A Dance on the Edge of Sanity



"Clear your mind. You'll never get anywhere with all those thoughts floating around in your head. You have to relax if you want this type of magic to work for you."


Eclipse did as he was told. He had no choice, really. His options were listen or be beaten. He found listening preferable. He cleared his mind of all thoughts, emptying his brain and energy reserves until there was nothing left and he felt like sleeping. There was nothing left; if he was drained anymore he would die. He then thought about the Void, and the power held there. He sent out a tendril of thought to the rush of energy, and sighed slightly as the energy rushed to fill the empty space within himself.


He opened his eyes, feeling far more powerful than he had moments ago.


"Very good, Eclipse. Now, your shields."


Eclipse allowed his newly acquired power to flow out of him to pool around him. He could see the energy fields around him, set to allow him to absorb any energy thrown at him. His shields always looked orange to him, though he knew that no one else would ever be close enough to see their color. He thought that a shame. They were very beautiful.


A surge of power came at him from his teacher's direction. Eclipse allowed his shields to absorb the blow, then he used the energy from the attack to fling a sheet of fire towards his teacher. Then he twirled his fingers, spinning his teacher around like a top. The older mage flung out his hands to stop his rotation, then flung a sheet of ice at Eclipse. Eclipse felt a second skin of frozen water form on him, and suddenly he couldn't move. He focused for a moment, and the ice skin shattered all around him for his efforts. He flung one hand out in front of him, fling the mage into the far wall. He flung the other hand out, and magical ropes flew to tie up the older man. Eclipse allowed him to fall to the floor, then walked over to him and looked down on him.


"Do you surrender?" He asked. His teacher nodded. He released the bonds and bent to help his teacher up. "Thank you, Eclipse," the man said. "You are so good, young one. I believe you have learned all that I can teach you."


Eclipse smile at the man. His teacher had short white hair and a tan, wrinkled face. He had been teaching Eclipse for about a year now, and Eclipse had grown to love him like the father he did not believe he had. He shook his head.


"I don't think so, Moonsky. I think there's still quite a lot I can learn from you."


The old man grinned at the boy. "You are so polite, Eclipse. Truly, I will soon become useless to you. I really don't know why your father allows me to stay and teach you."


"Do you know, neither do I. You are rather useless."

Eclipse saw his teacher's eyes widen. Moonsky's knees gave out and he fell to the floor, and Eclipse could see his father standing behind the old man. Moonsky fixed his eyes on Eclipse and whispered something, then his eyes slipped closed and he fell forward. Eclipse saw then the dagger buried in his teacher's back. He stared in horror at the mage, then looked at his father. His mouth moved, and tears spilled down his face, but no words would come.


His father scowled at him. "Out with it, boy. What do you feel you need to say?"


Eclipse gaped. He croaked, trying to say something, then tried again. "Why?"


The mage stepped closer to Eclipse and grabbed his collar. "Because I had no more use for him. Do you have a problem with that?"


Eclipse cowered before his father. He wanted so much to scream at his father, scream at him and kick him and throw things. He would, too, if it weren't for his mother and little sister, who he knew would suffer greatly if he acted out. He knew he would be severely punished as well, but he didn't care as much about that as he did about the rest of his family. He knew what he had to say to keep his mother and sister safe.


He hung his head, his face burning with shame. "No, sir. There is no problem." His father let go of his collar and stepped away. "That is good. Now, get a servant to deal with this mess," he said, waving his hand at Eclipse's fallen teacher.


"Yes, father," he said, casting one last look at his beloved teacher as he trudged away. In the chaos of his mind, he realized he didn't know what his teacher's last words had been.


Icestorm scowled down at the body of the teacher after Eclipse left. "It's a good thing you're gone now, old friend. I wouldn't want Eclipse to get any sentimental ideas from you. Funny, your last words. "I loved you like a son, Eclipse." Can't have you taking my place, now can I, Moonsky?"


The mage threw back his head and laughed, and the servants Eclipse had sent cowered outside in the hall, fearing the near-mad laughter.




*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



"Empty your mind. This form of magic will not be possible for you if you have many thoughts bouncing around your skull."


Windstar's brow furrowed as she tried to do what she was told. She concentrated very hard on clearing her mind. She started when she felt a hand on her shoulder.


Master Lystai smiled down at her. "Child," he said. "If you think any harder about not thinking, I fear your head will explode. Relax. Imagine all of your thoughts and energy flowing out of you into the ground beneath you. When there is nothing left, reach for the Void."


