A Dance on the Edge of Sanity

She was walking through a forest. The trees were enormous, bigger than any she had seen before. The forest was wild; somehow, she knew few people ever came into this forest, and fewer still came out. She could hear animals of all sorts around her, some loud, like the scream of the hawk, some quiet, dancing on the edge of her mind. The forest sang its strange song to her, lulling her into peacefulness.

She kept walking, taking in her surroundings. She smiled at the baby trees in the space cleared by a fallen elder; she felt sorrow for the fallen creature who left its bones to decorate the forest floor. She was awed by the forest around her; it was truly beautiful. She felt like she could keep walking forever, and never reach the end.

And yet suddenly, she did. One moment, she was surrounded by forest, another, she was standing in a clearing. Her eyes went wide. There were dead tree stumps all around her, the charred remains of bushes and branches spread all around. She felt a tear fall down her cheek. It was horrible. There was so much life in the forest, and here, in this clearing, a part of that life had died.

A flash of white caught her eye in the faded brown and black of the clearing. She walked towards it, almost stopping when she realized the white was hair on a man's head. She kept walking towards the man.

Stopping close to him, she tried to decide what to say. The man's back was facing her, she had to say something to get his attention. She opened her mouth to say something, just as he turned to face her. Their eyes locked, silver on silvered blue. She saw terrible pain in the man's eyes, pain like that of the dead forest around him. She reached out a hand to touch his shoulder; he placed his hand over hers, clinging desperately. Their eyes searched for something, neither knew what, but both knew that they would be complete when they found whatever it was. She opened her mouth to speak again—

CRASH.

Windstar flew out of her bed, attempting a defensive crouch and failing miserably as she fell out of her bed, tangled in her sheets. She landed on her face, on the rug covering the stone floor with a resounding thump. Yelping, she untangled herself from her sheets, sitting up and rubbing her forehead.

She scowled. She thought hard about a barely remembered dream, knowing it was important but not understanding why. She knew something was about to happen, in that dream, but she'd missed it.

"Dammit!" She growled. The dream was gone, with it any chances of understanding. Windstar stood up quickly, grimacing as her head throbbed. She sighed. 'Lovely first day back,' she thought. 'You get out of bed and fall directly on your face. Lovely omen, that.' She tried to remember why she had woken in the first place.

"Wait. What crashed?"

She walked to the door of the room she had in her parents' ekele. She sighed again. She had wanted to stay in her own rooms, but her parents had not left any room for discussion. Windstar wondered if they would ever see her as an adult, or if she would forever be their baby Windstar.

Walking out towards the main rooms with a hand still on her head, she looked around, trying to find her parents. 'Where arethey?' She heard laughter in the gardens, so she walked in that direction.

She turned around an outcropping of small trees to be confronted with the sight of her parents, her grandparents, Kerowyn, and her aunt and uncle, all in the hot spring, all quite naked. She tried to back away before they spotted her, but no luck.

"Windstar! Why don't you join us, kidling? I haven't talk to you in ages! I want to hear everything!" Kris grinned up at her. Windstar tried very hard not to blush. She realized this sort of situation wouldn't have bothered her at all six years ago, but that was before she had spent six years in the palace of Kai-ling, where modesty was prized above many other traits.

"I.. Erm.." She stalled, trying to figure out what the younger her would have done. She blushed slightly when she realized that the younger Windstar would have stripped her clothing and jumped in with the adults.

Daren grinned up at Windstar also. "Is that a blush I see, Windstar?" He winked devilishly at her, causing her blush to deepen.

"Too long, niece of mine." Lyra had snuck up behind her and without any more warning, shoved Windstar into the water. Windstar grabbed behind her, pulling her aunt into the pool with her, sending water flying everywhere. Windstar surfaced quickly, shaking water from her hair.

"You clown, Lyra! Now I'm soaking wet!"

Kero snorted. "I'd think you'd be used to it, kidling, as you've been living on an island for six years."

Windstar blinked again, then sank up to her neck in the warm water. "Point taken."

The group laughed. Darkwind leaned over to ruffle his sopping daughter's hair. "I see you're still not a morning person, Windstar."

The white haired girl shuddered. "No. Never ever, not even after Lystai made me help the kitchens prepare breakfast every morning for a year. I will wake in the morning, but I shall never enjoy this side of noon."

Elspeth snorted. "Noon, Windstar? When do you ever get things done, if you don't wake until noon?"

"At night, of course. It's the best time of day, if you ask me. Fewer people to bother a person."

"A little anti-social, are we?" Kris teased.

"Just a little. Only around people like you, though."

Lyra choked on her fruit drink. "Nicely done, Windstar! Nicely done indeed!" Kris pouted, looking around the group at the grinning faces. "I feel so unloved."

At this, and Kris' outrageous stage frown, everyone burst out laughing, except Windstar, who simply smiled.

Darkwind frowned slightly and leaned towards his daughter. "You can laugh, you know. I know the Kailinese don't like to show their emotions, but you are free to share with us."

Windstar started slightly. "I know. I'm just not used to being back yet. I'm sorry.."

Elspeth smiled and wrapped an arm around her daughter. "It is good to have you back, little one. We missed you."

Windstar smiles hesitantly. "I missed you too, Mother." Did you, Windstar? Did you really? The voice in her head just had to ask the question that had been bothering her for days. Did you miss Valdemar at all? You don't seem to feel any different, now that you're back. Windstar wished the voice would go away. She didn't want to think about it, because if she thought about it, she would have to answer the questions the voice asked. She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers.

"Windstar!" Windstar's head snapped around to look at Kris. "Are you planning on staying in the pool wearing your sleep clothes, or are you going to be like the rest of us, and wear your skin and nothing else?"

