A Dance on the Edge of Sanity
The Tayledras forests were very beautiful, Eclipse reflected as he walked. His mother used to live among these trees, before she made the fatal mistake of falling in love. Eclipse smiled to himself. He used to believe in love. He remembered hoping against hope that some great mage would come to rescue him and his family from his father. He used to wish for someone to love him, someone who would stay with him. How foolish he had been, to put so much into hopes and wishes! He understood now; his father had taught him well. Hope was something only doomed people believed, and love was nothing but a dream of poets.
He bent to pick up a stick from the ground. He twirled it around in his pale fingers, enjoying the feeling of being in control. Eclipse had complete control; he was the most powerful mage in the surrounding countries, excepting his father. He knew that he could make most people bow to him and beg for mercy, could play one person against another like pawns on a chess board. He had everything he needed; power was his key to happiness.
The sharp sound of a stick snapping echoed through the forest. Eclipse's smile grew wider. Who needed the fool's dreams of love and hope?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
:I hate boats. Boats are by far the most wicked invention of humans.: The Companion shifted his weight for the umpteenth time. :You can see over this damned railing. Where are we? Are we almost home?:
Windstar laughed at her friend. "Mero, I can see Haven quite clearly now, yes, we're almost home. I think we're about three miles out, probably just above the royal grounds. I'm not sure; I haven't seen Valdemar for six years, Mero. I'm not sure of our exact position."
Mero tossed his head. :If I could see over the railing, I could tell you where we are. I've been gone as long as you, but I would know.:
"Yes, of course. You being oh so much more knowledgeable than I."
:Exactly. It's good you have finally learned your place, child.:
The 'child's' white eyebrows rose slightly. "Child, Mero? I have seen seventeen years; I hardly think I am still a child." She looked down at the Companion from her seat on the railing of the ship. Windstar was dressed elegantly and simply, wearing the pocketed breaches she loved so much, and a simple high-necked Kailinese shirt of blue silk. Her long white hair was pulled back in several braids, as was the style in Kai-ling.
The Companion stared back at her, his blues eyes meeting hers of silvery blue. :Perhaps no longer a child, then. That is not for me to decide.:
Windstar sighed and slid down the railing of the ship to sit on the deck. "My parents haven't seen me for a long time, Mero. Do you think they'll try to treat me like a child?"
:I don't know, Windstar. You have to understand, your parents just want to protect you from the dangers they see. They want you to be safe and happy, and sometimes it's hard for parents to accept that children are not happy when they are being 'kept safe.':
Windstar smiled. "I know, Mero. I just don't want them to 'keep me safe.' I can take care of myself perfectly well, I don't need to be sheltered."
:Windstar, it's been a long time since they've seen you. You may have to make sure they know you're not the little girl you used to be.:
She nodded. "I don't know what I would have done without you, Mero. Being away from Valdemar for so long must have been hard for you, but I couldn't have stayed without you there with me." She looked at her friend. "Mero, you're horse smiling at me. What is it you want to say?"
Mero huffed at her, and Windstar knew he was laughing at her. "Well, out with it, horse face. What's so funny?"
Mero stopped shaking, and shook his mane. :You're funny. You're very impatient, you know.:
"Thank you for the notice. I had no idea."
Mero snorted again. He shook his head, clearing his mind. :I'm glad I could be there for you, Windstar. It has been a joy traveling with you. I am glad I got the chance to spend so much time with you.: He got to his feet and craned his neck, getting a glimpse of Haven. :I am very glad to be home. I never thought I would be away so long.:
Windstar stood also and looked down at her birthplace. "You've missed Haven," she said. Mero nodded. :Every day I was gone was like another lash of a whip. I am so glad to be home.: Windstar stared at the houses floating underneath her. She frowned.
"I wish I could be as happy to be here as you, Mero."
:Do you miss Kai-ling?:
Windstar shook her head. "No. I don't. I don't miss anywhere, Mero. You've missed your home, but this place has never been home to me. No more than any other place."
Mero scraped his hoof along the deck. :I wish I understood, Windstar. Maybe then I could be of some help.:
Windstar smiled at Mero. "I'm not sure there's anything to help, Mero. I just don't feel any connection to places. They're just that. Places. Nothing more, nothing less."
:It saddens me that that is all Valdemar is to you, Windstar. I hope that someday you will find a place to love and call home. I hope the best for you, my friend.:
Windstar looked back at Mero, and opened her mouth to say something, but the ship's captain beat her to it.