Windstar nodded and she closed her eyes. She took a deep breath, and as she let it out she imagined everything that was her streaming out of her into the ground. She felt her muscles relax as everything streamed out of her. When she thought there was nothing left, she stretched her mind towards the great river of energy. She reached out tentatively, and felt the energy flowing into her. She inhaled, feeling whole as she had never felt before. She let more energy flow into her, until she was sure she could hold no more. She pulled her mind back into herself. She opened her eyes and looked down at her hand.


She gasped. "Master Lystai! I'm glowing!"


The old mage smiled. "Only to people who can See magic, Windstar. Now, see if you can build better shields now that you have more power."


Windstar frowned. She pushed some of the energy out from herself, forming a shell around herself. She thought she was doing very well, until she felt a surge of magic from Lystai, and watched as it punched a hole in her shield, causing it to collapse.


She scowled at the old man, intending to tell him off, but Lystai beat her to it. "Windstar, if you try to build a stiff wall, all I have to do is knock it down. See if you can make something that will absorb my attack."

Windstar frowned. She didn't know if she could do that. It sounded complicated. She thought about things that would absorb things. A sponge?she thought. She saw an image of herself standing behind a giant sponge with Lystai throwing lightning bolts at her. She tried hard not to laugh. No, not a sponge. A funnel, maybe? She thought that sounded like a good idea. She rebuilt her shield, this time with curves that would direct any energy thrown at her to where she could control it. She nodded to Master Lystai, who threw another wall of energy at her. Her shields directed the energy right back to her, giving her more power for whatever she wanted to do with it.


"Good!" Lystai told her. "Now, see if you can use the energy I throw at you to make your shields more powerful."


Windstar closed her eyes. She had a feeling she was going to be very tired by the end of the day. She looked across the room to her parents, who were being taught by Master Moonistri. They looked like they would be almost as worn out as she. She looked at what they were doing. It looked like they were doing shielding, like her, only much more complicated. She focused on them, trying to see what they were doing. She felt the shields around her shift and slide out of her grasp. She turned her attention back to her shields, just in time for them to crumble as Lystai threw another bolt at her.


"Why did you do that?" Windstar demanded, frowning. "I was trying to figure out what my parents are doing!"


Lystai looked at her. "What your parents are doing is the concern of your parents, for now. Your concern is learning how to control your magic, so well that it becomes a part of you. Then your shields won't fall apart when you aren't concentrating on them."


Windstar frowned again. "Why is it so important that I learn how to control my magic? Maybe I don't want to be a mage after all. That's just what people expect-"


:Enough.: Windstar jumped. Lystai was poking around in her head! She tried to force him out, but he wouldn't go.


:Why won't you leave me alone?I never asked for any of this!:


:You asked me to teach you, did you not?:


:I didn't think it would be so hard!: Windstar tried to get away from Lystai. :Just leave me alone!:


:Leave you alone? So you can do this?: Windstar felt her mind floating away from her, into one of Lystai's memories.



~


She was surrounded by them. Little boys and girls with Kailinese features taunting her, laughing at her. They pulled her hair and threw her books and scrolls into the mud. She yelled, knowing her family could not afford to replace those books. She got so mad; she knew her father would be furious when he found the books destroyed. She felt heat flowing in her veins, felt her blood boiling with anger. "Bookworm," they called her. "Weakling." She would show them. She raised her small fists and punched at the boy in front of her.

Suddenly, the heat that had been rushing in her blood rushed out of her into the boy and several of the children around her. They screamed and glowed with the heat, falling to the ground as white fire burned them. She didn't know what was happening, she didn't understand.

"Stop!" She screamed. "Stop!"


~


Windstar was free of the terrible memory almost as soon as it had begun. It had felt like eternity to her. She turned wide eyes to Lystai. "What was that?" She asked.


Lystai met her eyes squarely. "That was me. You have felt my first dealing with magic."


Windstar stared. "What happened to them?" She whispered.


Lystai stared into her eyes.


She was in a field with many other people. There were five mounds of flowers lying on a raised stone dais. The people around her were all wearing black. Black veils, black robes, black dresses. She saw a man near the dais raise his hands, heard him call out:

"May your spirits fly free as the wind. May you find peace, and may we see you again someday, in the place where no shadows may fall."

