Thanks to Melanie39 for beta-ing

Disclaimer : I own nothing!

Come Undone

Chapter 8

Ryan walked with his head down; he was tired and all he wanted was a hot shower and a warm body. He hoped that Missy was still awake. Sex was the only way he could unwind these last few days. He'd tire himself out so that the thoughts and images crowding his head were pushed back into the compartment that he had stored them in, but usually a few hours later the lid would fly off like a jack-in-the-box and no matter how hard he tried, the lid would not close and sleep alluded him for the rest of the night.

He became aware of the car behind him and quickened his pace; Chino wasn't the war zone that people in Newport made out. But it also wasn't a place where you felt entirely comfortable walking around on your own at 2am in a badly lit area. Ryan turned round. All he could see was a silhouette of a car as the headlights blinded him. The car pulled parallel to him and he could hear the buzz of an electric window being opened.

"Ryan?"

Ryan stopped in his tracks. The car stopped.

"Seth?"

Ryan walked over to the window and peered in. Seth sat nervously grinning and started going on about mountains and Mohammed. Seth stopped his babble when he realised that Ryan was just stood still with a confused look on his face.

"Get in, I'll give you a lift."

Ryan opened the door and climbed in. He still had the joint in his hand; he flicked it away before he shut the door. He hoped that Seth would think that it was a normal smoke.

"What the hell are you doing here at this time of the night?"

Seth shut off the engine and fidgeted.

" I made Theresa promise to ring me if she saw you, I sneaked out. Mom and Dad don't know I'm here."

Ryan tried not to look pissed off at the revelation that Theresa had ratted him out but he guessed he had failed because Seth rambled on.

"Look, don't get mad with her or me. We thought you were dead or living on the street. We didn't know where you were Ryan. Do you know how that's been for us, you just leaving like that? You didn't even call ME. I though we were friends Ryan. What the hell happened?"

"Don't be so melodramatic Seth. It's only been a few days."

Ryan ran his fingers through his hair and wondered if it would appear too desperate to go and see if the joint was in anyway still smokable.

"It is good to see you man and I'm sorry about not calling, things have been a little off centre the last few days."

Seth started up the engine.

"Well buddy, you can tell me all about it when we get to the place you are staying."

Shit, he didn't want Seth anywhere near Chris's place, too incriminating.

"Look Seth, that's not a good idea. It's late, I don't want to disturb the people I'm staying with you know."

"So I'll drop you outside then!"

Seth wasn't going to give up lightly. He wanted to know where Ryan was staying. If only to make sure he wasn't living rough. The only information Theresa would give him was the address of where he worked.

Ryan knew he was beaten; Seth was tenacious when he wanted to be.

Ryan gave him directions and they were soon outside Chris's place. Damn, all the lights were still on.

"So are you going to tell me why you won't come home, cause I'm not buying that it's just because the folks lied about your Mom." Seth shut off the engine again.

Ryan didn't know what to say, he wasn't even sure what this was about anymore himself. He'd spent hours laying in bed trying to work things out in his head. He had so much anger inside and it scared him, he also knew that it made him act like an asshole. Disassociating himself from the Cohens had seemed like the logical thing to do, the hurt he had felt towards Sandy had merged with the anger that had been dredged up when he was forced to face the sins of his father.

Finding the file had shaken his grasp on where he belonged. It made him feel like he was a case subject to be catalogued and studied, and coupled with the knowledge that his mother had rejected him for the third time, it had made him feel worthless. If he felt worthless then it was only a matter of time before the Cohens realised it. The decision to leave had been easy at the time. Push everyone away, ergo no more rejection.

Seeing Seth had blurred the lines.

"Seth, I'm really tired…." Ryan stared to speak before being cut off by Seth.

"You're not going to shut me off this time, let's go inside, have a coffee and talk. I mean it Ryan. We need to talk. You can talk to me"

"Seth its 2.30 in the morning, go home."

Ryan was getting desperate. The cocoon he had placed around himself was beginning to crack. If he started talking he didn't think he would be able to stop and there were things that he never wanted Seth to know about.

"Please, you have kind of blind sighted me…I…look can you meet me tomorrow, we'll talk then. I promise I'm not going anywhere, this is where I live, I've got a job now. I'm just so dog-tired I can't think straight at the moment…. Please?"