"Docking now! Everyone hold on!" Windstar and Mero sat back down on the deck, waiting for the docking. The crew would tie the ship to tall posts to keep it from floating away. There was always a slight jolt when the power supplies to the ship was cut, often the ship would drop a few feet. It would still hover just off the ground, waiting until the power supplies were back on and it could fly again.
Windstar's head twitched slightly as the ship dropped. She and Mero then stood and looked around. They were inside the palace grounds, in a place where only ambassadorial ships rested. She looked at the flat field where they had docked. It was near Companion's Field, not very far from the palace itself. Beside her, Mero nearly danced with excitement. When one of the crew members put down the plank to allow them to get off the ship, Mero flew down it.
:HOME! Home at last!: He reared and bucked, jumping around in joy. He rolled onto his back and rolled in the grass. :It has been so long! Too, too long!:
Windstar smiled down on her friend. She looked at the plank with less enthusiasm than Mero. She didn't know how she would feel when she set foot on the earth of her 'home.' She wasn't even sure what she was supposed to feel, and she was afraid to find that she didn't feel the way she should.
"Windstar!" Her head snapped around, looking for a person. She couldn't find anyone, and she thought she had imagined the call when her eyes met those of her father.
He looked very much the same as he had when she last saw him, tall, muscular, and powerful, wearing his white hair braided like all Tayledras. Windstar's fingers went to her own hair, and she realized that she no longer wore hers in the Tayledras style. She had pulled it back into the graceful sleek braids of the Kailinese earlier that morning.
A voice broke into her musing, calling her down off the ship. "Windstar! Come down here so I hug you!"
Windstar smiled and walked down the plank. She paused right before she set her foot on the ground, trying to imagine what she should feel. She was returning to her birthplace after six years away. She shook her head and stepped onto the ground. She barely had time to balance herself when she was swept off her feet in a bear hug from her father.
"Oh, Windstar. It has been too long, my daughter," he whispered in her ear. "Much too long."
Windstar's arms wrapped around her father. "It has been a long time, father. I am glad to be back." She pulled away from his hug, wanting to get a good look at him. "You look wonderful," she whispered.
Darkwind smiled at her, and she thought she saw tears in his eyes. He grasped her shoulder. "Come, Windstar. Your mother is waiting for you. She wants to get something ready for you."
Windstar grinned and stood up straighter. "What is it, father?"
Darkwind laughed. "I have no idea. It will be as much a surprise to me as it is to you. Let us go and see what your mother has in store, shall we?"
Windstar let herself be led towards the palace. She kept a smile on her face, but she couldn't help but feel awful. She felt empty, like the stalk of a plant after the summer sap has run out.
She had felt nothing when she stepped onto the palace grounds. Nothing at all.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Kris, I'm leaving! You can handle all of this, I'm going to go out! Windstar's back! I want to see what those mages have done with her!"
The golden haired man at the desk nodded quickly. "Right, Lyra. You go, I'll stay here and drown in paper."
Lyra bowed her head slightly, feeling a little bad about leaving her twin. "I'm sorry, Kris. Do you want me to stay? I'm sure Windstar won't mind…"
"No, Lyra. Go see our niece. Say hello to her for me. Ask her if she can magic up a way to do paperwork instantly."
Lyra walked over to ruffle her brother's hair. "I'll do that, Kris. I think you got the rotten deal. You get to take our mother's place, and I get to do political runs all over the country."
Kris looked up from his desk for the first time in the conversation. "I must admit, this king business is more difficult than I thought it would be. I'm just glad mother is still here to make sure I don't do anything really stupid."
Lyra smiled. "You have a whole army of people to watch your back, Kris. I don't think you'd be able to do anything stupid even if you tried."
Kris laughed. "Thank you for your reassurance, and I'm glad you're confident in me. Now, get out of here before I have the guards haul you away."
Lyra saluted smartly, her back rail straight. "Will do, your Majesty!" She opened the door, and heard Kris yell at her.
"It's not 'Majesty' yet! I'm not formally the king!"
Lyra turned to bow while walking backwards out the door. "Yes, sir!"
Kris opened his mouth to object, but the door closed on his sister before he could say anything. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Glaring at the papers around him, he mocked his sister. "Yes, sir, my ass. I'm awful at this king business. I wish she'd take the throne. I sure as hell don't want it."
He looked around the office. "Make sure none of you repeat that to her. She'd throw a fit." Kris got the distinct impression that the furniture was laughing at him.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Windstar! Welcome home! How are you?" Lyra charged through the halls, yelling out her greetings to the younger woman. When she reached her niece, she embraced her in a great hug, twirling her around before putting her down. "How have you been? You're so much bigger than last time I saw you! You look wonderful! It's been so long, I've-"
"Lyra, let her answer one question before asking another! You never stop for a breath, it's hard to get a word in edgewise!" Darkwind's interruption made Lyra blush prettily. She looked at Windstar apologetically. "I'm sorry. How have you been?"