The mounds of flowers on the dais caught fire at that moment, the flames roaring up into the sky. She heard weeping all around her, saw the black swirling all around her.


She snapped back into her mind again. Lystai was still staring into her eyes. She looked at him very closely. "You killed them."


He nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. "I did. Nikolo Sperin, Hashi Kim, Jani Kim, Umiki Tolondae and Shei Undolo. I killed them all before they had a chance to truly live."


Windstar blinked. "You still remember their names..."


"I do. To forget them would be an atrocity beyond words." He looked away, staring out the window for a minute before turning back to Windstar. "We must always remember the bad things we do, Windstar. We have to remember that we are capable of great destruction as well as great good. As mages, it is our duty to help people. If we lose sight of that, then we become monsters."


Windstar blinked. "I don't think I could ever do anything like that, Master Lystai."


Lystai whirled to face her again. "Oh no? You don't think you are capable of hurting people? What of this?"


She was pinned to the wall again, by the noble boys. "What color is your blood?" They asked. She saw the knife closing in on her again, felt the power within her swelling. Just before she blacked out, she felt it all rush out of her.


"Hear me, Windstar. Had the tides been but a little different, you would have killed those boys." Lystai leaned in close to her face. "You would have been a murderer, Windstar. No amount of power, no bloodline can change that for you. Could you really have dealt with blood on your hands?"


Windstar's eyes were huge. Her head shook slightly, her mouth hanging open.


"Before you write this off as the ranting of an old man, think for a moment. I do not believe you really understand what you risk if you do not learn to control your magic. It is not simply a 'you should learn,' it is a 'you must learn.' If you do not learn to control yourself, then not only do you risk your own life, you risk harming those around you. Are you willing to risk others lives?"


Windstar shook her head slightly, her mouth still open. "Is it really that important?"


Lystai gripped her shoulders. He knelt down in front of her. "Windstar, if you do not learn discipline, you will do something terrible. I can't say when or where, but I can promise you this. If you do not get the proper training, someday, you will lose control. Your magic will flow out of you, and you will have no way of controlling it."


Windstar's eyes slid out of focus. "No," she whispered. "It won't happen that way. Not for me...."

The air around her started to glow. The ground shook slightly. Lystai scowled. "Control yourself, child!"


Windstar continued shaking her head. The floor under her feet started to crack. Lystai shook her. "Stop it now, Windstar! I know you can, I know you have it in you. Don't make me do it for you!"


Elspeth and Darkwind saw what was going on as well as felt it. They looked over to see their daughter losing her control.


"Windstar!" Elspeth yelled. She started to move towards her daughter. "Windstar, let me-"


Darkwind held her back. "No, Elspeth. Let Lystai deal with Windstar. He is her teacher now; we must let him do as he sees fit." Elspeth nodded. She watched as her daughter continued to glow, the power around her building up.


Windstar was crying now. Her body shook, the light around her pulsed with each sob. The floor cracked a bit more.


"Windstar," Lystai said warningly.


"I don't want to hear what you have to say!" Windstar screamed. "I don't want to be our puppet!"


"You must learn control, or you will destroy all that you love! Stop it, Windstar!" Lystai said.


"You don't understand!" Windstar wailed. "I don't want to be a mage! I don't want any of it!" The magic around her pulsed harder, slamming into the mage shields around the room. She sobbed. "I don't want any of it! I never asked for it, why does it have to be me?"


The room began to shake. "Why? I don't want it! I don't want any of it!" Windstar was incoherent now, shaking with sobs. A wind picked up in the room, blowing over books and desks. "I don't want it! Damn them! I don't want any of it! Why can't you all just leave me alone?"


Windstar was making a wreck of the room now. Papers were strewn everywhere, the desk was overturned, the floor was cracked.


"Are you quite finished?" Lystai asked.


Windstar turned on him. Her eyes glowed slightly, her power honed in on the older mage. "How dare you? How dare you ask if I'm done yet? How-" A sharp noise echoed through the room. Lystai had slapped her. She spluttered. Then her face contorted with fury. She threw her hands out, slamming Lystai into the wall. "How dare you? Do you think you can hit me? I'm a princess, dammit! You can't do that!"


Lystai pulled himself from the wall. "I can and I did. If it's what you need to snap out of your hysterics, so be it."


Windstar was shaking even harder now. "How dare you. How could you? I'll show you!" She threw out her hands again. "You have no right!"