Windstar blushed slightly and climbed out of the pool to remove her clothing. She took of her sopping night clothes and folded them neatly. Then she turned back towards the pool.

Kris whistled when she turned around. "Nice, Windstar! Very nice!" Windstar mock glared at him. "Like what you see?" She posed for him.

Kris laughed. "I would, if you weren't my niece, you fiend."

"Fiend. Hmm. I can do fiend." Windstar leapt into the pool, send a wave straight into Kris' face. The young king spluttered. "Ahh! You can't do that! I'm the king, I protest!"

Windstar's head surfaced. "I'm sorry Kris, did you say something?"

The rest of the pool occupants laughed as Kris pouted again. "I hate you all," he said. "Poo to you." Windstar smiled and settled back into her seat against the wall next to her mother. Maybe it was good to be home…

Windstar wandered around the palace halls, wondering where she was going. She'd been home for several weeks, and she wasn't sure where she hadn't been yet. She supposed she could visit the library again. Her stomach had other ideas. She started as it rumbled loudly.

"Hungry already? Well then. Kitchens it is, I suppose."

She turned and headed for the Herald mess kitchens. She could go to the palace kitchens, but she remembered the cooks there being rather stuffy. There was a chance she'd meet someone she knew in the Herald kitchens.

She walked more quickly than most, wanting to get out of the small enclosed halls. She'd lived her whole life in stone buildings, but the few visits to the Vales with her parents had convinced her that open forest was much, much better than enclosed stone hallways.

Reaching the kitchens, she saw Talia and Dirk sitting at one of the tables talking to the new trainees. She smiled and walked towards them, deciding food could wait a bit.

"Talia, Dirk, it's been a long time!" She exclaimed, stopping near their table. The two lovers looked up at her. Talia broke into a wide grin and stood up to embrace Windstar.

"Hello, little one. You've been gone too long," Talia whispered into her ear. Windstar smiled and squeezed the shorter woman in her arms. "I've missed you," Windstar whispered. She was surprised to find that that was the truth – She had missed Talia.

They pulled apart and sat down at the table. Dirk reached across the table top to turn Windstar's face his way.

"You've grown into a beautiful young woman, Windstar," Dirk said quietly, smiling at her. Windstar blushed slightly and muttered a thank you. She smiled at Dirk and Talia.

"I think the 'young woman' part of that touched me more than my being beautiful, Dirk." Windstar said.

Talia laughed. "Are your parents still treating you like a little girl, then?"

"Yes!" Windstar said emphatically. "They've been worse, but you'd think I'm old enough to leave the house without getting a 'stay safe' lecture and a curfew!"

Dirk chuckled and handed Windstar a bread roll from the basket that had been handed to him. She took the roll and began tearing it apart.

"Your parents are just trying to show you that they love you, Windstar. They want you to be safe. That.. Clouds their vision, sometimes." Talia said, tearing pieces off her own roll.

"I know that, and I love them too," Windstar grumbled. "I just want to have some sense of freedom here. I almost want to go back to Kai-ling, where I at least got some respect and privacy."

Talia gave Windstar a small smile. "It will get better, Windstar. Give your parents some time. They're adapting, just like you are. It's going to take time, for all of you."

Windstar closed her eyes and ran her hands through her loose white hair. Talia was right, she supposed. She wasn't being patient enough with Darkwind and Elspeth. She just wished things would go more quickly. She hated feeling like such an outsider in the place that was supposed to be her home.

Talia watched Windstar. She could feel the confusion radiating from the younger woman; but more powerful than that, she could feel… Loneliness? Windstar felt like she was alone. Talia didn't let her emotions show on her face. She felt badly for Windstar. The girl was different. She always had been. She'd never quite fit in with her peers, and her peers had never tried to make her feel welcome.

From what Talia understood, Windstar's age peers had been ignoring her for the most part. Ever since the girl returned, people had been dancing around her. Only family members and family friends got close to her; to everyone else, she was untouchable. She was too smart, too powerful, too dignified, and yet too human for people to really understand. They weren't comfortable around Windstar. People didn't know how to act around the 'child genius.'

Windstar sighed and quickly swallowed the last of her roll. Talking to Talia always used to make her feel better. When she was little, at least. Now, though, she wanted to hear Lystai's calming voice more than anything else. Her eyes slid out of focus as she looked to the South. She missed her friends. She missed the mages in Kai-ling. They understood her. She'd been treated like a student, and then like an equal with the Kailinese mages.

Here in Valdemar, though, people looked at her like she was a god. They looked at her like she was someone to be respected, feared, and left alone.

She was tired of being a god.

Her peers avoided her, her parents and the other mages still treated her like a child. Windstar had never felt so lonely. At least in Kai-ling, she'd had the mages.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk," Windstar said. She thought a visit with Mero might improve her mood.

Dirk grinned at her from his seat. "Remember to come visit us, alright Windstar? "

It took Windstar a few moments to register Dirk's request.

"Yes.. Of course.. I'll see you later." Without another word, she stood to leave, ghosting out of the room, her hunger forgotten.

Dirk watched her leave, then turned to Talia. He looked at her carefully, waiting for her to tear her eyes away from Windstar's back. When she didn't, he leaned closer to her.

"Is there a problem, love?"

Talia blinked, finally breaking her continuous stare after the young mage.

"There might be, Dirk. There might be."

Author's Note:

Right.. This chapter took ages, and I know it. I'm so sorry to everyone who waited.. Every WORD of this was like pulling teeth. I'm still not completely happy with it.. But it's time to move on. If I don't get to Dance chapter ten soon, I never will. So, I need to just get on with it.

I hope everyone understands.. And I hope you don't hate this chapter too much. Thanks to anyone who actually reads this!

Kestrel