Sam sighed as she sifted through her cupboard in search of somewhere to hang her new purchases she had bought that day with her mother. Sam couldn't remember ever having so many clothes. And she had a rather large (and growing) stack of clothes camped out in Luka's cupboard.

Sighing, she threw her three new pairs of jeans onto the bed along with her new jumpers, strappy tops and basic tees, resigning herself to the fact that they simply wouldn't fit. She looked to the bottom of her wardrobe and saw that she had piles and piles of shoes that she had yet to wear and decided she would choose her shoes and work her outfit around them for her dinner with Luka.

Speaking of Luka...

She glanced to the clock on the bedside cabinet and cursed. She was waaay late. He would be there in thirty minutes.

Quickly shedding her clothes, she jumped into the shower after and soaked herself - the rain outside had caused her hair to turn to frizz. Using her coconut body wash, she cleansed herself and rubbed shampoo into her hair. She cursed when a sud of soap worked its way into her eye and she stood under the spray, holding her eyelid open with two eyes and attempted to rinse the nip away.

After a five minute battle with her conditioner - of which there was a distinct lack - Sam jumped out of the shower and hurriedly dried herself. She hopped over to her underwear drawer and pulled out fresh, lilac lace panties and a lacy bra to match and pulled them all on. She pulled out her new pair of low rise, dark blue Levi jeans (the ones that, apparently, twisted with your body), pulled the label off of them and just managed to get them buttoned before she heard the door bell sound.

She stumbled out of bedroom and rushed down to the door, her soaking hair sliding across her back, sending droplets of water down her spine. She pulled the door open, forgetting that she was dressed only in her jeans and bra, and saw Luka standing on the other side.

"You're early," she complained as she turned back into the apartment.

She felt his hands on her waist and she turned around in his loose embrace.

"Do you always answer the door like that, or is this special treatment?" Sam could see his eyes take in her body and saw his tongue run over the scalloped edges of his teeth.

She felt his hand trace its way in small circles up her back and she shivered against his touch.

"Luka, we're going to be la-"

His lips on hers cut her off and she felt all of her prior occupations disappear as she felt the instant stirring within her that was only incurred by his touch. She melted against his touch and felt her body being pushed backwards into the wall.

"Lijep... zelim te..." he murmured against her lips and Sam felt the vibrations deep inside her stomach.

His hands were everywhere, in her hair, on her stomach, on her back, on her breasts... She moaned into his mouth and arched her neck when she felt his lips there, biting down firmly onto the skin that joined her neck and shoulder and she yelped slightly and moaned again when he began suckling over the same area.

She pushed her hands up his back and lifted her leg so he could catch the back of her knee. She felt his hand where she wanted it, and felt his weight press further into her as his free hand trailed down her side and then back up and covered her breast, massaging it gently.

She was in the process of removing his shirt when:

"Sam I was just... leaving!"

Sam pushed Luka's body away from her and turned her eyes to the door where her mother was stood, frozen, clearly not leaving. Sam could feel Luka's eyes on her and she looked back to him as he innocently placed his hands in front of him. She tried not to grin at the complete look of mortification that was crossing his features.

"Mother... this is Luka Kovac, Luka this is my mother, Jocelyn Taggert," Sam said as though her mother had not just walked in on her and Luka seriously making out and smiled as she introduced them.

"Nice to meet you," Luka smiled tightly and held out one of his hands for Jocelyn to shake.

Jocelyn stood rooted to the spot, her eyes not leaving Sam's face. Sam tried hard not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation and stepped forward, in between Luka and her mother.

"I hope you're not going to insult my intelligence and tell me that this isn't what I think it is," Jocelyn managed and Sam could feel Luka's haggard breath on her shoulder as he stepped closer to her, secretly asking for protection from the clearly seething mother of the woman who he had just been caught making out with.

There was silence and Sam allowed herself to step back slightly into Luka's warmth, secretly seeking reassurance from him. Feeling his gentle hand on her back, his thumb stroking up and down her spine, she finally shook her head in her mother's direction and moved to sit on the sofa.

"I think you should go and find something to wear, Samantha," Jocelyn said and Sam stopped abruptly, remembering her semi-naked state and at the fact that her mother had called her 'Samantha'. She looked quickly to Luka and saw the panicked look that crossed his features and then moved out of the room.

-

Luka sat awkwardly on the edge of the sofa and looked around him 'casually'.

"You know that she is seeing someone?"

Luka looked quickly to Jocelyn and took her in. She was just an older version of Sam: the same curly hair, the same brown eyes, the same round face.

He nodded at her and cleared his throat.

"I know... so am I."

Jocelyn gawked at him and looked down trying to conceal her outright disgust at the disgraceful actions of her daughter and this man.

"And suddenly that makes everything that much better?"

Luka stared at the woman and understood instantly where Sam got her personality from. This woman was just an older version of Sam.

"I never said that," he could tell that his accent was confusing her as he watched her brow furrow and then nod.

"So... whose idea was it to participate in this... affair?"

Luka winced. He hated to be reminded that he and Sam were having an affair and were not in an open relationship. Although sometimes it felt as though they were openly seeing each other.

Lately, it had become glaringly clear to Luka that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Sam. They had been seeing each other for only four months but she had imprinted herself so fully into his life that he wasn't sure that he would be able to survive if she ever left him.