Lystai walked to her and grabbed her hands. "Would you kill me for it, Windstar? Is that what you were going to do?"


Windstar stared at his hands. "No! Let me go!"


Lystai shook her. "Look at what you have done, Windstar." He pushed her in front of him, showing her the destruction of the room. "What were you trying to do?"


Windstar gaped. Her eyes were wide as saucers as she took in the damage she had caused. She shook her head. "I didn't want ot hurt anybody." She whispered. "I was just mad, that's all." She kept shaking her head. "I didn't want to hurt anyone.."


Lystai bent ot face her. "Had you been anywhere else, you would have done much more damage. The protections are strong here."


Windstar shook her head. She looked up at Lystai. Her eyes begged for understanding. "I never wanted to hurt anyone."


Lystai looked back at her. "For someone who didn't want to hurt anyone, you certainly caused a lot of damage."


Windstar looked around her. She looked into her parents eyes; she saw no mercy there. She turned back to Lystai.


"It is most certainly time for you to learn discipline, Windstar. We will start by cleaning up this room."


Windstar nodded silently.



~*~*~*~*~*~


"What are we doing here, Master Lystai?"


Windstar and Lystai were outside, in one of the many Imperial gardens on the palace grounds. Lystai was holding a bag full of something, and Windstar ws feeling very confused.

So far, Lystai had been allowing her to do only the very basics of magic; even though she had known how do many of the things he taught for years. He also took her to do pointless things. For the last week, she had been working with the new horses for the noble people of Kai-ling. Lystai also made her help plant the gardens on the palace grounds, and take care of the plants that were in the glass houses near the palace wing.


Now she was out in the gardens, waiting for Lystai's next lesson. Lystai smiled at her, and held up the bad of mysterious substance. "I am teaching you life skills, my child."


Windstar looked at the bag, then back at Lystai. She raised one eyebrow. "Do you keep life skills in that bag, Lystai?"


The old man laughed. "No, silly bird. I am going to teach you patience."


Windstar looked at the bag again. "Alright. You have me. How are you going to teach me patience using whatever is in that bag?"


"Sit down, and I'll show you." Windstar sat down on the gravel path of the garden, and Lystai did the same. "Now, give me your hands," Lystai said. She held out her hands, and Lystai took the bag and emptied seeds into her hands. He then took some for himself, and held them in his cupped palms.

Windstar looked down at the seeds in her hands. Then she looked at the old mage, who was sitting with his eyes closed, hands with the seeds on his knees. She looked around her, trying to figure out what was going on.


"Master Lystai? What are we doing?"


He opened one eye to look at her. "We are learning patience. Hold still and wait for a moment, and you'll understand."


She sighed and stilled herself. She imitated his position, crossing her legs and placing her hands one her knees. She then waited, as Lystai had told her to do.


A little later, Windstar was starting to get irritated. It was quite clear to her nothing was happening; the seeds weren't growing into sprouts, Lystai wasn't turning a strange color. All and all, Windstar thought the whole exercise was rather pointless. She was about to tell Lystai what she thought of his lesson, when she noticed there were birds eating the seeds from Lystai's hands.

They were beautiful birds. They had beautiful red wings, and blue bodies, with little black beaks. Windstar had always liked birds. She remembered the finches from her homeland, and how they used to sit outside her window. She wanted these little foreign birds to come closer so she could get a closer look at them.


She held her body as still and rigid as she could, thinking that maybe if she held still enough, the birds would come eat from her hand too. She stayed like that until the birds ate all the seeds from Lystai's hands, but still they wouldn't come to her.


After a while, Lystai stood up. Windstar looked up at him. "Why won't the birds come to me, Lystai?" She asked. "I tried to hold as still as I could."


The mage smiled down at her. "It's not holding still that matters, Windstar. The birds will only come to you when they feel safe around you."


Her brow furrowed. "I don't understand."


Lystai bowed his head. "I know. But you will." He walked back towards the palace. "Come with me. It is time for you to learn more magic. Once you learn patience, we can get to the real magic, but until then, I might as well teach you parlor tricks."



~*~*~*~*~*~


Windstar's lessons continued in this vein for some time. Lystai would give her something to do to help her learn patience, like work in the garden, or train the horses. Then he would do some magic with her. Soon, though, it came time for the Valdemarans to leave Kai-ling. Windstar wasn't anywhere near done with her training, and her parents knew it.