Windstar smiled. "I have been well. I am grateful for my stay in Kai-ling, but I am glad to be back here."
Lyra grinned. "Is that all? Can you sum up all the 'how have you beens' in two sentences? This will not do, girl! You must give me more!"
Windstar opened her mouth to say something, but Darkwind interrupted. "Not quite yet, Lyra. I'm taking Windstar to see her mother, after that you can have her for a while. Until then, I'm afraid she's ours."
Lyra pouted. "Oh, fine! Be that way!" She winked at Windstar. "See you later," she whispered before tromping off down the hall again.
Windstar smiled slightly at the antics of her aunt. Darkwind looked carefully at her. "You can laugh, you know. We'll be glad to hear you make noise."
Windstar smiled at him. "I will, father. I'm just not used to being back yet. Give me some time to adjust."
Darkwind smiled. He slung an arm around his daughter's shoulders. "It is overwhelming to be gone for so long, then come home, isn't it?"
Windstar looked at her father. "You could say that, yes."
Darkwind smiled. "Let's go see what your mother has planned for you."
They walked through the stone halls, Windstar wondering what her mother had planned for her. Darkwind was leading her to the council room, and she didn't know what could be waiting for her there.
They stopped in front of the door, and Darkwind looked at his daughter. She had grown into a lovely young woman. No one had ever been able to understand why her hair was white, as there where no longer any nodes to bleach it. Firesong had told Darkwind that he thought living in his and Elspeth's presence, it was a miracle that Windstar didn't have wrinkles as well as white hair.
As he looked at Windstar, he remembered promising to get to know her better six years ago. He mentally sighed. We failed that one pretty badly, didn't we? We promised to get to know her, then left her in a foreign country for six years. Once again, I realize that I don't know my own daughter. He took a deep breath and asked, "Do you think we should knock?"
Windstar's head snapped around to look at him. She looked like a falcon, with her quick movements and her fierce eyes. Darkwind thought she would be a formidable opponent in an argument. She examined him, then nodded slightly. "I think so. Just to be sure."
Darkwind nodded and knocked on the door. They heard a crash, and a loud bang as something hit the floor. Father and daughter looked at each other, both with one eyebrow cocked. Suddenly the door flew open and they were face to face with Elspeth.
Elspeth looked at the two of them, both standing there with their arms almost crossed both raising their right eyebrow, and she burst out laughing. Her laughter only got worse when the questioning looks on her husband and daughter's faces turned into identical looks of bewilderment.
:You neglected to mention the onset of mother's madness, father,: Windstar Mindspoke. :Is this recent, or did I just not notice it when I was little?: At this, Darkwind broke out laughing as well. Windstar looked from her mother, who was leaning against the door trying to catch her breath, to her father, who had tears streaming down his face. Her eyebrows rose a bit more into her braided crown, as she muttered to herself. She grabbed an elbow of each parent and pulled them into the council room, steering them towards chairs. She looked at them both, her face completely neutral.
"Mother, father," she started. "Tell me. What type of narcotic is it?"
Elspeth and Darkwind looked at each other, and burst into fresh peals of laughter. Windstar's lips twitched until she too started laughing. Elspeth managed to gasp out: "Aren't we supposed to be asking you that, Windstar?" before losing her breath laughing.
After a while the laughter died down, leaving the trio checking their ribs for cracks and wiping tears from their eyes. Elspeth stood up to look at her daughter. Windstar had fallen to her knees on the floor during the slightly hysterical laughing fit. She now looked up at her mother from her position on the floor.
"Hello, mother," She said quietly.
Elspeth's straight face broke into a smile and she fell to her knees as well, embracing her daughter. "Hello, Windstar," she whispered back. "Hello, my child."
Windstar buried her face in her mother's hair, truly happy to see Elspeth again. She had missed them, though she still felt bad for not missing them more than she had. Mother and daughter knelt on the floor, embracing each other. Neither of them had any thoughts of the outside world until they felt another pair of arms wrapping around them as Darkwind joined the hug. "Hello family," he murmured.
Windstar finally shifted as her knees protested the stone floor. She looked at her mother.
"I hear you have something for me, mother."
Elspeth snorted. "Nobody ever told me about children and their constant 'give me' crazes."
Darkwind snorted. "I wouldn't go there if I were you, Elspeth. Weren't you a terror in you childhood? Come to think of it, you still ask me for things.."
