Thanks to Melanie39 for beta-ing

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Come Undone

Chapter 11

Ryan lay on the bed in the pool house. He had been back for two hours and it already felt like an eternity. He kept wondering who would be first in to 'talk.' He could only imagine the conversation that was going on inside the house at the moment.

The trip to the medical centre had been humiliating. The doctor had treated him like he was some kind of crack addict and suggested several different drug rehabilitation programs to Sandy and Kirsten. They all talked about him like he wasn't there. Kirsten kept harping on about the mild seizure he'd had like she was willing brain damage on him and all the time Sandy kept turning around and looking at him like he was a moronic child who couldn't understand what the adults were talking about.

There had been one moment when he had lost it. The doctor had recommended a home drug testing kit. All the Cohens needed was a urine sample every day to confirm that he wasn't still using. Ryan wasn't going to piss in a pot for anyone and told them in no uncertain terms what they could do with their fucking test. He was feeling tired and irritable, he didn't even know what he was doing here. He'd only been using for four days, well, not counting the few times he'd indulged in the past. Kirsten had started to get weepy again at his outburst and Sandy had looked at him like he was a puppy that had just peed on the carpet. He hated how he was making everyone feel.

They had come to a compromise with a test that only required a mouth swab. It wasn't as effective as the urine sample the doctor explained, simpering to the Cohens, but it would be a good indicator. Ryan had an urge to smack the smug prick in the face but settled on sitting on his hands and chewing the inside of his cheek instead.

Ryan got pissy again when they got home. He hadn't intended too but Sandy had said that he wanted him to move inside for a while. Ryan loved the solitude of the pool house and he wasn't about to relinquish it without a fight. He had responded sharply with the fact that they already had the test, what more did they want? Were they planning on locking him in the house now? This had caused Kirsten to silently cry again. Shit, he was really on a roll.

He had stalked out to the pool house and flopped down on the bed. Here he was two hours later. Waiting.

He got up and rifled in the back of the wardrobe and found an old pack of smokes. He took them into the bathroom and shut the door. Now was not the time to be caught outside smoking. The extractor fan would have to try its best to remove the smoke. He stuffed the butt down the sink when he'd finished and ran some water, then sprayed his deodorant around to try and mask the smell. It didn't.

His heart lurched when he opened the door to find Sandy stood there.

" Have you calmed down now?"

Sandy had his stern 'you're going to listen' voice on.

Ryan went over and stood by the kitchenette counter putting space between him and Sandy.

" I don't even know where to start Ryan, what the hell were you thinking? I know you are upset but kid…drugs? I thought you were smarter than that."

"I guess you were wrong about me then." Ryan retorted.

"Don't smart mouth me…"

"Just put it down as something else you can add to the file, a special page 'Delinquent now doing drugs, almost offed himself'…"

Sandy sighed, knowing this was a major cause for Ryan's behavior.

" Ryan… that file… It's not to study you… it's a practicality. When we brought you into our home we knew nothing about you, things like when you had chicken pox as a kid or what jabs you had, any allergies. It's standard practice. Don't read anything into it."

Ryan could feel himself getting angry. Pent up things that he'd wanted to say the last few days had come flying to the fore.

"Don't read anything into it? You know that file contains more than general information Sandy…my whole fucking life is laid bare. Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you have any idea? …This was my chance for a new start. I could leave that stuff behind me. Have you like me for who I am…. but now I know you took me out of PITY. It makes me feel like a fucking broken toy that no one else wanted and it makes me sick. I don't want to be here for that reason."

Sandy blanched, Ryan had the same dead expression he had had that first meeting in juvie. The look that said 'I'm worthless, don't even bother with me."

"Ryan we didn't take you out of pity…. you have got to believe that…."

"Why should I believe what you say Sandy …you've been lying to me since my mom left….why the hell should I believe ANYTHING you say."

Ryan was shouting now. Sandy didn't know how to speak to Ryan when he was like this. His normal reaction was to shout back, to get heavy like he did with Seth when he was annoyed but Ryan had heard too many people shouting at him, and he didn't need another. He forced his voice to remain calm.

"Ryan we did what we thought was best…we want you here. You ARE a part of this family but you've got to see that you need to let go of this anger you've been carrying around with you. You clearly aren't putting things behind you. Your past is still there and it's causing problems for you… I…we think you need to see someone, someone who can help you with your trust issues. You NEED to understand that we WANT you here."

Sandy was willing Ryan to listen to what he was saying and realise that this was for his own good.

"Your father is gone now and I think you need to talk about what he di…"

"No! The word came out a whisper. "No, please Sandy, don't."

Ryan's posture changed from aggressive to introverted in an instant, his arms folded around his body. He seemed to shrink in stature. It made Sandy's flesh goose bump seeing the dramatic change in Ryan but he needed to push forward.

"Ryan, I'm sorry but you need to face this."

Ryan didn't let him finish. He charged past Sandy and out of the door.

Sandy rushed after him.

He called out, "Ryan STOP!"

Kirsten and Seth emerged from the kitchen to see Ryan disappearing down the path. Sandy caught up with him and grabbed his arm.

Ryan looked down and tried to wrench his arm away. Sandy held on tight, afraid to let go.

" Get your hands off me."

Kirsten and Seth caught up with them. They were engaged in a staring contest, neither backing down.

Seth recognised the look on Ryan's face. He had seen it too many times as the one that usually preceded a punch.

"Dad…," Seth wasn't sure what was going on but someone was going to get hurt.

Kirsten gently put her hand on her husband's arm.

"Let go Sandy."

Sandy stood unable to move, he was locked in Ryan's gaze. He was sure Ryan's eyes were blue but now they had taken on an almost black quality like twin pools linked directly to his soul, and the desolation he saw in them shook him to the core.

Kirsten spoke again.

"Sandy, let him go"

He looked down and was surprised to see his hand still tightly wrapped around Ryan's upper arm. He released his grip and stepped back.

Kirsten put her arm around Ryan and led him back toward the house.

"Come with me Ryan. That's enough talking for today."

She was surprised that Ryan passively allowed her to steer him into the house, past the kitchen and into the downstairs hall. She opened the door to the spare room. She sat him on the bed. She was taken aback when he wrapped his arms tightly around her and buried his face into her neck.

Kirsten heard the word that she had been hoping to hear for a while now but never dared to think would happen.

"Mom."

His arms tightened as if he never wanted to let her go and in that instant she had a moment of blinding clarity. This wasn't a breakthrough.

It was a different mother he was thinking about and a different time he was remembering.

Her mothering instincts took over. She rocked him and spoke soothing phrases, trying desperately to give him comfort. A hug wasn't going to fix all the pain in his life… but it was a start.

TBC