They decided to meet with Lystai, who had become a friend to them, and ask him what they should do.


~*~


"We need your advice, Lystai," Darkwind said. "Windstar has not learned all she needs to from you, yet it is time for us to return to Valdemar."


Lystai frowned. "I see your concerns. Yet, you and Elspeth are mages, can you not teach Windstar as well as I?"


Elspeth scowled slightly. "We're her parents. We love her like nothing else on this earth. She knows this, and she understands that we could never stay mad at her, because she is our daughter. She needs somebody who will be impartial with her. In short, somebody not us."


Lystai smiled. "Yes. That is the one failing with parents teaching their children. Sometimes, they find it impossible to be as tough on their children as they would be on other students. So, what do you suggest we do? Windstar must be trained, there is no question there."


Darkwind looked at Lystai. "We were hoping there was some way you could keep teaching her. We think you're exactly what she needs."


The older mage nodded. "I have been a teacher for fifty years, Darkwind. There is much I can do for your daughter. You must understand, however, my primary concern must always be Kai-ling. I cannot just leave."


Elspeth nodded. "I wish we did not live so far from here. It is nearly a month's to Valdemar."


"If I may make a suggestion.." Empress Shikomi walked through the open door. "Elspeth, Darkwind, you wish for Lystai to train your daughter in the ways of magic. Yet Lystai may not leave the islands. I think the thing you are forgetting is this: we now have ships that can make the trip from our land to yours in three or four days. It is not so hard to get to valdemar as you think." She paused to look at the three mages in the room. "What I propose is this: you leave Windstar here, in my personal care, where she receive the training she needs. You may visit her easily, and this will give still more reason to travel to Valdemar regularly. Windstar will receive her training, and the bond between Kai-ling and Valdemar will be all the more strengthened by trust."


Elspeth frowned. "I don't know," she said. "Windstar is very young to be alone here."


:Elspeth,: Gwena said. :I think this would be a good thing. Windstar would get the teaching she needs so badly, and you will get some rest from being a mother. Also, Mero has said he would stay is Windstar did.:


Darkwind looked at Elspeth. :It seems to be a solid plan to me, bright feather. Remember, we will be able to see Windstar whenever we wish. The ships make it possible.: Elspeth shifted her weight and sighed.


"We need to ask Windstar what she thinks."


~*~*~*~*~*~


Windstar watched the ship with her parents and all she knew take off for her homeland. The sun was setting in the west, where the ship was headed. Her right hand rested on Mero's back, and her left hand was spread out to catch some of the wind that was carrying her life away. She had just turned eleven three days before. She wasn't sure she ws ready to be without her parents, but she could go home at any time. As her parent's ship shank into nothing on the horizon, she thought she was happy for this change in her life. She didn't know where the wind would take her now, but she was willing to wait and see.


"I'm going up to my room, Mero." She said. She turned her back on the horizon where her parents had disappeared and faced towards the palace. She walked through the now familiar halls to her new room. This room was hers and hers alone, something that was new to her. It connected to the gardens with the beautiful red and blue birds. She had put some of the bird seed next to her door, so she could try to coax the birds to her. So far, she had been unsuccessful. She decided that now was as good a time as any to feed the birds. She grabbed some of the seed and sat down outside.


She didn't really expect anything to happen. She just relaxed, relishing the feeling of the air around her. My air, she thought. Nobody but me to blame for anything now. She found that thought both terrifying and exciting. She knew now that if she messed up, it was her fault, and no one else's. She was ready for the responsibilities that came with being a mage; or at least as ready as she was ever going to be.


She opened her eyes. She hadn't realized she had closed them. She felt an odd weight on her hand and looked down at it. There, eating the seed from her hand, was one of the red and blue birds. She smiled. "Hello, little bird," she whispered. "My name is Windstar. I'm going to be a mage!"



~*~*~*~*~*~*~


A.N. Wow. I'm so sorry this chapter took so long.. I've been incredibly busy. And, like Windstar, I've been being enlightened. This chapter was as much a journey for me as it ws for Windstar. I hope you like it as much as I do.... Thank you to everyone who has supported me for this story! I would like to dedicate this chapter to Emerald Flame, who has been reviewing my story for a very long time, and to Rebecca, who doesn't want to do her homework. To all of my other readers, I'm very sorry I don't mention you all! I'm simply to tired to put you all in here right now, and you all deserve a lament. Thank you all, and see you next chapter!

~Kestrel