Elspeth smacked her husband. "Yes, Windstar, I do have something for you. But you have to get up off the floor for it."
"I'm not the only one on the floor, here." Windstar said. The three of them stood up. Windstar noticed that there was something on the table that was covered by a cloth. Her brows furrowed.
"I remembered you liking Master Lystai's collection. I thought you might like this.."
Elspeth pulled the cloth off of the table to reveal a detailed map. Windstar's eyes widened and she leaned in closer. The map was explicitly detailed, showing the lands from the former Empire in the East to the frozen lands north of the Forest of Sorrows, the Tayledras lands, and all the way down south to Kai-ling. The map was drawn on what looked like leather, not paper. Windstar reached out a hand to touch it, but her hand stopped just short.
Elspeth smiled and looked at Darkwind. :I think I chose well, don't you?: Darkwind nodded slightly. He didn't think Windstar even knew they were there, she was so absorbed in the map.
"You can touch it, you know," Elspeth said quietly. "I put spells on it to keep it from smudging or tearing, even if you get it wet. It's a good travel map; it will survive in most any conditions."
Windstar reached down to stroke the map. "It's beautiful mother." She smiled and managed to tear her eyes away from the map to look at her mother. "Thank you."
Elspeth hugged her daughter from behind. "You are welcome, Windstar. I'm glad you're home."
"It's good to be back," Windstar replied. No one commented on her saying 'back' instead of 'home.'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lyra felt like she had looked everywhere for her niece. She had checked the ekele in Companion's field where Elspeth and Darkwind lived since the Adept Firesong left. She had checked the stables, the ship Windstar had taken from Kai-ling, and most everywhere else she thought Windstar might hide. She was now walking through Companion's Field, wondering where she hadn't checked.
She was about ready to give up when she saw a flash of white near a grove of trees. She ran towards the white, and saw that her guess was correct. Windstar's hair was easily spotted against a backdrop of green.
The younger woman was sitting on the ground looking at something. Lyra sat herself down next to her niece and tried to see what was captivating Windstar's attention. Failing miserably, she looked at the white-haired woman. "So… Do you have a thing for trees, or are you looking at something in particular?"
Windstar snorted, snapping out of her reverie. "No, I do not have 'a thing for trees.' My river doesn't flow that way."
Lyra looked back to the grove. "Then, can you see the invisible men? If you can, tell me. I'm always interested in mysterious suitors."
Windstar snorted again and looked at Lyra. "My tree is gone."
Lyra looked at Windstar. "Your tree? Did you have a tree?"
Windstar nodded. "I used to come sit in the big tree here when I was feeling bad, and it made me feel better. Now, my tree is gone."
Lyra frowned. "I'm sorry…."
Windstar laughed. "It's okay, really. I'll be fine, it's just a bit of a shock. I thought that I would come home and everything would be the same. It was pretty stupid, really."
Lyra looked at her niece. "I understand. It seems like the world should always stay the same, because you say so. But, somehow, it doesn't. It isn't fun to realize that things go on, with or without you."
Windstar sighed. "Very true," she paused. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course!"
Windstar took a deep breath. "When you left Kai-ling and came back here, how did you feel when you got here?"
Lyra looked at Windstar. "I felt relieved. It was like I'd had a terrible headache the whole time I was gone, and when I got back, it was like a Healer had fixed it."
Windstar nodded. "I see."
"Why do you ask?"
"No reason, really. I just wanted to know what coming home feels like from someone else's view."
Lyra nodded. "Okay. What did you feel?"
Windstar looked at the place where her tree used to be. How can I tell her I felt nothing? I don't think she'd understand that at all.
"I felt… like I was coming home. It was like jumping into a hot pool after a ride in a snowstorm."
Lyra grinned. "That too."
Windstar wished she had felt something. Anything but indifference.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tathil watched his master as the man paced up and down the room.
"I need more space, Tathil. I can't build what I need with all these damn trees in the way." The mage sighed. "Cut them down. I want the space clear by next week."
Tathil nodded. "Yes sir."
A.N. Well… It's only been forever since I updated… I'm very, very sorry. I've been busy, and busier… It's been crazy. However, if you people are interested in reading other stuff I have written…. *commence shameless self plugging* I have written two Harry Potter stories, if you like those…. Walkabout, which is a work in progress, and Hidden Strengths, which is a one-shot. I will try very, very hard to speed up my updates for DOTES… I'm so sorry it's been so long. I hope this chapter makes up for it! Now, I have to go… I was supposed to have done some pre-calculus by now, and I still need to write some chemistry lab report. Thank you to anyone who reads this after so long!
~Kestrel