions, Windstar. We need to go fetch Lyra, then we'll be off!"


Darkwind smiled. "Well, let's go fetch Lyra then! The sooner we're off, the sooner we get there, the sooner we can come home."


The door opened, and Princess Lyra walked in. "You don't have to fetch me, I'm quite quite capable of coming on my own. So here I am! Let's be off!"


The others stood up, the adults gathering up the saddlebags that hadn't already been taken up by the hertasi and walked out the door.


They met Herald Jovel outside. A tall, grizzled man with dark gray hair, he made quite an image in his Whites. He was one of the Heralds who had wanted to keep his old fashioned whites. The hertasi hated this to no end, but Jovel was more comfortable with his old Whites.

He surveyed the group coming towards him. :What do you think, Lumiri?: he asked his Companion. The mare looked carefully at the group. :I think we have quite a group, Jovel. An heir, an Adept from afar, a headstrong former princess, and the Wind of the Stars. A weapons trainer,: she said, nodding at Jovel. :A giant lizard, a creature straight out of legend, and us,: she looked at the other Companions. :A group to turn heads, we are.:


Jovel nodded. :Indeed, White Lady. That we are.:


Lyra walked straight to her Companion, Marwek, who was standing right next to Lumiri and Herald Jovel. She attached all of her saddlebags where they were supposed to go, checked Marwek's tack, and then rechecked everything again. Jovel smiled.


"Do you have two sets of clothing, youngster?" Jovel asked Lyra.


She nodded vigorously. "I have five sets of formal Whites, plenty of-"

Jovel nodded. "That's fine. Do you have a bedroll, a spare pair of boots, and some Healing supplies?"


Lyra nodded again. "I have-"


Again, Jovel interrupted. "Do you have a weapon, your Companion, and your head?"


Lyra nodded.


Jovel grinned. "Then you, Princess Lyra, are more prepared than most interns."


Lyra gaped at him. "But what if I forgot-"


"Not important. You have the raw basics and a good head on your shoulders. That will get you further than all the supplies in the world."


Lyra blinked. "Oh."


Elspeth was supervising Windstar's attachment of her saddlebags. The Companion who had volunteered to carry her, Mero, was trying his hardest to be patient.


"No Windstar, you want to put the things you know you'll need as close to you as possible. That way, when you need them, you won't have to dismount to find them."


Windstar nodded. "That makes sense. Where do I put the stuff I won't need till we get there, then?"


A large male gryphon walked up to the group. "I will be carrying the things you will not be needing right away, youngling. They will go in the basket with Grith."


Elspeth smiled. "Yes, Rymeer, you get to play beast of burden on this trip. At least magic works well enough now that your carry basket weighs next to nothing."


The gryphon grinned at her. "That is true, Elspeth. A very good thing, that. If it were not for your students, you would be going to Kai-ling without spare underclothing!"


Elspeth laughed. Gwena nodded her head impatiently. :Are we going to leave today, Chosen? I want to get to Kai-ling before high summer; I hear it's devilishly hot there in the summer months.:


Elspeth swung up into her saddle. She watched as the rest of the group did the same. Mero knelt down a bit to help Windstar up for her first time. The girl scowled, Elspeth had the idea Mero was getting an earful about not treating his charge like a baby. Elspeth was silently grateful to the stallion, no matter how hard Windstar would try, the first days of this trip would be very hard on her. She was glad Mero had agreed to carry her daughter.


She looked back at Darkwind, who was also mounted on an unpaired Companion. He looked like he was having a wonderful conversation with the young mare.


:Should I be jealous, ashke?: Elspeth asked him jokingly. :Losing you to another woman, am I?: The mare snorted, and Darkwind grinned. :Not a chance, Elspeth. Ready to go?:

:Ready as I'll ever be.:



Elspeth sat up tall in her saddle. "Let's go!"



~*~*~*~



Windstar was getting extremely tired of traveling. They had been traveling for almost a month, and they still had a weeks worth of riding until they reached Kai-ling. She stared at the back of Mero's head.