Ryan could hear the plea in his own voice.

Seth appeared to be weighing his options, he knew that to push Ryan would be unwise but he didn't just want to leave. He looked directly into Ryan's face.

"You promise that if I come back at ten in the morning you'll be here?"

"Yeah Seth, it's been good seeing you man." Ryan smiled reassuringly. "I'll be here, we'll go for breakfast or something?"

Ryan got out of the car.

"I'll be here at 10 sharp…O.K Ryan!" Seth looked at him… that had been too easy.

Just as Ryan shut the car door he heard Seth say, "We miss you Ryan."

Ryan nodded and walked up to the front door and put his key in the lock, turning his head as he watched Seth pull away from the house.

He walked straight to the room he shared with Melissa not bothering to stop and say hi to anyone. He sat down on the mattress and looked around the room; he grabbed his cheap backpack stuffing his few meagre possessions in it. Not much to show for 16 years on this earth, a few pairs of jeans and a dozen cheap tee-shirts from the local Wal-Mart. He got up and entered the shabby bathroom, picked up his toothbrush, deodorant, shampoo and added them to the pack.

So he'd lied to Seth and he felt bad about that, but it was easier this way. Ryan sat back down and tried to think of where he'd go. If he moved out of state the chances of the police being interested in him decreased considerably. It had always been risky coming back to Chino, as he had no intention of keeping up his probation meetings. Sandy would have probably informed them that he had absconded from Newport anyway.

He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed, pull the covers over his head and make everything go away but he needed to stay awake. He went to the pillow and pulled out the stash. A quick hit would keep him awake for a while. He knew the coke wasn't doing him any favours. Each time he indulged the effects were less than before, even in the short time he'd been using. This would be the last time; just enough to get him to the bus station and onto a bus to God knows where. Then he could sleep.

He lined up a couple of fat ones and with a rolled up dollar bill he snorted one line then the other. That did it, the rush took him. He reached his arm up to pinch his nose and remove any residue of powder when the first pain hit him. Pins and needles were shooting up his arm. Ryan looked down at it…and clenched his fist confused. His throat started to feel tight. His whole body felt like it was pulsing in beat with his heart.What the fuck was happening? He doubled over and tried to slow his breathing…he flexed his fist to try and stop the cramping. Panic started to set in. With each gulped breath his heart beat faster, he felt heavy and light, at the same time the room was closing in on him. Ryan fell on his side.

He didn't know how long he had been lying there trying to catch his breath. When he was suddenly aware of noise around him voices talking at once. He tried to make sense of what they were saying.

"What's the matter with him?"

…. Was that Seth? But he left.

"Shit, He's OD-ing…Ryan can you hear me….Ryan?"

…. Missy?

"Ryan, you've got to calm down…Can you hear me?"

The disembodied voices were fainter, he felt so hot and his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.

" We need to get him under the shower."

He felt arms lifting him, carrying him somewhere. Ryan slumped down in a heap he then felt someone gently cradling him from behind holding his head; he gasped as the cold water beat down. The voices were still there arguing now, he wondered who they were talking about.

"What the hell has he taken, shouldn't we call an ambulance…"

"Look, I don't know who you are but if we call an ambulance the police will get involved if they know he's been doing coke. He's just got out of juvie. Do you want to send him back there?"

"What! Juvie…He told you that?… We need to get him to hospital."

"We've got it under control. He just needs to calm down, and the water is cooling him down…he'll be O.K."

A soft hand was smoothing the hair off his forehead; he heard a voice in his ear…Missy's voice…

'Come on Baby…that's it, you'll be alright."

He felt like a kid again, his mom used to rock him like this when he was sick. But he'd never felt as sick as he did now, bile rose in his throat and his head pounded. Dots danced around in front of his eyelids, but thank god the burning sensation was receding.

The water stopped and he felt himself being lifted again and placed somewhere soft.

"Ryan, can you hear me, open your eyes."

"I'm calling an ambulance NOW."

"NO, Put the phone away…."

"Jesus…Look at him…"

Ryan tried to open his eyes but he couldn't. He wanted them to stop shouting.

The voices faded completely.

TBC