Blame: Teyla
Of course, she had put a stop to it immediately. She still could not believe that otherwise logical people could be so irrational. How could anyone who knew and worked with Doctor McKay judge him so harshly. At least Doctor Zelenka had been championing McKay, even before her intervention. However, as for Doctor Kavanagh! She hated to be negative, but she really did not like that man.
More disturbing was that Teyla was almost positive that she had seen Lieutenant Ford hurrying away from the conclave of malicious, scandal mongering personnel. How could that be? Surely, if he had heard the unkind remarks he would have done as she had, instantly calling a halt to the vicious backbiting. He would certainly wish to support McKay against these spiteful rumours. She must have been mistaken. Ford could not have been there. He could not have heard and done nothing.
How could the details of the disastrous mission become so distorted? Men had died, and she knew how much that could hurt, but why would this pain demand a sacrificial victim? From whence came the need to hold another accountable? All Athosian children learnt early on that apportioning blame for life's tragedies was a pointless exercise. These aliens were a complex race.
Now that she had come to know Major Sheppard, for instance, he was not as she had first supposed him to be. Then, she had thought him to be more like herself. A leader of his people, brave and true. While he was undoubtedly courageous, she had noticed a certain levity in his manner, a disregard for authority that was perplexing. Was it a childhood secure from the wraith threat that had allowed the Major to retain his belief in himself and his ability to conquer the universe?
She liked him certainly, respected his experience and dedication, but she recognised in him an arrogance that sometimes led him to close his eyes to alternate perceptions. He could be single-minded, and this was both his greatest strength and potentially his greatest failing. Consequently, the attraction she had initially felt had dissipated, settling into a satisfying and genuine friendship. Teyla was glad of this. An amorous liaison between them could only have complicated the team dynamic, especially if his affections were directed elsewhere as she now suspected.
She smiled as she thought of Doctor McKay. He had surprised her. His egotism had never been a problem for Teyla. It was clear from the expectations of his people, also from her own observations that he was, indeed, the best. Since this was the case, she saw no reason for him to deny his proficiency. Another strange practice of this race, to feign ignorance and to downplay one's own abilities.
She had, however, considered him self-seeking and inadequate under battle conditions. How wrong she had been. Teyla had soon come to see that his endless health concerns and complaints were simply a defence mechanism. He used them to maintain some semblance of control over an increasingly out of control situation. Teyla had also seen him put his own concerns aside when danger threatened. His fear became his strength, driving him to find the vital key to unlock whatever crisis they faced. He had impressed her, and continued to grow in her estimation. He was an honourable man, one with whom she was proud to serve.
This mission had been difficult for him. Teyla knew well the pain of loss. She had grown up with the knowledge that those she loved could be gone in a heartbeat, but for McKay this would be greatly shocking. True, it was not the first death he had experienced, but this was different. Doctors Gaul and Abrahams were colleagues, men for whom he felt a certain responsibility. He had chosen them for the mission, an apparently safe mission. Yet they had died, and while Doctor Abrahams was gone before the danger was fully recognized, Doctor Gaul had been in McKay's care when he had taken his own life.
Teyla was certain that McKay had done everything in his power to aid his friend, but even so, it would be difficult for him to accept that the outcome was inevitable. Traumatic as the incident was, he had not broken down, but had rushed to Major Sheppard's aid as soon as he was free to do so. From what she had learned, it appeared that his intervention had given the Major the time he needed to defeat the wraith.
Teyla was surprised at how the Major had isolated himself from them on the long journey home. She would have expected him to show more compassion toward his troubled friend. Doctor Gaul's suicide had shaken him. He undoubtedly felt the guilt of that death, and probably Doctor Abrahams' also. She could only hope that once he had had sufficient time to come to terms with the events, he would realise that McKay needed him. However, until that time, McKay would be alone, tormented by his perceived failures.
She had stopped the talk, but what if McKay had already heard it. Already knew what was being said about him. He should not have to deal with this pain by himself. He should be with someone who cared for him. Perhaps until Major Sheppard was able to fill that role, she could be that one.