:Mero, my rear is so numb I can't feel it anymore,: She told her transport.


Mero snorted. :That is an improvement from a few weeks ago, little one. Remember when you hurt so much you couldn't sit? Not being able to feel your rear is an improvement.:


Windstar smiled. :That is true. My riding has gotten mush better during this trip.: Suddenly she scowled. :Shame I haven't improved anywhere else. I'm still terrible at self defense, and I still can't do anything with my magic!:

Mero didn't reply. Windstar had been growing increasingly frustrated with her situation for the last few days. She was terrible at self defense, there was nothing Mero could say to make that better. She had the talent for it, but she simply did not take the lessons seriously. She would pay very close attention for about half a candlemark, then her attention would wander and she would get a dreamy expression on her face. Mero had once asked what she thought about during these day dreams of hers. She had sat for a while with a faraway look on her face, then had told him simply; "I am living." Mero hadn't the slightest clue what she meant, so he had just dropped the subject.

As for Windstar's mage lessons; well, Mero was no expert, but from the actions of Windstar's parents he could tell it wasn't going well. Windstar was a very headstrong child, and mage training was hard work. She was easily distracted, and once she got bored she did everything carelessly, hardly paying attention to her parents' teachings.


Mero stopped brooding and spoke to Windstar. :Your training might go a lot better if you paid more attention to your teachers. Teachers can only teach students who are willing to learn.:


Windstar scowled. She was very angry with her life right now. :Well gee, Mero, if I wasn't so important to Valdemar, I wouldn't have to do all this training so early, now would I? I could wait a few more years at least! With magic the way it is now, I couldn't do any real damage, could I? As for self defense, I wouldn't even need it if I wasn't "Mage Princess Windstar, the political tool!" That's the whole reason I've been dragged off on this stupid escort! I could have just stayed at home with Mirian, but no, you people had to take me away from the one person in the world who always had time for me! Why should I cooperate with people when all they do is use me?:


Mero missed a step and almost tripped on his own feet. He had expected her to be irritated with him, maybe even angry, but Windstar was furious. He wondered if Elspeth and Darkwind knew how angry their daughter was. Probably not-


:I'm sorry, Mero. I didn't mean those things. Forget it. I'll just have to try harder.: Windstar's voice in his head pulled him out of his brooding.


:Windstar, you need to talk about your feeling to your parents. They need to know how you feel!:

Windstar shook her head. 'As if my parents would care,' she thought to herself. 'They're too busy being heroes to deal with their troubled daughter.'


:I didn't mean any of that, Mero. I guess I just lost my head for a minute there. Forget it.:


:Princess Windstar, you must talk to your parents! An angry mage is a danger to all of us!:


Windstar snapped. :A danger, you say! To you! Not a word about how I hate every moment of my life? Not a word about how I'm nothing more than a tool to anyone? How dare you? ::


:I-I didn't mean it that way, Windstar! I-:


:You, you, you! What about me? What about forgotten Windstar, the person inside the tool's body? All my life, I've been used by other people! Even now, I'm being dragged to a strange land where I'll know nobody, no one will have time for me, and the one person who cares is back in Haven, a month's ride away! Talk to my parents, you say? My parents have no time for me! They only want another mage to help them with their stupid magic! They don't even know who I am! Nobody knows me! They all know the Princess! Nobody knows Windstar!:


Mero was taken aback. She was right. Gods, she was right. They had taken a little girl far from her home, tossed her into an adult's training program, and neglected to bring the one person she trusted with them. No wonder she felt used.


:Windstar, I'm so sorry. You're right. You have gotten an extremely sour deal from life so far. Help us fix it, please. Talk to us. We'll never know you if you don't talk to us. Talk to your family. Gods, little one, I'm so sorry.:


Windstar's shoulders slumped. She hung her head. :You're sorry for my life. So am I, Mero. So am I.:


Mero halted. Herald Jovel and Lumiri had to turn quickly to not hit him. :Windstar, you must talk with your parents. They need to understand.:


Elspeth, Darkwind, and Lyra trotted up to them. "Why have you stopped?" Elspeth asked. "We still have a long way to go! We can't stop now."


