Thanks to melanie39 for her wonderful beta-ing

Disclaimer - I own nothing to do with The OC.

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Come Undone

Chapter 3

Ryan sat on a patio chair, his arms resting on his black suit pants. No matter how many times he wore his suit he felt awkward. Today of all days the suit did nothing to make Ryan feel comfortable.

They would be setting off in a short while. Ryan had slipped away to try and get some focus. The fact that he was the only Atwood to be attending the funeral spoke volumes and he was only going because the Cohens had paid.

Also, after his words with Sandy yesterday, he was trying to make amends. He could hardly turn around and tell them that it was the last place he wanted to be.

Ryan felt numb. He had gone to Sandy yesterday and apologised for what he had said and how he had said it. Sandy had accepted it but the acceptance had been strained. Ryan had a feeling that he had managed to push away the one person who he really needed to cling to, all because he didn't know how to ask for help.

Things had been off with the Cohens ever since the whole Oliver thing; the look of disappointment that they had both repeatedly given him had struck deep. That, coupled with Seth treating him like HE was the villain in the whole episode, had shook Ryan's tentative grasp on where he actually belonged in this family. He had tried to make them understand but everyone had been blinkered where Oliver was concerned, a boy who had been around a lot less time than Ryan but had been accepted by everyone unconditionally in a way the Ryan realised he would never be. Trust had been the one thing that Ryan needed but they had let him down, as he had them.

Seth opened the door. " We'd better go soon Buddy."

Ryan shuddered. He could do this.

"I'll be right there."

Ryan hugged Summer and nodded at Luke"Thanks for coming."

"We couldn't let you do this alone Chino." Luke felt strange to be at a stranger's funeral, he didn't quite know how to act.

They all walked sombrely down the corridor which led to the main room of the chapel. Kirsten opened the door; the room was empty apart from a few rows of chairs. Ryan faltered as he saw the coffin. He looked round in panic at Sandy.

"You O.K" Sandy rested his hand on Ryan's shoulder. Ryan took a deep breath and swallowed.

"Could I go in on my own for a while, before anyone else gets here" Ryan's voice sounded strange even to him.

"Of course sweetie. We'll all be out here, just come and get us when you feel ready." Kirsten's heart was breaking for him, he looked so lost. Seth gave him a sympathetic smile. Luke and Summer held back, not wanting to intrude.

Ryan walked in and shut the door behind him. He hadn't moved away from the door and could hear them talking just out side.

"Jesus Sandy, what kind of a mother lets her kid go though this alone? That woman makes my blood boil." Kirsten's indignant voice rang out.

Ryan paused, listening.

"I tried to get her to see reason but she refused. I know the man was a pig but you'd think she'd be here for Ryan after all she's done to him." Sandy's voice was quieter as if they were moving off back down the corridor.

So they had lied to him. They had told him that they couldn't find Dawn, that they didn't know where she was. Ryan felt sick, sick that they had lied, sick that his mom had let him down again and mostly sick at himself for being here.

He walked slowly to where the coffin was placed. His feet felt weighed down with lead. When he got close he had to cross his arms to stop the shivering. He felt detached, like this wasn't happening. He and Trey had fantasised about this moment over the years, Trey had even gone so far as to say that he would come to Dad's funeral if only to piss on his grave. Ryan never thought that he would have to deal with this alone. He had thought that they would have been united in their hatred for this man.

Ryan had never felt more alone in his life. He looked at the coffin. This was supposed to be the end; he was supposed to feel some sort of release. This man could never hurt him again. So how come he still felt fear?

Ryan thought of all the things he wanted to say to his father.

Only one word escaped his lips.

"Why"

A noise to the left of him made Ryan jump.

A man had walked through a door that Ryan hadn't noticed.

"Ohh I'm sorry. I didn't realise anyone was here yet." The man had the smooth voice of someone who had been around death. "I'll leave you in peace."

Ryan saw a way out. He needed to get away. "Can I get out through that door"

"It leads to a fire exit." The man looked confused.

"Could I use it? I need some fresh air and…." Ryan glanced back at the main doors of the chapel.

"I understand Sir, follow me." He led Ryan through the door and past an office. He then pushed the heavy bar down on the fire door and Ryan was outside.

"Thanks"

The man retreated.

Ryan paced up and down. He had lived his life by using the 'fight or flight' method. So he chose the only option open to him and walked down the block. He couldn't do this. He had tried but he just couldn't face this. Too many things were crowding his head, he felt like he was drowning.

He undid the top button of his shirt and pulled down his tie. As he walked, he knew what he needed to do. He needed to talk to Dawn. He hailed a passing taxi and made the journey back to Newport. Sandy had found Dawn and Ryan knew that a look through his study would probably reveal where she was.

Ryan had been in deep thought throughout the journey and was surprised when the taxi pulled up out side the Cohens' residence.

"Could you wait a sec? I shouldn't be long…" Ryan asked the driver.

Usually the driver would have been suspicious that the kid was going to do a runner but looking at this house, the driver sucked air in through his teeth, this house was sweet. If this kid lived here he'd be good for the money.

"I'll give you 15 minutes then I'm coming in, got it? You don't want me coming in after you, understand" The driver barked his reply with typical Chino manners.

"Thanks. I'll be as quick as I can." Ryan replied.

Firstly Ryan hurried into the pool house and stripped off his suit and replaced it with jeans and a shirt. He then pocketed some money, which he had been hoarding, and stuffed it in his back pocket.

He then tackled Sandy's office. He knew Sandy would be pissed at him but he needed to do this. He sat down at Sandy's desk and pulled open the drawers, nothing. He then moved on to the filing cabinet. Thank God Sandy didn't lock them. The first drawer contained nothing more than court papers, the second financial stuff.

The third, bingo! Ryan's brow furrowed. A large brown file marked ATWOOD. RYAN was half hidden behind old newspapers and journals. Ryan took it out and opened it at the desk. He flicked though it.

It contained police reports, social services files, photographs, school psychologist reports. Shit, it was his whole fucking life reduced to a large bundle of paper. He had no idea that they had this, that they knew so much about his life. He could feel the anger welling inside of him.

He continued to scan the file. At the back was a section that made him feel even angrier. As he read, it became obvious that they had never broken contact with Dawn, that each month they had been sending money to her. He tore one of the pages out of the file and dumped the rest into the bin. He put his head into his hands. They had said that they didn't know where she was and all that time they had been sending money to her like part of some fucked up leasing agreement. Ryan stood up and picked up a large glass paperweight that sat on Sandy's desk and threw it with all his might at a large framed picture at the other end of the room. The ornament made a satisfying crash as it broke the glass on the frame and the whole lot came crashing to the floor.

He kicked the chair over, then sent the bin flying. His anger not dissipating he slammed the front door on the way out.

He needed to speak to Dawn NOW!

Tbc