Blame: Teyla and Rodney

She was sure that Doctor McKay was here. She had been knocking for over five minutes now, yet he still had not responded. It was clear that he wished to be alone, and yet it was equally clear to Teyla that he should not be allowed to be so. He had undergone a trying ordeal. It would be wrong of those who cared for him to leave him to suffer in isolation.

"Doctor McKay, It is I, Teyla. I wish to speak with you. I will remain at your door until you permit me to enter."

Leaning against the door, Teyla listened intently for any reply, but there was only silence. Thinking that her efforts had failed she raised her hand to try again, but then, without warning, the panels began to slide apart. Relieved, she peered into the shadowy room, barely able to make out Rodney, hunched on his bed, legs drawn up and head down.

She moved cautiously toward him, pausing as she reached the huddled figure. "You are troubled."

"I'm fine."

"Yet you remain here in solitude."

"Look, Teyla, I appreciate you coming here, but it's really not necessary. I'm used to being on my own. It's no big deal."

"I disagree. I believe that in times of grief it is better to seek assistance from those close to you."

Rodney snorted, wrapping his arms even tighter around his knees.

Teyla frowned at his reaction. Was it possible that he was unaware that he had friends upon whom he could call? "McKay, your well-being is important, not only to me, but to many in Atlantis. There is Doctor Beckett, Elizabeth Weir, Major Sheppard…"

"And yet you're the only one here."

Rodney finally raised his head, shooting her a piercing look. Teyla was shaken by his gaunt expression. She had expected him to be troubled, but the extent of his misery was shocking.

"I am the only one free to be here, McKay."

Sighing, he looked away. "I know that, of course I know that. I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. Major Sheppard was injured, after all. I can hardly expect him to care that I…and he'll be needing Carson, and then Elizabeth will want to know what went wrong. We lost two people, so there's going to be a lot of questions, and once he tells her…of course they wouldn't have the time…I'm just being selfish. Why do I always…"

"Doctor McKay, it is not selfish to desire solace. The loss of Doctors Gaul and Abrahams is a tragedy, but it does not negate your own pain. I am in no doubt that Major Sheppard will come to you once he has been released from the infirmary. Until that time…"

"Why would you think that? Did he tell you he was coming?"

"I have not spoken to the Major since our return."

"So, just a guess, then."

"Yes, but it is a presumption based upon my observations of Major Sheppard's character and priorities. He will come. I am sure of it."

"Well, maybe. I expect he'll want to tell me in person that I'm off the team."

"I do not understand. Why would the Major wish to remove you from the team?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No, it is not."

"Teyla, I screwed up. I took too long to realise that a wraith could have survived, and so Abrahams was killed and Brendan injured. Then, when I was supposed to be taking care of Brendan, I let myself get distracted. I wasn't paying attention, and he died. I'd say that was reason enough, wouldn't you?"

"Do you believe that Major Sheppard blames you for what occurred?"

"Of course he does. Couldn't you see that he did? He couldn't even bear to look at me after he heard that Brendan had shot himself."

"Is it not possible that his silence was due more to his own sense of guilt than yours?"

"What would he have to feel guilty about? He did nothing wrong."

"Neither did you, and yet you judge yourself culpable."

"Because I am."

"You are not."

"If not me, then who?"

"Misfortune needs no ally."

"Excuse me?"

"Occasionally evil will befall us through no fault of our own."

"So, 'shit happens', huh?"

"I do not know this maxim. It does, however, seem fitting."

"Right. You're probably the only one who thinks so."

"I doubt that is so."

"Then you can't have heard the talk going around the base."

"Unfortunately, I have. Certain people seemed to be unclear as to your role in the events which transpired. I corrected their misapprehensions."

"You…really? But, how could you? I mean, you weren't there. You don't know what happened."

"I had no need to be present to know that you would have conducted yourself with honour."

"Oh. That's…I don't…you really mean that, don't you?"

"Of course. Why would I not?"

"Because most people wouldn't. But then, you're not 'most people', are you? I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like you before, Teyla. You have absolutely no agenda. Usually, when someone comes to me, it's because they want me to do something for them. I'm not used to…you know, anyone just being…kind."

"Then you must become used to it, McKay."

"So it would seem. Look, I'm not very good at this friendship stuff, and by tomorrow, I'll probably be back to my usual self, so I'd better say this now while I still can. Thank-you for being here with me, Teyla. It means more to me that I can ever say that you came, so just…thank-you. As far as I'm concerned, getting to know you makes coming to Atlantis worth all the trouble."

Teyla laughed softly. "What about all your new technology?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong, the stuff's a blast, but I'll take you over a ZPM any day."

Unexpectedly touched, Teyla reached out to take Rodney's hand. She clasped it between both of her own, thankful when he repaid her gesture with a gentle smile. She knew that McKay would need time to recover fully from his ordeal, but she hoped that she had been able to help him a little. She had been right to ignore his apparent desire to be left alone. He had needed a friend. She was thankful that she could be that friend.