Windstar shuddered slightly. :See Mero? She just wants to do her job. She doesn't want to deal with me.:


Mero blinked. :Oh, Windstar, it is a joy to "deal with you." I for one want to help you, because I know you are worth helping. Now we must talk to them.:


Windstar tilted her head. :We?: She asked.


Mero bobbed his head. :We,: he said to her. To the group he said, :Windstar needs to rest. She needs to have a family conversation. She is trying to deal with some difficult issues in her life right now, and she needs your help.: He looked Elspeth and Darkwind in the eyes, trying to will them to see their daughter's troubles.

Elspeth rode closer to Windstar, Darkwind not far behind. She put her hand on the back of her daughter's head, forcing Windstar to look her in the eyes. Elspeth was shocked by the pain in her daughter's eyes. She frowned.


"What is wrong, my daughter?"


~


Windstar sat with her parents under a big tree. The land had started to change about a week ago. Tall mountains lingered in the north, with more far to the south. They were on an enormous grassy plain with groves of large, thorny trees every now and then. The animals were getting unfamiliar as well. Great cats roamed the land, big ones with shaggy hair around their heads, and smaller spotted ones that ran with the wind. There were also large grey creatures with long faces and horns on their noses. All and all, Windstar felt very disoriented, and very far away from home.


She sat with her back against the part of the tree trunk that wasn't thorny. Her parents sat in front of her, and Mero sat on her right.


:Tell them,: Mero urged gently.


Windstar shifted slightly. :How? I feel so stupid about it now. I wish I hadn't said anything.:


Mero nudged her encouragingly. :Tell them.:


Windstar took a deep breath, then let it out. She took another deep breath, then said:


"You don't love me. You only care about me because I'm good political tool, and I will be a great mage. That's the whole reason I'm here instead at home with Mirian. You want to use the political tool I am."


Darkwind started. "That's not true, Windstar! We love with all our hearts! We always have!"


Windstar stared at him. "Then how come I only see you late at night and early in the morning? If you loved me, how come you never have time for me?"


Such a simple question, but Windstar could never know how much it hurt her parents. Elspeth took a shuddering breath.


"Valdemar needs us, Windstar. But that's no excuse. We should have made more time for you. We should have made you feel like less of a tool. How ever much I wish this wasn't true, Windstar, you have been used. It's partially our fault. But you have to understand, darling, that people look at you and see a link between two peoples, and a hope for a new future. I'm so sorry we couldn't give you a more normal life." Elspeth blinked furiously a few times. "I'm sorry that you feel nothing but used. Please tell us how we can make it up to you."


She looked at her daughter. Windstar stared back. "So I'm a symbol." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.


Darkwind nodded miserably. "Yes, Windstar. To your mother's people and to my people, you represent the bond between the two peoples. You also represent the new generation of mages. You are a very visible example of a new mage. But we love you for you. We always have, and we always will."


Windstar turned her stare to him. "You don't know me, father. You can't love me for me; you don't even know who I am."


Elspeth's shoulders slumped in defeat for a moment. She Mindspoke Darkwind. :Gods, Darkwind, she's right. We don't really know our own daughter. She has every right to be angry with us.:


Darkwind looked into Windstar's eyes. He had never felt so terrible in his life. He heaved a heavy sigh. "Maybe," he said to himself, his daughter, and his lover, "Maybe we can get to know you then, Windstar. The real you. Will you let us do that?"


Windstar looked at her parents. "It's a start," she said.


~



A.N. Whoa. I just reformatted the whole story. That took a lot more time than I thought it would. I thought since this story is rapidly turning into an epic, it would be best to put it in larger chunks, to make it less of a pain to read. There will be a lot more, folks. This is only the beginning of the story, and this story is only the beginning of a series. This story will introduce two characters that will be used later on in other stories. I hope all of you wonderful people stick with me for the ride. Thank you so much for your support so far! With my exams out of the way now, I will try and write more, I promise. Thanks again everybody!

Kestrel