"I think it was sort of... mutual," he muttered as he glanced around the floor at his feet.

"Sort of? What do you mean sort of? Who made the first move?" She asked, her voice rising in pitch and Luka pursed his lips and glanced around the room wondering where the hell Sam was.

"Uh... that was most likely me," he said with forced nonchalance and smiled politely at Jocelyn who simply raised her eyebrow at him.

"I see."

"Anyone want a beer?" Sam asked as she came back into the room and Luka quickly took one of the proffered bottles, taking a long swig instantly as he felt Sam sit beside him on the sofa, now wearing a rather large, baggy t-shirt.

He had been quite enjoying himself, actually, before they had been rudely interrupted.

"I can't believe you, Sam. After the shit that you put Steve through for cheating on you and then you go and what? Return the favour?"

"Oh and now suddenly you're on Steve's side?"

"You know that I will never be on his side, Sam."

Luka sat quietly between the two bickering females and sipped on his beer.

"I just don't understand how you could do this."

"Neither do I, mom."

Luka turned his head and stared at Sam who was tactfully avoiding his gaze. Frowning, he propped his elbow on the arm of the sofa and placed his thumbnail at his mouth and watched Sam as she contorted her face.

"But... I'm in love with him."

Luka couldn't help it, he smiled.

There was a heavy silence in the room and Luka watched as Jocelyn's face twisted as she fought the condemning words that were on her tongue.

"So it's some sort of love affair?"

"Don't call it that," Sam muttered as she shook her head and tucked her chin into her chest.

"Why not, Sam? That's what it is. You are having an affair. No matter what way you look at it." Luka heard Sam sigh from deep within her and he fought the urge to reach out and touch her.

He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. And it was becoming difficult, almost to the point of impossible. He knew that Abby knew that he was attracted to Sam, and he knew that Abby was sometimes sceptical about their relationship but he simply couldn't get Sam out of his head. When he saw her at work, even if she was just passing past the room he was in or standing beside him as they discharged patients at admit, he found it to be the biggest test of his wills not to reach out and touch her.

He didn't think he would be able to keep it in any longer.

Carter already knew that he had very strong feelings towards the young nurse and he had tried to keep his composure whenever he was around her in public for the sake of Abby at least but he was slowly realising that that just wasn't possible. It was second nature for him to watch her, touch her, and want her.

He shook his head and looked away down to the floor at his side.

"I'm not ready to talk about this. I'm still in shock at walking in on you two. I'm going to go home, and I am going to try and forget about this until tomorrow." Jocelyn stood and waved Sam down when she stood up. "I know how to get out. And I just have to tell you, Sam, that I am so disappointed in you."

With that she was gone and Sam and Luka sat in silence. He could feel her body shake beside him and when he turned to her, he could see that she was caught between laughing and crying. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him.

"Well that wasn't exactly how I imagined our evening would have turned out," he muttered into her hair as he pressed a gentle kiss to her crown.

He felt her shake beneath his cheek and he smiled when he felt her hand blindly flail in his hair.

"She's right you know," Sam said after a long silence and Luka pulled away from her slightly as she turned her face to look at him.

"What about?" He asked with a frown on his face.

"Us. This is an affair. We keep trying to pretend to ourselves that it's not. But it is. For so long we've pretended that Steve and Abby don't exist but they do. We've pretended that was we're doing isn't wrong but it is."

Luka pulled away from her fully and looked at her, feeling his heart breaking as he looked down at her distressed features.

"What are you saying, Sam?"

He watched her, breathlessly, for a few seconds as he watched her lips move as no sound came out. He felt like he was losing her.

He saw her shake her head eventually and he let his hand drop from her shoulder.

"I'm just reminding you of what we really are."

"We don't have to be this, Sam."

He watched as Sam slowly looked at him with confusion in her eyes.

"What are you saying, Luka?"

He shook his head slightly and looked away from her.

I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own

"I'm in love with you, Sam. And I... I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to wake up every morning and see your face lying beside me on the pillow."

Sam sat in stunned silence for a few minutes and then looked down, shaking her head.

"Luka... we... I..."

"I can't keep pretending that I'm not in love with you, Sam. It's killing me." He watched as she raised her head and he felt his heartbreak, for the second time in his life, and he looked away from her. "We're at a dead end Sam. We've gone as far as we can in this thing we call a relationship. We can't go back because that would kill both of us - well I know that it would kill me anyway. The only way we can go anywhere is if we move forward," he looked at her tear filled eyes and shook his head. "But I can see that you're not ready to do that, for some reason. And I have to stop this... because this will kill me, it's already killing us."

He could feel his chest empty and his weight double as his heart seemed to grow heavy. His shoulders shook slightly as he tried to repress his sobs.

He leaned closer to her and when his lips were a millimetre from hers he whispered:

"I'm in love you. I will always be in love with you. But I have to do this for us. I would have given everything up for you. Volim te. Remember that."

He gently pressed his lips to hers and could feel her whole body shake against his and he stood letting his hand linger on her cheek for a second longer then turned away from her and left her apartment.

Once he was outside her building he leaned his forehead against his truck door and allowed the tears to flow freely down his cheeks, allowed his body to convulse in violent racks as he realised that he had just let go of the only person who was able to make him happy again.

He'd just lost the one person he had loved more than anything in this life.

And he wasn't sure he would be able to get over her.

You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll hold on while you drift away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

TBC